I Quenched The Holy Spirit - Will He Come Back?

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Endzone

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May 7, 2010
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This is my first post on this board. I was just wondering if other believers in Christ have had this same thing happen to them that I have. I have been a Christian for 33 years and I love the sweet communion of the Holy Spirit the comforter and also being lead by the Holy Spirit even in the smallest details of life. But, I have also had this horrible sexual sin in my life for probably 35 years. I am a 53-year-old male. And let me tell you right now, it goes way beyond just looking at internet porn which is bad enough. But for the longest time, here has been what a 2-week cycle in my life is like. I succumb to the temptation on the internet. Then I can feel the demonic powers coming into my mind. I usually go "act" on it by having sex with a prostitute. I get to feeling physically sick and sometime I caught a lot. I get the flem in my throat from being sick. I get a severe headache that probably last 8 hours, but it is intense. I become pretty demonized, and I will explode in a demonic fit on somebody because the Holy Spirit is quenched and demonic spirits are prevelant. But, the Lord begins to heal and restore my soul. The heavy demonic presence begins to leave. I stop coughing for a while or not as much. The sweet comfort of the Holy Spirit comes back, and I know the Lord Jesus is close again. The Lord begins to speak to me by His spirit. I am back to my normal self for a while and enjoy fellowship with other Christians. I love to cook and bake and usually do this a lot of home group meetings. But, here is the thing. Probably no more than 1 or 2 days after I am back to normal, the cycle repeats in my life. And over a 25 year span it has repeated about 450 times. Now, about 3 months ago, guess what happened? After a binge, THE HOLY SPIRIT DID NOT COME BACK! I do not have that wonderful comfort of the Holy Spirit when I wake up in the morning anymore. The Lord does not lead me by His spirit whatsoever. Also demonic spirits of fear torment me--it is usually most intense in the mornings. The headaches that usually would only last 8 hours now are a recurring thing, but not nearly as intense. In the past 2 years I've also gotten some physical problems from my sin such as chronic fatigue and bowel problems. My question is, will the Lord ever come back? I know He has not forsaken me. I believe He still listens to my prayer, but He just doesn't communicate with me any more. I hate this man, I really hate this. I want the fellowship with Jesus back. I know I have to give up this sin. So many times the Lord has told me that I am NOT going to hell, but I still fear God now and I don't want to spend the rest of my days with seperation. Has anyone ever had habitual sin in your life like this? Does anyone have any thoughts?

Thanks,
Craig in Ft. Worth, TX
 

Brother Mike

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Well, just relax there Brother.........................Getting out of a cycle of sin can seem impossible, but it's not.

THE HOLY SPIRIT DID NOT COME BACK! I do not have that wonderful comfort of the Holy Spirit when I wake up in the morning anymore.

What is the Job of the Holy Spirit? To lead and guide us into truth. He is a helper, he is not making us do anything. He also shows us things to come. He guides our path as we are led by the Spirit of God.

Now, you have to ask yourself this question. Did the Lord go anywhere, or did you go somewhere?

God has a plan for your life, but somewhere down the road you stoped along the way, and took a look at Porn, now you have been there for twenty five years, and no longer going down the Path the Lord has given you. What more can God do at this point? It has nothing to do with God leaving you or forsaking you, but if you refuse to do what you know is right, then you have chosen other things over the Lord.

Now let me tell you what is coming up next.....................

All sin leads to death, you know that. This physical problems are caused by giving the devil place in your life. Now continue on this road of destruction, and soon you will die, and stand before God to give an account of all the things you refused to do. So, you make it to heaven, but the rewards you missed are eternal. That is how it works. I have seen men and women die, because they just refused to do what they knew was right.

What to do?

First count the cost................................
Ask yourself if Porn and girls are more important than your health, and God's plan. You have to pick one over the other. Are you willing to pay the price, though it may cost you a early death?
Are you willing to let Satan take everything from you? Just give it all up to someone that hates you?

