The Divorce question

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Dropship

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I've never married or been in a longterm relationship so the subject is a mystery to me, but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other, would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?
 

Dropship

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I mean, if one of them changes completely from what they were, couldn't the other one say "That's not the person I married", and get a divorce on those grounds?
 

Lifelong_sinner

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I've never married or been in a longterm relationship so the subject is a mystery to me, but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other, would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?

He would object.
 
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ScottA

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I've never married or been in a longterm relationship so the subject is a mystery to me, but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other, would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?
People of God are supposed to perceive His intentions with marriage as a practice leading up to becoming One with Christ the Bridegroom. In which case, divorce would be like breaking relations with Christ.
 
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TLHKAJ

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I've never married or been in a longterm relationship so the subject is a mystery to me, but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other, would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?
No, it's not a biblically valid reason for divorce.
 
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Rita

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I would personally say no that it’s not a valid reason to end a marriage purely on the grounds that the feelings change in relationships , the honeymoon period wanes and the real building of relationship begins. If someone changes to the point where one partner becomes violent of controlling, then I would argue that my view is wrong on those grounds.
I was not a Christian when I married so I don’t know how two Christians would approach marriage in the first place. I am sure there are many cases where one partner claims ‘ God told me to marry you ‘ ………in some cases it may well be true, but in others it could be a manipulation,in the latter case would God disagree if the decision to marry was a lie and the persons true colours showed up later !?
Now, for the record, I am divorced and came to faith four years into the marriage.
It was not an easy marriage at times but I thought there was only two biblical reasons to end it, adultery and if the non believer didn’t want to stay. ……we were married for 27years, but in the end it was adultery ( more than once) that finally ended it all.
During recovery of the divorce I discovered that many Christian marriages were ended for more than just adultery, many were because there husbands were violent, controlling and often as not addicted to pornography. Many stayed for years and years , persevered because they didn’t think they had grounds.
I learned through being part of a Christian divorce ministry team and going through divorce that God cared deeply about all the pain and difficulties a difficult marriage creates, and the pain doesn’t stop when the marriage ends. Many believe that it’s an easy option that you just walk away from, well it took me ten years to heal.
Just some thoughts xx
Rita
 
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Naomanos

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I have told my story on here before of why I am divorced. I couldn't make her happy, so she divorced me. The thing is, I don't think God ever wanted us to get married. The red flags and warning signs were there. However, we were forced to get married by her pastor and his friends that were also pastors. They were saying that if we don't get married we will be sinning as that is what God wants us to do. mind you, we weren't living together and weren't having pre-marital sex. They just never stopped telling us the same thing over and over again. The whole time I felt uncomfortable with the whole notion, but we did end up getting married and it was hell.

I ended up with depression. She, while pregnant wanted to cut her wrists because I was making her depressed. We constantly fought. Even when I stopped trying to engage in the fighting, she would start them and scream in my face. I was the one that started them before I realized that I didn't want to fight with her anymore. Not saying that I no longer started them, but I no longer wanted to. We went to a counselor and one of the things that my ex-wife said was that I was not a good father to our children. Her example is when they would fall on their butts as toddlers, in diapers, and I would tell them they were okay and to get up and continue walking. She wanted me to pick them up, tell them they are okay, hug them and carry them where they were headed. The counselor literally told her that my parenting is dead on because dads are the tough love half of the parenting equation. That what I am doing is not wrong. She told the counselor that she was wrong and that she will continue to tell me that I am parenting them wrong.

She had slapped me a couple of times and had her hands around my throat once. I never laid a hand on her. When confronted with that by the counselor she said that it wasn't her that did it, but the holy spirit that moved her arms to do those things. The counselor, a Christian one shook her head at that and didn't know what to say.

Had we still been together, I probably would have gotten further and further depressed and probably would have attempted suicide. Instead, I prayed for help from God and within a couple of weeks, she wanted a divorce. We separated and within a couple of months I came off my depression medications. I am no longer diagnosed with depression. I am happier and am back to who I was before I met her.

