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Featured Christianity is ruining my life

Discussion in 'Christian Theology Forum' started by lunaluna10, Dec 27, 2016.

  1. lunaluna10

    lunaluna10 New Member

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    Ok, so before I'll start with the topic i will give some back story.
    I was born and rased in the netherlands with a muslim father and a christian mother. My father never had much to say in my life when it came to religion so i don't know anything about the muslim faith but my mother did teach me certain things about christianity. She wasn't a very extreme or motivated christian so i was just learned the basics and was read a childrens bible from time to time, i never went to church or anything. But i did remember being TERRIFIED of god as a child, i remember having a bad thought sometimes and then spend an hours repeaing "i'm sorry, i'm sorry". It made me very stressed and i saw god more as a scary punisher than as a loving power.
    Around the time i was 12 i started leaning more and more towards athiesm, i started to learn more theories about why god didn't exist and it never really made that much sence to me anyway so i just went with it. I once told my mom i didn't believe in god around the time i was 15, she was upset and scared i was going to go to hell but after a while she stopped talking about it. I had some fears about hell but it was never that extreme, that fear came back a few times in the five years that passed but it still wasn't that extreme.
    In those five years i fell into a lot of sin, i started getting into sexual sin around the age of 13, i started doubting if i was straight or maybe i liked girls, and when i turned 15 i stared getting into weed, sigarretes and drinking. God and christianity passed my mind a few times but it never really affected me.
    Except for a few things in my life that went bad, i was pretty happy with my life style, i mean, living with the thought that there is nothing after death can be depressing but also quite freeing.
    But last summer something happened, It was around the time alot of terrorists attacks were happening in europe, i started being really scared of them happening in my country, i was scared of being killed in one. I remember seeing a post about why the world in going to end in 2016 and it started to think: "what if christianity is right?What if me and everyone i love is going to hell for all eternity?" I started imagening how awful and horrifying hell must be, i mean, burning alive forever? I started thinking, maybe it's best to become a christian just in case, there is noting to lose, Christianity is the only religion with an eternal hell so that seemed like the best bet.
    So i started getting into christianity more and found out i knew NOTHING about it, things like salvation i understood completely wrong. I started seeing that the only thing you need to do to be saved is asked to be saved and then you could go to heaven, i was relieved to hear it was that easy but after getting into it a bit more i saw videos about people saying you need to want to be saved and know what it means and be prepared to follow. That was harder for me because i still 99,99% didn't believe, i was just scared about the 0,01%. I stared watching more christian videos and reading sites and i tried to make myself believe but i just wasn't able to, I prayed to god to help me believe or just please give me a sign that he existed. I started hoping for a vision about jesus like many others have had but it didn't happen, i know i wasn't supposed to expect it but nothing else helped.
    After getting into christianity more i started to hear opinions from people who believed that salvation could be lost and that you should be aim to be sinless or your not going to heaven. I thought that once saved always saved was the opinion everyone had but everytime i learned more about christianity i learned that everyone had a different option about pretty much everything in the bible and everyone tells them god told them so. This started confusing me even more, how was i supposed to know what to do?
    The people who believed in only saved by grace and the people who believed that you should become sinless both accused eachother of going to hell and they both had argument that were supported my the bible. I scared to get reaaallly scared, what if i chose wrong? God wasn't anwering my prayers asking him what i should do. I could go to hell for chosing wrong. I also felt really responsible for my family, i felt like i should convert them too because if i didn't they'll all go to hell because of me. I ended up leaning believing the: "salvation can be lost you have to be be sinless to enter heaven and give your life to god." way, because it seemed to easy for me to get saved that easy. One youtuber who believed that was finalcall007. He and some other people also believed that you could have nothing if it wasn't relivant to god, no goals or dreams, no hobbies no nothing, Only do what god tells you to do and nothing else because your adcievements don't matter in heaven, which i kinda understand but it's so depressing, i love making art and paintings and i had many dreams, and being told that that would get you into hell made me very depressed. I was depressed and scared, if that was the only way into heaven my family and friends should do that do, and i knew there was no way i could convince them to, the thought of them suffering in hell made me sick. I have alot of sibling including multiple babies/toddlers. Alot of christians believed that even toddlers could go to hell, and the thought of that happening i can't even discribe. Sometimes i gor comforted by theories that hell isn't biblical and it just meant to not exist anymore, but even that i couldn't know for sure. I started to get so depressed i couln't do anything anymore, i had points were i didn't want to live anymore. I started to get angry at god, how could he be so crual? I didn't ask to be born, and now i have to live my life a certain way or i'll be tormented for ever, If he was a god of love why would he ever send someone to hell, why can't he just forgive everyone? why do so many people have to suffer? how could he keep humanity alive knowing that most of his children are going to go to hell? I by the way still didnt 100% believe in god, i could say i mosly didn't but my though process was pertt much: "god probably doesn't exist but if i does you and everyone you love is going to be tormented for ever, so it's the best to be sure and just trow all your dreams away and completely dedicate your life to a god who probably doesn't exist and be terribly depressed" After all this anger i started convincing myself why god doen't exist and after a while i started becoming an athiest again(kinda). i meant to post did story when i was still in my religious stuggle but i never did, i came back to this because the fear of hell and my commiting the unforgivle sin starting playing in my head again. And my grandmother got lung cancer and im scared if i do nothing to make her repend or do SOMETHING she might go to hell if she doesnt beat the cancer and it's my fault ( the thought hurts my heart) I know this story is messy but my head is a mess, i thank you for taking the time to read it.
     
