Cheating and repentance

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BloodBought 1953

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You say that your wife was “ open about going to find it elsewhere “ ....could you elaborate.....it sounds she was almost encouraging something like this to happen....perhaps I misunderstand....please explain.....I will be praying for you and your family...
 

quietthinker

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Hi, So a quick background about me. I recently accepted Jesus as my savior at the end of 2021. My wife is not saved, my son is not saved. I have had all kinds of convictions in my heart since that time. I was in a really bad place for a a couple of years with depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. I have a wife and an 11 year old son. I was able to achieve a successful career, buy a house, and have enough money to live a decent life without being a Christian. However the last few years I have felt really lost and at a crossroads with life. I stumbled on to a book and it completely called out to me. I asked Jesus into my heart while reading his book. It spoke to me on so many different levels. I dove head first into reading the bible, and listening to countless sermons. I cant seem to get enough now that my eyes are open to the word! I even read to my son now every evening.

Fast-forward to now. I had a rocky past when I was a teenager/young adult with drugs. I got sober through AA, and really enjoyed their 12 step process. At that time I felt that I had an uncontrollable demon inside of me that fueled my drug use, and encouraged poor decision making. I never felt so powerless in my life until the last few years. That same uncontrollable demon came back. I had a big lack of sex going on in my marriage, my wife was open about going to find it elsewhere. I stupidly bought into Satan's lie and cheated. I got away with it a few times. I felt almost no remorse. After a few times sneaking around I knocked it off, and never went back. That was almost 2 years ago now.

My wife has had suspicions here and there, but never knew. I found a random girl online that I had no ties to.

When I accepted Christ, I whole heartily confessed my sins to God and asked for his forgiveness. I actually asked for his forgiveness several times, and often still do. I know that once you are forgiven by god your sins our washed snow white. But sometimes the guilt of my despicable sin weighs me down hard. I have read a lot of online Christian forums seeking guidance on what to do, and came to the conclusion that telling my wife would immediately destroy my family. My son would grow up in split house holds, and my wife would be forever devastated. I read a really good response to a related situation from Dr. Willis Newman's website (bible-teaching-about.com). He stated that if you truly repent honestly to God there is no need to tell your spouse, as it would only cause life changing hurt and destruction for my family. He suggests we choose the lesser of 2 evils, and not inflict more pain caused from my sin. This is an excerpt from what he said:

("I must make a qualification here. I assume that the affair is in the past and finished. Based on your statements of love for and desire to follow God, I assume that you are walking with God. You have confessed and forsaken. I also assume that the fling has not gone public. In that case, the situation will collapse into a cauldron of chaos, confusion, and conflict.

H., let dead things stay dead and buried. Instead, focus on the joys of your, “lovely family.” God has removed your sin from you as “far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Don’t go trying to find it again. Accept His forgiveness, walk with Him, love Him, serve Him, obey Him, and trust Him. If God has forgiven you, what more do you want from Him? Why offend Him by refusing His forgiveness? Concentrate on becoming like Jesus Christ; don’t enslave yourself to various lists of rules made up by well meaning people.

I hope this helps. All the best, and may God bless.

Dr. Newman)


I have prayed many times or god to speak to me and guide me into doing the right thing and staying in his will. He has yet to show/tell me that I should tell me wife about my past sins. I truly believe at this point, my discipline is to live with my guilt, and that it is to meant to remind me of who I truly am without Christ, and that going forward I can help bring my wife to Christ.

Note* My wife is a firm non believer, but she is slowly becoming interested. The last thing I want to do is expose my sin to rid my own guilt, and turn her away from God forever. I'm sure she that would solidify here belief on never accepting god in stone.

Has anyone gone through something similar, and had struggles with the whole situation?

