Dee is my Jack Russell. He doesn't talk much but he knows a few things.
Me: Dee what do you bark at night after night?
Dee; oh things. You know, those things. (scratches vigorously behind his ear with right rear paw )
Me; what things? What kind of things? I'd really like to know.
Dee; well, just things. I don't know what you call them. Different things. Those things with hard skin that dig. I can't get my teeth in them so I pretty much ignore them. I did bite part of one's tail off one night. I bet that gave him something to think about hahahaha! And those things that are like dogs only smell and act different. There's usually several so I try and keep back. I call them bad names from a distance. They don't like it much hahaha! They throw their head back and squeal. I don't trust them in my territory.
Me; Coyotes I think you mean.
Dee; whatever. I just stay back. I think they would not be friendly up close. They're greedier even than Teddy.
Me: anything else?
Dee; oh yeah all kinds of stuff. Some things, the white ones with a bare tail I can pretty well kick their butt. But the other ones, the ones with stripey tails they're worse. I can chew up the smaller ones but the big ones will bite the heck out of me so I watch them. They'll work you over. This is my territory and they are not welcome. Then there are some small stuff With tails. Some little ones, some bigger and some little striped ones. They'll eat my food if I don't snap at them.
Me; what about food? Am I feeding you OK? Are you hungry?
Dee; so so. I like it when you bring meat and bones but that other stuff out of a sack. I could do without that. Just give me some meat that's best. You don't have a nice bone on you do you? (looking up at me)
Me; what about Teddy? (Teddy is a Jack-Rat cross, Dee's son)do ya'll get along? I knew they had issues but wanted to ask.
Dee; well he's a greedy little varmint. He comes and grabs a mouthful of my food whenever he can. I've never seen a dog move so quick with his mouth open like that. His top and bottom jaws make a straight vertical line when he grabs at my food. The little varmint. I have to keep him chewed back or he'd eat mine and his too. Just a greedy little varmint. Hes my son but he eats like one of those night dog coyote things. Greedy gut. Just a little greedy gut! (Teddy gets up and eases off as Dee gives him a squinted stare)
Sometimes I'd like to see those night dogs get him. Leave my food so I can eat in peace. I bite the crap out of him now and then and he gets his manners back. But he's always sneaking around trying to eat my food. If I laid down long enough he'd eat me.
Me; do you have any complaints? Besides Teddy I mean.
Dee; well, besides Teddy I wish you'd take me hunting more. I like to chase those little things that run up trees! I like to see them go up when I bark. Then you take that thing that makes a noise and they fall down. I like to eat the parts you throw away. Except that tail. I nearly choked on one of those once. They're pretty hard to swallow. But they're good.
Me; what other critters are out there?
Dee; well, the big ones. Great big brown ones. I bark and they scatter pretty easy. They come at night too. Then there's the others.
Me: what others?
Dee; look, I don't know the names of all this stuff. But I know cats, the small ones. I've seen some big ones but they'll run off when I bark. Big ones and little ones smell about the same. I hear some things in the woods but don't know what they are so I just sit and bark. Sometimes you'll come and put me on a chain when I'm trying to run something off. This is MY territory after all! Why do you chain me up? I have to keep my place. This is My place!
Me: look Dee, I have to sleep and I can't sleep when you bark all night! I appreciate you keeping things ran off but sometimes you just don't know when to shut up! I wake up and the bags under my eyes look like hickory nuts because I got no sleep!
Dee; (shrugging) well, sleep days like I do. I bark awhile and sleep awhile and if he looks like he needs it I go over and whip Teddy's butt. (glances over at Teddy) Sometimes I whip him even if he looks OK! Hahahahaha. I'll chew him especially near feeding time. I wish I'd have chewed him more often. He'd know who was top dog around this place! Little varmint! (turns his head and looks at Teddy like Pharoah looked at Moses and issues a low growl )
Me; well it looks like you're doing OK. Can I do anything for you? All Teddy cares about is food. He's a big gut with four legs. Do you need anything?
Dee; well I could do with a new dog house. One just big enough for me.