  2. Stranger

    Stranger Well-Known Member

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    Are you just wanting others to read your story or are you asking something?

    Stranger
     
  3. 7angels

    7angels Active Member

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    all these tormenting thoughts of God and of hell is God trying to get you to know Him more. but by not understanding what is happening is that it is just causing confusion for you. i understand that you went seeking God but by not knowing what is truth and what is false has caused you to doubt whether or not God is real. it is not easy to discern biblical truth. just read some of these forum subjects to see the differences of everyone's views on what they believe is truth or lies. but if you want to find out the truth about God then find a preacher/church which is Spirit lead and the supernatural is happening.

    now i will answer some of you questions you had.

    1. you wondered if toddlers go to hell. the answer is no. without getting all technical the age is up to 13 to go to heaven automatically and as you get older than that God starts to hold you responsible for your actions. as you hit adulthood God holds you wholly responsible everything you do.
    2. how could God be so cruel? this question pops up a lot. people have a hard time imagining God as being loving when going through terrible times. but you need to understand that God cannot understand why we want to sin because He has never been tempted by sin. which is why Jesus came and experience the temptation of sin so He could be our mediator to God the Father. to best way for me to explain what happens is that God want to protect you all the time but when temptation comes God is saying "don't be tempted and stay by me" and if we do everything works out. but if we don't listen and we follow the temptation then we need to step away from God because God will not be a part of you doing anything that is wrong. the further we get away from God the less He is able to protect us. so it is not God being cruel but we are doing it to ourselves by not listening to Him so He can protect us.
    3. If God was a God of love why would he ever send someone to hell? we are already headed to hell the day we first sinned. God in His mercy and grace gave us a way to keep us from going to hell. are you willing to make the choice or not though is up to you. there was a story about a guy who was sitting on a fence trying to decide if he should choose God's side of the fence or choose the devil's side of the fence. well one day he died while still sitting on the fence trying to decide which way he wanted to go. the devil came up to get him and the guy exclaimed that he had not chosen which side he wanted to go to yet. the devil said sure you did because the fence is mine. that said there is no middle ground. there is only hell unless you choose to go with God.
    4. why can't God just forgive everyone? the bible teaches that God cannot forgive you unless you forgive what others have done to you. are you holding grudges? also if you have forgiven everyone you know then have you asked God for forgiveness for you sins?
    5. why do so many people have to suffer? there will always be suffering in this world because sin is still in the world. but if you are referring to the suffering you endured from your post then the answer is that you can be free of it. the bible has many promises in it that offer you freedom from those types of miseries but each promise comes with a condition that must be met first. some are easier to get than others but all are available to those that seek them.
    6. how could he keep humanity alive knowing that most of his children are going to go to hell? you are looking at it all wrong. God is waiting for everyone to hear His message and choose who they will serve. once this is done then God will judge everyone and all will be corrected. you do know that only about 2/3 of the world has actually been told of Christ. there is still 1/3 left to go. most of that is the middle east, india, china, and the countries around there.

    i hope that helped. if you have more questions i will answer them tomorrow if needed.

    God bless
     
  4. JPPT1974

    JPPT1974 Flowers of May Encounter Team

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    Praying for you as really hope all will go well for you. Blessings of peace!
     
  5. biotheist

    biotheist New Member

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    Not to take away from your experience, not even the disciples had a clear picture of hell.

    Jesus used figurative language when talking about hell, so there's no help there.

    I think hell is a place for corrupted and dead souls. A place that dismantles each soul down to it's base elements, and then re-uses those elements as the building blocks in the universes next incarnation.

    I think this universe is the proving ground for sentient beings to experience a temporary relationship, so they may choose to join the larger community after death.

    I had to come up with this idea, because eternal hell fire is a incomplete idea.
     
  6. FHII

    FHII Well-Known Member

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    God is doing a great work in you. You undoubtedly are struggling with your questions. I suggest to you that great battles yield great victories.

    Hell is real and sjould be taken seriously. But salvation is too. And its greater than hell. Perhaps you should work towards focusing on the reward and not the punishment.

