Is being Nice important?

aspen · May 19, 2011

Is it important to be a nice person? What does it mean to be nice? Is it supposed to be one of the fruits of our walk with Christ? Is 'nice different than being 'kind'? Is it different than being polite? I have noticed that I put a high value on 'nice' - my wife has even told me that I put too high a value on this characteristic and that most people place much less value on it. I admit that I see it as extremely important - what do you think?

Robbie · May 19, 2011

I prefer to walk around being an a-hole to everyone and then if someone calls me on it I just accuse them of hating Jesus... haha... because being nice feels good so it must be wrong... God wants you to constantly be in conflict with people... that way you know you're suffering for the Lord... because God said be careful if the world loves you... and the world means anyone who doesn't go to your church or share your exact beliefs...

aspen · May 19, 2011

Robbie said:
I prefer to walk around being an a-hole to everyone and then if someone calls me on it I just accuse them of hating Jesus... haha... because being nice feels good so it must be wrong... God wants you to constantly be in conflict with people... that way you know you're suffering for the Lord... because God said be careful if the world loves you... and the world means anyone who doesn't go to your church or share your exact beliefs...

I knew it! Just a closet-nice guy! LOL

Templar81 · May 19, 2011

Being Nice is important although I'd like to show a distinction between being nice and being good.

For example there are a lot of manipulative people out there who will use niceness to get what they want and soem of them may be passive aggressives, so you don't have to be good to be nice.

However there are good people who aren't necessarily all that nice, like Martin Luther for example. he was a good man but he wasn't NICE by any stretch of the imagination.

Out Lord for example was alwasy good and rightious but he couldn't be nice all the time as he had to rebuke people, including his own desciples and he had to throw the money lenders out of the Temple. That wa a rightious act but it wasn't really NICE

ThyWordisTruth · May 19, 2011

Kindness is definitely a fruit of the Spirit. (1 Cor. 13:4)

But I think if our focus / emphasis is on love itself, we won't really have to worry about any of the other attributes.

For the greatest of all spiritual gifts IS love.

(1 Cor.13:13)

I hope this helps!

martinlawrencescott · May 19, 2011

Robbie said:
I prefer to walk around being an a-hole to everyone and then if someone calls me on it I just accuse them of hating Jesus... haha... because being nice feels good so it must be wrong... God wants you to constantly be in conflict with people... that way you know you're suffering for the Lord... because God said be careful if the world loves you... and the world means anyone who doesn't go to your church or share your exact beliefs...

Preach it

pilgrimjo · May 19, 2011

Depends on what we may consider as "nice." If it simply means amicably pleasant..then there are times when we just aren't going to be nice in order to be loving, truthful, and caring. God is not always pleasant; but God is loving, truthful, and caring. Like a loving Father God disciplines His children. And that isn't always pleasant but is necessary because Our loving Father has our own good in mind. Jesus wasn't always nice either and often confronted those who were hypocritical or self righteous or proud.

Does this give us permission to go around being unpleasant just to be unpleasant? I don't think so! We need to pray that we are able to have courage to respond in different situations and at different times as best we can. We speak the truth in love...but only when called to do so and as kindly as we are able.

Sometimes it is necessary to question our own motives in being overly nice. It can lead to the kind of compromise which leads away from God, it can merely be politically correct and not meaningful, and it can go against the Word of God. Does this mean we have license to go around hitting people over the head with scripture quotes. I don't think so. For effective witness then using wisdom is the key. And the bible tells us if we lack it to pray for it.
" If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5, NKJV)

WhiteKnuckle · May 19, 2011

I've tried for the past couple years to be diplomatic. I've tried to give people the benifit of the doubt. But, it got nowhere. It clashes with my personality. I'm way to onery to do that much anymore.

Being nice? Nah, I love a good grump. (there's a difference between bitter, rude, and grumpy). Courtious (sp?) I believe is important. You don't have to be "nice".

I like, Kindness, respectfulness, and courtesy. (edited to add) Honesty.

aspen · May 20, 2011

So what does 'being nice' mean?

Duckybill · May 20, 2011

Were Jesus and the Apostles murdered because they were 'nice'?

timf · May 20, 2011

So what does 'being nice' mean?

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=nice

late 13c., "foolish, stupid, senseless," from O.Fr. nice "silly, foolish," from L. nescius "ignorant," lit. "not-knowing," from ne- "not" (see un-) + stem of scire "to know." "The sense development has been extraordinary, even for an adj." [Weekley] -- from "timid" (pre-1300); to "fussy, fastidious" (late 14c.); to "dainty, delicate" (c.1400); to "precise, careful" (1500s, preserved in such terms as a nice distinction and nice and early); to "agreeable, delightful" (1769); to "kind, thoughtful" (1830). In 16c.-17c. it is often difficult to determine exactly what is meant when a writer uses this word. By 1926, it was pronounced "too great a favorite with the ladies, who have charmed out of it all its individuality and converted it into a mere diffuser of vague and mild agreeableness." [Fowler]

"I am sure," cried Catherine, "I did not mean to say anything wrong; but it is a nice book, and why should I not call it so?" "Very true," said Henry, "and this is a very nice day, and we are taking a very nice walk; and you are two very nice young ladies. Oh! It is a very nice word indeed! It does for everything." [Jane Austen, "Northanger Abbey"]

Thus my original post;

The origin of the word means to be without thought or thinking. In a way you could think of it as being non-threatening to someone because you were retarded.

