I don't need to talk to anyone, especially not here. lol And why would I talk to you about any of my personal life? You'd just call me paranoid or crazy. The only reason I share the things I have is for the benefit of other survivors of SRA/MK who need to know they are not alone and there is hope in God.Bogeymen under the bed, in the closet, around the corner, wherever ya go including Church. Sounds like a paranoia you need to keep to yourself. We have talked before, considering what you have been through...what that has done to you...no surprise...no sin, but you do not want it hurting others. There are those that are susceptible to Bogeyman stories and conspiracy theories and witch-hunts. You do not need to fan the fire. Consider your own ingrained negativity and paranoia when you respond.
On the other hand and very important, if you want to talk to someone about your issues...this is the forum for that and I am sure you will find a sympathetic ear of which I am one. But there is no way to "fix" the past, only dealing with the now and moving forward. You have been wronged but even if you could avenge yourself it still would not fix the past.
I will not take on your labels of me, nor the guilt trips. My identity is in Christ. (In HIM, I live and move and have my being.)
All over scripture, there are examples of God's ability to heal us of past wounds. I have walked through healing with the Lord and I'm not crippled by fear.