Just For Laugh's

SHARE YOU FAVORITE JOKES OR YOUR FUNNY STORIES WITH US LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR THE SOULHAVE FUNJust a reminder please keep it "G" rated this is a family site.

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's south end. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:1. They live here; you don't.2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)3. I like my pets a lot better than I like alot people.4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.Remember: Dogs and cats can be easier than kids because they:1. Eat less2. Don't ask for money all the time3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called5. Never ask to drive the car6. Don't have to buy the latest fashions7. Don't want to wear your clothes 8. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...9. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

cute story Ros I can just picture it

THE BATHTUB TEST During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?A: No the worms came in apples.Q: How do we know that Jesus raised vegetables?A: Because he said. "Peas be upon you." (Peace be upon you). Q: How do we know that Jesus used fertilizer?A: Because he said, "Lettuce spray." (Let us pray). Q: How do we know that Jesus made coffee?A: It says so in the book of He Brews. (Hebrews).

TO ALL THE KIDSWHO SURVIVED the1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when werode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhikingAs infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treatWe drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because . WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING ! !We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride downthe hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer's, no Internet or chat rooms.......WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were nolawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rangthe bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TODEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with other's who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for Our Own good ............................................................................................The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

TO ALL THE KIDSWHO SURVIVED the1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked while they were pregnant.They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when werode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhikingAs infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treatWe drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because . WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING ! !We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride downthe hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computer's, no Internet or chat rooms.......WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were nolawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rangthe bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TODEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with other's who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for Our Own good ............................................................................................The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

The Baptism......................Three little Boys were concernedBecause they couldn't get anyone to play with themThey decided it was because they had not been BaptizedSo they went to the nearest Church.But, only the Janitor was there.One little Boy said,"We need to be baptizeBecause no one will come out and play with Us.Will You baptize Us?""Sure," said the Janitor.He took them into the bathroomAnd dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,One at a time.Then He said, "You are now Baptized!".When they got outside,One of them asked,What religion do You think We are?The oldest one said,"We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on You." "We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of You in the water."We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on You."The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!"They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do You think that means?""I think it means we're Pisscopailians.