My husband has had multiple affairs with multiple married women. I left him and have an appointment with lawyer for divorce. He does not want a divorce and insists that I am going against God. He also denies the affairs. All of which I have proof of. It’s a case of serial lies, manipulation and adultery along with mental, emotional and spiritual abuse. He has claimed to be a righteous man of God since day one. He says I can not biblically justify the divorce. My question to anyone who can give me a biblically based answer based on the information I gave you is “Does God rather us remain married to a spouse that has had affairs and continues to have affairs with no confession, accountability and that continuously lies and manipulates using the word of God?
Adultery and Divorce
- Thread starter PerfectlyImperfect
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Michiah-Imla
Well-Known Member
“And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.” (Mark 10:11-12)
“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)
Just don’t remarry…
“But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” (1 Timothy 5:11-13)
“But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)
Just don’t remarry…
“But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.” (1 Timothy 5:11-13)
Rockerduck
Well-Known Member
Matthew 19:26 - But with God, all things are possible.
When the Holy Spirit tells me a passage, its always from Psalms and Proverbs. I struggled with the Apostle Paul's views on divorce, But God had a plan for my life. God can separate an unequally yoked marriage. Jesus even said fornication is a grounds for divorce.
Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife(or husband), except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
That's a big exception. Yes sexual immorality is grounds for divorce.
When the Holy Spirit tells me a passage, its always from Psalms and Proverbs. I struggled with the Apostle Paul's views on divorce, But God had a plan for my life. God can separate an unequally yoked marriage. Jesus even said fornication is a grounds for divorce.
Matthew 19:9 - And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife(or husband), except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”
That's a big exception. Yes sexual immorality is grounds for divorce.
Patrick1966
Well-Known Member
The problem with divorce for many couples is losing HALF of their time with their children. That part is the worst.
Patrick1966
Well-Known Member
Dropship
Well-Known Member
Food for thought- Men and women get married because they adore and love each other, but what if one of them changes into a nasty person in the months and years afterwards?
Would that justify the other one divorcing them on the grounds that they've become a completely different person since the marriage took place and are no longer the person they married?
Would that justify the other one divorcing them on the grounds that they've become a completely different person since the marriage took place and are no longer the person they married?
Rockerduck
Well-Known Member
If one follows Lust of the flesh, one of the 7 deadly sins, a Christian should run from this relationship. It is satanic. Remember, Satan appears as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14 - And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. I've met preachers in the pulpit that were not Christians. There are many non Christians in church's that walk and talk like a Christian. You've all heard it, someone lost faith.
In allowing yourself to be manipulated you’re manipulating your unconditional self.
Using “the word of God” is the lying & manipulating.
It’s just so common for you that you’ve forgotten & don’t even notice yourself.
Using “the word of God” is the lying & manipulating.
It’s just so common for you that you’ve forgotten & don’t even notice yourself.
Behold
Well-Known Member
Im going to respond to you based on what you have told us, as it its the truth., And that you have been faithful to your husband.
Are you a born again Christian?
If you are not, then you are under ZERO obligation to listen to this "christian" guilt trip you.
If you are a born again believer, not just a church member, water baptized...but a REAL born again Christian, then your husband broke his vow, and your marriage, upon the date of his first fornication.
You now have the control. Its up to you, as you are not obligated to remain in this situation, as it is no longer a marriage.
Do you have kids?
Then if that is so, you have incentive to try to get marriage counseling to get this backslidden fool some help.
The issue with going to a church or pastor, is that you might end up with an idiot, who doesn't know anything about biblical marriage and remarriage, and is a typical legalistic pretender who will try to brow beat you into staying in this situation, exactly as your husband is trying to do it to you.
You'll find these same types on forums like this one, that would have you believe that no matter what, you have to stay in such a situation.
A.) you do not.
You are not obligated to stay married to a physical abuser or a serial fornicator.
He has broken the vow and the marriage, apparently many times.
This is not the same thing as a "one time mistake', that is forgiven and the man or the woman, will be faithful.
Once it hits #2, then that's the end, as you have a fornicating liar as a mate., and the marriage is broken
Its broken.
So. Do, you want to still try to make it work, and give him another try? Then that is up to you and thats fine.
But you are allowed out of what he has broken, and you may remarry, with one condition....
IF you are born again, a real christian, you may not marry an unbeliever.
NEVER.
I hope all works out for you., as you are in a tragic and hurtful situation.
ScottA
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- Feb 24, 2011
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This passage actually goes on to say "marry" again.
14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 15 For some have already turned aside after Satan. 16 If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, that it may relieve those who are really widows.
@PerfectlyImperfect a person as you have described your husband to be is as dead before God, only making divorce a legal formality, after which you are indeed encouraged to remarry.
Jim B
Well-Known Member
This discussion is not a place for this kind of "humor". Do you really think this woman's predicament is funny???
Jim B
Well-Known Member
In Genesis 2:22-24, it says "Then the Lord God made a woman from the part he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This one at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
this one will be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and unites with his wife, and they become one family."
