Jesus heal my broken heart

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Jan 19, 2017
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To tell my story is to go back through all of the pain, but I must tell it, if it can help someone else. I come from a Christian Southern Baptist family. I was born premature, and from the way my mom tells the story, it sounds like God saved my life as a baby for a special purpose, as if he has some plans for me, wants me to serve him in some special way. My parents put my elder only sister and me in a strict Christian fundamentalist private school, starting in preschool to second grade for me. I was very shy when i was little. The teachers also taught us not to talk, talking in class was considered bad behavior. The private school became too expensive, so my parents sent me to a public school. The other kids picked on me, made fun of me and bullied me when I was a little kid. In third grade I had trouble adjusting to a public school. The school did some tests on me it was discovered I had a learning disability so i was put in a class for students with learning disablities. I was slow getting school work done, and I had a lot of trouble in math, but the teacher I had was a very good one, she under stood my difficulties, and helped me out.

I was sent to the school psychiatrist, and then they thought I had a mental illness. When I was in 6th or 7th grade I had to see a psychiatrist, and take psychiatric medicine. I liked to read, and when I was 6 years old my mom enrolled me in art lessons. She originally wanted to give my sister art lessons, but the teacher said I would be good at art, so I took lessons with her, and I ended up being good at art. I liked Disney princesses, fairy tales, mythology, and the Bible, Hebrew culture in the Bible. I did not like doing homework. I like watching after school cartoons. Especially the Aladdin series. I had trouble paying attention to my school work and home work. And yes, a lot of my problems were cause by the stupid drugs that idiotic arrogant shrink forced me to take, I don't know if I really was mentally ill back then, or if my brain was damaged by the 'medicine' I had to take. I had trouble making friends, but the friends I did have were good, loyal and kind to me. The girls in gymn class picked on me in the bathroom, the locks on the stall doors were broken and they would constantly come in on me, I was on my period and tried to flush the toilet and throw away my soiled pad, then they really teased me. There were boys and girls who harassed me. It was because of this that I became depressed. Sometimes I wanted to die, but what I really wanted was an end to the pain and suffering. I wanted my peers to like me. But I was not willing to do bad things just so I could be considered "cool" I wanted to obey God and do whats right. I read fantasy novels to escape from reality, which was a terrible thing in my book. I watched the news on TV with my parents, so i figured the world is evil, selfish, full of lies and suffering. But I also knew God is good and loves everybody. But then I started to get into feminism and magic. I dreamed about fairy tales, wanted to find my prince charming. I figured I would find good Christian man to marry and have children, we would have a nice house and I would keep it clean and decorated and make crafts for the house and with our children. I wondered if I could marry a pastor. But then, I wanted to be a professional artist. I wanted to write stories and turn them into books. I wanted to tell people about God and be the pastor or preacher. I wanted to go around the world and tell people from foreign cultures about Jesus Christ.
 
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Jan 19, 2017
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Then I discovered some horrible stuff in the Bible. I got a book about female goddesses being the first deities to be worshiped by cave people, and that God orders the Hebrews to commit genocide while they are on their way to the promise land, they are ordered to take the promise land by force, murdering all the original inhabitants, their children, there livestock and giving their possessions to the priests. As I searched the Bible, I found a lot of bad stuff, violence and injustice, discrimination and cruelty to women, the death penalty for slight offenses, how could God do this?! I questioned what kind of a God am I worshiping? Could this really be the Father of Jesus Christ, who preaches love and mercy? I was heart broken, I was deeply hurt, and no one listened to me, they took up for God and said I should not question Him. Then I found people, mostly liberal who understood and said the God of the Bible was a bad God, Jesus might be good, but what right did God have o judge us when he failed to give us justice, his justice was wicked brutal violent tyranny. I found the God of nature, the God of my heart, the God who knew and understood my pain, the one who had held me all my life throgh happiness and tears, the understanding God, and I went back to the Bible, I discovered the God of my heart is the God of the Bible, Jesus who died on the cross understood my pain, he could heal my broken heart.

After graduating from high school I went online and looked up sites of dragons and unicorns, fairies, King Arthur, medieval art, fantasy art and stories, and I started to write stories about good 'Christian' dragons that fight evil dragons of the devil to protect people, I drew medieval princesses, unicorns, dragons, fairies with real butterfly wings, and mermaids. i created my own imaginary fantasy world. I went back to God, and I read the Bible again. I read the new testament about Jesus Christ, I re-read the old testament. The Lord put within me a love of people, he also helped me to understand why he was so angry with people who sin and deny His truth, He helped me to understand his anger against idol worshipers. Perhaps he had to break my heart so I would understand how he feels, and so i would forgive those who made fun of me when I was a kid, and understand he forgave those who mocked him, and understand why rules were strict in Old Testament time. Jesus was the only one who could heal my broken heart.
 
