My Testimony

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Mayflower

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I don't know if I ever shared my actual testimony on here. So I was hoping it may encourage you all. I don't want to glorify what Satan has done or my sin, but give all honor to God for what He has brought me through and taught me over the years.

First off my mom, dad, and I moved into a house across the street from a church when I was 15. It is in this little house attending this church that I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Shortly after though, life started to fall apart. I didn't realize at the time, but it was really a positive direction.

My dad came in my room one night without clothes and fondled me in bed. I turned on the light and screamed. And mom rushed in...that same week he got off probation after many years and took an entire bottle of my mom's pain pills. He was high as a kite. And it was the last straw. My mom and dad divorced and we moved away.

It was when we were away from my dad, I had nightmares that came about from sexual abuse as a child. All through childhood, I had this imaginary world in my mind that caused me so much pain. When I got saved it disappeared entirely. But the real came. And I realized my dad being locked in the backroom with a deadbolt and chain, and other things that happened in our house, was not normal.

I held it inside and started self injury when I was 16. This began a serious battle for nearly a decade. I was suicidal and buried myself into writing stories, trying to escape back into fantasy, because it was easier to have the pain and fear in stories then in reality.

My rock bottom was when I was 20. My mom had a series of heart attacks, then a major one that lead to congestive heart failure and dementia. The doctor would not release her to go home and she went into a nursing home. And I spiraled. I went to church and things, but I felt very far from God. I tried to drink comet water. Planned out ways to take my life... I am thankful God intervened.

God basically showed up and said no. I am not through with you yet!!!! I was going to go take my life one day, and just by chance, my pastor saw me driving down the road. He basically drove his car after me and pulled me over. I couldn't believe it. He said that he felt God telling him not to let me go. He took me to the church and had me sing the song I wrote when I first tried to take my life.

"You are the reason, my life's worth living. You are basically why I breathe. You are the reason for all who have hope, for all who rest in the comfort of the cross. Oh Lord we come singing through the darkness. Oh Lord we come singing through our trials. For You are the reason my life's worth living. And I will sing for the glory of the cross."

After that, Teen Challenge for adults came to church that Sunday. I went in that faith based 13 month program and was there two years. That intimate relationship that grew during this program helped me to face and overcome a lot from the past. I still struggled with anxiety and self injury. I fell back in it after my internship became too much, and I came to Indiana to another year faith based program. I have been out now for 7 years. Believe it or not my anxiety is not where it used to be. And I am so grateful to God for all He has brought me through. I now have a relationship with my dad who lives in Texas. My mom passed, but there was a lot of forgiveness and closeness that happened before she passed. I have relationships with family members I never was allowed growing up. And I haven't self injured in many years. I have a loving husband of 4 years and a daughter who is almost two. Jesus is my Redeemer, my Savior, and best friend. He can bring us through all of our darkest moments, and will never let go. I am so grateful now for life and for the abundant blessings Jesus has given me. If I would have taken my life, I would have missed out on so much. I don't have any reason to be anxious, because God has brought me through so much and is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So I can rest in the promise He will give back ten fold whatever the enemy tries to take away.

Praise You Lord God for Your perfect peace and a sound mind!!!!
 

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Nancy

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I don't know if I ever shared my actual testimony on here. So I was hoping it may encourage you all. I don't want to glorify what Satan has done or my sin, but give all honor to God for what He has brought me through and taught me over the years.

First off my mom, dad, and I moved into a house across the street from a church when I was 15. It is in this little house attending this church that I came to know Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Shortly after though, life started to fall apart. I didn't realize at the time, but it was really a positive direction.

My dad came in my room one night without clothes and fondled me in bed. I turned on the light and screamed. And mom rushed in...that same week he got off probation after many years and took an entire bottle of my mom's pain pills. He was high as a kite. And it was the last straw. My mom and dad divorced and we moved away.

It was when we were away from my dad, I had nightmares that came about from sexual abuse as a child. All through childhood, I had this imaginary world in my mind that caused me so much pain. When I got saved it disappeared entirely. But the real came. And I realized my dad being locked in the backroom with a deadbolt and chain, and other things that happened in our house, was not normal.

I held it inside and started self injury when I was 16. This began a serious battle for nearly a decade. I was suicidal and buried myself into writing stories, trying to escape back into fantasy, because it was easier to have the pain and fear in stories then in reality.

My rock bottom was when I was 20. My mom had a series of heart attacks, then a major one that lead to congestive heart failure and dementia. The doctor would not release her to go home and she went into a nursing home. And I spiraled. I went to church and things, but I felt very far from God. I tried to drink comet water. Planned out ways to take my life... I am thankful God intervened.

God basically showed up and said no. I am not through with you yet!!!! I was going to go take my life one day, and just by chance, my pastor saw me driving down the road. He basically drove his car after me and pulled me over. I couldn't believe it. He said that he felt God telling him not to let me go. He took me to the church and had me sing the song I wrote when I first tried to take my life.

