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Willie T

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This might be part of the problem.

Getting behind an idea means imbuing it with our conviction and our passion. Such commitment is vital when pushing for an initiative or suggestion that you think is important to implement. This enthusiasm also helps you bring others to your cause. But it can also be your worst enemy when someone, such as your boss, pushes back.

Since you are so enamored of your idea, your instinct is to protect it as you might a child. (Just think of the common phrase, “This project is my baby.”) Big mistake! This puts you on the defensive.


When you face criticism you need to defend yourself without being defensive. The latter opens you to additional criticism because very often, you being defensive will provoke negative behaviors in others, such as lashing out or shutting down. You become caught in the moment and the niceties of polite discourse go out the window. It is fine to be passionate, but you want to avoid becoming overly passionate, that is, unwilling and unable to listen to others.

Maintaining an even keel in the face of skepticism or even hostility is a vital attribute to leadership presence, the kind of aura that you need to radiate if you ever hope to instill followership. And when people are whaling on your ideas it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. The challenge is not to overreact and to separate personality from ideology. Here’s how.

Be prepared. Whenever you propose an idea, there are certain to be people who do not understand the idea, do not like the idea, or simply don’t like you. So prepare yourself for objections. Consider who will say what and why. For example, one colleague may say your initiative is cost prohibitive, another might question its efficacy, and another might wonder about its timing. Develop comeback arguments to address concerns. Use such arguments either preemptively (before the criticism is raised) or after the objection is voiced.

Be generous. Compliment others for the constructive feedback they are offering. You can do this even when the criticism is more critical than helpful because it shows that you are someone who is above pettiness. Others might be petty, but you are one who takes the high road. That demonstrates strength of character.

Be patient. Few, if any, will embrace your idea as much as you have. After all, we all have our own agendas. So be realistic with your timeframe. Know that it will take time and effort to persuade others to adopt your idea. You will hear similar counter-arguments voiced multiple times; expect it. Refine your ideas to reflect that you are listening to others. And remember that patience also requires that you keep your cool.

Keeping your cool does not mean you roll over in the face of your opposition. It is essential to continue to project passion for your ideas and demonstrate your inner resolve. When you encounter criticism, counter with an argument that positions your idea as doing what is best for the organization — not simply yourself. Channel your energy into your idea, and you will stay cool while your idea stays hot.

Defending yourself without being defensive will require practice. You can practice by having trusted colleagues pepper you with questions about your ideas. This will help you refine your speaking style. Work on relaxing your facial muscles, or even smiling — you want to radiate control. You are not in control of how others react, but you are in control of yourself, which is essential to demonstrating leadership in the face of opposition.


(An old article I found online)
 

shnarkle

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This might be part of the problem.

Getting behind an idea means imbuing it with our conviction and our passion. Such commitment is vital when pushing for an initiative or suggestion that you think is important to implement. This enthusiasm also helps you bring others to your cause. But it can also be your worst enemy when someone, such as your boss, pushes back.

Since you are so enamored of your idea, your instinct is to protect it as you might a child. (Just think of the common phrase, “This project is my baby.”) Big mistake! This puts you on the defensive.


When you face criticism you need to defend yourself without being defensive. The latter opens you to additional criticism because very often, you being defensive will provoke negative behaviors in others, such as lashing out or shutting down. You become caught in the moment and the niceties of polite discourse go out the window. It is fine to be passionate, but you want to avoid becoming overly passionate, that is, unwilling and unable to listen to others.

Maintaining an even keel in the face of skepticism or even hostility is a vital attribute to leadership presence, the kind of aura that you need to radiate if you ever hope to instill followership. And when people are whaling on your ideas it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. The challenge is not to overreact and to separate personality from ideology. Here’s how.

Be prepared. Whenever you propose an idea, there are certain to be people who do not understand the idea, do not like the idea, or simply don’t like you. So prepare yourself for objections. Consider who will say what and why. For example, one colleague may say your initiative is cost prohibitive, another might question its efficacy, and another might wonder about its timing. Develop comeback arguments to address concerns. Use such arguments either preemptively (before the criticism is raised) or after the objection is voiced.

