Abuse Is Not A Reason For Divorce

  • Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.

    You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Dec 28, 2020
72
27
8
45
Edmonton
Faith
Christian
Country
Canada
Abuse-is-not-a-reason-for-divorce.jpg



In no way, shape or form is this post condoning a husband abusing his wife. Violence in any form, is against the word of God! ⁠

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.⁠

However, Jesus’ instructions to ‘turn the other cheek’, applies to both men and women, husbands and wives.⁠

Matthew 5:38-39 - “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.⁠

A husband who does not obey the word of God, is not a reason for a wife to rebel against her husband. ⁠

1 Peter 3:1-6 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, ⁠

Suffering as a servant of Christ is mandated for every believer - men and women, husbands and wives. ⁠

1 Peter 2:19-20 - 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.⁠

We must follow Christ’s example:⁠

1 John 2:6 - Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.⁠

Yet somehow, today’s Christian society has made women and wives exempt from following the teachings of Jesus. We must not align ourselves with the cultural and traditional norms of today’s society over the Bible’s teachings. The bible does not allow a wife to separate/divorce her husband for any reason, even if she is being abused.⁠

1 Corinthians 7:10 - To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ⁠
 

April_Rose

Well-Known Member
Sep 15, 2020
8,520
7,824
113
34
Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
No offense or anything but this is just a bunch of crap. I can guarantee you that God doesn't want us to stay in abusive relationships.
 

Truman

Well-Known Member
Jul 31, 2020
7,931
8,739
113
Brantford
Faith
Christian
Country
Canada
No offense or anything but this is just a bunch of crap. I can guarantee you that God doesn't want us to stay in abusive relationships.
I saw you responded and ran to see it. Feeling rather subdued today, are you? Lol
Well, I guess that if he abused her hard enough, divorce wouldn't be a concern now, would it? :mad::eek::confused::( - desired response, Mr. Plumb.
 
  • Like
Reactions: April_Rose

April_Rose

Well-Known Member
Sep 15, 2020
8,520
7,824
113
34
Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I saw you responded and ran to see it. Feeling rather subdued today, are you? Lol
Well, I guess that if he abused her hard enough, divorce wouldn't be a concern now, would it? :mad::eek::confused::( - desired response, Mr. Plumb.




Exactly. People get killed that way. Both spouses and children. It's all very sad when they don't speak up and don't feel like they have a way out. :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jane_Doe22

Rita

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Dec 20, 2020
3,240
5,861
113
65
South
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
I wish I had kept notes on a sermon I heard years ago on the verses mentioned in the OP, it revealed that culturally it didn’t mean what we interpret it to mean when we read it. I am divorced, I never got the condemnation of others because it was due to affairs, and sadly my ex husband died of cancer in 2019.
It’s so easy for others to say ‘ you should remain in your marriage come what may ‘ quite another to walk in the shoes of an abused husband or wife and just think you have no choice and must take it because other people, who are not walking through an abusive relationship, think it is that simple.
I was part of a divorce recovery ministry team, women who’s lives were broken by abusive partners, totally destroyed because they couldn’t take it anymore........
Thankfully The Lord restored them in time.....Thank goodness for His love, compassion , understanding and forgiveness. Rita
 

April_Rose

Well-Known Member
Sep 15, 2020
8,520
7,824
113
34
Ohio
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I think that the reason that Jesus didn't mention abuse as being a reason for divorce is that He just expected us to have common sense. Amazing isn't it?
 
  • Like
Reactions: GodsBeloved11

JohnDB

Well-Known Member
Feb 7, 2010
4,216
2,739
113
TN
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I am wondering if he remembers the old testament law concerning husbands who abuse their wives...They are only warned once. Then if they do not listen to the warning (whipping) then he gets to be stoned...because obviously the warnings don't work. He is correct that there wasn't any need to divorce a husband who is dead...dead is dead and you aren't married any longer to him. You are free to get a new husband.

