Advice - Girl not as Christian as I thought??

[hgchrisfor]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.

 

[aspen]

It sounds like you already have the answers you need, but you may not like them.

 

[avoice]

[font="verdana]I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.
[/font]

Well the first thing you need to establish in any relationship is real comunication
if thats not there you got nothing anyway thats going to last .

You need to be honest and tell her how you really feel about your salvation and thats its important to you and you want to grow in Christ. And you would like her to join you ...

If she truly cares for you and thinks theres a future for you together she will make it important in the relationship too... Dont worry about the past sins if she wants to go forward and put Christ first in your path together ..She will come to repent when she is ready ..

If she doesnt find what really matters to you of much importance then she isnt committed to anything long term anyway .....

Now if she does find it important but just isnt quite sure what to do then you need to take the lead and help her maybe spend an evening reading scripture together or go to church together.

 

[martinlawrencescott]

[font="verdana]I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.
[/font]
[/quote]

Time = relationship. If you're attracted to her, then it will take a lot of self control on your part not to become emotionally involved, especially on a "She needs my help" level. My first impression is walk away.

That being said, if you choose to spend time with her and even feel led to, I suggest spending time with her only in healthy group situations/settings. It would be good if she could relate to Christian sisters on a deep level the way she might relate to you. Test her and don't throw your heart away; it belongs to God before it does anyone else, and if you haven't already gone all in you can still back out at any time.

I also suggest getting her a prayer covering; calling on what Christian friends you have to start praying for her needs.

The danger is that you become her substitute for God and the security only He can give in her life, which would only hinder you.

Take an inventory and pray about what kind of character and qualities you really want in a future mate and give it to God, as well as what kind of character and qualities you would like to acquire in yourself for marriage. And don't make that step until there is a cooperation between you and your future mate in pursuing God first, without compromising the dreams and promises for your future that God puts on both your heart and hers.


[sup]Matthew 7:6[/sup] “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy.[sup][[url="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207&version=NLT#fen-NLT-23298e"]e[/url]][/sup] Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you."

Again, don't throw your heart away. Your heart is precious to God and very few people know how to handle and value the parts of us we value most. Because of some people's wounded past, they will only know how to wound in return even if they are given good things.

 

[brionne]

It sounds like you are striving to live a christian life, but perhaps she is not.

You need to determine what is most important to you....do you want to be with someone who loves God and allows him to be an influence in their life? It sounds like your might want that.

the next step is to determine if this girl can be that girl.

 

[sniper762]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.

welcome to the world of reality. it takes a real strong devoted christian to over ride lust or love. i prayed diligently about marrying my non-christian wife. my answer was "dont" but i did anyway. lasted 5 months

 

[zoe2011]

Hi,

I've been through a few relationships with men who said they were Christian, but there was no outward evidence. I think Christ wants us to be with someone we're equally yoked with. Just because someone says their a Christian doesn't mean they're equally yoked with you. If you really love God and she isn't interested, you have to make a decision. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like that? Or do you want someone who you can share what you care about deepest with?

I haven't found that someone, but I'm holding out for him. I've decided it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

blessings and good luck,
Nikki

 

[veteran]

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs.

That underlined part should raise the most red flags. Those are signs of following the world. People can change. For many, it takes a pretty traumatic experience to change from old habits. I'd recommend you stay as friends only until finding out if she is able to discipline herself. It takes a lot of self-discipline to be strict in following Christ Jesus, especially in our times today. She has to want Christ in her daily life for herself, and not just for you.

 

[mjrhealth]

And who are we to judge her, did you not come to Christ, did He not give you a chance, whos to say where she is at, do you have the mind of Christ, do you know what Christ is doing in her life, is she worse then you, because she doesnt do the same things that you do, are you not a sinner like her, where is the compassion where is the love,

In His Love

 

[Comm.Arnold]

You've got to be careful some of these christian girls are just snakes in sheeps clothing. She sounds like a black widow of death waiting to suck out your sweet innocent juices and fill them poison leaving you for a long paralyzed painful death. In fact she probably is the devil and her vagina is the gateway to hell.

 

[mjrhealth]

All I can say is , if all of you went to Christ and asked Him what He thought of you, He would probably tell you, that you are not as Christian as you think you are. Horrible thought isnt it, bet you dont like that.

In his Love

 

[Comm.Arnold]

All I can say is , if all of you went to Christ and asked Him what He thought of you, He would probably tell you, that you are not as Christian as you think you are. Horrible thought isnt it, bet you dont like that.

In his Love

Christ himself never mentions christianity, I don't believe the term appears in the new testament.

 

[Groundzero]

[font="verdana]I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.
[/font]

I have come very close to going out with someone who wasn't a Christian. I never have though. I think that firstly, I would share my concerns with her, communicate properly and clearly. What I think matters most, however, is to show it in your life. To show that you have a fire, a real fire for Jesus. A fire never is satisfied and it affects everything it comes in contact with. A fire consumes much energy and radiates that energy .

 

[Comm.Arnold]

She is lying to you about some pretty important things man, I've had the same thing ahppen and it blew up in my face later, unless she is the crazy one and she has a bunch of normal hotter cousins I would probably invite her to Red Lobster than not show up if I were you.

 

[Robbie]

From my experiences Jesus is the most important thing in a relationship... and I'm not talking about wearing a gold cross around your neck and going to church on Sunday... I'm talking about following the principles Jesus taught... living in the truth with each other, preferring one another, forgiving one another, etc... my wife is the first relationship where Jesus teachings are the foundation... and it's the first one that is healthy and full of love and not dictated by selfishness... my experience was relationships without Jesus just ended up causing a lot of pain for both people involved...