Be generous. Compliment others for the constructive feedback they are offering. You can do this even when the criticism is more critical than helpful because it shows that you are someone who is above pettiness. Others might be petty, but you are one who takes the high road. That demonstrates strength of character.

Be patient. Few, if any, will embrace your idea as much as you have. After all, we all have our own agendas. So be realistic with your timeframe. Know that it will take time and effort to persuade others to adopt your idea. You will hear similar counter-arguments voiced multiple times; expect it. Refine your ideas to reflect that you are listening to others. And remember that patience also requires that you keep your cool.

Keeping your cool does not mean you roll over in the face of your opposition. It is essential to continue to project passion for your ideas and demonstrate your inner resolve. When you encounter criticism, counter with an argument that positions your idea as doing what is best for the organization — not simply yourself. Channel your energy into your idea, and you will stay cool while your idea stays hot.

Defending yourself without being defensive will require practice. You can practice by having trusted colleagues pepper you with questions about your ideas. This will help you refine your speaking style. Work on relaxing your facial muscles, or even smiling — you want to radiate control. You are not in control of how others react, but you are in control of yourself, which is essential to demonstrating leadership in the face of opposition.


(An old article I found online)

This reminds me of a couple things. The first thing is the Platonic dialogues which show Socrates to be always so ingratiating to his opponents. He would always ask them these easy questions that made them look like they knew what they were talking about, but eventually he would ask a question that placed them at odds with their own position. He never claimed to understand how this was possible so even though his opponents could never win an argument with him, he never openly acknowledged victory over them either.

The other thing that I'm reminded of was how my father and his brothers would discuss issues when they got together to relax during the holidays. Their discussions were always so jovial, and interesting. They talked about politics, history, economics, current events, etc. and they always seemed to compliment each other's style of discourse. It was inspirational, yet something I've never been able to replicate without intense difficulty. They made it look so easy. It takes a mind that is adept at critical thinking, a mind that can think outside the box. A mind that can genuinely take the position of one's opponent, and run with it.
 

Invisibilis

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Also, they had the advantage to read each others body language, which more often than not displayed their true point of reference.
 
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brakelite

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This might be part of the problem.

Getting behind an idea means imbuing it with our conviction and our passion. Such commitment is vital when pushing for an initiative or suggestion that you think is important to implement. This enthusiasm also helps you bring others to your cause. But it can also be your worst enemy when someone, such as your boss, pushes back.

Since you are so enamored of your idea, your instinct is to protect it as you might a child. (Just think of the common phrase, “This project is my baby.”) Big mistake! This puts you on the defensive.


When you face criticism you need to defend yourself without being defensive. The latter opens you to additional criticism because very often, you being defensive will provoke negative behaviors in others, such as lashing out or shutting down. You become caught in the moment and the niceties of polite discourse go out the window. It is fine to be passionate, but you want to avoid becoming overly passionate, that is, unwilling and unable to listen to others.

Maintaining an even keel in the face of skepticism or even hostility is a vital attribute to leadership presence, the kind of aura that you need to radiate if you ever hope to instill followership. And when people are whaling on your ideas it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. The challenge is not to overreact and to separate personality from ideology. Here’s how.

Be prepared. Whenever you propose an idea, there are certain to be people who do not understand the idea, do not like the idea, or simply don’t like you. So prepare yourself for objections. Consider who will say what and why. For example, one colleague may say your initiative is cost prohibitive, another might question its efficacy, and another might wonder about its timing. Develop comeback arguments to address concerns. Use such arguments either preemptively (before the criticism is raised) or after the objection is voiced.

Be generous. Compliment others for the constructive feedback they are offering. You can do this even when the criticism is more critical than helpful because it shows that you are someone who is above pettiness. Others might be petty, but you are one who takes the high road. That demonstrates strength of character.

Be patient. Few, if any, will embrace your idea as much as you have. After all, we all have our own agendas. So be realistic with your timeframe. Know that it will take time and effort to persuade others to adopt your idea. You will hear similar counter-arguments voiced multiple times; expect it. Refine your ideas to reflect that you are listening to others. And remember that patience also requires that you keep your cool.

Keeping your cool does not mean you roll over in the face of your opposition. It is essential to continue to project passion for your ideas and demonstrate your inner resolve. When you encounter criticism, counter with an argument that positions your idea as doing what is best for the organization — not simply yourself. Channel your energy into your idea, and you will stay cool while your idea stays hot.

