Disrespectful Parents

You need to establish boundaries for yourself and in a non hostile way make it clear that such forms of behaviour is unacceptable.

But you'll have to stand up to it, while still keeping the dialog going without argument nor you backing down.

Wow! I thought someone had ghost written that for me.... Sounds like things when my ex and I were still together. The best thing you can do is like POM said. You are a grown adult. You make the rules regarding your family. Stick to your guns!

Blaqadam626 said:

Ok here is how it goes, my mother and my mother in law always call, always ask to see our kids, they come over and they support us, now our dads are another story, my dad pretty much told me he wouldnt care if i died in a car accident, and my father in law, he only wants us to go to his house, he doesnt understand me and my wife work full time jobs and we cant be running the hour round trip whenever he wants us too, so he is always calling and complaining, i love my parents and i wouldnt wish them harm, but am i treating the situation right by just saying yeah when he complains or should i confront him. He is a marine and ignorant man, he does no wrong in his eyes.....somebody give me some insight here

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First of all, get down on your knees and thank God for the two Moms! They sound like great mothers and fabulous grandmothers. Your kids are incredibly lucky to have two such Grandmas in their lives.
As for your father-in-law, perhaps he has a point. Would it kill you guys to arrange to go and spend time with the folks every now and then? He is your wife's father, shouldn't you respect him? I don't know all the details, of course, but in this you come off sounding just a tad selfish. Your mother-in-law evidently makes the hour round trip...surely if the old lady can do it, you two youngsters can do it too.
Now as for your own father...you say that he is a marine and ignorant man...are these related in your eyes? If he is as ignorant as all that, how did he ever manage to have anything to do with raising an intelligent lad like yourself? Or are you, perhaps, telling a very biased version? Not knowing Dad, we can't be sure...perhaps we are listening to the whining of an ungrateful child.

My point is that there are two sides to every story, my friend, and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
You are in a Christian forum...surely you know that Christians are told to love one another as Christ also loves us? In fact, it is a command...and according to Jesus, that love will not only be a part of all of His disciples, but it will be the identifying mark...the world will know His disciples by their love.
Just from what you've written, it is very apparent that the only ones who are showing any love at all are the two Moms. (Now why doesn't that surprise me?) The rest of you, according to your paragraph, are acting like a bunch of selfish cretins....sorry.

Remember, my friend...one day those precious kids of yours will grow up....sooner than you think, I'm afraid...and they will go off to lives of their own, leaving their mother and father, and cleaving to their own families. You may not realize it but you are setting the standard as to how they will regard you, when they are adults. And I seriously doubt that you would enjoy being called ignorant, or having your kids tell you that they are too busy to make the trip to your house to spend some time with you and their Mom.

And don't forget...there is a commandment that we are to honor our fathers and our mothers. It is called the first commandment with promise. Now, whether you think the Ten Commandments are still valid (I do) or not, you can't deny that it would please God for us to be kind to our parents in their old age...

And speaking of old age...how much longer will Mom and Dad be around? I could tell you what it is like, standing and looking down into your mother's dead face....I could tell you about the regrets...did she know how much I love her? My own parents are both dead. If I could have them back, I know that I could put aside any old arguments...just to hug them again would be so worth it! And I know that I would be more than willing to drive for an hour or so to spend a day with them...but that opportunity is long gone....and I'm afraid it is never coming back.

Praying for you, your wife and kids....and your parents!
God bless!

My father and I have a difficult relationship as well. I am proud that he served in the military (as I would have done were I able), but his tendency is also to give orders and expect them to be carried out, to the exclusion of all other commitments.

Here is the beginning: love. When we love, we seek the best for a person, regardless of what they or we want for them. Consequently, to lay out the truth in a kind manner is best (the truth will set you free, after all). There are times when my father (a Christian, as am I) demands something, and I have to refuse. He is well-intended but abusive, emotionally and mentally. I have--in his mind--kicked against the goads to the point he has finally let me be, for the most part. It took a clinical diagnosis (PTSD), medication, and therapy for me to finally stand up for myself in a direct but loving way, and my father does not like it.

I have learned my father will always see me as a disappointment, which is why I have all but excised him from my life. My current goal is to move to Florida. I will call him, and I will be glad to visit every now and then, because I do love him--there is no doubt in my mind of that. Unfortunately, he and I do not like each other very much. He has said, verbatim, "Your life doesn't mean anything." I am saddened and confused to say that when he passes on, it will be a relief, but also a time of mourning for me. I have tried to reason with him, but to no avail.

Now, in closing, a disclaimer: my approach has not been the best. I would seek the counsel of a trusted pastor or other teacher.

As Always,

Waddle On