Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

TLHKAJ said:

Sis, falling apart is part of the process of healing ...remember this verse.

Psalm 51:8
[8]Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

It may sound odd to think of God breaking our bones. But when you think of Him as a Physician, it puts me in mind of a doctor who has to rebreak a leg or other bones that had been previously broken, but never healed correctly. In order for complete healing to occur, he has to go in and rebreak those bones and set them straight. That's what's happening when you feel like you're a mess when you used to have it together. This is a normal part of the process.
*hugs*

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Precisely. I am not alone by any means. Not only is the Lord always with me, but He has brought brothers and sisters into my life that I may share my burdens with. There are times when I do indeed walk without the latter, but let's remember that all things work for the good of those called by Jesus Christ, @lilygrace .

I experiencing switching, too.

Is it not the nature of suffering that we do, in fact, suffer? The Lord never promised us this life would be easy. It's good to remember that.

In any case, I'm referring to the place where I work with regard to walking alone. Yes, there have been times when there was no brother nor sister to share my burden with, but that's not the case these days.

i have this one friedn who says that what i went through wasnt sexual abuse and the person i talk of is just comfortable with me co sim a fun person.
add that to being told that i imagined or made a big deal of this is hard.
so i dont really know if he sexually abused me or not.

TLHKAJ said:

The things you've shared with me are unquestionably sexual abuse, gaslighting, harassment (and then some).

I want to share something I've known to be true in my life and in every survivor I've met. The cult makes sure we are surrounded from birth, and all through our lives. I can look back now and see how that people I thought were my friends were high level cult bloodline. These friends who look at what you're going through and don't acknowledge it as sexual abuse ....something is off there.

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im sorry

I feel like I'm too much
Been tired since yesterday so going to be quiet.
Went deaf in one ear for half a minute earlier.

TLHKAJ said:

The things you've shared with me are unquestionably sexual abuse, gaslighting, harassment (and then some).

I want to share something I've known to be true in my life and in every survivor I've met. The cult makes sure we are surrounded from birth, and all through our lives. I can look back now and see how that people I thought were my friends were high level cult bloodline. These friends who look at what you're going through and don't acknowledge it as sexual abuse ....something is off there.

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Yeah this friend said "it's not sexual abuse cos he's not touching you. You are an adult you can fight hmm off"
I never said he wasn't touching me.

As I learned since I became aware of my shattering and DID, much is afoot when the presenter and one or more alters engage in switching. I experienced first-hand the mind-bending dissonance of the following truth:

I am them, and they are me. In other words these systems of alters, of which the presenter is also a member and thus an alternate personality, are fragments of the whole. The insulation of the presenter personality (we're pretty clueless!) is the fruit of our protection by alternate personalities devoted to our protection. They give so we might be the presenter.

When the Lord declared me fit for the first merging, I (the presenter) was confronted by the most astonishing alter I have yet to encounter. He was silent and not one for words, and in his stoic silence I discovered a strength which made me weep: he was a part of us who faced death so others didn't have to. So I, the presenter, wouldn't have to.

Yes, I was so afraid. Would I cease to exist? The protector alter was also very much a "gatekeeper," capable of stepping in when need dictated. He wasn't one for words but on the eve of our merging he spoke to me, the presenter personality and the one whom the Lord has promised to merge all of us with. What did he say?

"I am you and you are me, silly man. What are you afraid of? That I will somehow supplant you? That you, the one whom I have protected since the day we were shattered, will cease to exist? No. Have you forgotten the one whom all us love and swore to protect? Don't you remember how over the years we were with her, God performed that very thing in her He has promised to us? Did she ever cease being herself?

"No. When you understand that you are me and I am you, we will merge."

Yeah, he's that part of me who is silent and doesn't like to speak. We're one and the same now, @lilygrace . Be patient because God has promised the same for you. That's His promise to the survivor, that we will be made whole in Jesus Christ.

His memories are mine because I am him and he is me. I remember all the times when I had no choice but face certain death and this continues to shake not only me, but other fragments (alters) who are faced with the truth of his memories. I have faced death many times and the only reason we survived was because of this protector alter, the silent one who faces death without fear. He was fearless in the silence.

He was the one kept the others in check, those assassin alters who only know how to kill. They cried out and struggled to "step forward" so we would kill the evil men who tormented the female survivor we were sworn to protect. I was too weak and ineffectual to stop them and so the Protector restrained them, making sure their deeds of murder would never be realized. The assassins are fearless in their own way because they don't care if we die or not. The mission is all that matters and they are united in their love and devotion to my best friend in this world. Anyone who so much as threatens her will die.

She was kind and so good to us all, something they weren't accustomed to receiving in the world which produced and programmed them. I understand how events over the years conspired to break my programming and the Lord made sure these would come to pass in my life. My father was the first. A man who was going to kill me but loved me instead.

Not all male survivors have experienced this.

I hope what I write here will be a help to others who suffer as I do. I wrestled with denial for the longest time, wondering if I was a lunatic liar who lost all of his marbles because of the trauma I experienced when I protected our best friend on earth. Yes, that experience was a shattering in and of itself but in the best way possible. It was the threshold which the Lord ordained for me to cross so His promises would take root and become a reality which my systems of alters cannot deny.