Me; we'll see. You may be right. I don't get to talk to you often. You're a good dog and I love you. You're doing a good job pretty much except for one more thing. Besides the all night barking I mean.
Dee; oh yeah, what's that? (Dee bites at some annoyance on his side)
Me; well, every time we drive in you head over to my tires and hike your leg and wet them down. That annoys me. At least you could wait until I go inside. And anyone that drives up you do the same thing. The other day you didn't even go for the delivery guy's tires. You just cut loose right into his grill! I saw you but you were behind him so he didn't see you. He would maybe not have appreciated it. I don't know. I don't think he wants you watering his car.
Dee; Oh that guy, I like him, he brings snacks and scratches me on the head. That thing he rides in smells interesting. It has a lot of good smells. If it smells good I like to salute it and give it a shot or two. Sometimes everything smells so good I don't have enough for I all. But I try.
Me; yeah he carries snacks for dogs on his route. If he didn't bribe them some would bite him on the legs. You're good natured Dee and as far as I know have never tried to bite any human. You're good natured. (petting him on the head)
Dee; thanks. (looking over at Teddy as he answered)
Me; well it's been good to visit with you. There's a full moon tonight so please please don't bark all night! It keeps me awake! I have to get some rest. If you want to stay off the chain then stop barking all night!
Dee; well I'll try not to but this is when things come out and those other things come out. Well sometimes on moon nights they do. I can't be quiet with all this night stuff sneaking around. It ain't right! I hear a hundred things and get fifty scents and you expect me to just lay there?
Me; what other things?
Dee; the big black hairy ones. You know, things.
Me; oh, the ones that run on all four feet. I've seen those and Mike saw one down by the pond a few years ago. We call them bears. They'll kill you if they get a chance. You better be careful boy. Martha and Laura saw a big one run across the highway way not a mile from here.
Dee; no no not those ones. I've seen those and smell them sometimes but these are the other hairy ones. They walk on their two hind legs like you do but they're bigger. Their smell makes my fur stick straight out! They smell louder than those black and white cats that come around pointing their hind end at me. I was hunting around one night and saw one pulling the stuff out of our neighbors trash bin.
He looked over and saw me then just went back looking through the trash when he saw I couldn't hurt him. I just stood there and barked. The lights in the house came on after awhile and he ran off. The man came out and started yelling when he saw me and all the trash. I didn't even get a chance to look for bones and had to run off when he started throwing stuff. I'm glad that wood chunk missed me! He was yelling and throwing stuff. He thought I pulled all that trash out but I didn't. It was that thing that comes sometimes. You know. A thing.
Me; I think you're mistaken boy. There's nothing like that around here. Just a few of those black four legged runners.
Dee; whatever, but we'll, I know what I saw. I stay back from them. They act mean.
Me; really? What about those tree varmints you said were up there and I never found any?
Dee; they were there I tell you. They jumped over to another tree before you came to find them. I don't lie to you! They wuz there! I pride myself on telling the truth. When I look up a tree and nod my head to come on you can trust me.
Me; whatever. You're a good squirrel dog though. We'll go get some soon. I'm going now. When you can go chew on Teddy some for me . Every time I see him he thinks it's time to eat. He's the most gluttonous dog I ever had. He starts whimpering and breathing hard if he thinks food is around. You can go bite him for me if you want to.
Dee; he's the most what?
Me; Gluttonous. Gluttonous. I it means that he eats too much and is greedy. He's always as fat as lard and I've seen him run up and choke down a big mouthful of your food and run off before you can get him.
Dee; you're telling me? (making a low growl and cutting his eyes over to Teddy who is lying on his back in the tall grass and sunshine.)
Our little visit was over and so I left then. As I walked away Dee was walking over toward Teddy. His tail was up and his back hair was sticking up. I think it was time for Fat little Teddy to get another etiquette lesson about eating from his father's bowl uninvited. There was some growling and a few doggie yells as I went back inside.
Have a talk with your dogs. It'll do you both good and you'll be surprised at what you can learn.
PS; We'd talk to Teddy but all he ever says is when do we eat (with his eyes.)