And in Malachi...when God is so often quoted as "I hate divorce"...they miss the larger message that God hates abuse more than divorce. And abuse or abuse by neglect is the same as repeatedly beating your wife...which carries the death sentence. So....divorcing an abusive spouse is showing them extreme mercy and grace...all within the bounds of the New Covenant.
 
  • Like
Reactions: April_Rose

Grailhunter

Well-Known Member
Jun 19, 2019
10,904
5,239
113
66
FARMINGTON
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
I have shocking news for some. Some out there should have noticed this!

The conversation that Christ has about divorce is in a very narrow context.

Like a lot of times in the Gospels Christ (a Jew) is talking about Judaism with Jews. They are talking about the Mosaic Law. We do not know if the Jews He was talking to had multiple wives. It was a matter of practice with the Jews that as their wives aged or got disagreeable or less serving, the Jewish men would divorce them and take on younger wives. The wives would be cast out without property and without their children. This was a very cruel practice because in a Jewish community it most certainly meant poverty or even death, because most Jewish men would not marry a divorced woman and marrying a Pagan was against the Mosaic Law.

When He told them they could not marry after they divorced their wives, even His own Apostles objected. And this meant if a man had five wives and He divorced one of them he could not marry again. But it did not mean He had to divorce his other four wives, that would have just perpetuated the cruelty. The Jews practiced polygamy for a thousand years after the biblical era.

Yeshua was out to stop this practice, even to the point of saying Moses wrote some of the Mosaic Laws...ie also when he talked about the Mosaic Law concerning an eye for an eye.

Christians did not have a requirement for a wedding ceremony and if you look where Paul is talking about couples separating from each other....it is just that. No letter of divorcement. Of course He favored reconciliation but did not mention divorce...in fact after the Gospels the topic of divorce does not come up. Christians did not develop a process for divorce...it was civil law that developed a divorce process.

There were things that Christ and the Apostles were not going to tackle in this time period. Addressing women's rights and slavery was something that would have distracted and hindered their mission in preparation for Christ's quick return. These were topics that would have to be addressed later.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Rita

Emily Nghiem

Active Member
Jun 16, 2021
297
105
43
57
Houston
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Dear @Amos Ministries @Rita
The best explanation I was given
on women and husbands submitting
one to another in Christ
was that Men were called to be the Head
of the family to reflect Jesus as Lord
being the Husband protecting the Bride
or the people of the church embracing Christ.

For the man to have authority, he must
submit to Jesus Christ Authority.

Thus, the man acting as the head or husband
would not ever have authority or justification
for abusing his wife.

Like Jesus, he would be willing to lay down his life for his bride.

If he does not submit to God through Christ,
then no, the wife is not required to obey
him but rebuke him to follow God if he errs.

The couple should pray and seek
to govern their marriage under Lord Jesus
similar to people of the church
praying to keep this covenant.

No abuse would occur where couples
resolve any issues or conflicts through
Christian prayer and counseling.

Any chronic problems or ills would
or should be identified, corrected and healed.

So if either partner has sickness, the other makes sure they receive help to address it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TLHKAJ

Rita

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Dec 20, 2020
3,240
5,861
113
65
South
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
Dear @Amos Ministries @Rita
The best explanation I was given
on women and husbands submitting
one to another in Christ
was that Men were called to be the Head
of the family to reflect Jesus as Lord
being the Husband protecting the Bride
or the people of the church embracing Christ.

For the man to have authority, he must
submit to Jesus Christ Authority.

Thus, the man acting as the head or husband
would not ever have authority or justification
for abusing his wife.

Like Jesus, he would be willing to lay down his life for his bride.

If he does not submit to God through Christ,
then no, the wife is not required to obey
him but rebuke him to follow God if he errs.

The couple should pray and seek
to govern their marriage under Lord Jesus
similar to people of the church
praying to keep this covenant.

No abuse would occur where couples
resolve any issues or conflicts through
Christian prayer and counseling.

Any chronic problems or ills would
or should be identified, corrected and healed.

