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Joy

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Thank you so much Shattered for your words of encouragement, which I will keep to read and re-read. I am so glad to meet you all here.

Yes I've been wounded by counterfeit Christ and have been frightened to draw near to the Lord, but your words have given me great hope Thank you so much for reminding me that the Lord loves me.
 

TLHKAJ

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I was in a false Christian group wondering now if it was sra Christian
based programming,

Symptons are

  • Difficulty believing or trusting God
  • Abuse by a false Jesus (causing fear of Jesus)
Welcome, @Joy ...I'm glad you're here!
The things you've listed here are definitely something to bring to the Lord, asking Him to shine His light and reveal anything He wants you to know. I did have a very similar experience with a cult (false) Christian group, whose pastor was/is a cult (SRA/MK) handler. This happens a lot.

I can see some indicators in your post that stand out to me. But I want to tread softly, because idk what you're comfortable with.

I need a genuine experience with the real Jesus i can quote the Bible but do not always feel i know Jesus
The Lord sees your heart and desire to know Him in a deeper way. He is so gentle and compassionate toward the broken.

Psalm 34:18 (KJV) The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psalm 51:17 (KJV) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
 
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J

Joy

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Welcome, @Joy ...I'm glad you're here!
The things you've listed here are definitely something to bring to the Lord, asking Him to shine His light and reveal anything He wants you to know. I did have a very similar experience with a cult (false) Christian group, whose pastor was/is a cult (SRA/MK) handler. This happens a lot.

I can see some indicators in your post that stand out to me. But I want to tread softly, because idk what you're comfortable with.


The Lord sees your heart and desire to know Him in a deeper way. He is so gentle and compassionate toward the broken.

Psalm 34:18 (KJV) The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
Psalm 51:17 (KJV) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

i am overwhelmed with the love of others and your self.
I can't say how loney I have been in recent months and days.

Today has been good I written from my heart but now am beginning to struggle with accusations saying I do not mean what have written.

I am going to say please show the indicators, but can we do this slowly? How do we do this? here or via pm? this is what I've been wanting to do for so long
 

TLHKAJ

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I am going to say please show the indicators, but can we do this slowly? How do we do this? here or via pm? this is what I've been wanting to do for so long
Sounds good. I never want to push because that can cause anxiety and doubt. This process needs to be at your pace, as the Lord leads. I think for now, PM is best, if you're okay with that.
 
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lilygrace

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Thank you so much Shattered for your words of encouragement, which I will keep to read and re-read. I am so glad to meet you all here.

Yes I've been wounded by counterfeit Christ and have been frightened to draw near to the Lord, but your words have given me great hope Thank you so much for reminding me that the Lord loves me.
welcome :)
 

lilygrace

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You're absolutely right...
My alters have very often given me memories in dreams.
#1, it's less traumatic than invasive daytime flashbacks.
#2, it is a clever way to get around the dissociative barriers between them and the front system.

I know a survivor who was programmed with "dream catcher" alters to keep her (front presenter system) from remembering dreams and getting memories via dreams. Programmers are very aware that the mind will find ways to release memories, often in "dreams."

I was told things like, "It was just a dream." My mother and other adults in the family would tell me that. It didn't take long before I learned to use it as a coping (denial) mechanism. If a memory popped into the forefront of my mind, I would push it back, and tell myself, "That's not true. You must've dreamed it."

Does any of this sound familiar?
it does sound familiar.
ive been told things could be dreams.
when i first started having r*** dreams in general i was prbably thirteen and mom automaticcaly said that a girl online was probably discussing this with me . i dont think so. i was on fandom stuff.
 
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TLHKAJ

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it does sound familiar.
ive been told things could be dreams.
when i first started having r*** dreams in general i was prbably thirteen and mom automaticcaly said that a girl online was probably discussing this with me . i dont think so. i was on fandom stuff.
I'm glad you stood your ground. Your mom has a vested interest in keeping you in denial ....your freedom feels threatening to her. And depending on her position, she may have alters whose job is to make sure you don't gain freedom, so they would be very dedicated to reinforcing your denial.
 
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lilygrace

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I'm glad you stood your ground. Your mom has a vested interest in keeping you in denial ....your freedom feels threatening to her. And depending on her position, she may have alters whose job is to make sure you don't gain freedom, so they would be very dedicated to reinforcing your denial.
i am not sure if i did not not (stood my ground). that was back awhile ago when i was very young. a child still. but i can see it now. keeping me in denial i guess. cos i believed her. "maybr its just from hearing stuff in the news almost non stop"
at that point i had more dreams about being harmed by strangers.
when i went to a camp i told someone i was harmed. i was asked who and if it was by a parent , etc but i said it was a stranger (i made that up)
but i was not on any sexual abuse forums at that time. i think that was also around the time where i made up a story of what could have happened. i feel guilty for lying about stuff still.

to change what i said in the first sentence, maybe i stood my ground in a way.... i sought some forms of help in different stages. :)
 
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lilygrace

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@Joy
my advice (though probably hypocritical of me)
is definitely to take it at the pace you are at. i find it harmful when people want to rush survivors of any kind. in fact it almost seems gaslighty and cult like in itself because chances are being rushed is how you will come out with more untrue things. at least in my experience.
 