Me: Dee what do you bark at night after night?
Dee; oh things. You know, those things. (scratches vigorously behind his ear with right rear paw )
Me; what things? What kind of things? I'd really like to know.
Dee; well, just things. I don't know what you call them. Different things. Those things with hard skin that dig. I can't get my teeth in them so I pretty much ignore them. I did bite part of one's tail off one night. I bet that gave him something to think about hahahaha! And those things that are like dogs only smell and act different. There's usually several so I try and keep back. I call them bad names from a distance. They don't like it much hahaha! They throw their head back and squeal. I don't trust them in my territory.
Me; Coyotes I think you mean.
Dee; whatever. I just stay back. I think they would not be friendly up close. They're greedier even than Teddy.
Me: anything else?
Dee; oh yeah all kinds of stuff. Some things, the white ones with a bare tail I can pretty well kick their butt. But the other ones, the ones with stripey tails they're worse. I can chew up the smaller ones but the big ones will bite the heck out of me so I watch them. They'll work you over. This is my territory and they are not welcome. Then there are some small stuff With tails. Some little ones, some bigger and some little striped ones. They'll eat my food if I don't snap at them.
Me; what about food? Am I feeding you OK? Are you hungry?
Dee; so so. I like it when you bring meat and bones but that other stuff out of a sack. I could do without that. Just give me some meat that's best. You don't have a nice bone on you do you? (looking up at me)
Me; what about Teddy? (Teddy is a Jack-Rat cross, Dee's son)do ya'll get along? I knew they had issues but wanted to ask.
Dee; well he's a greedy little varmint. He comes and grabs a mouthful of my food whenever he can. I've never seen a dog move so quick with his mouth open like that. His top and bottom jaws make a straight vertical line when he grabs at my food. The little varmint. I have to keep him chewed back or he'd eat mine and his too. Just a greedy little varmint. Hes my son but he eats like one of those night dog coyote things. Greedy gut. Just a little greedy gut! (Teddy gets up and eases off as Dee gives him a squinted stare)
Sometimes I'd like to see those night dogs get him. Leave my food so I can eat in peace. I bite the crap out of him now and then and he gets his manners back. But he's always sneaking around trying to eat my food. If I laid down long enough he'd eat me.
Me; do you have any complaints? Besides Teddy I mean.
Dee; well, besides Teddy I wish you'd take me hunting more. I like to chase those little things that run up trees! I like to see them go up when I bark. Then you take that thing that makes a noise and they fall down. I like to eat the parts you throw away. Except that tail. I nearly choked on one of those once. They're pretty hard to swallow. But they're good.
Me; what other critters are out there?
Dee; well, the big ones. Great big brown ones. I bark and they scatter pretty easy. They come at night too. Then there's the others.
Me: what others?
Dee; look, I don't know the names of all this stuff. But I know cats, the small ones. I've seen some big ones but they'll run off when I bark. Big ones and little ones smell about the same. I hear some things in the woods but don't know what they are so I just sit and bark. Sometimes you'll come and put me on a chain when I'm trying to run something off. This is MY territory after all! Why do you chain me up? I have to keep my place. This is My place!
Me: look Dee, I have to sleep and I can't sleep when you bark all night! I appreciate you keeping things ran off but sometimes you just don't know when to shut up! I wake up and the bags under my eyes look like hickory nuts because I got no sleep!
Dee; (shrugging) well, sleep days like I do. I bark awhile and sleep awhile and if he looks like he needs it I go over and whip Teddy's butt. (glances over at Teddy) Sometimes I whip him even if he looks OK! Hahahahaha. I'll chew him especially near feeding time. I wish I'd have chewed him more often. He'd know who was top dog around this place! Little varmint! (turns his head and looks at Teddy like Pharoah looked at Moses and issues a low growl )
Me; well it looks like you're doing OK. Can I do anything for you? All Teddy cares about is food. He's a big gut with four legs. Do you need anything?
Dee; well I could do with a new dog house. One just big enough for me.
