Hi,
This is my first post here, although I've posted in the newcomers section. I'm a girl, and I have two male friends in my life with whom I'm having boundary issues. One has been a friend for a long time. His mother just passed away, so he's going through a rough time. He and I dated once, but haven't in years. The problem is that he isn't a christian, yet for the last few months he's been as flirty as possible, while at the same time trying to convince me that I'm mistaken in my faith in Christ. He tried to kiss me a couple weeks ago. I was actually thinking of dating him, in spite of our differences. But he informed me that he's not attracted to me and I need to do what he does and "better myself" by working out and trying to loose weight (I'm not heavy, but I don't have tomboy legs like my sister does, who he's more attracted to). I feel really hurt by what he said, especially after he's spent so much time "romancing" me. Taking me out to dinner, holding my hands when standing in the fall leaves, and attempting to cuddle with me - which I wouldn't let him. I'm one of his only real friends. And he's going through a terrible time with the loss of his mother. But I just don't feel like I can take our relationship any longer. If he acted like just a friend, I think I could, but he's too touchy feeling and he gives mixed signals. Is it o.k. for me to ask for separation, in spite of being one of his only friends, and it being such a bad time for him?
Then there's another guy. I thought of him as just a friend. I was carpooling with him to my small group and set up a date with someone else on the phone. Immediately he became really angry and drove like crazy. Then he informed me that he liked me (which he'd given no signs of before). On the way home he told me that nobody has made him feel so insignificant and unworthy as me. I invited him to my group, even though he was a non-christian because he seemed interested. I did not think his interest was in me. Now he tells me that the whole thing has been fake, and I'm feeling as if he's saying everything he's learned about christ has been fake because I was not a good christian to him. I feel like he is manipulating me. I've been thinking of leaving this small group to go to one at my home church some time now (not because of him). I was going to ask him if he wanted to come with me. But I don't want to. I just want to start over with a new group that's part of the community of believers I want to be more a part of. But I'm struggling with how angry he's going to be over this.
So any help with these issues would be much appreciated.
thanks!
Nikki
This is my first post here, although I've posted in the newcomers section. I'm a girl, and I have two male friends in my life with whom I'm having boundary issues. One has been a friend for a long time. His mother just passed away, so he's going through a rough time. He and I dated once, but haven't in years. The problem is that he isn't a christian, yet for the last few months he's been as flirty as possible, while at the same time trying to convince me that I'm mistaken in my faith in Christ. He tried to kiss me a couple weeks ago. I was actually thinking of dating him, in spite of our differences. But he informed me that he's not attracted to me and I need to do what he does and "better myself" by working out and trying to loose weight (I'm not heavy, but I don't have tomboy legs like my sister does, who he's more attracted to). I feel really hurt by what he said, especially after he's spent so much time "romancing" me. Taking me out to dinner, holding my hands when standing in the fall leaves, and attempting to cuddle with me - which I wouldn't let him. I'm one of his only real friends. And he's going through a terrible time with the loss of his mother. But I just don't feel like I can take our relationship any longer. If he acted like just a friend, I think I could, but he's too touchy feeling and he gives mixed signals. Is it o.k. for me to ask for separation, in spite of being one of his only friends, and it being such a bad time for him?
Then there's another guy. I thought of him as just a friend. I was carpooling with him to my small group and set up a date with someone else on the phone. Immediately he became really angry and drove like crazy. Then he informed me that he liked me (which he'd given no signs of before). On the way home he told me that nobody has made him feel so insignificant and unworthy as me. I invited him to my group, even though he was a non-christian because he seemed interested. I did not think his interest was in me. Now he tells me that the whole thing has been fake, and I'm feeling as if he's saying everything he's learned about christ has been fake because I was not a good christian to him. I feel like he is manipulating me. I've been thinking of leaving this small group to go to one at my home church some time now (not because of him). I was going to ask him if he wanted to come with me. But I don't want to. I just want to start over with a new group that's part of the community of believers I want to be more a part of. But I'm struggling with how angry he's going to be over this.
So any help with these issues would be much appreciated.
thanks!
Nikki