I am here to say that God is good and through some of my hardships I have seen His saving grace. In the moments of pain where I thought no good purpose could come, God used as the foundation of my life purpose / ministry.
My father went to prison before I was six for killing my stepmother and growing up without him was a deep hurt but at the same time I was so young that his absence felt "normal" in a way. On Christmas Eve, 2012, we got a call saying my brother was arrested for attempted murder. Right when I thought life was smoothing out from all the family deaths we experienced, including my uncles suicide, I got punched right across the face with this new trial. How could both my father and brother do such horrible crimes? My hurt felt more than my faith. Fast forward a few years and during the first trial the prosecutor put in information he knew he was not allowed to, he did this to cause a mistrial because the jury was more in favor towards my brother. I was pissed off. I did not want to endure another trial, especially when your loved one is looking at +30 years in prison. I remember telling my wife in my great hurt that people can take Jeremiah 29:11 and shove it up their (you know what) - that sometimes God's plans are not for good. Wow...how WRONG and shortsighted I was.
The 2nd trial something amazing happened. My brother was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole. I thought for sure he would get 25-30 years before he could get parole...nope...They came back and said 15 years. My brother's lawyer said that during the time of the first trial the regular sentence was 38 years for his crime but now for whatever reason the sentencing time went down. Waiting an extra 2 years took off nearly HALF of my brothers sentence. 15 years to life is still a long time but it is manageable. I couldn't imagine having my brother doing 38 years and my father was sentenced 30 years.
It took me a long time to cope and process these events and it was a faith battle. I still hurt over the situations of both my father and brother but I've come a long way with God's help, patience, and mercy. I see how God has shown my brother mercy in many ways. I want us all to remember that in the moment of hurt, as difficult as it is to see past that hurt, God can use it for good.
My father went to prison before I was six for killing my stepmother and growing up without him was a deep hurt but at the same time I was so young that his absence felt "normal" in a way. On Christmas Eve, 2012, we got a call saying my brother was arrested for attempted murder. Right when I thought life was smoothing out from all the family deaths we experienced, including my uncles suicide, I got punched right across the face with this new trial. How could both my father and brother do such horrible crimes? My hurt felt more than my faith. Fast forward a few years and during the first trial the prosecutor put in information he knew he was not allowed to, he did this to cause a mistrial because the jury was more in favor towards my brother. I was pissed off. I did not want to endure another trial, especially when your loved one is looking at +30 years in prison. I remember telling my wife in my great hurt that people can take Jeremiah 29:11 and shove it up their (you know what) - that sometimes God's plans are not for good. Wow...how WRONG and shortsighted I was.
The 2nd trial something amazing happened. My brother was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole. I thought for sure he would get 25-30 years before he could get parole...nope...They came back and said 15 years. My brother's lawyer said that during the time of the first trial the regular sentence was 38 years for his crime but now for whatever reason the sentencing time went down. Waiting an extra 2 years took off nearly HALF of my brothers sentence. 15 years to life is still a long time but it is manageable. I couldn't imagine having my brother doing 38 years and my father was sentenced 30 years.
It took me a long time to cope and process these events and it was a faith battle. I still hurt over the situations of both my father and brother but I've come a long way with God's help, patience, and mercy. I see how God has shown my brother mercy in many ways. I want us all to remember that in the moment of hurt, as difficult as it is to see past that hurt, God can use it for good.
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