Me; we'll see. You may be right. I don't get to talk to you often. You're a good dog and I love you. You're doing a good job pretty much except for one more thing. Besides the all night barking I mean.
Dee; oh yeah, what's that? (Dee bites at some annoyance on his side)
Me; well, every time we drive in you head over to my tires and hike your leg and wet them down. That annoys me. At least you could wait until I go inside. And anyone that drives up you do the same thing. The other day you didn't even go for the delivery guy's tires. You just cut loose right into his grill! I saw you but you were behind him so he didn't see you. He would maybe not have appreciated it. I don't know. I don't think he wants you watering his car.
Dee; Oh that guy, I like him, he brings snacks and scratches me on the head. That thing he rides in smells interesting. It has a lot of good smells. If it smells good I like to salute it and give it a shot or two. Sometimes everything smells so good I don't have enough for I all. But I try.
Me; yeah he carries snacks for dogs on his route. If he didn't bribe them some would bite him on the legs. You're good natured Dee and as far as I know have never tried to bite any human. You're good natured. (petting him on the head)
Dee; thanks. (looking over at Teddy as he answered)
Me; well it's been good to visit with you. There's a full moon tonight so please please don't bark all night! It keeps me awake! I have to get some rest. If you want to stay off the chain then stop barking all night!
Dee; well I'll try not to but this is when things come out and those other things come out. Well sometimes on moon nights they do. I can't be quiet with all this night stuff sneaking around. It ain't right! I hear a hundred things and get fifty scents and you expect me to just lay there?
Me; what other things?
Dee; the big black hairy ones. You know, things.
Me; oh, the ones that run on all four feet. I've seen those and Mike saw one down by the pond a few years ago. We call them bears. They'll kill you if they get a chance. You better be careful boy. Martha and Laura saw a big one run across the highway way not a mile from here.
Dee; no no not those ones. I've seen those and smell them sometimes but these are the other hairy ones. They walk on their two hind legs like you do but they're bigger. Their smell makes my fur stick straight out! They smell louder than those black and white cats that come around pointing their hind end at me. I was hunting around one night and saw one pulling the stuff out of our neighbors trash bin.
He looked over and saw me then just went back looking through the trash when he saw I couldn't hurt him. I just stood there and barked. The lights in the house came on after awhile and he ran off. The man came out and started yelling when he saw me and all the trash. I didn't even get a chance to look for bones and had to run off when he started throwing stuff. I'm glad that wood chunk missed me! He was yelling and throwing stuff. He thought I pulled all that trash out but I didn't. It was that thing that comes sometimes. You know. A thing.
Me; I think you're mistaken boy. There's nothing like that around here. Just a few of those black four legged runners.
Dee; whatever, but we'll, I know what I saw. I stay back from them. They act mean.
Me; really? What about those tree varmints you said were up there and I never found any?
Dee; they were there I tell you. They jumped over to another tree before you came to find them. I don't lie to you! They wuz there! I pride myself on telling the truth. When I look up a tree and nod my head to come on you can trust me.
Me; whatever. You're a good squirrel dog though. We'll go get some soon. I'm going now. When you can go chew on Teddy some for me . Every time I see him he thinks it's time to eat. He's the most gluttonous dog I ever had. He starts whimpering and breathing hard if he thinks food is around. You can go bite him for me if you want to.
Dee; he's the most what?
Me; Gluttonous. Gluttonous. I it means that he eats too much and is greedy. He's always as fat as lard and I've seen him run up and choke down a big mouthful of your food and run off before you can get him.
Dee; you're telling me? (making a low growl and cutting his eyes over to Teddy who is lying on his back in the tall grass and sunshine.)
Our little visit was over and so I left then. As I walked away Dee was walking over toward Teddy. His tail was up and his back hair was sticking up. I think it was time for Fat little Teddy to get another etiquette lesson about eating from his father's bowl uninvited. There was some growling and a few doggie yells as I went back inside.
Have a talk with your dogs. It'll do you both good and you'll be surprised at what you can learn.
PS; We'd talk to Teddy but all he ever says is when do we eat (with his eyes.)
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