Defending yourself without being defensive will require practice. You can practice by having trusted colleagues pepper you with questions about your ideas. This will help you refine your speaking style. Work on relaxing your facial muscles, or even smiling — you want to radiate control. You are not in control of how others react, but you are in control of yourself, which is essential to demonstrating leadership in the face of opposition.


(An old article I found online)
Lol. I'm a Seventh Day Adventist. I have to come prepared every time.
 
B

brakelite

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This reminds me of a couple things. The first thing is the Platonic dialogues which show Socrates to be always so ingratiating to his opponents. He would always ask them these easy questions that made them look like they knew what they were talking about, but eventually he would ask a question that placed them at odds with their own position. He never claimed to understand how this was possible so even though his opponents could never win an argument with him, he never openly acknowledged victory over them either.

The other thing that I'm reminded of was how my father and his brothers would discuss issues when they got together to relax during the holidays. Their discussions were always so jovial, and interesting. They talked about politics, history, economics, current events, etc. and they always seemed to compliment each other's style of discourse. It was inspirational, yet something I've never been able to replicate without intense difficulty. They made it look so easy. It takes a mind that is adept at critical thinking, a mind that can think outside the box. A mind that can genuinely take the position of one's opponent, and run with it.
I think that is an art form lost to recent generations through lack of reading and too much self seeking pleasures and aggrandizement. We've lost the art of empathy and of simply taking an interest in others lives...to many respond today with mind your own business because they fear being transparent and being real...they don't want to be found out.
 
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shnarkle

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I think that is an art form lost to recent generations through lack of reading and too much self seeking pleasures and aggrandizement. We've lost the art of empathy and of simply taking an interest in others lives...to many respond today with mind your own business because they fear being transparent and being real...they don't want to be found out.

It's the art of argumentation. Today, it no longer has that meaning to most people. My father's side of the family were all lawyers, and I spent a lot of time in court rooms growing up. If you watch courtroom dramas, they are practically nothing like the real thing; at least from the lawyer's perspective.

The other thing I see is way too many rhetorical questions being asked that fail to make a point. Christ questioned the assumptions of those he engaged in debate, but he understood why their underlying assumptions were false.
 
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aspen

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I have felt attacked before, but it doesn’t bother me - it really is pretty standard for message board, unfortunately. I see it as a red flag actually, a clear sign, I’ve been online too long, but that is just me
 

Hidden In Him

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This reminds me of a couple things. The first thing is the Platonic dialogues which show Socrates to be always so ingratiating to his opponents. He would always ask them these easy questions that made them look like they knew what they were talking about, but eventually he would ask a question that placed them at odds with their own position. He never claimed to understand how this was possible so even though his opponents could never win an argument with him, he never openly acknowledged victory over them either.

The other thing that I'm reminded of was how my father and his brothers would discuss issues when they got together to relax during the holidays. Their discussions were always so jovial, and interesting. They talked about politics, history, economics, current events, etc. and they always seemed to compliment each other's style of discourse. It was inspirational, yet something I've never been able to replicate without intense difficulty. They made it look so easy. It takes a mind that is adept at critical thinking, a mind that can think outside the box. A mind that can genuinely take the position of one's opponent, and run with it.

Funny you should say this, because yesterday I happened to notice that I actually do this with people myself. Not that I'm Socrates or anything, but when I do it I do it for the same reasons. I'm often honestly inquisitive about how they have come to their conclusions, so I start asking questions. Trouble is, the more you start digging, the more you start to see contradictions, and once you see them and you keep asking how they reconcile these contradictions (still giving them the benefit of the doubt in case they have a good answer), you often get silence. I think Jesus used similar techniques, only He had a way of cutting straight the point, i.e. of where they were missing it. I believe more than once it says of the Pharisees and scribes, "and they could not answer Him."

It's a great method. The only objection I have against it is when it is used by people who are NOT genuinely interested in what others believe but are just wanting to dig and dig, to set them up as vulnerable to a counter argument. That just irritates me, and I can sense it sometimes from people. Makes me want to stop answering their questions, and start asking them why they are asking me.