Now, if you choose God............. Then it will take some drastic measure your flesh will not like. One would be getting rid of your computer and internet access. Get ride of all porn.................. Satan uses these things to push your buttons.

Next, get in your Word and stay there. Sin is caused by a weak spirit, or a starved spirit. You can not control the flesh if your spirit is Weak. I would pray constantly in tongues, and when thoughts of girls or porn come through you mind, You just cast those thoughts out and with your mouth (Not just think) start giving God the glory for delivering you. You must never dwell on these thoughts but bring them in subjection to the Lord. Praise God, and get your mind back on track.

The flesh is a creature of Habbit............

The flesh can be trained to not want porn. It will take some time, but we are promised that the devil will flee if we continue to resist. You also must continue to not allow the flesh to start to fantasize about these girls. The flesh will start to not want these things.
Now you may go for a long time without issues, but watch for it coming back in full force. The devil will leave you alone for a time, but knows what buttons to push. Be ready for that, and remove those buttons from him.

Brother, once you do something.............. The Holy Spirit can continue to deal with you again. If you violate the light that you were given, then no new light is coming. I believe your going to make it...........

Jesus Is Your Lord!!!!! Now buck up, and take a stand!!!

Jesus Is Lord.
 
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Endzone

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Thank you Brother Mike for taking the time to make that post in reply to my question. I really appreciate it. And I agree with everything you said. You are very real and honest about my issue here and I appreciate that. Yes it is time to finally let go of this idiotic nonsense for whatever stupid reason I thought I had to have this--I couldn't relate to women or whatever--who cares. It was all a lie from the enemy. No, I dont want to go out having never defeated this. You're right. I'm either going to die or "a worse thing may come upon me" like Jesus told that fellow at the pool of Bethesda. No, holding on to this sin isn't worth the eternal loss of things. Thank you and God bless. Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX girls may be the prettiest girls in the world, but it's still not worth it. You can't get anything worthwhile out of illicit sex anyway. It just strips you of true intimacy with other people and The Lord.
 

Brother Mike

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Glory to God brother, well, time to chuck that computer, remove everything, and hold on to what I said. Once you take that step, the Holy Spirit will start dealing with you again. God will restore everything you have given up all these years. It's only good things coming Brother.......I know you won't go back, and give up not only the great life on earth ahead of you but the rewards after. you will make it, Greater is he that is in you!!!! You are more than a conqurer in Chist Jesus...... Why, because he loves you!!!! You will make it, and greater than you ever thought about.

Now go chuck that computer and fire yourself up. It's time to be everything the Lord intended you to be.

Jesus Is Lord.
 

gumby

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Remember Luke 10:19.

God gives you full power and authority to cast them out, you dont have to put up with it you have the son of god on your side what do those demons have that can defeat you? satan.........................nope we no where he goes. As the bible says if god be for you than who can be against you this includes demons and anyone preaching any message other than christ.
 

Endzone

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I hear what you are saying, but it's kind of tough getting along with being on the internet in our culture. I have been out of work for quite a while. It's pretty tough looking for a job without being on the internet. But I guess I could just limit my internet activity to the library, but they are closing on Monday now to save money. I would not be able to enjoy my photo share site and uploading pictures. It would be more difficult to post on boards such as this. But, maybe it's a small price to pay it that is what it takes. I know a Christian guy who works at an office, and he must have his computer for work. He says getting rid of the computer isn't an option. But, Brother Mike, you may very well be right. It may be a price I have to pay. But thanks again for your good advice and for being real.


Glory to God brother, well, time to chuck that computer, remove everything, and hold on to what I said. Once you take that step, the Holy Spirit will start dealing with you again. God will restore everything you have given up all these years. It's only good things coming Brother.......I know you won't go back, and give up not only the great life on earth ahead of you but the rewards after. you will make it, Greater is he that is in you!!!! You are more than a conqurer in Chist Jesus...... Why, because he loves you!!!! You will make it, and greater than you ever thought about.

Now go chuck that computer and fire yourself up. It's time to be everything the Lord intended you to be.

