Commitment Over Marriage

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April_Rose

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.
 

DNB

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.
No, God was not just talking about a one-night-stand. Under the Law, a maiden (unmarried) who slept with a man, was dealt with severely. Under the Law or not, it clearly displeased God.

Because, sex is a sacred thing, as marriage is. Other reasons are, he wants to see self-discipline and that the relationship is not imbalanced with physical necessities and duties, rather than the real priorities in life - spiritual growth and dissemination of God's Word. Personally, since you asked, I feel that you sound a little complacent about it. Why would you have the desert before dinner? Whatever is holding you back from getting married, appears to be of less importance than holding you back from having sex. Just wait till you do get married and the burdens start, do you think that sleeping together will solve the invariable issues that will arise? Marriages require strength of character in abundance, I think that you're putting the cart before the horse, mis-prioritizing.
 
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dev553344

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.

I used to have that idea also. Then I got married. Was married for ten years. To be honest, now I'm scared of marriage. Not to sound discouraging. But that's me not the marriage, I know many people that have good marriages.

That said, what I remember of marriage, and we didn't have sex before marriage, but I was a sinner before our relationship and so was she, marriage is an awesome thing that should be respected and honored. We had many good years together. And I still remember the good times. Unfortunately I had a surgery and got really ill for several years, and she felt that she couldn't stay with me anymore. Sometimes "stuff" happens, and it's no ones fault.

As long as you both are willing to be best friends, rely on one another entirely, can count on one another, then you should be just fine.
 

DNB

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I used to have that idea also. Then I got married. Was married for ten years. To be honest, now I'm scared of marriage. Not to sound discouraging. But that's me not the marriage, I know many people that have good marriages.

That said, what I remember of marriage, and we didn't have sex before marriage, but I was a sinner before our relationship and so was she, marriage is an awesome thing that should be respected and honored. We had many good years together. And I still remember the good times. Unfortunately I had a surgery and got really ill for several years, and she felt that she couldn't stay with me anymore. Sometimes "stuff" happens, and it's no ones fault.

As long as you both are willing to be best friends, rely on one another entirely, can count on one another, then you should be just fine.
You said it yourself, DW, you both were sinners for fornicating prior to your marriage (regardless of with who).
You said it yourself, you see how difficult marriages, or any relationship, is. I think that she is taking the easy way out, and justifying it with the whole 'oh, it's just a contract with the government' excuse. she needs discipline and control to make a marriage work. You should tell her that.
 
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dev553344

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You said it yourself, DW, you both were sinners for fornicating prior to your marriage (regardless of with who).
You said it yourself, you see how difficult marriages, or any relationship, is. I think that she is taking the easy way out, and justifying it with the whole 'oh, it's just a contract with the government' excuse. she needs discipline and control to make a marriage work. You should tell her that.

LOL, You already did. But yes you're correct in the eyes of the Gospel ;)
 
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April_Rose

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Nobody in this thread so far knows my whole entire situation and for reasons I don't wish to disclose we unfortunately cannot get married. :(
 

Hidden In Him

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.

Oh boy... not good advice, to oneself or anyone else for that matter.
 

Prayer Warrior

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.
I was older when I got married, almost 30. One thing I had to tell myself is that you're not married until you're married. Even being engaged is not the same as being married. The marriage commitment (meaning being legally married) helps ensure that the other person doesn't walk away on a whim. Also, this level of commitment is best for any children you may have.
 
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Prayer Warrior

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Nobody in this thread so far knows my whole entire situation and for reasons I don't wish to disclose we unfortunately cannot get married. :(
It seems that you kind of roped us into this topic and sprang something on us at the last minute.

All I can say is that you don't HAVE to have sex. I waited until I was married, and it was very difficult, but I'm glad I didn't sleep around. Every time we have sex with someone, we become one flesh with them (which is not the same as being married). This is why sexual intimacy is meant for a committed lifetime relationship. You sleep with different people, and you leave a part of yourself with them that you never get back.... Not to mention spreading STD's.
 
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Jane_Doe22

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I finally decided to bring this up considering the fact that my fiancee and I have slept together several times now, and even though we still do plan on getting married we've been together since high school so I sort of feel like we're married in the heart so I feel like we're married already and a ceremony is just that and a certificate is just a piece of paper. I think that all God means is not to have a one-night stand.
Marriage is not remotely "just a piece of paper", it is a God given covenant between a woman (the wife) + a man (the husband) + God.
Nobody in this thread so far knows my whole entire situation and for reasons I don't wish to disclose we unfortunately cannot get married. :(
If you are not yet in a position to make that God sanctioned covenant, then that's totally ok.
But don't mock God by pretending you already made that covenant.
 

April_Rose

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First of all I'm not mocking God in any way, shape, or form. Second of all,.. I have never slept with anybody else. Third of all,.. people can walk away from a marriage too. It's called divorce. It doesn't make it right, but it still happens.
 

dev553344

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Marriage is not remotely "just a piece of paper", it is a God given covenant between a woman (the wife) + a man (the husband) + God.

If you are not yet in a position to make that God sanctioned covenant, then that's totally ok.
But don't mock God by pretending you already made that covenant.

She didn't make the covenant? Yes that is correct. But as @Prayer Warrior pointed out they are one-flesh. So there is something to their "marriage" that is more than just nothing.
 

dev553344

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She didn't make the covenant? Yes that is correct. But as @Prayer Warrior pointed out they are one-flesh. So there is something to their "marriage" that is more than just nothing.

One of the definitions of "marriage" is "a combination or mixture of two or more elements." which relates to what @Prayer Warrior pointed out.
 
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Prayer Warrior

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She didn't make the covenant? Yes that is correct. But as @Prayer Warrior pointed out they are one-flesh. So there is something to their marriage that is more than just nothing.
No, I don't believe they are married in the eyes of God.

They certainly aren't legally married, so if her boyfriend decides to walk away, there is no legal restraint or recourse for her. No protection. If they were to have a child, this would not be good for the child.
 

DNB

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Nobody in this thread so far knows my whole entire situation and for reasons I don't wish to disclose we unfortunately cannot get married. :(
Sorry AR, do you mean that you can never get married, or married yet? You mean yet, because you stated earlier that you're planning to get married.
Show discipline and strength AR, not lust, you'll need the former so much when you eventually do get married. And besides, you have no idea what God has in store right now, you may never get married to this particular person, for whatever reason. So, that all you two have become is, a two-night stand.
 

April_Rose

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They certainly aren't legally married, so if her boyfriend decides to walk away, there is no legal restraint or recourse for her. No protection. If they were to have a child, this would not be good for the child.








Now hold on, I didn't say that having kids before marriage was a good idea. I'm pretty sure at this point that neither of us are going anywhere though. Just a quick note,.. this is a discussion. Meaning I like to hear your views on it,.. but it's not going to stop us from living our own lives either and believing what we believe.
 
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dev553344

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No, I don't believe they are married in the eyes of God.

They certainly aren't legally married, so if her boyfriend decides to walk away, there is no legal restraint or recourse for her. No protection. If they were to have a child, this would not be good for the child.

I don't agree with that. I think Jesus would say "You have engaged in marital affairs regarding sexual intimacy and you should do the right thing and take upon you the covenant of marriage".
 

Prayer Warrior

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I can see where this thread is headed, and I think I know why. And it's not good.

You need to get married in the eyes of God and legally BEFORE having sex. And you need to be faithful to your spouse and only have sex with him....
 
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