Divorce

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Dad of 3

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My wife wants a divorce. It's not just her doing because I set some of the events in motion to get us to this point, but I've been begging God to heal my marriage and make me the husband, father, and man I ought to be without an answer.Doesn't he want to sanctify and protect marriages? I'm at a loss and have just about accepted this, though I haven't moved out of the house yet. Where is God in all of this? Why has he not answered my prayers?
 

pia

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My wife wants a divorce. It's not just her doing because I set some of the events in motion to get us to this point, but I've been begging God to heal my marriage and make me the husband, father, and man I ought to be without an answer.Doesn't he want to sanctify and protect marriages? I'm at a loss and have just about accepted this, though I haven't moved out of the house yet. Where is God in all of this? Why has he not answered my prayers?
Hello 'dad of 3'
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Well I'm sorry to hear that things in your life are not going so smoothly, but am very pleased to see that you do take some responsibility, which a lot wouldn't.We must not BEG our loving heavenly Father for anything, also it won't do any good. Only faith works, and Jesus says we must believe WITHOUT DOUBT, and that we find difficult,check Mark 11:22-26.See we try to have faith in our standing with God, so we'll 'deserve' His help....Instead of having full faith in Him, the fact that He says He has already said:" yes and amen" to whatever you ask ( must be subject to The Law of love ), when you ask,believing, and without doubt in your heart.When it comes to asking God anything that involves other people, we have to realize that each human, has his/her own free will.God would never force anyone to do anything.I can assure you that Jesus is right by your side. Say His name, then believe that He is standing face to face with you. Speak your needs to Him, then EXPECT an answer. It may not come that very second, but it will come, if you don't obliterate it, by doubt.Doubt is like a missile which shoots down, what The Lord is sending to you.........So patience is required, and LISTENING .I hope all will work out, even if it may take a little while, and I'm not trying to oversimplify your situation, but I know that He is the only one who can steer you the right way, through this.In His Love Pia
 

gumby

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Im sorry that your having to go through all of this, its hard for me to say because i dont know the full situation. I would try to have a more clear line of communication and try to talk things out before making any rash decisions. If your relationship does fail than dont look back just start over and wipe the slate clean. I will be praying for you and i hope things work out for the better
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mjrhealth

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Hi wish I could console you in all this, but i am unable to find the words, What Pia wrote is true, God will not go against someones will if He did we would have no choice, but he has given us freedom to choose. Just remember this, she is not walking out on you she is walking out on Jesus. My wife left me over seven years ago, and ever since then my life has being empty and lonely even though I know Jesus is always with me. When I knew she was leaving me i used to wine at God saying that if He doesnt do something about it I will not serve Him ,yet it still hapened and I am still here. she had already made the descision when she said she didnt want to be a part of my walk with God, that left the door wide open to the enemy and he walked in and stole her from me. You must pray for Jesus to be with you when ever you dicuss things with her, never give the enemy and inch as he will do all he can to break you, forgive her that is a must, Jesus will give you the strength if you but ask. They day she asked me for the divorce the enemy was saying ", no dont do it, you havnt being seperated long enogh, but i knew in my heart to let her go and so i did, the peace i had was amazing. I still; love her, still talk to her, still ocasionalyy tell her i love her, still wish she would come home, still hope for a miracle, but that requires her will to change and that is something God cannot do. If you need someone to chat to im usually around here somewhere.In His love
 