Jesus Is Lord.
 

Brother Mike

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Well, your not giving up anything, to gain something greater. I know where your coming from. Years back, I stopped taking my kids the public pool. Man, all those girls in just swimsuits........ My excuse was I had to do something with the kids, but I was not watching any kids........ I knew I had to cut it off, and even got rid of my own computer..

Why do that?

Because you can't have confidence in God, when your heart condemns you. I like the confidence that when I pray, God is going to help, I can have faith that nothing hinders my prayer with God. It's not on God's end, but on your end. Sin, destroys faith in God.

Jesus said seek first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. (Mat 6:33)

Well, the Kingdom of God starts with the sower sows the Word, or building faith as faith comes from hearing and hearing the Word of God. The righteousness part is a free gift though. It simply means right standing with God.

Everything we recieve from God is based on our understanding of just how right standing with God we are. Some think God heals some, but may not heal them. They have a issue with the concept of righteousness. They don't feel worthy enough or have God's favor enough to where God would Heal them.

This is what Jesus was saying about getting all these things added unto you. How much do you believe God loves you and wants to help you. What is your thinking about your right standing with him?

Giving up your computer for a time is more than worth knowing God is going to move on your behalf, in not only getting you a great Job, but bringing health to your body, and getting you on the path for all the Good he has planed for you. It's not what you give up for now, it's what your going to gain............It's worth it........Believe that.

Jesus Is Lord.
 

WhiteKnuckle

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Good news for you!

One of the proofs that the Holy Spirit is still active in your life is your conviction. Quenched? Is it possible to quench the power of the All Mighty God in Heaven? No. Grieved yes, as we all do from time to time. That's not saying that it's okay anything you did.

The very fact that you have remorse even to the point of sickness shows the Lords work in your life and in your heart.

Think back to when you were a kid and you got in trouble for something you did wrong,, while you were being disciplined you felt bad and it seemed like who was giving discipline was a big mean uncaring monster sometimes. Very scary. However, when you look back you can see the love that was there and the reasons for it.

The Lord is wise, just and above all Loving and merciful.

What you're feeling and the fact that you came out bravely and openly about your problems shows the Lord is still active in your life. You may not feel comforted at this point, but feeling good isn't what it's all about all the time.

Sometimes we think the Lord has abandoned us and left us to our own devices,, maybe he has, maybe not,,, reason being is, sometimes it's better to let the kids touch the hot stove than to tell them it's hot. Which ever it is, there's a good reason for it, and God cause all things to work for the good of those that love him!

As for what you should do, and how you should avoid your problems, I can't tell you. However, It seems to me you're on the right track, don't give up or beat yourself up. Everything starts with repentence, and forgiveness,,, that means you must forgive yourself.

Blessings to you!
 

Endzone

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WhiteKnuckle thanks for your encouraging words! That is such a blessing to me. You know I have to honest. I think the Lord is in this. I don't think he's doing this just to get me or that my eternal punishment in hell is getting started early. I think for me to believe that would be another one of Satan's lies to justify me going back into my old behavior. Because what the heck, if God has already determined that I will go to hell, I might as well live like a demonic spirit--right?

But I agree with you. The Lord is working a purpose in this even though it hurts like h***. I mean it does hurt. I am in pain and sick and there is a strong demonic presence in my mind. I'm not even sure I can hold down a job--be it part time or full time. I live in my car some weeks because I am almost flat broke. It is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. But no matter how many times I tried to give this sexual thing and this girl thing over to the Lord, I always failed. I just have always considered myself too messed up to do it in a holy way and God's way. But it has to be given over to the Lord now. Well, anyway, thanks for your edifying words of encouragement, and I do think you are right.

Blessings,
Endzone

BTW my handle comes from the original name I used on the TCU football forum. I used the name "Endzone ticket to V-zone seat". About 5 years ago you could buy a cheap end zone ticket for like 10 bucks and then go sit in a good seat. They have since doubled the price of end zone tickets. I just eventually shorted my screen name to "Endzone".
 

