This is my first post on this board. I was just wondering if other believers in Christ have had this same thing happen to them that I have. I have been a Christian for 33 years and I love the sweet communion of the Holy Spirit the comforter and also being lead by the Holy Spirit even in the smallest details of life. But, I have also had this horrible sexual sin in my life for probably 35 years. I am a 53-year-old male. And let me tell you right now, it goes way beyond just looking at internet porn which is bad enough. But for the longest time, here has been what a 2-week cycle in my life is like. I succumb to the temptation on the internet. Then I can feel the demonic powers coming into my mind. I usually go "act" on it by having sex with a prostitute. I get to feeling physically sick and sometime I caught a lot. I get the flem in my throat from being sick. I get a severe headache that probably last 8 hours, but it is intense. I become pretty demonized, and I will explode in a demonic fit on somebody because the Holy Spirit is quenched and demonic spirits are prevelant. But, the Lord begins to heal and restore my soul. The heavy demonic presence begins to leave. I stop coughing for a while or not as much. The sweet comfort of the Holy Spirit comes back, and I know the Lord Jesus is close again. The Lord begins to speak to me by His spirit. I am back to my normal self for a while and enjoy fellowship with other Christians. I love to cook and bake and usually do this a lot of home group meetings. But, here is the thing. Probably no more than 1 or 2 days after I am back to normal, the cycle repeats in my life. And over a 25 year span it has repeated about 450 times. Now, about 3 months ago, guess what happened? After a binge, THE HOLY SPIRIT DID NOT COME BACK! I do not have that wonderful comfort of the Holy Spirit when I wake up in the morning anymore. The Lord does not lead me by His spirit whatsoever. Also demonic spirits of fear torment me--it is usually most intense in the mornings. The headaches that usually would only last 8 hours now are a recurring thing, but not nearly as intense. In the past 2 years I've also gotten some physical problems from my sin such as chronic fatigue and bowel problems. My question is, will the Lord ever come back? I know He has not forsaken me. I believe He still listens to my prayer, but He just doesn't communicate with me any more. I hate this man, I really hate this. I want the fellowship with Jesus back. I know I have to give up this sin. So many times the Lord has told me that I am NOT going to hell, but I still fear God now and I don't want to spend the rest of my days with seperation. Has anyone ever had habitual sin in your life like this? Does anyone have any thoughts?
Thanks,
Craig in Ft. Worth, TX
Thanks,
Craig in Ft. Worth, TX