So if either partner has sickness, the other makes sure they receive help to address it.
Yes, I agree …my ex husband was not a Christian as I came to faith three years into the marriage. I was not intentional yoke with a non believer but i can relate to the biblical advice about not being yoke to one. You are just not on the same page and can never have complete unity. However without my faith I would not have survived 27years of marriage xx
The interesting thing within the divorce recovery group, many of the husbands that were abusive or obsessed with porn were in leadership roles within their churches in the US ( the group was based in the US ) when the marriages ended it was the wives who were rejected and frowned upon and most of the men carried on in their roles. What they were doing remained I dealt with, ignored and pushed under the carpet, while the women were dealt with and discarded.
Rita
 
  • Like
Reactions: Emily Nghiem

Emily Nghiem

Active Member
Jun 16, 2021
297
105
43
57
Houston
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Yes, I agree …my ex husband was not a Christian as I came to faith three years into the marriage. I was not intentional yoke with a non believer but i can relate to the biblical advice about not being yoke to one. You are just not on the same page and can never have complete unity. However without my faith I would not have survived 27years of marriage xx
The interesting thing within the divorce recovery group, many of the husbands that were abusive or obsessed with porn were in leadership roles within their churches in the US ( the group was based in the US ) when the marriages ended it was the wives who were rejected and frowned upon and most of the men carried on in their roles. What they were doing remained I dealt with, ignored and pushed under the carpet, while the women were dealt with and discarded.
Rita
So sorry to hear this @Rita
But grateful your faith in God's grace pulled you through

As for corruption and abuse by church and state leaders, I believe there is an accumulation of generational sins, and eventually the process leads to a break in the cycle. Like the 5 stages of grief or 12 step recovery: at some point the denial stops, the truth and anger comes out, and then we go through "group therapy" to work out the causes of pain and suffering, forgive and make peace, agreeing to solve problems together. While tending to the wounded and investing restitution for wrongs into prevention to create a better future without abuse violence and crime.
I trust the same people and institutions that enabled abuses will be used by God to implement corrections.

Justice will come, where the meek and persecuted will be blessed.

The bigger the debts and injuries
that are suffered endured but forgiven
the greater the blessings to those who are
owed justice.

The more we forgive, the more we receive.

I pray that God richly bless you, uplift you,
and grant you all the support and strength
you need to fulfill the greater plans and purpose God has for you.

Thank you, Rita
Yours in Christ,
Emily
 

Curtis

Well-Known Member
Apr 6, 2021
3,275
1,575
113
70
KC
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Abuse-is-not-a-reason-for-divorce.jpg



In no way, shape or form is this post condoning a husband abusing his wife. Violence in any form, is against the word of God! ⁠

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.⁠

However, Jesus’ instructions to ‘turn the other cheek’, applies to both men and women, husbands and wives.⁠

Matthew 5:38-39 - “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.⁠

A husband who does not obey the word of God, is not a reason for a wife to rebel against her husband. ⁠

1 Peter 3:1-6 - Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, ⁠

Suffering as a servant of Christ is mandated for every believer - men and women, husbands and wives. ⁠

1 Peter 2:19-20 - 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.⁠

We must follow Christ’s example:⁠

1 John 2:6 - Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.⁠

Yet somehow, today’s Christian society has made women and wives exempt from following the teachings of Jesus. We must not align ourselves with the cultural and traditional norms of today’s society over the Bible’s teachings. The bible does not allow a wife to separate/divorce her husband for any reason, even if she is being abused.⁠

1 Corinthians 7:10 - To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ⁠

I agree with Pat Robertson about constructive desertion. Scripture says if a non Christian spouse is pleased to remain with the Christian spouse, they must remain married BUT if a non Christian spouse wants to leave, let them depart, the Christian spouse is no longer bound.

Thus if a non Christian spouse beats or emotionally abused their spouse to where they can’t stand it, it’s the same in essence as a non Christian spouse leaving the marriage and the Christian spouse is not bound.