tim_from_pa

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quote 'Dad of 3'My wife wants a divorce. It's not just her doing because I set some of the events in motion to get us to this point, but I've been begging God to heal my marriage and make me the husband, father, and man I ought to be without an answer.Doesn't he want to sanctify and protect marriages? I'm at a loss and have just about accepted this, though I haven't moved out of the house yet. Where is God in all of this? Why has he not answered my prayers?If your handle truly reflects the number of kids you have, then this is sad. However, you are at least apparently honest enough to admit you set this into motion. The cure can be complex, but to reassure you, God is "on your side" so-to-speak as He hates divorce. I have no magic bullet to bring you the solution, but it appears to me you have to distinguish between 1) "what is your own doing" (i.e. maybe a little out of the will of God) and 2) personality/goal differences. In other words what I am saying, is that there is at least two components here.If the problem is only the first (i.e. you brought this on), then I'm sure your wife will be reasonable enough to help you to get back into alignment and perhaps save the marriage. However, if the second point is a problem, then it may pay you to know that no matter how much you "improve" that she will still find something "wrong" or "incompatible". This is narrowness on her part where she only sees the world thru her eyes and unfortunately there is not as much you can do about this besides the grace of God teaching her the hard way. I hope she is an honest enough woman to admit to you that if it's #2, then she is as much as dooming the marriage. I hate when women say to their husbands, "If you improve so-and-so it will save the marriage" (i.e. point #1). Then the guy goes thru blood sweats and tears and perhaps counseling to improve himself and then she eventually leaves anyway (because the real problem is point #2). I find that personally downright dishonest and mean and perhaps a little chicken to not be upfront to begin with.If you two do divorce, then rest assured she will probably "get the kids" with you having visitation rights and helping to support them. She will "wake up soon" with this economy being so bad taking care of them unless she has a good position where she can comfortably support them. But even then, she should not depend on that as layoffs are rampant right now. She can try for another man, but I want to assure you of something here--- unless you are a total jerk or are mean to your kids, kids will gravitate to their birth parents and see any "replacement" father with hostility. I'm 50 years old now and I've seen it happen over and over again. They never fully accept the "new parent". In short, even if your wife decides to take that future route, it will be no picnic trust me. In all this, try to work on yourself with God's grace, watch the fireworks she will experience later, stay away from other women, and then be there for her when she comes crawling back to you. Think of the prophet Hosea.
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WhiteKnuckle

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My wife wants a divorce. It's not just her doing because I set some of the events in motion to get us to this point, but I've been begging God to heal my marriage and make me the husband, father, and man I ought to be without an answer.Doesn't he want to sanctify and protect marriages? I'm at a loss and have just about accepted this, though I haven't moved out of the house yet. Where is God in all of this? Why has he not answered my prayers?
This is going to sound critical, but there's a good point and I'll get to that.Everything you said in this post shows what the problem is. I don't know the full story so I'll leave out that."Why has He not answered my prayers?" Why are you doubting? You're not divorced yet.I tried to destroy my marriage for over a decade. I drank most everyday to a stupor and was no friendly person to be around for anyone. The Lord delivered me from alcohol. I caused so much emotional damage to my wife and my kids and myself over those years. I asked the Lord to heal the damaged I caused and heal my wifes heart and my kids little hearts. He did! My wife later told me she was just about ready to leave me. She'd made up in her mind that she's not going to take much of what I was doing. The Lord warned me that He himself wasn't going to put up with it much longer either. I was given a warning of a short life, I don't know if my life now is going to be short, or if it was going to be short.Cry out to him and don't ask him why he's being slack as you would call slack. Trust in him to heal the damage and heartache, and do exactly as he says. Don't say you are trusting him because I know you are not. Stop trying to do the work yourself.The Lord made me a new man, delivered me from addiction, healed my families hearts, healed my mind and their minds and consciences. I know what you're saying to yourself right now. "I wish the Lord would do that for me" Stop saying that, stop thinking that.It sounds easy I know. Stop questioning if it's Gods will that this happen, stop questioning why He hasn't done anything, stop being bitter, stop doubting your salvation, stop beating yourself up. Turn and trust the Lord Jesus and he will heal your aches.But, you are right, the Lord hates divorce.Blessings to you!
 

Jordan

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Apr 6, 2007
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That's true. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) but divorce itself is not a sin. God Himself divorce Israel, his wife, because of her idolatry. (adultery)Jeremiah 3:8 - And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.Divorce hurts lives... It is the reason behind it CAN make it a sin. Like the above post... WhiteKnuckle in his past tried to destroy his marriage, and that is the reason behind divorce that can be justified by God for the woman to leave the hushand. (or the husband to leave the wife)WhiteKnuckle, I am glad to that the Lord delivered you from addictions and others. But the past of yours does hurt me because I can see how your family felt when you hurt them... but enough to give you the reason why divorce itself is not a sin, but rather the reason behind divorce makes it a sin.Israel is the only one who got divorced... He still kept Judah as His wife...
 