Since our society has repudiated Christ, we have left behind the core societal value of truth. It has been replaced with a core societal value of comfort. The worst crime you can commit today is to make someone feel bad.

The Christian is to tell the truth in love.

Even in Christian circles many people have opted for the "warm fuzzy puppy" form of communication where everyone gushes meaningless drivel like a Hollywood starlet or a presidential candidate attempting to make everyone feel good.

Biblical love is just simple self-sacrifice. Often what passes for "Christian love" today is gooey emotional self-stimulating sentimentality.

Today when people ask others to be nice, they are often asking others to sustain the comfort of their self-delusions.

aspen · May 20, 2011

timf said:
http://www.etymonlin...x.php?term=nice

late 13c., "foolish, stupid, senseless," from O.Fr. nice "silly, foolish," from L. nescius "ignorant," lit. "not-knowing," from ne- "not" (see un-) + stem of scire "to know." "The sense development has been extraordinary, even for an adj." [Weekley] -- from "timid" (pre-1300); to "fussy, fastidious" (late 14c.); to "dainty, delicate" (c.1400); to "precise, careful" (1500s, preserved in such terms as a nice distinction and nice and early); to "agreeable, delightful" (1769); to "kind, thoughtful" (1830). In 16c.-17c. it is often difficult to determine exactly what is meant when a writer uses this word. By 1926, it was pronounced "too great a favorite with the ladies, who have charmed out of it all its individuality and converted it into a mere diffuser of vague and mild agreeableness." [Fowler]
"I am sure," cried Catherine, "I did not mean to say anything wrong; but it is a nice book, and why should I not call it so?" "Very true," said Henry, "and this is a very nice day, and we are taking a very nice walk; and you are two very nice young ladies. Oh! It is a very nice word indeed! It does for everything." [Jane Austen, "Northanger Abbey"]
Thus my original post;

The origin of the word means to be without thought or thinking. In a way you could think of it as being non-threatening to someone because you were retarded.

Since our society has repudiated Christ, we have left behind the core societal value of truth. It has been replaced with a core societal value of comfort. The worst crime you can commit today is to make someone feel bad.

The Christian is to tell the truth in love.

Even in Christian circles many people have opted for the "warm fuzzy puppy" form of communication where everyone gushes meaningless drivel like a Hollywood starlet or a presidential candidate attempting to make everyone feel good.

Biblical love is just simple self-sacrifice. Often what passes for "Christian love" today is gooey emotional self-stimulating sentimentality.

Today when people ask others to be nice, they are often asking others to sustain the comfort of their self-delusions.

I really like that etymology dictionary site! Wow, it looks like the word nice is not completely accurate for describing what I trying to get at. Perhaps "compassion"?

Since our society has repudiated Christ, we have left behind the core societal value of truth. It has been replaced with a core societal value of comfort. The worst crime you can commit today is to make someone feel bad.

I disagree with this statement. Instead, I believe the consequences for speaking against cultural norms was much worse before the 1960s. The difference today is that language that used to be acceptable 'back in the day' is considered offensive today because we are a more diverse culture.

Even in Christian circles many people have opted for the "warm fuzzy puppy" form of communication where everyone gushes meaningless drivel like a Hollywood starlet or a presidential candidate attempting to make everyone feel good.

I agree that people often sacrifice truth for being polite. I also think that many people sacrifice rationale under the guise of being polite. I think we can be compassionate and truthful - like you said, speaking the truth in love. I think the danger is when we confuse sharing the truth with being loving.

Biblical love is just simple self-sacrifice. Often what passes for "Christian love" today is gooey emotional self-stimulating sentimentality.

I am used to being in an academic environment - where people are encourage to challenge each other and pose difficult questions; more times than I can remember, I have found myself behaving academically in a Bible study and feeling the air getting sucked out of the room. Rather than studying the Bible, these folks seem to enjoy gathering to 'encourage' one another in their shared understanding of the Bible, which is safely aligned with the teachings of their denominations.

Interesting post - thanks

Miss Hepburn

There are alot of questions there.

Simply put, 'nice' has many categories that fall under it's umbrella as you mentioned.

Kindness
Fairness
Tact
Sensitivity
Caring
politeness
courtesy
Etc.

When in doubt always reflect one of those, I say.
For you I think it comes naurally, right?
It is your nature.

Guess what, it is the nature of our Father, also.
As we get closer to Him we become more like Him.

Does that mean as Thankful brought up if there is a need to be firmer with someone we are not firmer? No.
There is a time and season for everything.
Balance is a natural result of our spiritual growth.

Guessing here:
Now, does your wife witness you being a "doormat" to people in the name of being nice?
That should be looked at - because it is part of our Father's nature to be strong and clear - we don't
help anyone by allowing them to have bad behavior.
Nice is nice, but clarity and strength are valuable attributes, also.