After we were divorced I prayed that if God wanted me to have another wife that He bring her to me and make it known. Three days later I met my now fiance. She had prayed three days prior to us starting talking about the same thing for a husband. She is divorced due to her husband constantly cheating on her. I asked her to marry me on her favorite Epcot ride under the Sistine Chapel part of Spaceship Earth while an animatronic Michael Angelo was painting the ceiling. This relationship is God-given. This is unlike any relationship I have ever been in before. There is no toxicity in it. We build each other up and encourage each other. We don't tear each other down.

God wasn't who wanted me and my first wife married, but He is who wants me and my fiance married and He is the one that brought us together.
 

Dropship

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I have told my story on here before of why I am divorced. I couldn't make her happy, so she divorced me. The thing is, I don't think God ever wanted us to get married..

Yes good point, we could speculate that satan makes two un-matched people get married so he can have a good chuckle when it hits the rocks..:)
 

Dropship

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A few years ago a Brit newspaper invited readers to write in if they'd had very short marriages.
One chap said he married his wife after a whirlwind romance even though he knew she had a drink problem.
As they sat sipping drinks on the verandah of their honeymoon hotel she was alright at first but as the booze took effect, she suddenly glared at him and yelled "YOU'VE NEVER LIKED MY MOTHER!"
Taken aback, he tried to explain that he'd never met her mother or said a word against her, but she wouldn't listen and kept on ranting until she fell asleep in a drunken stupor.
So he slipped quietly back into the hotel, packed his bags and caught the next flight home without her, and began proceedings to get a divorce or annulment..:)
 

Michiah-Imla

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but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other

would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?

God would object:

“But I say to you that whoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery. And whoever shall marry her who is put away commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)
 

TLHKAJ

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addicted to pornography
This is adultery, according to Jesus.
Matthew 5:28
[28]But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
 
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DuckieLady

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I've never married or been in a longterm relationship so the subject is a mystery to me, but suppose a couple are deeply in love and get married, but after a few years fall out of love and can't stand the sight of each other, would that be a valid reason to get divorced, or would God object?
That's not a valid reason to be divorced but not even being able to look at the other person shows remarkable disgust, and disgust came from somebody doing something that could not be tolerated.


I personally believe if marriages followed God's design in the Bible that marriages would not be so difficult.

Women submit to your husbands,
Love your wife as Christ loves the church
Etc

She had slapped me a couple of times and had her hands around my throat once.
This is different, this is abuse

Being a woman doesn't give you a pass to commit assault
 

Pearl

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Yes good point, we could speculate that satan makes two un-matched people get married so he can have a good chuckle when it hits the rocks..:)
It isn't satan who makes people get married to the wrong person or for the wrong reason. People are quite able to choose the wrong person for themselves of choose to marry for wrong reasons. I was one who chose to get married to the wrong person because I didn't know what being in love was supposed to feel like - he didn't either but I wanted to be married. I later found out what being in love was all about and second time round I am still married to my lovely man.

I have to say that I wasn't a Christian until many years later.
 
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Taken

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People of God are supposed to perceive His intentions with marriage as a practice leading up to becoming One with Christ the Bridegroom. In which case, divorce would be like breaking relations with Christ.

Agree, it is a practice for humans before the real deal.

We think of DIVORCE as being AFTER a “wedding”.

I do think it a parallel with the following in mind...

* according to Mosaic/Jewish custom;
* A contract of agreement TO MARRY was agreed by A woman’s dad, and a man interested in MARRYING the woman.
* The dad and the man would agree the daughter would marry and the dad agreed to provide a dowry, and the man would agree to thereafter provide and care for the woman.
* That WAS the Marriage Contract.
* The man and woman were considered MARRIED.
* The man would prepared a home, (over the course of the next year or so.)
* The man and would would have little IF any contact.
* After the man prepared a home, he would go to fetch his bride at her dad’s house.
* A servant, sounds a notice that the man/groom is about to fetch the woman from her dads home.
* That allowed the woman to get dressed, Vail her face, perhaps have some lovely smelling flowers with her, tell her mom and dad, good-bye.
* The man/groom would show up whisk the woman away to the man/grooms’ father’s house.
* At his fathers house would be guests/witnessed, a feast, a room prepared for the bride & groom, and a WEDDING ceremony whereby the grooms father would bless the WEDDED couple and their Marriage Union.
* The guest would carry on eating, drinking, making merriment, for 2, 3, - 5, 6 or so days. The bride and groom would go to their room and consummate their being WED. There is were the veil would be removed and the groom see His Bride....sometimes seeing her for the very first time.
Marriage was a contract of intent to WED.
The couple was considered man and wife once the Marriage contract was established....BEFORE they were WED.