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pia

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Jesus was the only one who could heal my broken heart
Jesus is quoted as saying that He and the Father is One, that He is the express image of God, so something is terribly wrong with the ways God is so often blamed for a lot of things.....if one can accept that the Bible was written by men, but that God has amazing truth's hidden within it, and that it takes Him to help us understand, we are better off than those who try to force a perspective because they believe that God Himself is the author of the Bible....If God as described in the O.T, is the truth, then the stories about Jesus cannot be truth and visa versa....food for thought..:)
 

amadeus

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@waterlilyoflife

From your heart you wrote the first two posts. God was in that, at least in part, and as you have said now you are beginning to understand God whereas before you did not and unfortunately people who should have helped you confused the issue instead. God does work through people, but never trust in people alone. Make your own connection to God and maintain it no matter what you able to have with people.

As you have discovered some people who all of their lives claimed to be Christians do not really know God at all. We are praying for you and your situation. Our God is able!
 
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Josho

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I'm glad God helped you to understand. Even though those popular kids wouldn't accept you, they were of the world, don't worry about them, you are in something much greater, you are in Christ. He is the healer of broken hearts. Praise Jesus. I pray that God will continue to comfort you, guide you, help you, use you in mighty ways, bless you, and fill you greatly with His peace and joy. Amen :)
 
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Drew Johnson

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To tell my story is to go back through all of the pain, but I must tell it, if it can help someone else. I come from a Christian Southern Baptist family. I was born premature, and from the way my mom tells the story, it sounds like God saved my life as a baby for a special purpose, as if he has some plans for me, wants me to serve him in some special way. My parents put my elder only sister and me in a strict Christian fundamentalist private school, starting in preschool to second grade for me. I was very shy when i was little. The teachers also taught us not to talk, talking in class was considered bad behavior. The private school became too expensive, so my parents sent me to a public school. The other kids picked on me, made fun of me and bullied me when I was a little kid. In third grade I had trouble adjusting to a public school. The school did some tests on me it was discovered I had a learning disability so i was put in a class for students with learning disablities. I was slow getting school work done, and I had a lot of trouble in math, but the teacher I had was a very good one, she under stood my difficulties, and helped me out.

I was sent to the school psychiatrist, and then they thought I had a mental illness. When I was in 6th or 7th grade I had to see a psychiatrist, and take psychiatric medicine. I liked to read, and when I was 6 years old my mom enrolled me in art lessons. She originally wanted to give my sister art lessons, but the teacher said I would be good at art, so I took lessons with her, and I ended up being good at art. I liked Disney princesses, fairy tales, mythology, and the Bible, Hebrew culture in the Bible. I did not like doing homework. I like watching after school cartoons. Especially the Aladdin series. I had trouble paying attention to my school work and home work. And yes, a lot of my problems were cause by the stupid drugs that idiotic arrogant shrink forced me to take, I don't know if I really was mentally ill back then, or if my brain was damaged by the 'medicine' I had to take. I had trouble making friends, but the friends I did have were good, loyal and kind to me. The girls in gymn class picked on me in the bathroom, the locks on the stall doors were broken and they would constantly come in on me, I was on my period and tried to flush the toilet and throw away my soiled pad, then they really teased me. There were boys and girls who harassed me. It was because of this that I became depressed. Sometimes I wanted to die, but what I really wanted was an end to the pain and suffering. I wanted my peers to like me. But I was not willing to do bad things just so I could be considered "cool" I wanted to obey God and do whats right. I read fantasy novels to escape from reality, which was a terrible thing in my book. I watched the news on TV with my parents, so i figured the world is evil, selfish, full of lies and suffering. But I also knew God is good and loves everybody. But then I started to get into feminism and magic. I dreamed about fairy tales, wanted to find my prince charming. I figured I would find good Christian man to marry and have children, we would have a nice house and I would keep it clean and decorated and make crafts for the house and with our children. I wondered if I could marry a pastor. But then, I wanted to be a professional artist. I wanted to write stories and turn them into books. I wanted to tell people about God and be the pastor or preacher. I wanted to go around the world and tell people from foreign cultures about Jesus Christ.
To tell my story is to go back through all of the pain, but I must tell it, if it can help someone else. I come from a Christian Southern Baptist family. I was born premature, and from the way my mom tells the story, it sounds like God saved my life as a baby for a special purpose, as if he has some plans for me, wants me to serve him in some special way. My parents put my elder only sister and me in a strict Christian fundamentalist private school, starting in preschool to second grade for me. I was very shy when i was little. The teachers also taught us not to talk, talking in class was considered bad behavior. The private school became too expensive, so my parents sent me to a public school. The other kids picked on me, made fun of me and bullied me when I was a little kid. In third grade I had trouble adjusting to a public school. The school did some tests on me it was discovered I had a learning disability so i was put in a class for students with learning disablities. I was slow getting school work done, and I had a lot of trouble in math, but the teacher I had was a very good one, she under stood my difficulties, and helped me out.

