No_Free_will

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Birthday
Apr 14, 1969 (Age: 57)
Region / City
Colorado
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Gender
Male
Personal Statement of Faith
I was saved at 4 years old and grew up in a supposedly Christian home with my father being the pastor of a church. He was physically and emotionally abusive and would beat me and my siblings for many years. I was told at a young age that if he spared the rod that we would be spoiled, he even chose to beat us just in case we did something wrong. He was a womanizer and cheated on my mother for over 30 years. He would make us sit in a circle and have my mom play her guitar to Christian worship songs and have a bowl of candy in front of ilus. If we participated in singing we could have candy but if we didn't we would get beat. The beating left giant welts on my legs and the pain was excruciating. The beating started from age 4 till I was 17 when in tge garage he tried to attempt to hit ne when I grabbed an old wheelbarrow handle and swung at him intending to kill him. My brother pulled me off him with rage and hate in my eyes for this man of God pastor who destroyed my life. I know there was something about this God that I've seen glimpses from time to time but the hurt and pain and lack of protection from an all powerful God sealed it for me that he must hate me or not care. At age 6 I was molested by a neighbor and never told anyone because it wouldn't have mattered anyway. I'm at a point in my life that happy comfortable scriptures Don't work on me anymore. I want gard cold facts that If this all powerful and mighty God really cared for me then why didn't he stop the abuse. And please spare the free will theory, I don't believe it.