DIVORCE was DISSOLVING a Marriage “contract”, BEFORE they were WED. (What we would call breaking an engagement).

Parallel to a relationship WITH God..
Hearing God’s Word......called enlightenment.
“Marriage gift”...so to speak...Gift of Faith, for Hearing Gods Word.
“Blessings of the HS”...Given FOR believing the Word, one has Heard.

AND......continue the “marriage”, hearing more faith increasing...
AND......time passes, hearing, faith increasing, blessing increasing...
AND......change ... no longer desire ... DIVORCE :(

^ That is called Tasting, and spitting it out.
^ That is called bringing Shame upon the groom.
Heb 6:4-6

OR
AND.....groom has been preparing a room (mansion) in his father’s house and a home for his bride.
AND......”WEDDING” day arrives.
AND..... a signal is sounded
AND......”bride prepared”, has been waiting, is vailed, “sober”!, bride leaves her dads house, whisked away to grooms fathers’ house
AND.....guests are there....”well not all the guests”...

Uh...some are still on earth, deciding if they want to be “quests” at the Wedding “or not”.
God the Father sends his servants....(Two witnesses; 144,000)
(Jesus’ parable; Matt 22:1-4)
Some invited guests reject, some agree become prepared “dressed” and arrive, some even try to sneak in “unprepared” and ousted.

And the story goes on and on, of the Groom taking his bride with him wherever he goes the bride is with him...and on to the home he has prepared in his kingdom.
 
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Dropship

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Nearest I came to getting married was 20 years ago in Leicester when a middleaged divorcee used to invite me round for meals with her and her teenage son and we got on so well for a few months that I was seriously thinking of popping the question.
But one evening she'd under-cooked the bacon and it was like trying to chew tasteless rubber, so when they weren't looking I fished it out of my mouth and slung it behind the settee for her cat, but it wouldn't touch it!
I meant to pick it up later but completely forgot and she must have found it next day and yelled down the phone at me "YOU'RE NOT A NICE MAN AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!"
So we never saw each other again; the last I heard was that her son had gone off backpacking around the world and she'd ended up alone and bedridden waiting for a hip replacement..
 

DuckieLady

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seriously thinking of popping the question.
But one evening she'd under-cooked the bacon and it was like trying to chew tasteless rubber, so when they weren't looking I fished it out of my mouth and slung it behind the settee for her cat, but it wouldn't touch it!
I meant to pick it up later but completely forgot and she must have found it next day and yelled down the phone at me "YOU'RE NOT A NICE MAN AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!"
Lol

A bit of an overreaction?
 
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Pearl

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Nearest I came to getting married was 20 years ago in Leicester when a middleaged divorcee used to invite me round for meals with her and her teenage son and we got on so well for a few months that I was seriously thinking of popping the question.
But one evening she'd under-cooked the bacon and it was like trying to chew tasteless rubber, so when they weren't looking I fished it out of my mouth and slung it behind the settee for her cat, but it wouldn't touch it!
I meant to pick it up later but completely forgot and she must have found it next day and yelled down the phone at me "YOU'RE NOT A NICE MAN AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!"
So we never saw each other again; the last I heard was that her son had gone off backpacking around the world and she'd ended up alone and bedridden waiting for a hip replacement..
I get your point but being able to cook bacon is not the be all and end all of choosing a wife. So she can't cook bacon but:
  • Does she make you laugh?​
  • Will she help fix the car?​
  • Is she interesting?​
  • Is she an intellectual equal?​
  • Can you have meaningful conversations?​
  • Do you have shared memories?​
 

DuckieLady

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I get your point but being able to cook bacon is not the be all and end all of choosing a wife. So she can't cook bacon but:
  • Does she make you laugh?​
  • Will she help fix the car?​
  • Is she interesting?​
  • Is she an intellectual equal?​
  • Can you have meaningful conversations?​
  • Do you have shared memories?​
Haha

@Pearl I think he's saying she actually gave him the boot for flinging her raw bacon :D:D
 
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