Letsgofishing

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My wife wants a divorce. It's not just her doing because I set some of the events in motion to get us to this point, but I've been begging God to heal my marriage and make me the husband, father, and man I ought to be without an answer.Doesn't he want to sanctify and protect marriages? I'm at a loss and have just about accepted this, though I haven't moved out of the house yet. Where is God in all of this? Why has he not answered my prayers?
It is true that God hates divorce, and I have no doubt he does not want this divorce to happen...he doesn't want any divorce to happen.But God cannot overcome our free will, which means he cannot magically make you " the husband father and man" you ought to be. You have to become those things. God will provide you the strength you need, the courage you need, the faith you need. He'll give you his son, the holy spirit, etc. he will give everything you need to become a better man and fix the family.but he isn't going to do it for you, your going to have to do it yourself.your brother in christRyan Fitz
 

WhiteKnuckle

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It is true that God hates divorce, and I have no doubt he does not want this divorce to happen...he doesn't want any divorce to happen.But God cannot overcome our free will, which means he cannot magically make you " the husband father and man" you ought to be. You have to become those things. God will provide you the strength you need, the courage you need, the faith you need. He'll give you his son, the holy spirit, etc. he will give everything you need to become a better man and fix the family.but he isn't going to do it for you, your going to have to do it yourself.your brother in christRyan Fitz
I all respect. Couldn't be farther from the truth.He can overcome our "free will" and does. If that were the case then no one would ever be saved. "There is no one righteous and no one seeks the Lord"If you could see who I was before and who I am now, you'd see the lie behind this "free will" I did nothing to turn my will towards the Lord, I did nothing on my own to change and made no effort. The faith I have is what the Lord gave me, the man I am is what the Lord made me, and the changes in my life is what the Lord made.IF you do it for yourself you may be victorious for a time, but you will go back to your old ways. He who the Lord sets free is free indeed.Sure, do it on your own, and you'll be just like everyone else in Christ free treatment centers and programs such as AA. This whole deal about people saying the Lord can't overcome our will is a complete lie and a false teaching straight from the depths of hell.Jordan,,,I'm sorry you're hurt by my past. I still am sometimes, when I look at pictures of my kids when they were little I just think to myself,, "Man, you were such a @#$%$#!!" And I feel bad about all the wasted time. But, my conscience is clear. What my past has shown I hope and pray that my kids remember when they get older what a monster I was and they'll stay away from that demon in the bottle.But, When you're healed your healed and I wish you could see my family now. There's nothing but peace and tranquility. My kids told me, "When you were drunk I didn't like you. But I like you now!" And they look at me with a smile and say, "I'm glad you don't get drunk anymore". My wife even makes comments. I keep telling her, "Well, if you wanna thank someone then thank the Lord" LOL, she says, "Yeah, but you're still a good man" Oh well what can I do? It's all this why I believe and am thankful and why I understand faith and Gods mercy.
 

pia

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Hi whiteknucle.God will not, CANNOT, force one will upon another, simply because that would not be love, and God BEING love, He cannot 'work' outside of love.God doesn't use the same weapons or ways that the darkness uses, and that's where I think a lot of people go sideways of God, because they think that God is just a better man ( human ) than the rest of us.You say that God can , as otherwise no one would get saved.....Think what you're saying !.........If God indeed could force our will, every single person would have been saved already, as it is God's will that all men be saved.The Lord can most certainly help us to arrive at right decisions , but we need to listen to Him, agree with what He's saying, and then go about doing it.Also remember, a commandment is not the same as a DEMAND.....Love does not demand, in order to get it's way.If we want to have a quick look at how love is described, check 1Cor 13........It's quite specific, letting us know, that we can do all good things, but it profits us nothing, if His Love is not in us.GOD IS LOVE, not darkness nor hatred, no matter how many places in the bible He is described that way. Love is Love and Love, loves......What else can love possibly do, but love?No wonder God tells us, that His ways are so much higher than ours, we can't comprehend Love, which is that big.In Him Pia
 