I have always thought this to be one of the great statements in the Bible. It clearly shows the beautiful way that a Godly man relates to the woman given to him by the Lord. He sees no spiritual separation between himself and his female partner.
Your husband has clearly behaved in the most despicable manner, cheating on you more than once. There is no doubt in my mind that, no matter how difficult it may be for you, you must divorce him and live the rest of your life as God intended for you to live. He has betrayed your love!
You are correct to have left him and made an appointment with lawyer for divorce. Of course he does not want a divorce and insists that you are going against God, but he is clearly the one who is going against God. Again, read the above Scripture to see how he (and every man) should regard his wife. His serial lies, manipulation and adultery, along with his mental, emotional and spiritual abuse of you, are something nobody should have to tolerate.
It's time to begin a new life, the one God intends you to have, filled with love, joy, and peace.
Why divorce? Just leave. Remarry? I don't see remarrying as being ok in the NT if both are still living.
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I did leave with the clothes on my back. He wouldn’t allow me to get anything of mine for nearly 4 months. After that I was able to get some things. I’ve had to live from bed post to bed post. A divorce allows me to get everything I need to live like any other human does. I’m dealing with a very mean man. As far as remarrying…I haven’t even thought about another relationship much less marriage.
Hi , so sorry you are going through this xxxx
I am divorced and it was as a result of my ex having multiple affairs. My journeys through divorce was painful despite there being no court battle or financial ones to fight. It’s a grief that opens up so much, but I figure you are already on that journey because of the betrayals ect.
The Lord helped me through it all x
I am 14 years down the line and at peace with my past. I remained friends with my ex until his death two Years ago, the only thing I chose to do was to handle the divorce Gods way. I didn’t seek revenge, left the lines of communication open with my ex and was civil with him. I dealt with my emotions when I was alone with the Lord,and I journaled a lot xx ( That was laid on my heart to do, so for me it was the right way forward. Everyone’s circumstances are different xx)
I had a Christian friend who conveyed to me one day ‘ I don’t know how you could live with yourself, I could never divorce my husband ‘ ..that comment pierce my heart because she had no idea of the pain I was feeling on the inside.
I had to make the decision because he wanted to get remarried, we had not even discussed divorce and it was only a few months after we separated ( the marriage never happened in the end because he had another affair and that relationship broke up ) He knew he had no grounds to divorce me, so I made the decision to divorce him On the grounds of adultery.
All the very best as you weigh this up, and as you journey through it all - the Holy Spirit truly became my counsellor through it all xx
Rita
I am divorced and it was as a result of my ex having multiple affairs. My journeys through divorce was painful despite there being no court battle or financial ones to fight. It’s a grief that opens up so much, but I figure you are already on that journey because of the betrayals ect.
The Lord helped me through it all x
I am 14 years down the line and at peace with my past. I remained friends with my ex until his death two Years ago, the only thing I chose to do was to handle the divorce Gods way. I didn’t seek revenge, left the lines of communication open with my ex and was civil with him. I dealt with my emotions when I was alone with the Lord,and I journaled a lot xx ( That was laid on my heart to do, so for me it was the right way forward. Everyone’s circumstances are different xx)
I had a Christian friend who conveyed to me one day ‘ I don’t know how you could live with yourself, I could never divorce my husband ‘ ..that comment pierce my heart because she had no idea of the pain I was feeling on the inside.
I had to make the decision because he wanted to get remarried, we had not even discussed divorce and it was only a few months after we separated ( the marriage never happened in the end because he had another affair and that relationship broke up ) He knew he had no grounds to divorce me, so I made the decision to divorce him On the grounds of adultery.
All the very best as you weigh this up, and as you journey through it all - the Holy Spirit truly became my counsellor through it all xx
Rita
Deborah_
Well-Known Member
A very long time ago, I knew a Christian couple (married just a few years, with a small child). The husband was persistently unfaithful. As well as having another sexual partner, he spent their money (of which they didn't have much) on this other woman, and cajoled other church members into bailing him out and lending him things. It was only after being cornered and confronted with the fact that the sums didn't add up that he confessed his adultery and deception - and than he had the cheek to demand that we all forgive him "because you're Christians and you must forgive me." Did he repent? No. Within a few weeks he was committing adultery again. In the end his wife felt that she had to divorce him. I think she was right.
As has been pointed out already, adultery is one of the Biblically permitted reasons for divorce. (The other is desertion - I Corinthians 7:12-15). That doesn't mean that you have to divorce an unfaithful husband, but it means you should not feel guilty about doing so and you would be free to remarry in the future if you should so wish.
If someone's words don't match up with their actions, then you should go by their actions. Anyone can claim to be a righteous person - but the people who make the most noise about their own righteousness are often concealing serious sin. And while we should never bear a grudge against anyone, complete forgiveness and reconciliation are possible only if the offender genuinely repents. Statements like "You're a Christian and you must forgive me!" are emotional manipulation, and just a means of avoiding the issues of sin and repentance.
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