I guess this also means I have to guard against doing it to others as well, since once you get in a habit of using it, it becomes tempting sometimes, especially with jerks.
 

shnarkle

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Funny you should say this, because yesterday I happened to notice that I actually do this with people myself. Not that I'm Socrates or anything, but when I do it I do it for the same reasons. I'm often honestly inquisitive about how they have come to their conclusions, so I start asking questions. Trouble is, the more you start digging, the more you start to see contradictions, and once you see them and you keep asking how they reconcile these contradictions (still giving them the benefit of the doubt in case they have a good answer), you often get silence. I think Jesus used similar techniques, only He had a way of cutting straight the point, i.e. of where they were missing it. I believe more than once it says of the Pharisees and scribes, "and they could not answer Him."

It's a great method. The only objection I have against it is when it is used by people who are NOT genuinely interested in what others believe but are just wanting to dig and dig, to set them up as vulnerable to a counter argument. That just irritates me, and I can sense it sometimes from people. Makes me want to stop answering their questions, and start asking them why they are asking me.

I guess this also means I have to guard against doing it to others as well, since once you get in a habit of using it, it becomes tempting sometimes, especially with jerks.

Jesus's questions are a figure known as "Erotesis" which questions the assumptions people have, and why they have them. When we start with the truth, no one can use that figure of speech effectively.
 

marks

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Trouble is, the more you start digging, the more you start to see contradictions, and once you see them and you keep asking how they reconcile these contradictions (still giving them the benefit of the doubt in case they have a good answer), you often get silence.
This is so true! Silence, or worse!
 
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Heavenbound

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This might be part of the problem.

Getting behind an idea means imbuing it with our conviction and our passion. Such commitment is vital when pushing for an initiative or suggestion that you think is important to implement. This enthusiasm also helps you bring others to your cause. But it can also be your worst enemy when someone, such as your boss, pushes back.

Since you are so enamored of your idea, your instinct is to protect it as you might a child. (Just think of the common phrase, “This project is my baby.”) Big mistake! This puts you on the defensive.


When you face criticism you need to defend yourself without being defensive. The latter opens you to additional criticism because very often, you being defensive will provoke negative behaviors in others, such as lashing out or shutting down. You become caught in the moment and the niceties of polite discourse go out the window. It is fine to be passionate, but you want to avoid becoming overly passionate, that is, unwilling and unable to listen to others.

Maintaining an even keel in the face of skepticism or even hostility is a vital attribute to leadership presence, the kind of aura that you need to radiate if you ever hope to instill followership. And when people are whaling on your ideas it is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. The challenge is not to overreact and to separate personality from ideology. Here’s how.

Be prepared. Whenever you propose an idea, there are certain to be people who do not understand the idea, do not like the idea, or simply don’t like you. So prepare yourself for objections. Consider who will say what and why. For example, one colleague may say your initiative is cost prohibitive, another might question its efficacy, and another might wonder about its timing. Develop comeback arguments to address concerns. Use such arguments either preemptively (before the criticism is raised) or after the objection is voiced.

Be generous. Compliment others for the constructive feedback they are offering. You can do this even when the criticism is more critical than helpful because it shows that you are someone who is above pettiness. Others might be petty, but you are one who takes the high road. That demonstrates strength of character.

Be patient. Few, if any, will embrace your idea as much as you have. After all, we all have our own agendas. So be realistic with your timeframe. Know that it will take time and effort to persuade others to adopt your idea. You will hear similar counter-arguments voiced multiple times; expect it. Refine your ideas to reflect that you are listening to others. And remember that patience also requires that you keep your cool.

Keeping your cool does not mean you roll over in the face of your opposition. It is essential to continue to project passion for your ideas and demonstrate your inner resolve. When you encounter criticism, counter with an argument that positions your idea as doing what is best for the organization — not simply yourself. Channel your energy into your idea, and you will stay cool while your idea stays hot.

Defending yourself without being defensive will require practice. You can practice by having trusted colleagues pepper you with questions about your ideas. This will help you refine your speaking style. Work on relaxing your facial muscles, or even smiling — you want to radiate control. You are not in control of how others react, but you are in control of yourself, which is essential to demonstrating leadership in the face of opposition.


(An old article I found online)
Wise words
Should be required reading
 
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