 

[rockytopva]

Food for thought....

I remember Richie Cuttingham of Happy Days say he heard that divorced women are 'Hot to trot.'

I have never forgotten that!

 

[veteran]

Well the first thing you need to establish in any relationship is real comunication
if thats not there you got nothing anyway thats going to last .

You need to be honest and tell her how you really feel about your salvation and thats its important to you and you want to grow in Christ. And you would like her to join you ...

If she truly cares for you and thinks theres a future for you together she will make it important in the relationship too... Dont worry about the past sins if she wants to go forward and put Christ first in your path together ..She will come to repent when she is ready ..

If she doesnt find what really matters to you of much importance then she isnt committed to anything long term anyway .....

Now if she does find it important but just isnt quite sure what to do then you need to take the lead and help her maybe spend an evening reading scripture together or go to church together.

I second that advice.

Be careful to not confuse magnetic physical attraction with spiritual matters like marriage.

When you go looking to buy a hat, you keep trying different ones until you find one that has the right fit. When young, it's important to date as many as you can while not getting serious with any, until you find the right 'fit'. When you find the right one, you'll know and she also will know and be ready to settle down with you. If you settle for the first hat that comes along, it might not fit, and you'd have to live with it the rest of your life. This is why celibacy is also very important when dating to find the right one. Sexual relations when dating will only confuse what's most important, and remember, the first child can come anytime, but it takes 9 months for the second.

 

[Guestman]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a few months and she is great, but a little different than I thought she was when I first met her.

I was sort of led to believe she was a "strict" Christian that went to church each Sunday, read the Bible at minimum weekly, rarely drank etc. and wanted to grow in Christ.

Now I know she doesn't go to church much, or really read the bible and doesn't seem to have an issue with premarital sex or the ideas of trying drugs. Now I can forgive her of her past, but I don't really know if she has fully asked for forgiveness of things she has done in the past and fully repented, even though she got baptized.

She says she has always been Christian, but I don't think she truly has lived as a Christian. Sort of still growing. And I know she wants someone to guide her and help get her on track. But I am worried about how she doesn't really feel bad about past sins or the idea of new sins. I think she has a friend that is a bad influence too.

I just get so worked up about salvation, I just don't know what to do moving forward. - I would hate to progress for years with her and possibly marry and then find out she wants to try a drug or goes and and tries one. Or is not willing to go to church and study etc. and don't her sins were a big deal.

I worry about my salvation but of course would want my wife to be saved. - I really feel like I was led to her strongly. Just so much happened to get me to her, and as I said she is great. I just want her to become a "real" Christian but don't know if she will.

I don't know if I should try to progress and help her; or if I was led to her to learn a lesson and need to walk away.

I would appreciate some replies and prayers to just help bring me clarity and knowledge to help me figure out what I need to do in my life, in all aspects: how I should proceed with this girl, what I need to do in my life, what I should do in my career etc. I just need clarity, knowledge and to be uplifted.

The Bible counsels: "He that is walking with wise persons will become wise, but he that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly."(Prov 13:20) Thus, choosing to associate with someone whom the Bible calls "stupid" will cause anyone to "fair badly." Bible scholar Adam Clarke (1762-1832) noted: “To walk with a person implies love and attachment; and it is impossible not to imitate those we love. So we say, ‘Show me his company, and I’ll tell you the man.’ Let me know the company he keeps, and I shall easily guess his moral character.”

If we take some hand lotion and rub it on our skin, what happens ? It is soon absorbed by our body. Likewise of those with whom we choose to closely associate. Their thoughts, likes and dislikes begin to affect us, especially that which is bad. Does a good apple cause a rotten one to become good and ripe ? No, rather, a good apple turns to being a bad one when in close proximity with a bad apple. Whom we choose to associate with can have adverse effects upon us, causing us to become like them.

In this day and age, many individuals have no moral boundaries, following the motto "the sky is the limit." This lack of morality is growing exponentially around the world. In the apostle Paul's day, in certain areas ruled over by the Romans, there was a great laxity of morals. Hence, Paul wrote to the Corinthians and told them: "Do not be misled. Bad associations spoil useful habits."(1 Cor 15:33) He noted that many felt that premarital, extramarital and homosexual relationships were okay.(Rom 1:26, 27) Those who closely mingle with ones who have no moral compass are placing themselves in a dangerous position, perhaps replacing their moral compass with one that is broken.

The account at Numbers 25 proves the danger of having close dealings with those who have no moral direction. The nation of Israel was drawn into the immoral ways of the Moabites and Midianites in 1473 B.C.E. when "dwelling in Shittim", with many of the Israelites men starting "to have immoral relations with the daughters of Moab."(Num 25:1, 2) Zimri was emboldened to bring a Midianite woman, named Cozbi, into the camp of the Israel in order to have sexual relations with her. Phinehas the priest saw this immoral conduct and went into his tent, taking "a lance in his hand....and pierced both of them through."(Num 25:7, 8) This stopped the scourge that God was causing upon the nation of Israel for their violation of his moral boundaries.

Hence, whom we associate with can have either good or bad consequences. So, the wise person chooses to closely associate with those who follow Deuteronomy 6:5, which says: "And you must love Jehovah your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your vital force. And these words that I am commanding you today must prove to be on your heart." Jesus quoted this scripture at Matthew 22:37 as being the greatest commandment.