Jordan

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I all respect. Couldn't be farther from the truth.He can overcome our "free will" and does. If that were the case then no one would ever be saved. "There is no one righteous and no one seeks the Lord"If you could see who I was before and who I am now, you'd see the lie behind this "free will" I did nothing to turn my will towards the Lord, I did nothing on my own to change and made no effort. The faith I have is what the Lord gave me, the man I am is what the Lord made me, and the changes in my life is what the Lord made.IF you do it for yourself you may be victorious for a time, but you will go back to your old ways. He who the Lord sets free is free indeed.Sure, do it on your own, and you'll be just like everyone else in Christ free treatment centers and programs such as AA. This whole deal about people saying the Lord can't overcome our will is a complete lie and a false teaching straight from the depths of hell.Jordan,,,I'm sorry you're hurt by my past. I still am sometimes, when I look at pictures of my kids when they were little I just think to myself,, "Man, you were such a @#$%$#!!" And I feel bad about all the wasted time. But, my conscience is clear. What my past has shown I hope and pray that my kids remember when they get older what a monster I was and they'll stay away from that demon in the bottle.But, When you're healed your healed and I wish you could see my family now. There's nothing but peace and tranquility. My kids told me, "When you were drunk I didn't like you. But I like you now!" And they look at me with a smile and say, "I'm glad you don't get drunk anymore". My wife even makes comments. I keep telling her, "Well, if you wanna thank someone then thank the Lord" LOL, she says, "Yeah, but you're still a good man" Oh well what can I do? It's all this why I believe and am thankful and why I understand faith and Gods mercy.
It's OK. It is normal for me to be hurt by someone's past, especially my own. I do sort of need it for a reason, is because it gives me precautions of a certain actions for a future decision... but True good comes in, when evil comes in first... In short it is saying that you can't gain knowledge of God without being exposed first. I hope you understand.And WhiteKnuckle I do agree with you that God has overcome the world... He did not sin. (I John 3:5, I Peter 2:22, II Corinthians 5:21, Hebrews 4:15) He overcame the world. (John 16:33) That is where LGF is completely wrong.However, what LGF is correct on is, God can't force us to love Him and do His will. He also gave us a choice to follow Satan and that is scriptural as well. (John 14:15)Blessings to you WhiteKnuckle.
 

WhiteKnuckle

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Hi whiteknucle.God will not, CANNOT, force one will upon another, simply because that would not be love, and God BEING love, He cannot 'work' outside of love.God doesn't use the same weapons or ways that the darkness uses, and that's where I think a lot of people go sideways of God, because they think that God is just a better man ( human ) than the rest of us.You say that God can , as otherwise no one would get saved.....Think what you're saying !.........If God indeed could force our will, every single person would have been saved already, as it is God's will that all men be saved.The Lord can most certainly help us to arrive at right decisions , but we need to listen to Him, agree with what He's saying, and then go about doing it.Also remember, a commandment is not the same as a DEMAND.....Love does not demand, in order to get it's way.If we want to have a quick look at how love is described, check 1Cor 13........It's quite specific, letting us know, that we can do all good things, but it profits us nothing, if His Love is not in us.GOD IS LOVE, not darkness nor hatred, no matter how many places in the bible He is described that way. Love is Love and Love, loves......What else can love possibly do, but love?No wonder God tells us, that His ways are so much higher than ours, we can't comprehend Love, which is that big.In Him Pia
I agree, the Lord doesn't force things. So you're right. But, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying.I believe that the Lord reveals things to people. If you're a believer then you're already being conformed through the renewing of your mind. The Lord is already at work in you and failure spiritualy is not in your future. Even though you may sin and fall short and not know all the mysteries of God, doesn't mean that you'll remain that way. God is Love true. But, he makes some vessels on to honor and some unto dishonor. Either way, not to be calvanistic, but, the Lord will change who he will. Look at Paul, who persecuted the church. Did he ever at anytime "will" Jesus to reveal himself? Was it Pauls will to believe? NOPE, it was Gods will and Gods good purpose. The Lord changed paul from a decieved murder and unbeliever to a Spirit Filled mirical worker of truth and spreader of the Gosple and slave to Christ.I also know in my own life, what I really wanted was to ride with an Outlaw Motorcycle Club, and it still appeals to me. But, the Lord in his mercy has delivered me from that, even through the attraction that I still have for that world, He still teaches me and shows me his will and has changed my heart. It wasn't until the Lord revealed himself to me and what I should be doing that I started to pray that He would "Make me the man he wants me to be".Don't underestimate the will of the Lord, for all things are His.Seriously, An atheist doesn't want to believe, but some end up believing. Our will does not overpower the Lord and he needs no permission to reveal himself to us.And especialy in this case of this man and his wife, He has asked the Lord to do this thing. Surrender to the Lords will is not giving the Lord permission to work.
 