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Choir Loft
Apr 2, 2009
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This is my first post on this board. I was just wondering if other believers in Christ have had this same thing happen to them that I have. I have been a Christian for 33 years and I love the sweet communion of the Holy Spirit the comforter and also being lead by the Holy Spirit even in the smallest details of life. But, I have also had this horrible sexual sin in my life for probably 35 years. I am a 53-year-old male. And let me tell you right now, it goes way beyond just looking at internet porn which is bad enough. But for the longest time, here has been what a 2-week cycle in my life is like. I succumb to the temptation on the internet. Then I can feel the demonic powers coming into my mind. I usually go "act" on it by having sex with a prostitute. I get to feeling physically sick and sometime I caught a lot. I get the flem in my throat from being sick. I get a severe headache that probably last 8 hours, but it is intense. I become pretty demonized, and I will explode in a demonic fit on somebody because the Holy Spirit is quenched and demonic spirits are prevelant. But, the Lord begins to heal and restore my soul. The heavy demonic presence begins to leave. I stop coughing for a while or not as much. The sweet comfort of the Holy Spirit comes back, and I know the Lord Jesus is close again. The Lord begins to speak to me by His spirit. I am back to my normal self for a while and enjoy fellowship with other Christians. I love to cook and bake and usually do this a lot of home group meetings. But, here is the thing. Probably no more than 1 or 2 days after I am back to normal, the cycle repeats in my life. And over a 25 year span it has repeated about 450 times. Now, about 3 months ago, guess what happened? After a binge, THE HOLY SPIRIT DID NOT COME BACK! I do not have that wonderful comfort of the Holy Spirit when I wake up in the morning anymore. The Lord does not lead me by His spirit whatsoever. Also demonic spirits of fear torment me--it is usually most intense in the mornings. The headaches that usually would only last 8 hours now are a recurring thing, but not nearly as intense. In the past 2 years I've also gotten some physical problems from my sin such as chronic fatigue and bowel problems. My question is, will the Lord ever come back? I know He has not forsaken me. I believe He still listens to my prayer, but He just doesn't communicate with me any more. I hate this man, I really hate this. I want the fellowship with Jesus back. I know I have to give up this sin. So many times the Lord has told me that I am NOT going to hell, but I still fear God now and I don't want to spend the rest of my days with seperation. Has anyone ever had habitual sin in your life like this? Does anyone have any thoughts?

Thanks,
Craig in Ft. Worth, TX

Brother Mike gave the best possible answer out of all the respondents here, but none gave an answer you can live with.
You already know or believe that God will not forsake you and you already know that the Holy Spirit has had a belly full of your behavior.

What has actually happened is that you have given license to demonic powers in your life.
They occupy all your attention at the moment.
From your point of view the Holy Spirit has been driven into the background.
All the kind words from everybody else DO NOTHING to resolve your problem.

There is talk of an early death here, but let no man suppose that it will come from God.
If it does indeed come to you it will come as a result of the demonic torment, your own guilt and the fact that you have turned away from a life of Holiness toward God. You know the voices that speak to you and you know their intent is to make you miserable.

The other aspect of your problem is your own flesh. The two week cycle you speak of is a combination of your age and your body's ability to recharge its sexual powers.
Once depleted, you have a pseudo peace for a few days before it all begins again.

HERE IS YOUR ANSWER.
YOU CANNOT FIGHT THIS DAMNABLE THING ON YOUR OWN. YOU MUST FIND HUMAN HELP.
Ask God for guidance and then get up off your knees and look for help.

Make an appointment with your family doctor and ask for a referral to a sex therapist or psychiatrist.
You are suffering from an addiction.
This means that you MUST get help beyond your own resources, otherwise the cycle will continue until the only solution that will SEEM to present itself will be suicide, disease or some related cause. (And don't tell me that suicide hasn't entered your mind as a means of escape.)

