I did the goat like the prodigal son did the goat... I ran away from the flock...
Not only that, i kept ignoring the calls of my shepherd, the good shepherd...
I couldn't hear Him because i wasn't listening for Him...
It was only when i at my most miserable state that i realized that i had been following Satan and that he had led me to almost the end
Satan leads so many people to suicide, maybe even all of them... The father of lies...
Id imagine that a murder would be the most horrific way to deal with a close death... Suicide would have to be next, before accidents...
Your just left with this same question... Why???
The midlife crisis is heavy... The realization that i won't have someone to love and someone who loves me, no kids, no family, after spending time pouring out love into a relationship only to be walked on... It can be even more stressful for women coming into their late 30s, into their 40s cos they know they could stop laying eggs at any day and their chance is over... Its a biological drive. I didn't even know i had it till she left...
That alone can lead a man or woman to do it... 75% of suicides are men but 75% of the failed attempts are women...
An there are 25 attempts for every suicide... But its not a gender issue anyway... Its effects us all directly and indirectly...
For a guy he can still hook up and have kids if he is rich... Donald Trump example... And my cuz was rich... Not only was he rich, he was a winner...
Got an economics degree, worked at the biggest bank here, got a promotion in short time but he handed in his resignation same day...
He travelled the world, his done it all. Then starts a business and kills it... I see in Daniels life that he never failed. He never fell over. Everything he touched worked, apart from relationships... This must really raise your expectations... Cos without really much suffering he walked...
Such a selfish thing to do... Like his parents, our parents... U can't fault them at all... They did every thing for us and still do...
But there is an interesting thing cos Daniel used to have a small stutter...
It was so small that we never made fun of it, i never heard anyone even mention it...
Well the stutter stopped around about the time he started to change... I don't know yet if he was trying to stop it or if it just stopped but for that to happen a serious shift has to occur in your brain chemistry... We've all got dopamine and serotonin and all the chemicals but we all run on different levels... A sudden change in those levels that you are so used to your whole life would make you feel so anxious and restless which uis what he was mostly... He didn't show much depression, heaps of anxiety but which is odd as well...
We were near the cemetry and my mum asked if i wanted to go... Cos covid cemetry limit was 10 people i never went...
But i don't want to go to the grave... I don't know why, i just don't... Like bodies no one can ever make me look at a dead body again...
One of our good mates couldn't attend the funeral... Too broken... I don't blame him, we all have our own line in the sand...
And what about young kids... There are a heap of them doing it... Ive been meaning to look into that... Why???
They would have completely different reasons... I want to understand them better... The mind of a teenager... What can drive them to that, apart from the obvious, Satan. In what ways does he deceive the teen so badly
I wonder if he thought about God, i wonder if God heard our prayers and showed him grace...
I know most Christians don't believe that but i hope the Catholics are right on this one
