My Christian husband of 25 years was abusive many years into our marriage. He would slap me, has hit me with a belt, busted my lip with open handed slap, spit on me, pulled my hair, among other things. It was never a true "beating" with his fist but he couldn't control his anger when we argued. He broke things, like Willow Trees I collected because he knew it would hurt me. But what was worse than physical was the emotional. It is too painful to list the things he did but sometimes they involved using my kids. The one thing that caused me to snap is something he did to my daughter. When I was 19, before becoming a Christian, I had an abortion. He knows I have struggled with the guilt. He got mad at me one day and pulled up a video of an abortion procedure and showed it to my 16 year old daughter saying I killed her little sister or brother.
I told him once I wanted a divorce and left the house. He burned my wedding dress in the firepit. The second time I told him he said he would disappear and not help with the kids. (I know he didn't mean that b/c he is very close to them, just mad at me). The third time I asked he hit my bare legs with a belt. So I turned to another man. It was just flirting and him listening to me complain. He comforted me. We ended up sleeping together one time. It was like I was getting revenge....I knew it would hurt my husband like he had been hurting me. I was angry with God for allowing this to happen. It was torture.
I finally kicked him out...5 years ago. However I began to miss him and truly forgave him after much prayer. We started seeing each other again. He became the husband he was when we first got married. However he started sleeping with other women too and would tell me he never wanted me back. Ironically he said it felt good and that he was getting back at me. But then he found out I cheated. Many things happened after that but I was extremely remorseful, tried to explain how and why it happened because he kept saying "how could you do this". I asked for forgiveness.
But a year later he moved back in. We've been back together for 2 1/2 years. No abuse and rarely argued. However he wasn't as affectionate and would not tell me he loved me very much.
This past Saturday he walks in and says "This marriage is over. I don't love you. I can never trust you again. I want a divorce". I feel like someone is squeezing my heart because it physically hurts. I make 1/3 of what he does. I stayed home with my kids for much of my marriage. He refuses counseling. He says he wants to forgive but cannot. And now he wants an immediate divorce, and split everything 50/50 with no child support. Joint custody one child. Although I would still be owed it because of the huge salary gap.
I want my marriage restored. I have tremendous guilt over what I did and Bible is clear about adultary. I should have left. I know this. I just felt trapped. Now my world is crashing down. I love him, 25 years of memories. Can he forgive? I'm also conflicted on how far to push helping me financially because of what I did.
I told him once I wanted a divorce and left the house. He burned my wedding dress in the firepit. The second time I told him he said he would disappear and not help with the kids. (I know he didn't mean that b/c he is very close to them, just mad at me). The third time I asked he hit my bare legs with a belt. So I turned to another man. It was just flirting and him listening to me complain. He comforted me. We ended up sleeping together one time. It was like I was getting revenge....I knew it would hurt my husband like he had been hurting me. I was angry with God for allowing this to happen. It was torture.
I finally kicked him out...5 years ago. However I began to miss him and truly forgave him after much prayer. We started seeing each other again. He became the husband he was when we first got married. However he started sleeping with other women too and would tell me he never wanted me back. Ironically he said it felt good and that he was getting back at me. But then he found out I cheated. Many things happened after that but I was extremely remorseful, tried to explain how and why it happened because he kept saying "how could you do this". I asked for forgiveness.
But a year later he moved back in. We've been back together for 2 1/2 years. No abuse and rarely argued. However he wasn't as affectionate and would not tell me he loved me very much.
This past Saturday he walks in and says "This marriage is over. I don't love you. I can never trust you again. I want a divorce". I feel like someone is squeezing my heart because it physically hurts. I make 1/3 of what he does. I stayed home with my kids for much of my marriage. He refuses counseling. He says he wants to forgive but cannot. And now he wants an immediate divorce, and split everything 50/50 with no child support. Joint custody one child. Although I would still be owed it because of the huge salary gap.
I want my marriage restored. I have tremendous guilt over what I did and Bible is clear about adultary. I should have left. I know this. I just felt trapped. Now my world is crashing down. I love him, 25 years of memories. Can he forgive? I'm also conflicted on how far to push helping me financially because of what I did.
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