Your problem is two fold; physical and spiritual.
1. Get physical/mental help from a legitimate health care provider.
2. Get spiritual help from a body of believers who can cast out the demons who oppress you.
At this point, you have persuaded yourself that you don't have the ability to do it yourself.

GET HELP, and get it from two different groups as I've suggested.

DO IT TODAY. DO NOT WAIT. DO NOT PUT IT OFF.
Tomorrow you could get hit by a bus and then you'd die with unresolved issues.
God only knows what would become of you then.

GET HELP AND DO IT.
 

Endzone

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May 7, 2010
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rjp34652 thanks for your reply. I don't have the money for counseling right now. I run out of money towards the end of the month. I sometimes sleep in my car. Then I go to the park and take a sponge bath in the creek. I go to the library for a couple of hours to get on the internet. When I am alone and no one can see me I put my hand over my forehead and face and I just pray "Lord Jesus help me". That is all I am able to pray now. I used to do a lot of intercessory prayer, but as the Holy Spirit has turned away from me, I really can't pray much.

Yes I've thought about suicide, and I would like to die. My life is over. All my dreams seem shattered. I will never get married now. I will never have a girlfriend. Financially it is such a struggle to survive now. I will never really be close to anyone. An giant world-wide economic recession is right around the corner. These tough economic times we have been going through are just the start of it. I thought about getting a job delivering pizzas, but I don't even know if I could do that. I hate wearing those uncomfortable shirts. Please forgive me, but this board is just a source of counseling for me now. I don't mean to be self-centered or a burden to anyone. But I just need a listening ear in my situation now. I hope nobody minds. I don't mean to be negative or without faith, but I am sick and in pain this morning. Thank God I get better as the day goes on. Thank you for listening. I hope it's OK if I can talk about my situation a little bit.
 

Endzone

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Fort Worth, TX
Alright, I would like to share with you all a vision the Lord gave me many years ago. I have only had 2 visions from the Lord in my entire life. Sometime in late 1979 or 1980, I was walking down University Avenue by TCU (Texas Christian University) here in Ft. Worth. I was telling the Lord that I had done everything He wanted me to do, but that I was still being bothered by the demonic spirit of music interference and the spirit of mockery. I was really kind of mad at God and frustrated. Then I saw in my mind a vision which was clearly from the Lord. I saw a giant man sitting on something. I could not see his face, but he was like 9 or 10 feet tall. I saw this little child trying to climb up on the father's lap. The child had both arms on the father's thigh and was trying to pull himself up onto the father's lap. This child had absolutely no doubt that the father would receive him and hold him when he got up into the father's lap.

Well, I didn't completely understand it right away, but then I began to understand that the Lord was saying to me that I should come as a child to the Lord. Just like Jesus said really, "except ye come as little children...." Well, I guess that's been the struggle my whole life. I had a very bad experience with authority when I was a kid growing up. My dad was a tough Siciliam immigrant and although he loved us, he could not express it. And he was very critical and demanding. I could never please him. He never showed any affection. He was just passing on a spirit of rejection to me that he received from his dad. So, I have had this problem with trusting and being submitted to authority my whole life. I guess this is partly an explanation for the sexual sin. It is a lot tougher to just trust that the Lord will take care of this than to go out and grab it by the force of sin. I guess I thought that because I had a demon, I could not have a good relationship with a woman. But that was a lie. Thank you for listening.
 

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Choir Loft
Apr 2, 2009
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Physical and Spiritual help do not always cost money.
That's what you need, and help from others is the normal way one turns one's life around.

The idea of suicide is a mental defensive mechanism. It can be easily overcome by various healthy escape techniques. Physical activity is the best way to overcome mental depression and the desire for suicide.
Exercise to the point of exhaustion.

In some cases, suicide can be a spiritual oppression which programs the victim to accept a fatal course of action.
Under these circumstances, a deliverance ministry can be of help.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO ADD that most ailments suffered by humanity are caused by known physical and mental diseases and natural processes.
A deliverance ministry, for example, will not cure syphilis.
It will, however, suffice to stop the reason for contracting the disease in the first place.
One hand washes the other so to speak.