BTW you left off the rest of the passage that’s on that topic:

1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: TLHKAJ

Curtis

Well-Known Member
Apr 6, 2021
3,275
1,575
113
70
KC
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
And in Malachi...when God is so often quoted as "I hate divorce"...they miss the larger message that God hates abuse more than divorce. And abuse or abuse by neglect is the same as repeatedly beating your wife...which carries the death sentence. So....divorcing an abusive spouse is showing them extreme mercy and grace...all within the bounds of the New Covenant.

And they don’t mention that though God hates divorce, He divorced His elect bride Israel, for spiritual adultery.

Jeremiah 3:8.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Stan B and TLHKAJ

Desire Of All Nations

Well-Known Member
Jun 23, 2021
782
440
63
Troy
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
Spousal abuse certainly isn't biblical grounds for a divorce, but i also have to disagree with the premise that there are no biblical grounds for the victim being able to separate themselves from their abuser under any circumstances: "But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife"(1 Cor. 7:11).
 

TLHKAJ

Well-Known Member
Sep 12, 2020
6,828
8,305
113
US
Faith
Christian
Country
United States
It also depends on the type of abuse she is being subjected to. For instance, what if she is being prostituted against her will? What if she is being forced to take part in things that is against God's Word such as satanic worship which often involves deviant sexual practices and human sacrifice?
 

GodsBeloved11

Active Member
Sep 15, 2021
149
140
43
Bristol
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
It also depends on the type of abuse she is being subjected to. For instance, what if she is being prostituted against her will? What if she is being forced to take part in things that is against God's Word such as satanic worship which often involves deviant sexual practices and human sacrifice?

God doesn't want us suffering any kind of abuse in a marriage. It's all wrong.


I guess one could leave and not divorce legally. Leave, hide out, go somewhere ex partner can't find you.


If there are children in there not grown yet they need taking out of that situation
 

GodsBeloved11

Active Member
Sep 15, 2021
149
140
43
Bristol
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
If I were a pastor or therapist or counsellor I would be advising the abused spouse and children to leave and be safe. Even if it means moving far away and changing identity.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TLHKAJ

Truman

Well-Known Member
Jul 31, 2020
7,931
8,739
113
Brantford
Faith
Christian
Country
Canada
A man physically abusing his wife is reason for the guys to take him out back and teach him some manners, in my way of thinking.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TLHKAJ

GodsBeloved11

Active Member
Sep 15, 2021
149
140
43
Bristol
Faith
Christian
Country
United Kingdom
I wish I had kept notes on a sermon I heard years ago on the verses mentioned in the OP, it revealed that culturally it didn’t mean what we interpret it to mean when we read it. I am divorced, I never got the condemnation of others because it was due to affairs, and sadly my ex husband died of cancer in 2019.
It’s so easy for others to say ‘ you should remain in your marriage come what may ‘ quite another to walk in the shoes of an abused husband or wife and just think you have no choice and must take it because other people, who are not walking through an abusive relationship, think it is that simple.
I was part of a divorce recovery ministry team, women who’s lives were broken by abusive partners, totally destroyed because they couldn’t take it anymore........
Thankfully The Lord restored them in time.....Thank goodness for His love, compassion , understanding and forgiveness. Rita


I was a child from a marriage like that except both the parents were believers . It almost destroyed me with CPTSD and caused me to hate anything to do with God for a long long time ... Even two decades after coming back to God and being born again I had a huge amount of unlearning to do. I forgive but the damage to the brain from the trauma has taken a long time to unwind...

...I have to got to know the real Jesus now and have got to a place where I don't imagine he could condone what we (mum, sibling, me) endured. He used it for good in the end not evil and am thankful He is changing my dad now. But I don't think I would put any child through similar.

The worst effect is that I still feel unable to trust and love God as I ought. I have harmed my body through addiction and self harm from an early age and may die young . I feel a lot of shame and fear and I have a hard time believing God approves of me. There were other experiences in life that didn't help (sexual abuse, bullying, rejection) but there seems to have been a huge void in me since my earliest years .
 
  • Like
Reactions: TLHKAJ