    Judging by the passion with you write, I think you are much more closer to salvation than you think.

    If you haven't read it... Look at Luke 18:10-17. It'll answer at least one question you have and frankly.... I see you as the publican.
     
  7. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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    yup, sounds like you're doing pretty good, actually. You might note that Paul said that he knew the wolves would come in and take over the church as soon as he left; and that has now been fully accomplished, ok? So imo do your best to absorb the Bible with the Spirit as your guide, and seek the Word, which is God. Never mind what men tell you; "all are deceived." Meaning, listen and absorb, but decide for yourself.

    i would suggest that you run from anyone who is certain of things, and who assures you that they "know," because "he who says he knows does not yet know as he ought"--even though that seems counter-intuitive right now, maybe--but good luck finding someone who doesn't know anymore, lol.

    If it helps any, note that religious people are the ones Christ dissed the most, and imo at least God does not want you to become religious.

    I'm sorry to hear about your grandma, that can be tough, especially as i see that you are close to her. But you are persuaded that God will judge her beliefs? When that is strictly religious, and not true; Love believes all things. God judges the heart of a man. So you may comfortably ignore what the blind are assuring you they know, ok, and let the blind lead the blind, and let the Spirit lead you, and you won't go wrong.
     
  8. Deborah_

    Deborah_ Well-Known Member

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    From what you write, it sounds as though all your knowledge about Christianity has been got from forums and Youtube.

    This is a very bad idea. These places contain a very high proportion of people with extreme or odd beliefs, and unless you already know the Bible quite well, you can't evaluate them properly.

    Get a copy of the Bible and read it - especially the New Testament.
    Find a church and get to know the people there.
    Keep away from Youtube (unless it's something recommended by somebody you know in 'real' life).
    Don't just hope for dreams or revelations. People do get them, but that's entirely up to God, and He has many other ways of speaking to us.

    Persevere! "The one who seeks finds." (Matthew 7:8)
     
    justaname likes this.
  9. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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  10. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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    any Jew alive today could describe their understanding of Gehenna in about 5 minutes. It is on earth. Plainly.

    No disciples were ever counseled to start prognosticating about where they were going after they died, and if any congregation that you walk into ever assures you that they know where they are going after they die, put the program down and back slowly out of the room.
     
  11. biotheist

    biotheist New Member

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    YES!
     
  12. justaname

    justaname Disciple of Jesus Christ Staff Member

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    Great advise!
     
  13. FHII

    FHII Well-Known Member

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    Yea, I second that....
     
  14. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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  15. brokentuningfork

    brokentuningfork Member

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    I third that, thank God we have christians that give good advice still
     
  16. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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    yes, and thank God Paul plainly warned us about the wolves that would come in and take over, and seek to sequester us so that we seek recommendations from other men, rather than trusting the Spirit to guide us. At least we have that big, fat, neon road sign. Simple matter then to discern who is who, once they start openly proclaiming New Life in Jesus--after you die, lol. And "Paul was suicidal; yearning to be absent from his actual physical body, so that he could be present with the Lord." It's like letting retarded people tell you what to have for breakfast or something lol. Like seeking a blind guy to guide you around town.

    You want to do it right? Do what Paul did, and avoid the establishment for three years, and let the Spirit guide you. Which is what the Book says to do when reading It, too, even though no one ever does that. I didn't either. Go and understand why the religious are described as being possessed of seven worse problems (spirits), before some Apostate interprets that verse away for you, too. That is "the wide road."
     
  17. brokentuningfork

    brokentuningfork Member

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    Byrd I have nothing against you personally I have read your other posts and I see that you have a heart against religious pride which blinds people and for that I like you but your doctrine and theology is so loopy you are far too liberal.

    You teach so much stuff that is s that is just based on your emotions
    rather than scripture. The Spirit will guide us its true but to continually read the scriptures for that is how each and every one of us learned about Jesus. When we became christians we knew very little. Without the Bible or someone quoting scriptures to you from i.e the Gospel of John it would be very hard to know who he is... yes let the Spirit guide you, to the right place... just because you have conservative theology doesn't make you a pharisee. No, that is determined by how you treat people in your daily walk. You need to read the Bible again without your liberal goggles byrd, stop picking and choosing what you like and what you dont like almost like its a grocery store.
     
  18. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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    :D ya that's prolly a fair assessment, lol. i only meant to defend not restricting where truth comes from, my bad. The Job thing was awesome, did you catch that? :)
     
  19. bbyrd009

    bbyrd009 Groper

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    "christianity-is-ruining-my-life"

    hey, imagine how Paul felt.

    Christianity is supposed to ruin your worldly existence

    that is the whore that you have to get rid of
     
  20. biotheist

    biotheist New Member

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    Why does God use ants and birds and lions and dogs and many other animals as examples?

    Learn from the ant it say's, the bible is the universe.
     
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