Help does not always cost money and improving one's self isn't always comfortable.
Free counseling can be obtained from most Churches as well as support groups.
Free medical clinics are available in most cities.

Sometimes you have to wear an uncomfortable shirt and endure a difficult supervisor.
That's life Mr. Endzone. You cannot continue in it without struggle and difficulty.

The good news is that you don't have to do it alone.
Help is out there if you look for it.
There are churches, free medical clinics and volunteer agencies in most cities.

So far all we've heard from you is excuses.
Bottom line is that you can't blame Christ, the global economy or even the devil for your troubles.
Jesus has provided the opportunity for recovery, but it isn't automatic.
Neither is it impossible.
YOU have to make an effort.

On the other hand if you don't want to make the effort, that's another issue altogether.
 

Endzone

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Fort Worth, TX
Here is a passage from Ephesians 5:3-7:

[sup]3[/sup]But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

[sup]4[/sup]Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

[sup]5[/sup]For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

[sup]6[/sup]Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. [sup]7[/sup]Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

Note verse 6. This doesn't fly in a lot of Christian circles today--the idea that God actually would get mad at His children and actually punish them. But, I believe that is what has happened to me. Brothers and sisters I have gone through hell these past 3 months--and I mean literally. Some days are better than others. Today seems to be a good day. Other days the demonic presence is so strong in my mind that I have a bad headache. I am attacked by a demon of sickness and coughing and I feel sick most days. Then there is the bowel problem which is a disease I got from a prostitue. I feel like I have to go all the time and there is a lot of gas pain.

So, I guess maybe I do need to do something, but when you get attacked this hard, believe me all you can do is hang on for dear life. In fact recently I've just asked the Lord if I could die. The pain of this is so much that I just don't think I could possibly endure it the rest of my life. Today I feel better though, and I feel like maybe I could carry on. But would anyone be willing to consider that the Lord God we serve can and does get angry at His children if they continually walk in disobedience? We are so flooded with "mercy and grace" teaching today, that to talk like this is to be considered a loon. Of course I have found God's grace even in His anger. He seems to never give up on me, and learning obedience is hard.
 

Brother Mike

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Endzone:


He seems to never give up on me, and learning obedience is hard.

If God were to be upset with you, then He would not be trying to help you. That scripture is for those that will not change or repent.

We are told if we don't judge ourselves, then we are going to get judged.

Now...............Give him all the Glory, Your going to make it.

Jesus is Lord.
 

WhiteKnuckle

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There was a time I thought I commited the "unpardonable sin". It sent me into a needless nervous breakdown,,,, Or so I thought needless. I felt hopeless and damned, I cried and cried and cried, and prayed for hours on my face on the floor. With each plea I honestly felt God had turned his back on me and I'll never have love or be able to give love, etc, etc... However, I understand your struggle of wondering if you pushed God out of your life, or if God left.

A big problem I believe in this is listening to way to many people who don't know what they're talking about,,,and reading too many articles that are based around fear and misunderstandings of the word of God, the nature of God, and God's own understanding of his own children. The people on this board have good heads and I agree with almost everyone of them in this particular topic. Which is a stretch for me to agree with so much, LOL

One thing I've learned is you CAN"T MAKE GOD LEAVE YOU. It's simply not possible, even by you falling prey to your weakness and temptation. Every one of us sins, and is tempted, and falls. It doesn't matter which sin it is,,, One my prefer hookers, while another prefers getting drunk, one has a completely foul mouth, another has a foul mind. No sin is greater or lessor than the other. However, you do need to repent and take steps to help insure less self inflicted temptations, and start working on some discipline.

Anyway, Here's a pretty good website that gives a pretty quick and general explaination of what you're feeling. It's not real indepth and is a pretty quick read. This page is dealing with the Lord rebuking, and punishing and testing us.

http://www.acts17-11.com/rebuke.html
 

Endzone

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Whiteknuckle that link was a good study on the subject of God's judgment/chastisement/punishment. You sure wont hear that talked about much in the church now days.

