Recent content by poorlostapostate

Don't want to put the blame on God, I just want to understand... Because I was so close to giving my life to Him. And I really thought I did. I loved Him and wanted to make His will... Or at least I thought I did. When I would pray, I really thought I was praying according to His will. I kept...

Thank you all for your answers. I didn't expect to get as much support for such a heavy case as mine. I might reply something else about what you wrote, but for now I'll leave it like that and I'll just think about it. But here's another reasoning that I have : what tells me that I won't fall...

I already am actually. It's not that I don't trust God, it's myself that I don't trust. My heart is incredibly bad. There is nothing good, nothing for God inside. I'm pretty sure I come to Him only to be saved from the consequences of my sins but that I dont truly want God. I want to want that's...

Sorry but as I said, unfortunately I've never been His son. So I'm not the Prodigal Son.

But even when I think that I'm forgiven, I don't have those feelings of joy and love in my heart. I can acknowledge the greatness of His sacrifice for me and thank Him for that, but it's not heartfelt like others believers who are in tears of thankfulness when they think about what Jesus did for...

By the way can I change my nickname ? I chose it quickly.

Yes but in my case I feel like I'm still a slave of my sins. I abstain from sinning mostly out of fear and because I mentaly know they are bad and they hurt God. But I can't say that I truly have this hate in my heart for my sins. I just woke up from a sexual dream. Once again... I really hate...

Thank you for your answer but really I want to insist on the fact that I did experience some changes in my life, but those changes weren't caused by me being born again, but I just experienced a sort of taste of the Holy Spirit or something. But I am convinced that I've never truly known God...

Thank you. That's what I try to to (change in the direction) by my deeds, words and thoughts. But the problem is that I feel like I'm trying to change on my own, and only for the benefits of my life and my soul. I mean : I know I am a sinner and I need to change and I try to, but there isn't...

Hmmm... does it really work that way ? When you repent, should there be a heart change, leading to works ? But the way you speak sound like it's the opposite : you make works and God change your heart. I'm not sure that's biblical.

How does repentance work ? Because I want to repent of my sins to God, but I feel like I'm not drawn by the Holy Spirit but only by myself. I don't feel this conviction that God wants me. I just know that I have to repent, but I don't think this is true conviction... Can I still ask God for...

Well I don't even know if I love them or hate them... I abstain myself from sinning, I want to change, but deep in my heart I think I still have an attraction to my fleshy lusts, even if my mind hate them. Which is very scary. I don't even know what I want and who I am. There's a battle inside...

But there's true and false repentance. I don't know which one of the two mine is.

I regret all what I have done. I was such a fool. Those 6 years turning my back on God, I regret so much. But I feel like I commited apostasy and it's too late. I am exactly like those descibed in Hebrew 6 4-6 ... ;-( I am in terrible pain, I wish I could die and disappear. I've been SO evil :(...

Hello all. I'm 31, grew up in a christian family. I've always believed in the Gospel in my mind and I've always had an intellectual acceptance, but I've never actually had a saving faith. I was incredibly deceived all my life about my relationship with God. At 20 years old though, I went very...