Some days I feel great, and receptive to listening to gods word, and eager for more. Other days I feel like a fraud, and that I cant move forward because of my past sins guilt.
Thanks for your upfront introduction James.
Check this out....I think you'll find it helpful. Give it a few seconds to load.
100 Our Conscience and the Holy Spirit
 
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James5577

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You say that your wife was “ open about going to find it elsewhere “ ....could you elaborate.....it sounds she was almost encouraging something like this to happen....perhaps I misunderstand....please explain.....I will be praying for you and your family...
 

James5577

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Yes, she was encouraging of it. I can say that now with a Christian mind thinking, that she was saying that just to be hurtful. I don't think she really meant it. It was not an excuse for me to do what I did. Even with the marital issues I had going on, I should have still resisted the temptation. Thank you for your prayers!
 
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Cassandra

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"I must make a qualification here. I assume that the affair is in the past and finished. Based on your statements of love for and desire to follow God, I assume that you are walking with God. You have confessed and forsaken. I also assume that the fling has not gone public. In that case, the situation will collapse into a cauldron of chaos, confusion, and conflict.

H., let dead things stay dead and buried. Instead, focus on the joys of your, “lovely family.” God has removed your sin from you as “far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Don’t go trying to find it again. Accept His forgiveness, walk with Him, love Him, serve Him, obey Him, and trust Him. If God has forgiven you, what more do you want from Him? Why offend Him by refusing His forgiveness? Concentrate on becoming like Jesus Christ; don’t enslave yourself to various lists of rules made up by well meaning people.



I think this is wonderful advice.
 

James5577

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"I must make a qualification here. I assume that the affair is in the past and finished. Based on your statements of love for and desire to follow God, I assume that you are walking with God. You have confessed and forsaken. I also assume that the fling has not gone public. In that case, the situation will collapse into a cauldron of chaos, confusion, and conflict.

H., let dead things stay dead and buried. Instead, focus on the joys of your, “lovely family.” God has removed your sin from you as “far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Don’t go trying to find it again. Accept His forgiveness, walk with Him, love Him, serve Him, obey Him, and trust Him. If God has forgiven you, what more do you want from Him? Why offend Him by refusing His forgiveness? Concentrate on becoming like Jesus Christ; don’t enslave yourself to various lists of rules made up by well meaning people.



I think this is wonderful advice.


Thanks for the advice and input!
 
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JohnPaul

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"I must make a qualification here. I assume that the affair is in the past and finished. Based on your statements of love for and desire to follow God, I assume that you are walking with God. You have confessed and forsaken. I also assume that the fling has not gone public. In that case, the situation will collapse into a cauldron of chaos, confusion, and conflict.

H., let dead things stay dead and buried. Instead, focus on the joys of your, “lovely family.” God has removed your sin from you as “far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Don’t go trying to find it again. Accept His forgiveness, walk with Him, love Him, serve Him, obey Him, and trust Him. If God has forgiven you, what more do you want from Him? Why offend Him by refusing His forgiveness? Concentrate on becoming like Jesus Christ; don’t enslave yourself to various lists of rules made up by well meaning people.



I think this is wonderful advice.
I am not as forgiving towards adulterers, bless you that you are Cassandra.

Have you read about the adulteress who just got killed, stabbed 58 times in New York by her lover who then stuffed her in a Hockey bag, while her 13 year old was sleeping upstairs and her husband and 17 year old were in Michigan college hunting?

You play you pay, there are consequences for everything we do.
 
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Cassandra

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I am not as forgiving towards adulterers, bless you that you are Cassandra.

Have you read about the adulteress who just got killed, stabbed 58 times in New York by her lover who then stuffed her in a Hockey bag, while her 13 year old was sleeping upstairs and her husband and 17 year old were in Michigan college hunting?

You play you pay, there are consequences for everything we do.

and that is suppose to convince me? A bit of difference here. How many times does this not happen?

As for adulteress--- I do know of one who Jesus forgave. She was then a changed person.

It is not your place to forgive this man. He has not harmed you.
 

JohnPaul

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and that is suppose to convince me? A bit of difference here. How many times does this not happen?

As for adulteress--- I do know of one who Jesus forgave. She was then a changed person.