"You are the reason, my life's worth living. You are basically why I breathe. You are the reason for all who have hope, for all who rest in the comfort of the cross. Oh Lord we come singing through the darkness. Oh Lord we come singing through our trials. For You are the reason my life's worth living. And I will sing for the glory of the cross."

After that, Teen Challenge for adults came to church that Sunday. I went in that faith based 13 month program and was there two years. That intimate relationship that grew during this program helped me to face and overcome a lot from the past. I still struggled with anxiety and self injury. I fell back in it after my internship became too much, and I came to Indiana to another year faith based program. I have been out now for 7 years. Believe it or not my anxiety is not where it used to be. And I am so grateful to God for all He has brought me through. I now have a relationship with my dad who lives in Texas. My mom passed, but there was a lot of forgiveness and closeness that happened before she passed. I have relationships with family members I never was allowed growing up. And I haven't self injured in many years. I have a loving husband of 4 years and a daughter who is almost two. Jesus is my Redeemer, my Savior, and best friend. He can bring us through all of our darkest moments, and will never let go. I am so grateful now for life and for the abundant blessings Jesus has given me. If I would have taken my life, I would have missed out on so much. I don't have any reason to be anxious, because God has brought me through so much and is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So I can rest in the promise He will give back ten fold whatever the enemy tries to take away.

Praise You Lord God for Your perfect peace and a sound mind!!!!

First of all, I am sorry for what you had to live through. And...WHAT a testimony! And what a heartfelt song you wrote ♥
You have truly become a new creature in Christ...and hindsight is pretty awesome when it comes from God ♥ Satan knows our weaknesses and, boy does he ever know how to expertly use them against us. But, when we learn to recognize his wiles...we can just remember that "He who is in us..." You are very strong in the Lord Mayflower. Annnnd, I just KNOW that your husband will come to know Jesus ♥
"and just by chance, my pastor saw me driving down the road."
Ah, you must know there was no "chance" involved here ;)
Remember? "He is not done with you yet"
xo
 

Mayflower

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First of all, I am sorry for what you had to live through. And...WHAT a testimony! And what a heartfelt song you wrote ♥
You have truly become a new creature in Christ...and hindsight is pretty awesome when it comes from God ♥ Satan knows our weaknesses and, boy does he ever know how to expertly use them against us. But, when we learn to recognize his wiles...we can just remember that "He who is in us..." You are very strong in the Lord Mayflower. Annnnd, I just KNOW that your husband will come to know Jesus ♥
"and just by chance, my pastor saw me driving down the road."
Ah, you must know there was no "chance" involved here ;)
Remember? "He is not done with you yet"
xo

Awww true dat. I am supposed to give my testimony Wednesday to the youth of the church. I haven't since I first joined seven years ago, so thought y'all would be my guinea pigs. They are talking about suicide and wanted me to share my story.
 

Heart2Soul

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Mayflower can you recall when we first met? You were hungry to learn more about gifts of the Holy Spirit and spiritual knowledge and such....also you were struggling with anxiety a lot then...
Well I have to say you have grown tremendously since then! Some of your posts are so full of wisdom that I read in awe... and ask myself who is this powerful spirit-filled woman of God boldly speaking His Truth and blessing others with what the Holy Spirit gives you to share.
 

Mayflower

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Mayflower can you recall when we first met? You were hungry to learn more about gifts of the Holy Spirit and spiritual knowledge and such....also you were struggling with anxiety a lot then...
Well I have to say you have grown tremendously since then! Some of your posts are so full of wisdom that I read in awe... and ask myself who is this powerful spirit-filled woman of God boldly speaking His Truth and blessing others with what the Holy Spirit gives you to share.

You gonna make me cry. Stooooop. :D all honor goes to Abba. For He has said blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. And I know there is a lot more comfort and joy to come. These are exciting days! Not ones to fear about, but rejoice about, because the coming of our Savior draws even nearer then before!
 

Heart2Soul

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You gonna make me cry. Stooooop. :D all honor goes to Abba. For He has said blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. And I know there is a lot more comfort and joy to come. These are exciting days! Not ones to fear about, but rejoice about, because the coming of our Savior draws even nearer then before!
I love ya girl!
 

Nancy

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Awww true dat. I am supposed to give my testimony Wednesday to the youth of the church. I haven't since I first joined seven years ago, so thought y'all would be my guinea pigs. They are talking about suicide and wanted me to share my story.

Well, your testimony, if NOT told would be like hiding a candle under a basket! Not to mention, great timing too. Well, I am a blessed guinea pig :D I am praying now that the youth will be blessed by your testimony...suicide is so "in" anymore in this world, especially the "music" :rolleyes:
 

Mayflower

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Well, your testimony, if NOT told would be like hiding a candle under a basket! Not to mention, great timing too. Well, I am a blessed guinea pig :D I am praying now that the youth will be blessed by your testimony...suicide is so "in" anymore in this world, especially the "music" :rolleyes:

In Teen Challenge and AFH we went around and shared our testimonies. I didnt realize how desensitized I was to things, bwcause I used to share a whole lot more detail that really was not necessary.
 