The assassins weep instead of raging out of control. Those who hate Christians have witnessed the impossible with their own eyes. Christians who not only love Christ but also the brethren, giving of themselves in spite of the venom they spew at our brother. They are rendered speechless because the brother they yearn to wound endures their abuse without abandoning us. They see that he is human, and so the horrible false Christianity they were programmed to hate is shattered before their eyes.

In our weakness the power of Christ is perfected. My brother has faults and he readily confesses of them, something those who were programmed to hate Christians are speechless about. No, this is not in their programming...

Anyone involved in SRA needs to cut off ties with those who are actively and willingly involved. They need to be careful about answering their phone that could have trigger words and phrases that will trigger their alters. Most importantly they need to pray for help and protection and act in harmony with those prayers and not against them. They need to be on guard continually....even in churches.

TLHKAJ said:

Hello, nice to see you here!

Ideally, this is true, except ones born into SRA will be extremely dissociated and unaware of their own SRA history as well as unaware that nearly 100% of their family and friends are also generational cult... even their pastor, or boss, doctors, etc. Survivors are purposefully surrounded and dissociation hides it. Even once one begins to become aware of their own history of SRA, they aren't instantly aware of who all is involved. That awareness is a process that comes as a survivor walks forward in their healing journey.

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I am very much in agreement with you on this.
Maybe I should have said that those who are aware of their involvement in SRA. It may take many years to become aware and that happens often through flashbacks and nightmares. There are also things that happen that trigger memories. It is a long process and often what is remembered is only the tip of the iceberg. It is very a painful and heart breaking journey especially if no one believes the person. It can be a lonely journey. But faith and trust in God will help and carry a person through this if they rely fully on Him and not give up. Because the goal is to get the person to give up through threats, harassment and even suicidal programming.

Welcome, Truthquest.

Thank you posting here, @truthquest . I'm too horrified to share the identity of my primary handler, who was also my father's handler after his career transitioned into the scientific and technical aspects of the cult's work through the United States armed forces. This was when his presence in the home became a regular feature of life. No more mysterious disappearances for months at a stretch.

My siblings are also survivors... everyone in my family are survivors... though it appears that my late father and I are the only ones who experienced the breaking of our programming to the degree we were both targeted for disposal. I was groomed and thus ordered to kill him (his usefulness expired) and when I failed to do that, he was subsequently ordered to kill me as a way of "redeeming" himself to our handler. We both refused and overcame the curse which afflicted the men (and some of the women) of his lineage for so very long. Like father like son, until Jesus Christ broke the chain and unraveled centuries of work devoted to preserving our bloodline.

Yes, our bloodline was but one among many procured and preserved by a program of eugenics.

As for the fact that the cult didn't send a wet team to dispose of our entire family? I attribute this to the Lord's protection. He's the one who saved us, He's the one who delivered us, and His kindness toward a father and son is too wonderful for these feeble words. The deliverance of the Lord was complete in me, for the legacy of "like father, like son" ended in me. I've never fathered a child and never will. Praise the Lord!

For those who are interested in listening to the videos of survivor testimonies I've been posting, I found another one.


This is "Josh and Joe once again. I believe their stories are very relevant and important for today for a number of reasons ....watch and listen as you are led by the Lord. I am trusting that IF He impresses you to expose yourself to these testimonies, He will reveal and teach some valuable perspectives and insights into your own journey to freedom. Some of it could be triggering, so feel free to avoid them until the Spirit indicates His desire for you to watch them.

Yes, I've viewed the evidence for myself. Centuries of men like my father and also myself. Along the way there were anomalies, men who proved more useful in the realm of invention and scientific achievement than the ideal "berserker" which was always the goal of the cult. My grandfather was a terrifying man, someone whom law enforcement gave a wide berth in the old days. As my late great aunt told me (she passed over 30 years ago), he was the sort of man who would put you in the hospital because you looked at him "funny." Meaner than a snake and deadly in a fight.

He would cruise bars in the little town where my father was born, looking for men to beat within an inch of their lives. Three men or seven, it didn't matter to my grandfather. He would break their bones with his fists and was apparently immune to whatever they did to him in self defense. He didn't feel a thing because of that rage which consumed him.

It wasn't until after I learned about the man that I experienced a chill up and down my spine. When my great aunt, the wife of his only brother, laid eyes on me for the first time she exclaimed "Why, you're the spitting image of your grandfather! Same height, same build, only you have hair on your head!" I was also the same age he was when he passed from this world...

This was a time when certain pieces started coming together, though it was long before I was made aware of DID and the fact that I'm a survivor. My father wasn't much to their liking (the cult); they wanted a physically imposing man like my grandfather but endowed with my father's intellectual capacity. That was the shortcoming of my grandfather. He was suitably vicious and performed well as a berserker, but otherwise suffered from intellectual impairment which resulted in his early demise. Their solution?

My late mother. She was physically above the norm (an excellent athlete) and was also possessed of an intellect to match my father's, so pairing them would increase the likelihood of producing a specimen better suited for their evil designs. My mother spent time in a government compound, hidden in plain sight, prior to my birth... I know because this is evidence I uncovered not that long ago.

It's chilling.