TLHKAJ

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@Joy
my advice (though probably hypocritical of me)
is definitely to take it at the pace you are at. i find it harmful when people want to rush survivors of any kind. in fact it almost seems gaslighty and cult like in itself because chances are being rushed is how you will come out with more untrue things. at least in my experience.
Sis, would you say that because of being pushed for an answer, you felt pressured to give an answer? I can see why you would rather say it was a stranger than to say it was your parents or someone close to you. It feels safer.
 

lilygrace

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Sis, would you say that because of being pushed for an answer, you felt pressured to give an answer? I can see why you would rather say it was a stranger than to say it was your parents or someone close to you. It feels safer.
when my mom was pushing me, yes
when i first sought counsel, i was not aware of who it was outside vague dreams and such anyhow.
it did feel safer probably, but also was not aware it happened. at that time i was just aware of him being mean to me and saying vulgar stuff. and mom had asked if it were him before and i said no.
 
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lilygrace

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i hope its okay that i work through this sectionally. let us say maybe once a week. if im too much i can just do it on my own blog.....
a lot of this beginning stuff doesnt necessarily point to SRA automatically for me so that is how i feel safe...

How can you tell that someone has suffered Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) if they don't remember?


A lifetime of abuse; a lifetime of problems

*Distrust (In the first year of life,an infant determines whether the world is a safe place or not.) yes
*Self rejection & self-hatred yes
*Fear, anxiety, & phobias yes
*Difficulty with relationships yes
*Difficulty with authority sometimes
*Difficulty keeping a steady job kind of. i went to rehab and the job i left was steady :( now its not
*Health challenges i think
*Codependency i dont see this in myself that much i kind o faccept lack of relationships
*Addiction some drug dependency but not an illegal addiction
*Lack of, or difficulty bonding (Cults forbid some bonds, and foster bonds with programmers and handlers.) sometimes but what might not add up is that i feel i bond with females and they dont feel the same way. with men it tends to be romantic or sexual :/
-SRA parents may greatly struggle with bonding due to their own lack of healthy bonding.
-Without maternal bonding, an infant feels unsafe. As an adult, they may turn to self pacification practices such as eating disorders or smoking. Emotional development is arrested and this may effect relationships into adulthood.
i was bulimic and had binge eating stuff. anorexia in my 20s.
so yeah i dont know if i match everyone
 

Shattered

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i hope its okay that i work through this sectionally. let us say maybe once a week. if im too much i can just do it on my own blog.....
a lot of this beginning stuff doesnt necessarily point to SRA automatically for me so that is how i feel safe...

How can you tell that someone has suffered Satanic Ritual Abuse (SRA) if they don't remember?


A lifetime of abuse; a lifetime of problems

*Distrust (In the first year of life,an infant determines whether the world is a safe place or not.) yes
*Self rejection & self-hatred yes
*Fear, anxiety, & phobias yes
*Difficulty with relationships yes
*Difficulty with authority sometimes
*Difficulty keeping a steady job kind of. i went to rehab and the job i left was steady :( now its not
*Health challenges i think
*Codependency i dont see this in myself that much i kind o faccept lack of relationships
*Addiction some drug dependency but not an illegal addiction
*Lack of, or difficulty bonding (Cults forbid some bonds, and foster bonds with programmers and handlers.) sometimes but what might not add up is that i feel i bond with females and they dont feel the same way. with men it tends to be romantic or sexual :/
-SRA parents may greatly struggle with bonding due to their own lack of healthy bonding.
-Without maternal bonding, an infant feels unsafe. As an adult, they may turn to self pacification practices such as eating disorders or smoking. Emotional development is arrested and this may effect relationships into adulthood.
i was bulimic and had binge eating stuff. anorexia in my 20s.
so yeah i dont know if i match everyone

I know it's hard to work through the list. None of us are exactly the same though we do suffer in similar ways.
 
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truthquest

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1Tim. 5:8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
2 Corinthians 11:14 And no wonder, since Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.
John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out his desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, refusing to uphold the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, because he is a liar and the father of lies.
Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

 
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lilygrace

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Memories of first twenty and twenty two from four to fifteen. Except drugging. Only I am not sure if they were real or not. They were stories that obsessively played in my head. :( It was still traumatic. It went away when I got saved. Thought maybe it was a demon that left. But the trauma of it didn't just go away. Kinda afraid if it was real. Like where does a child come to imagine being put in a coffin and buried. Been anxious about it lately and could use prayer.

Kinds of Torture Endured in Ritual Abuse and Trauma-Based Mind Control — End Ritual Abuse


tw below:

been struggling with prayer and reading this whole week again.
i can try to pray if i can.
just wanted to be honest.
i dont think i really remmember being drugged
but i have vivid memories of dreams perhaps of me driving a car or flying out my window when i was little. i remember t his once.
i remember believing i could fly or float a bit.


i wouold have dreams about crucifix in th ehouse but they had bl**d on them.
the worst nightmare ever was me being r'd with a knife and bleeding. i was a child....10 maybe? younger perhaps. the knife specifically looked like it had words and runes on it but dont remember what htey wre.

and yet....i am not sure if these dreams were even real or i fabricated them.
i dont think children would make this up unless they were exposed to stuff. i was protected from watching horror films. hmmm
 

TLHKAJ

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i dont think children would make this up unless they were exposed to stuff. i was protected from watching horror films. hmmm
You're exactly right. Children who never were exposed to these things would have no clue and certainly wouldn't be dreaming about such things, especially in such specific details.

*hugs*