It is not your place to forgive this man. He has not harmed you.
So you think she was right in what she was doing? The cops found that she was in contact with three different men that night, before she met up with her lover and he killed her.
 

JohnPaul

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I have a question being we are talking about Adultery here, would anyone on this forum claim justice was served for Orsoyla Gaal's infidelities towards here husband?
I am curious to know people's opinion on this, I know Jesus forgave the adulteress back in his time, but this lady seems to be a repeat offender with the multiple men she was talking with the night her murder occurred.
 

DuckieLady

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I am not as forgiving towards adulterers, bless you that you are Cassandra.

Have you read about the adulteress who just got killed, stabbed 58 times in New York by her lover who then stuffed her in a Hockey bag, while her 13 year old was sleeping upstairs and her husband and 17 year old were in Michigan college hunting?

You play you pay, there are consequences for everything we do.
That is not justice. That is a messed up story. Anyone who thinks that shows some kind of "poetic justice" holds a lot of anger, bitterness, and resentment in their heart that they need to pray for healing for. That's not normal.


@James5577 Why not see a Christian marriage counselor together?

And I remember when I was married, a Christian pastor/marriage counselor was willing to talk to me alone. (I can't remember the reason. I think he wouldn't join.) Obviously it didn't work out but it gave me strength to try to do the right things, even if he wasn't.
 

JohnPaul

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That is not justice. That is a messed up story. Anyone who thinks that shows some kind of "poetic justice" holds a lot of anger, bitterness, and resentment in their heart that they need to pray for healing for. That's not normal.


@James5577 Why not see a Christian marriage counselor together?

And I remember when I was married, a Christian pastor/marriage counselor was willing to talk to me alone. (I can't remember the reason. I think he wouldn't join.) Obviously it didn't work out but it gave me strength to try to do the right things, even if he wasn't.
It’s messed up what she did to her kids and husband, You want to play you have to be willing to pay the price. I feel bad for her husband and kids.
 

DuckieLady

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It’s messed up what she did to her kids and husband, You want to play you have to be willing to pay the price. I feel bad for her husband and kids.
Don't ever assume you understand a situation that you're not in.

There's a Finnish proverb that says, "Sweep in front of your own front door."

Pretty sure that it is more likely the family would lovingly and openly be willing to forgive her just to have her back.
 

JohnPaul

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Don't ever assume you understand a situation that you're not in.

There's a Finnish proverb that says, "Sweep in front of your own front door."

Pretty sure that it is more likely the family would lovingly and openly be willing to forgive her just to have her back.
I understand it entirely she was messing around on her poor husband with several men, and that’s not assuming it’s fact. You play you pay, that’s how the game is played.
 

Lambano

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That is a messed up story.
I'd use a much harsher term than "messed". God hasn't gotten around to sanctifying my vocabulary yet.

upside-down-living-blessed-are-the-merciful-16-638.jpg
 
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DuckieLady

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I understand it entirely she was messing around on her poor husband with several men, and that’s not assuming it’s fact. You play you pay, that’s how the game is played.

I found the one who would have thrown the stone.

When I hear men justify murder as a justice for cheating, I consider that they are not just bitter but also more likely to be abusive. I'm not cool with it.

I'd use a much harsher term than "messed". God hasn't gotten around to sanctifying my vocabulary yet.

upside-down-living-blessed-are-the-merciful-16-638.jpg
lol Right!!! I'm keeping my chill... I know when to step away from the caps lock. :cool::rolleyes:
 

JohnPaul

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I found the one who would have thrown the stone.

When I hear men justify murder as a justice for cheating, I consider that they are not just bitter but also more likely to be abusive. I'm not cool with it.


lol Right!!! I'm keeping my chill... I know when to step away from the caps lock. :cool::rolleyes:
My opinion.is the same for men not only women, I’m the most laid back person there not abusive at all. So you thing it’s right she was messing around with several men while married with two children, she should’ve gotten a pat on the back?