I was sent to the school psychiatrist, and then they thought I had a mental illness. When I was in 6th or 7th grade I had to see a psychiatrist, and take psychiatric medicine. I liked to read, and when I was 6 years old my mom enrolled me in art lessons. She originally wanted to give my sister art lessons, but the teacher said I would be good at art, so I took lessons with her, and I ended up being good at art. I liked Disney princesses, fairy tales, mythology, and the Bible, Hebrew culture in the Bible. I did not like doing homework. I like watching after school cartoons. Especially the Aladdin series. I had trouble paying attention to my school work and home work. And yes, a lot of my problems were cause by the stupid drugs that idiotic arrogant shrink forced me to take, I don't know if I really was mentally ill back then, or if my brain was damaged by the 'medicine' I had to take. I had trouble making friends, but the friends I did have were good, loyal and kind to me. The girls in gymn class picked on me in the bathroom, the locks on the stall doors were broken and they would constantly come in on me, I was on my period and tried to flush the toilet and throw away my soiled pad, then they really teased me. There were boys and girls who harassed me. It was because of this that I became depressed. Sometimes I wanted to die, but what I really wanted was an end to the pain and suffering. I wanted my peers to like me. But I was not willing to do bad things just so I could be considered "cool" I wanted to obey God and do whats right. I read fantasy novels to escape from reality, which was a terrible thing in my book. I watched the news on TV with my parents, so i figured the world is evil, selfish, full of lies and suffering. But I also knew God is good and loves everybody. But then I started to get into feminism and magic. I dreamed about fairy tales, wanted to find my prince charming. I figured I would find good Christian man to marry and have children, we would have a nice house and I would keep it clean and decorated and make crafts for the house and with our children. I wondered if I could marry a pastor. But then, I wanted to be a professional artist. I wanted to write stories and turn them into books. I wanted to tell people about God and be the pastor or preacher. I wanted to go around the world and tell people from foreign cultures about Jesus Christ.
 

Drew Johnson

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I definitely see God working in your life. Instead of setting your eyes upon what you don't have, set your eyes upon Christ. The one who died for your sins. When we set our eyes on trials we get so discouraged. I struggle with this but I'm getting better. Maybe you should blog about what's on your heart How To Start A Christian Blog Or Website In 4 Minutes (2018). Or get alone with God daily and be vulnerable before Him. Allow Him to shower you with His love. Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." God is working. Trust me, life is going to get better when you set your eyes on Him and keep your eyes. Allow Him to move. He has not forsaken you.
 

Frank Lee

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I appreciated your testimony. Your story, at least parts of it are common to many people. I don't like labels. Our culture labels people to avoid the effort of getting to know them.

You are very well spoken. I think they were wrong in labeling you with learning disabilities. Every one of us has areas that we are not so good in. You are the special person that God made you to be.

Continue in the Bible and I pray God He send you Christian friends that will comfort you and pray for you. With the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit all will be well. Be of good cheer God is for you.
 
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Jan 19, 2017
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I appreciated your testimony. Your story, at least parts of it are common to many people. I don't like labels. Our culture labels people to avoid the effort of getting to know them.

You are very well spoken. I think they were wrong in labeling you with learning disabilities. Every one of us has areas that we are not so good in. You are the special person that God made you to be.

Continue in the Bible and I pray God He send you Christian friends that will comfort you and pray for you. With the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit all will be well. Be of good cheer God is for you.

Thank you. Your words are very comforting. I feel sorry for children being labeled as 'autistic' or 'adhd' it starts at such a young age, when they are babies. The greedy doctors and psychiatrists are more interested in money and fame than care for the child's well being. They cause unnecessary worry and fear to the parents. We do need to stop labeling people in this culture. How are the children going to get free from that label? How are they going to grow stronger if they are not encouraged to push themselves and do more, that they can do things people did not think they can do and beyond that.

The Lord has been good to me and I want to serve him and help others that suffer from the same problems I have suffered from, show them the way of Christ.