And firmness and clarity can be expressed with tact and sensitivity and politeness.

Take care, aspen,
Miss Hepburn

Thanks for your reply. As far as being a doormat, I believe you know me well enough from my posts to know that I am quite outspoken. In fact, I am more likely to endure the fallout of challenging people rather than the anxiety of allowing others to make decisions for me.

Jae · May 21, 2011

Interesting discussion.

Is it important to be nice?

Personally I have to say that I try to avoid using the word "nice". To me it tends to mean that something is pleasant enough but a bit mediocre - doesn't give me strong feelings or emotions in either direction.

But the question almost has an undertone of "Does it matter what other people think of who I am, what I say and what I do?" (I don't mean that's what Aspen meant, just that's what the question speaks to me.)

aspen · May 21, 2011

Jae said:
Interesting discussion.

Is it important to be nice?

Personally I have to say that I try to avoid using the word "nice". To me it tends to mean that something is pleasant enough but a bit mediocre - doesn't give me strong feelings or emotions in either direction.

But the question almost has an undertone of "Does it matter what other people think of who I am, what I say and what I do?" (I don't mean that's what Aspen meant, just that's what the question speaks to me.)

You mean like "she has a nice personality?"

I am wondering if being nice or compassionate is an important part of witnessing to others and an important part of our sanctification.......

HammerStone · May 21, 2011

Well, we probably each have our own definition of words, but I'd separate the words nice and kindness.

Nice to me is more of a superficial word, probably best phrased on the admonishment to a pet or a child - "Be nice..." We have nice in the sense of cordial, mannerly, and friendly and then we have the more colloquial nice which means pretty cool. It's one of those words whose meaning has really evolved over time.

On the other hand, there is kindness. Kindness to me is act of doing something. Kindness is moving beyond the realm of just being friendly at the front and means actually doing something - perhaps listening, talking, comforting, etc - which then jumps into the realm of kindness.

From the Biblical perspective, we're called to do both. Here is Paul speaking of behavior:

II Corinthians 1:12
For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you.

Simplicity and sincerity - both parts of being nice. We are all familiar with the Biblical principal of standing out from the world. Others should know we are Christians by our love and I really and firmly, believe this starts from the moment we see or speak to someone.

I'll be first to admit - I'm a very shy person by nature. I'm struggling to overcome this, but I am a horrible public speaker and I don't make small talk very well. I've come to learn that many times this is interpreted as me being "stuck up" or that I don't care, but I tend to be a man of few words. However, I don't want to project that image as a Christian, so I've worked on being friendlier (nicer) and I've looked very hard at how to be kinder. You really start to realize how self-absorbed you can be when you do this. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is just listen to people.

Now that does not mean that love is only nice. Love can be tough and love will involve discipline when necessary, but I don't believe it a Christian's job to correct every sin in the world. Let's not kid ourselves, God ultimately changes hearts. However, our Father gave us a pretty strong task in setting the tone - the great commission is to go out and we begin a process that ultimately only Jesus fulfills - by taking Him out to others. We absolutely have to be nice and kind.

Episkopos · May 22, 2011

As much as possible we are to be at peace with all men.

Robbie · May 23, 2011

Forget all the religious reasoning and lets face it the simplicity of it... bottom line is people that aren't nice are annoying to deal with... I mean have you ever gotten to know people that aren't nice and realized what a bummer they are to be around? haha... My experience is that most the people that aren't nice are usually miserable bitter people that want to take out how pathetic their life is on the people around them. I mean when was the last time you met someone that was like, "I'm so happy and feel so good about myself I think I'll walk around not being nice to people" It's like, "Yo dude... quit acting like such a bitter kook and maybe you'll be a happier person which will in turn make it easier to be nice" haha

aspen · May 23, 2011

Robbie said:
Forget all the religious reasoning and lets face it the simplicity of it... bottom line is people that aren't nice are annoying to deal with... I mean have you ever gotten to know people that aren't nice and realized what a bummer they are to be around? haha... My experience is that most the people that aren't nice are usually miserable bitter people that want to take out how pathetic their life is on the people around them. I mean when was the last time you met someone that was like, "I'm so happy and feel so good about myself I think I'll walk around not being nice to people" It's like, "Yo dude... quit acting like such a bitter kook and maybe you'll be a happier person which will in turn make it easier to be nice" haha

I think they are miserable, but I also think that they use others to dump their crappy feelings on, in exchange for momentary relief. Exhausting!

Robbie · May 23, 2011

Something I was told since I was a kid when dealing with bitter negative people is, "Feel sorry for them... you had to deal with them for an hour... but they have to deal with themselves for the rest of their lives" haha

aspen · May 23, 2011

Robbie said:
Something I was told since I was a kid when dealing with bitter negative people is, "Feel sorry for them... you had to deal with them for an hour... but they have to deal with themselves for the rest of their lives" haha

I always ask myself, 'would you like to trade places with that person?' - the answer is always, 'nope, I'd rather be happy.'

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