Letsgofishing

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Nov 27, 2007
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I all respect. Couldn't be farther from the truth.He can overcome our "free will" and does. If that were the case then no one would ever be saved. "There is no one righteous and no one seeks the Lord"If you could see who I was before and who I am now, you'd see the lie behind this "free will" I did nothing to turn my will towards the Lord, I did nothing on my own to change and made no effort. The faith I have is what the Lord gave me, the man I am is what the Lord made me, and the changes in my life is what the Lord made.IF you do it for yourself you may be victorious for a time, but you will go back to your old ways. He who the Lord sets free is free indeed.Sure, do it on your own, and you'll be just like everyone else in Christ free treatment centers and programs such as AA. This whole deal about people saying the Lord can't overcome our will is a complete lie and a false teaching straight from the depths of hell.Jordan,,,I'm sorry you're hurt by my past. I still am sometimes, when I look at pictures of my kids when they were little I just think to myself,, "Man, you were such a @#$%$#!!" And I feel bad about all the wasted time. But, my conscience is clear. What my past has shown I hope and pray that my kids remember when they get older what a monster I was and they'll stay away from that demon in the bottle.But, When you're healed your healed and I wish you could see my family now. There's nothing but peace and tranquility. My kids told me, "When you were drunk I didn't like you. But I like you now!" And they look at me with a smile and say, "I'm glad you don't get drunk anymore". My wife even makes comments. I keep telling her, "Well, if you wanna thank someone then thank the Lord" LOL, she says, "Yeah, but you're still a good man" Oh well what can I do? It's all this why I believe and am thankful and why I understand faith and Gods mercy.
Hey white knuckle, your story is an inspiration to us allnow I don't want to make this into a full out debate, this is a mans family on the line, so if you disagree with this...well you can respond but I won't, we'll just agree to disagree.This mans story kind of reminds of that one women who prayed over her kid for healing, but besides that did nothing, and therefore it resulted in her child's death. You can't just pray for God to put your family together, even though it is crucial, you have got too act.Now I completely agree with you, Dad of three cannot restore this family by himself, he needs the lord with him, he needs the lord to win the victory through him, but again for that to happen he needs to act.I am a strong believer that God cannot overcome your free will. We are saved by our own faith in Jesus Christ, it is not Jesus Christ who accepts that faith for us, we have to accept that faith. As Jesus said multiple times "repent and believe the gospel" I have no doubt that you are a changed man, and I praise God for it, but this is not because he overcame our free will, but because he made you into a new creation. This is what he changes every Christian into. The Holy spirit came down and changed, changed your values, changed your heart("I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." Jeremiah 31:33) . but you can go against this change if you wanted too. I know Ive done it before.some more fun verses ( on free will)I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life. Dt: 30:19Choose you this day whom ye will serve.... But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. joshua 24:15thank you for sharing your story with usyour brother in christRyan Fitz
 

WhiteKnuckle

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Hey white knuckle, your story is an inspiration to us allnow I don't want to make this into a full out debate, this is a mans family on the line, so if you disagree with this...well you can respond but I won't, we'll just agree to disagree.This mans story kind of reminds of that one women who prayed over her kid for healing, but besides that did nothing, and therefore it resulted in her child's death. You can't just pray for God to put your family together, even though it is crucial, you have got too act.Now I completely agree with you, Dad of three cannot restore this family by himself, he needs the lord with him, he needs the lord to win the victory through him, but again for that to happen he needs to act.I am a strong believer that God cannot overcome your free will. We are saved by our own faith in Jesus Christ, it is not Jesus Christ who accepts that faith for us, we have to accept that faith. As Jesus said multiple times "repent and believe the gospel" I have no doubt that you are a changed man, and I praise God for it, but this is not because he overcame our free will, but because he made you into a new creation. This is what he changes every Christian into. The Holy spirit came down and changed, changed your values, changed your heart("I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." Jeremiah 31:33) . but you can go against this change if you wanted too. I know Ive done it before.some more fun verses ( on free will)I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life. Dt: 30:19Choose you this day whom ye will serve.... But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. joshua 24:15thank you for sharing your story with usyour brother in christRyan Fitz
Good points.I should really learn to be more clear on what I say. It's not that He shouldn't do anything. Obviously he should. But, quit trying to do it all himself and trust in the Lord. The steps of the righteous are directed by God, so if he does take a step, and after he prays, then it's the Lord who's directing those steps. Even the fact that he's prayed that the Lord make him the Husband he should be is a step and it's a good step. That shows a change of heart in and of itself.You're right, this isn't the place for a discussion of views on faith and works.
 

mjrhealth

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Actually whiteknuckle, Jeus didnt change Paul, paul excpeted the truth then changed his will to comform with Gods, as Pia staed He cannot and will not go against our will, we have to conform to His, some choose to, others choose to ignore Him and do ther own thing, no matter how much he tries to let them know who He is.In His love