So I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I've never doubted my salvation, because I've always trusted in Jesus finished work on the cross. But lately I have doubted my salvation, because I have so much fear. It has crippled me for the longest time. I do keep pressing on, and by God's grace I grow more each day. But I realize the reason I have been doubting my salvation is because though I trust in Jesus Christ for my salvation, I don't trust Him on a daily basis in my day to day walk.
I have felt better in a way, because I realize this is not a salvation issue, but a sanctification issue. I love God with all my heart despite any consequences.
But to trust Him day by day should be my goal. One thing at a time. I lay things down, I pray all the time. But I pick things right back up. I talk about these fears with others. I pick up each little stone and analyze it to find out the why's to try to control the situation. And I want to repent and turn away from this. Never look back. Why does it seem so extremely hard when God is my life?
I look at His Word and I know that God has not come to condemn the world, but to save it. He took every lash for me. He bled and sweat, and my sins put Him there. He loved me any way. My gratefulness can't be put into words.
But dear God, I cannot even trust You without You. Please forgive my unbelief. Because that is what it is. It is me taking it back. I am in Your hands even if me or my family are beheaded or persecuted, or I am betrayed, or weather wipes us out and we die an excruciatingly painful death. Or we live peacefully. Help me trust You. Take it all. Take all my fears every day and bring this to mind not to pick it back up. I love You so much. I want to show You that love by trusting You every day in everything. Please take it all, because I am tired.
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