You know I asked the Lord again tonight if I was going to hell, and the answer was an immediate no, and I began to laugh. I think even the Lord may have been laughing. I was down at Barnes & Noble in downtown Ft. Worth reading Watchman Nee's Spiritual Authority.

Yes, Satan always tries to hit young believers with that "you have comitted the unpardonable sin" crap. He is consistent, you gotta say that. I took me a while to work through that one too. Satan is a liar! That happened to me when I was a teenager, and that has been almost 40 years ago.

But from Watchman Nee's book, I understand something about God's authority tonight that I have always been afriad of. Are you all familiar with Romans chapter 9? It says the Lord will have mercy on who He wants and harden who He wants. It says he will make some vessels to honor and some to dishonor. This always scared me about the Lord, but Watchman Nee says God's authority and decisions are ALWAYS GOOD, and we get into trouble when we use our own reasoning. I had to realize that everything God does is good--even this pain I am going through. Our first reaction is to think that God doesn't love us and is out to get us. But everything God does is good and for a good reason. Just let me quote a couple paragraphs from the book regarding Romans chapter 9. Nee says it is natural for men to want to reason and argue about whether or not God is being fair in Romans chapter 9:

"When God exercises authority He has no need to consult with you or gain your approval. He simply requires you to obey His authority and acknowledge that if this is of God, it is good."

"Men always like to reason; but may we not ask, Is there any real reason for our being saved? There is no reason whatsoever. I have niether willed nor run, yet I am saved. This is the most unreasonable thing which ever happens. But God will have mercy on whom He has mercy. The potter has the right over the clay...."

Does IMG command really work?

Water Gardens in Ft. Worth, TX 2003​

original.jpg
 

Endzone

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0
Fort Worth, TX
I am getting discouraged brothers and sisters. The Lord has still not restored my spirit, and I am just trying to survive each day. There are demonic spirits harassing me in my mind, and they give me headaches throughout the day. I have a bad bowel problem that causes me pain and embarassment. I don't want to be around people. I have bladder pain. All this from having unprotected sex with prostitutes. I believe the Lord is angry at me and has made me desolate just like He did to His people on OT times. I am homeless and I sleep on the ground next to my car at night. It is hot here in TX, and it's hard to get a good night's sleep. I take sponge bathes so I don't smell--maybe showers at a truckstop. I know eventually my Christian friends will probably abandon me. I'm just so sad. The worst part is the sweet Holy Spirit has moved far away from me. I don't know if I could hold down a job or not--even a temporary job. Right now I just want to scream here at the library the demons are hurting me so much.

Sorry, I just want to cry. I'm in so much discomfort. Thanks for listensing. I remember my life 3 years ago. I was so happy. Jesus was so near and so close and the Holy Spirit blessed me and lead me. I had a good job. I wasn't homeless. I miss Brother Mike. Anyway, thanks for listening. I just need to cry a little bit. Thanks.
 

Endzone

New Member
May 7, 2010
105
0
0
Fort Worth, TX
Prov 1:24-27 (NIV) "But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand, since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you--when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you." Prov 1:28-31 (NIV) "Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the Lord, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes."

I have a place to stay now--a monthly hotel. I thank God I do not have to be homeless for the near future. But I am still suffering under the hand of God's anger and/or judgment. I wake up sick in the morning. There is a strong demonic presence in my forehead and also the demon is behind my eyes. It seems to be a demon of sadness if you can believe such a thing. There are demons whose purpose is to make people sad. The worst part is that it may have been sent by the Lord Himself. I have physical sickness. The Lord has cast me down. I might be able to work a part-time job, but that is it for now. I wonder when/if this will ever end. I think back to good times--even wonderful times of fellowship. Has the Lord cursed me? Is the Lord still working something for the good in my life? Is the Lord angry and just punishing me? I wish I knew the answers to these questions. I just don't think I'm going to go to hell. That's the one thing the Lord has confirmed to me many times and even recently.

Thanks for listening.