PLEASE..HELP!!

mag8166 · Sep 16, 2017

. My husband and i are both christians. Have been together for 18 years and married for 15 years .
I have numerous medical conditions which have caused me to gain alot of weight (CHF) being one.
My husband has not been intimate with me in about 8 YEARS!!
i used to work 40+ hours a week up until last 4 years so before did not have time to notice how distant this marriage was.
Now...i am on social security disability and have plenty of time to see a whole lot more.
I have talked to him about this and his comment...was...YOU...ARE. TOO BIG!
mY husband also has a issue with alcohol and dud say those words drinking.
To my specific....MAJOR PROBLEM...
FOR past YEAR...I cant sleep in bed becuz i would hear him rubbing himself and it made me sick. If i would come onto him he always did and does push me away.
I now sleep in a recliner...10-15 feet from a bedroom dooor where NOW...EVERY MORNING AND SOME NIGHTS I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SROKUNG, HEAVY BREATHING AND MOANING!!!
makes me FURIOUS...I HAVE APPROACHED HIM ON THIS AND HE DENIES...ALL THIS..EVEN PUT HIS HAND ON BIBLE SWEARING IT IS NOT TRUE. AND STATES IT IS THE ADVERSARY PLAYING WITH MY MIND!!!
but wadded up tissue and hidden lotion bottles are not my imagination!!!
i have even suggested counseling...again...his response..
I DONT NEED HELP ...YOU DO !!
i Know God HATES divorce....BUT...
I CANT LIVE WITH THESE CONTINUAL SICK LIES!!!!
PLEASE....HELP!!!!

breathofdesire · Sep 17, 2017

mag8166 said:
. My husband and i are both christians. Have been together for 18 years and married for 15 years .
I have numerous medical conditions which have caused me to gain alot of weight (CHF) being one.
My husband has not been intimate with me in about 8 YEARS!!
i used to work 40+ hours a week up until last 4 years so before did not have time to notice how distant this marriage was.
Now...i am on social security disability and have plenty of time to see a whole lot more.
I have talked to him about this and his comment...was...YOU...ARE. TOO BIG!
mY husband also has a issue with alcohol and dud say those words drinking.
To my specific....MAJOR PROBLEM...
FOR past YEAR...I cant sleep in bed becuz i would hear him rubbing himself and it made me sick. If i would come onto him he always did and does push me away.
I now sleep in a recliner...10-15 feet from a bedroom dooor where NOW...EVERY MORNING AND SOME NIGHTS I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SROKUNG, HEAVY BREATHING AND MOANING!!!
makes me FURIOUS...I HAVE APPROACHED HIM ON THIS AND HE DENIES...ALL THIS..EVEN PUT HIS HAND ON BIBLE SWEARING IT IS NOT TRUE. AND STATES IT IS THE ADVERSARY PLAYING WITH MY MIND!!!
but wadded up tissue and hidden lotion bottles are not my imagination!!!
i have even suggested counseling...again...his response..
I DONT NEED HELP ...YOU DO !!
i Know God HATES divorce....BUT...
I CANT LIVE WITH THESE CONTINUAL SICK LIES!!!!
PLEASE....HELP!!!!

Sounds like the both of you have drifted off from the word of God, more than ever do we need this book for guidance. I suggest that the both of you sit down and read what the Bible says about marriage. Learn to emulate what has been put forward there, pray that you don't destroy each others faith.

As for being fat, do some research on sugar, and additives.

Dan57 · Sep 17, 2017

I don't think masterbation is grounds for divorce, nor is counseling necessary. Its not unusual for a person to lose sexual interest with their spouse, especially after 15 years of marriage, however, I can see how his lying and drinking could be problematic for you. I'm guessing he lies because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Because he's no longer attracted to you because of the weight gain, doesn't mean he no longer loves you... jmo

speedyj1992 · Sep 20, 2017

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through, and posting that took courage I definitely don't have. First, I'm so glad you want to solve the problem rather than get a divorce - divorce is super ugly and was declared a sin for very good reason. Regarding what to do, I'll be honest, I'm not married, so where I'm coming from is hardly a place of really knowing your situation in any way beyond what I would try and do. My encouragement is that you ask one of his friends or church people to talk to him (you don't have to tell them everything you confessed here - in fact, I would encourage you not to) and try and convict him of his sin in a way that calls him to action.

Douglas Weiss has written numerous books about marriage and staying pure, including about the subject of 'intimacy anorexia', which is something your husband may find helpful. He also may respond to some of the ways that "Clean" describes the sin of masturbation and how it affects one's spouse. Yours is clearly an uphill battle, but many wouldn't even fight in the first place, and I'm so glad you're doing the Godly thing in this. You will certainly be in my prayers.

Please keep us updated.

liafailrock · Sep 22, 2017

Dan57 said:
I don't think masterbation is grounds for divorce, nor is counseling necessary. Its not unusual for a person to lose sexual interest with their spouse, especially after 15 years of marriage, however, I can see how his lying and drinking could be problematic for you. I'm guessing he lies because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Because he's no longer attracted to you because of the weight gain, doesn't mean he no longer loves you... jmo

While what you say is possibly true, you'd think he'd have a little more discretion than the openly do what he does in the hearing of his wife unless.... its a form of passive aggression, either that or he's so looped that he does not realize. Either way, it's not cool, it's a problem that should be addressed and I'll leave it at that.

Angelina · Sep 26, 2017

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such difficult times. The best thing I can do for you is to pray. I will add you to my daily prayer list. Be Blessed ~ Angie!

amadeus · Sep 26, 2017

@mag8166
I cannot provide any more helpful suggestions on a personal physical level, but I will include your situation in my prayers.

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PLEASE..HELP!!

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