Nancy

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In Teen Challenge and AFH we went around and shared our testimonies. I didnt realize how desensitized I was to things, bwcause I used to share a whole lot more detail that really was not necessary.
Ah yes...I do that too...more detail than is needed! Then, I derail my own self :D I sometimes wonder if the reason for that is that there might be some things we are not yet comfortable sharing?
 

Mayflower

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Ah yes...I do that too...more detail than is needed! Then, I derail my own self :D I sometimes wonder if the reason for that is that there might be some things we are not yet comfortable sharing?

Well, Just that my dad is back in my life, it is hard to repeat again. Like I don't want to go back there anymore. And I spent too long in the past anyway. I have forgiven him of everything. My mom, the hurts done to me in my life and the things I have done wrong. So I guess unless I really feel it would benefit someone, do I really mention like the mommy/daddy game honeymoon, or being in the locked back room with him one day.

My mom used to have him swear on the Bible that he hadnt looked at any other woman at work and I was the witness. But the positive message is what is important, that God brought me out of this and gave me a beautiful life in Christ.
 

Nancy

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Well, Just that my dad is back in my life, it is hard to repeat again. Like I don't want to go back there anymore. And I spent too long in the past anyway. I have forgiven him of everything. My mom, the hurts done to me in my life and the things I have done wrong. So I guess unless I really feel it would benefit someone, do I really mention like the mommy/daddy game honeymoon, or being in the locked back room with him one day.

My mom used to have him swear on the Bible that he hadnt looked at any other woman at work and I was the witness. But the positive message is what is important, that God brought me out of this and gave me a beautiful life in Christ.

Yes. And PRAISE GOD that old things have, HAVE passed away, amen!
 

amadeus

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Oh yeh see. Another one. Amadeus, you are always very encouraging on here and giving God glory!
Now read the testimony of @Heart2Soul Know your adversary and remember that we live in a world too often hateful and merciless but as hard it is God on our side can and will make the needed difference if we only trust Him.
 

Mayflower

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Now read the testimony of @Heart2Soul Know your adversary and remember that we live in a world too often hateful and merciless but as hard it is God on our side can and will make the needed difference if we only trust Him.

Just yesterday I took my daughter for a walk and got a coffee at a pack a sack and sat outside on a bench. Little foggy, but anyway, this woman was limping and walking down the road. And I smiled at her and said hi. And she said, "Do me a favor and go smile at yourself in a mirror."

I am glad there were a couple others downstairs too, because she walked past us, but I was praying for her later and thought how blessed I am to be able to smile at myself in a mirror. There was a time I could hardly look at myself at all. And how blessed that if that was meant as an insult, I wasn't doing anything that deserved one...I just felt sorry for her, because I think maybe she felt I was mocking her in some way. But it gave me something to think about.
 

Nancy

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Just yesterday I took my daughter for a walk and got a coffee at a pack a sack and sat outside on a bench. Little foggy, but anyway, this woman was limping and walking down the road. And I smiled at her and said hi. And she said, "Do me a favor and go smile at yourself in a mirror."

I am glad there were a couple others downstairs too, because she walked past us, but I was praying for her later and thought how blessed I am to be able to smile at myself in a mirror. There was a time I could hardly look at myself at all. And how blessed that if that was meant as an insult, I wasn't doing anything that deserved one...I just felt sorry for her, because I think maybe she felt I was mocking her in some way. But it gave me something to think about.

You did the right thing in praying for her Mayflower. The spirit in her did not like the Spirit in you IMHO :)
 

amadeus

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Just yesterday I took my daughter for a walk and got a coffee at a pack a sack and sat outside on a bench. Little foggy, but anyway, this woman was limping and walking down the road. And I smiled at her and said hi. And she said, "Do me a favor and go smile at yourself in a mirror."

I am glad there were a couple others downstairs too, because she walked past us, but I was praying for her later and thought how blessed I am to be able to smile at myself in a mirror. There was a time I could hardly look at myself at all. And how blessed that if that was meant as an insult, I wasn't doing anything that deserved one...I just felt sorry for her, because I think maybe she felt I was mocking her in some way. But it gave me something to think about.
You keep on praying for people like that and while you're at it, include me and my wife as well. The flesh really is weak and it is not getting stronger. [Never mind about changes in the mirror view.] Also love that little girl of yours. One day perhaps in a not really so distant future [although it may seem like it to you now] that little girl will be coming by to visit you perhaps with children of her own to bless you many times over...
 
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Nancy

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Awww true dat. I am supposed to give my testimony Wednesday to the youth of the church. I haven't since I first joined seven years ago, so thought y'all would be my guinea pigs. They are talking about suicide and wanted me to share my story.
Knock em into reality today @Mayflower !!! I have and am praying for many of those teens to HEAR you and be touched by your testimony ♥
 

Mayflower

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Knock em into reality today @Mayflower !!! I have and am praying for many of those teens to HEAR you and be touched by your testimony ♥

Well I was asked to speak next week, because I guess the teens have a football game and she wants most the teens to be there. We have as much youth as adults in our church right now!!!!
 
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