Ministering to the LGBT Community

  • Author Ingbert
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Having been on both sides of the issue at different points in my life, I’ve learned a few things about interactions between The Church and the LGBT (lesbian/gay/bi/trans) community. Unfortunately, the most significant thing I have learned is that what most Christians view as “ministering” too often has the effect of turning LGBT folk away from Christ. Many Christians seem more interested in debate than evangelism and sometimes I wonder if they don’t gauge their success by how deeply they offend their audience.

On the other hand, if the conversation is going to be more than one sided, if Christians make the effort to listen and really to get to know gays and lesbians, the Spirit will be able to accomplish some wonderful things through them.

Here are a few suggestions for those who wish to be more effective in dealing with homosexuals. Please read this list prayerfully and with an open mind. You may be sincerely trying to help. Your words may be absolutely true, but if they are not carefully chosen, not spoken in love and wisdom, they will be misinterpreted. They may be misinterpreted anyway.

I wrote the following a few years ago, at a time in my life when I was very hurt and angry with The Church. I decided not to edit the angry tone out of it. You may as well get used to the anger. If you spend much time ministering in the LGBT community, you’ll be hearing a lot of it.



Care about us.
We are people, human beings with souls that need Christ. If all you see is a pervert, all we’ll see is a bigot. If you can’t get beyond your own personal repugnance or inhibitions, stay away from us. You’ll do more harm than good.






Come to us, don’t expect us to come to you.
Unfortunately, many gays and lesbians wouldn’t be caught dead in a church. If you just invite us to church, you’ll probably never see us again.

Go to gay places, even bars. You don’t have to drink alcohol, you can buy soft drinks there, too. Just go to meet people, not preach at them. You may be surprised to learn we are not the deviate monsters you’ve been told to expect.

If there is a gay affirming church in your area, visit it. Don’t go to argue doctrine with them, but just to see what they teach and how they worship. You may be amazed at how many lesbians and gays are devout Christians. You may also be amazed to find that some of the things you’ve heard about those churches are outright lies.

You may even hear the Gospel being preached.






Forget everything you’ve been told about us.
Most of it is wrong. Most of it is pure propaganda based on assumption and falsehood. If you repeat any of it to us, we probably won’t try to explain it to you. We’re going to peg you as an ignorant bigot and leave.






Don’t try to convince us you’re straight.
For some reason, certain people always seem to feel obligated to make sure we know they are straight. All that does is emphasize their prejudice, and the more prejudiced we deem you to be, the less likely we are to listen to your message.






Don’t focus on changing people’s sexual orientation.
I spent several years going through the local “ex-gay” ministry. My experience has been that change, real change, does not happen. I never saw anybody “freed” from homosexuality and I never met anyone who claimed to have been other than the leadership of the ministry.

It can be frustrating and disheartening to those who try to change but can’t. It can also seem an insurmountable obstacle to those of us who know how impossible it is. If your only interest is in getting us to change, we won’t have much to talk about.

Yes, I know what you’re going to say: with God all things are possible. I agree. But when it comes to changing gays to straight, it seems to be something God rarely if ever does.






Avoid the “antigay” Bible verses.
We’ve heard it all before. Those of us who are gay believers have usually studied those verses like our lives depended on them.

We already know those verses better than most preachers. We know the original Greek and Hebrew words and their meanings. That knowledge hasn’t changed any of us yet.

Those who bandy about a few verses without bothering to find out what they really mean (or if they are even relevant) are only demonstrating their ignorance and how unprepared they are to “minister” to us.






Don’t talk to us about bigamy, pedophilia, or bestiality.
Those are very different issues than sexual orientation. Those who keep bringing them up are only showing how little they know and how unlikely they are to care.






Practice your listening skills.
Hear what we’re really saying to you, don’t just look for an opening to use your prepared lines.

Be willing to acknowledge the abuses and oppression the church has heaped upon us. If you can’t do that you won’t have any credibility with us.

Realize that you really don’t understand us and, rather than trying to convince us you do, let us explain it to you.






Avoid the “hate the sin, love the sinner” line.
We’ve heard that from too many “Christians” who simply used it to justify their hateful behavior. Also, when it comes to sexual orientation, it is very difficult to separate the sin from the sinner. Our sexuality is not just something we do, it’s who we are. In our eyes, you can’t hate the sin without hating us.

Whether or not you agree with that is irrelevant. I’m just telling you how we see things and how we’re likely to interpret it.






Avoid words like queer, fag, and fairy.
This ought to be self-explanatory, but you’d be amazed at how many “Christians” use derogatory language like that while trying to minister to us. That’s probably the fastest way to turn us off. If you have no more respect for us than that, why should we listen to anything else you have to say?

And why in the world would we believe you when you claim to be acting out of love?

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Ingbert
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