GOSSIP CONTROVERSY

[Heart2Soul]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

 

[GTW27]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

Blessings in Christ Jesus. There is a time to speak, and a time to be silent, or there is a time to be the ear and a time to be the lips. Always speak the truth in love. Take what they do to you to The Lord, as he always has words of comfort, or wisdom, as He is faithful. One day, my boss spoke some not so good words to me which bothered me. A little later The Lord said, "My son, take those words and put them behind your back." And just like that, what was bothering me was gone. Do not hold things in as the enemy lies in wait to magnify these things once we are alone. Long ago, I learned to not care what what people think of me as the only thing that matters is what The Lord thinks of me. Long ago, I learned not to care about what people think about the words I bring, as I know from where they come. If you find yourself looking for someone to talk about everyone else, then that is gossiping. But there is nothing wrong with talking to someone about what you are going through. Hope you keeping cool.

 

[dhh712]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

What you're talking about appears to be someone sinning against you. You have to choose whether to cover it in love (meaning to forgive his or her faults and to not hold any ill feelings towards this person) or to deal with it by confronting the person in a godly manner. If you were talking to your friends about something this person did but it did not involve you, then it would definitely be gossip. But since it did involve you, I do not think it falls under the category of gossip.

I would rather think that you may not want to share the faults of other people with another person (since that is not building up the reputation of your neighbor but tearing it down), but that can be difficult to not do especially if it hurt you. I ran into this recently with someone who really hurt me. I talked about it with a friend, about how they acted made me feel like really depressed. But I think back that I probably shouldn't have done that. Then again, talking about it with my friend made me able to process my feelings and forgive the person who hurt me. Still, I feel that I did error in talking about his faults with my friend. I should have been able to come to a resolution without that.

Then there was another issue with someone at my church and I wasn't sure how to proceed, so I did talk about the issue with a brother and sister in the faith. In this I don't think it was wrong since I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, like I wasn't sure if it was wrong what was going on. So in these situations I do not feel it was talking about someone's faults in a sinful way or gossiping about someone.

I understand gossip to be talking about someone else (like especially if it is in a negative way, like what someone had done) when it is none of your business. That is where I draw the line. If it concerns me and is my business then it isn't gossip. What this person did to you is your business because it involves you, so it isn't gossip.

 

[Heart2Soul]

What you're talking about appears to be someone sinning against you. You have to choose whether to cover it in love (meaning to forgive his or her faults and to not hold any ill feelings towards this person) or to deal with it by confronting the person in a godly manner. If you were talking to your friends about something this person did but it did not involve you, then it would definitely be gossip. But since it did involve you, I do not think it falls under the category of gossip.

I would rather think that you may not want to share the faults of other people with another person (since that is not building up the reputation of your neighbor but tearing it down), but that can be difficult to not do especially if it hurt you. I ran into this recently with someone who really hurt me. I talked about it with a friend, about how they acted made me feel like really depressed. But I think back that I probably shouldn't have done that. Then again, talking about it with my friend made me able to process my feelings and forgive the person who hurt me. Still, I feel that I did error in talking about his faults with my friend. I should have been able to come to a resolution without that.

Then there was another issue with someone at my church and I wasn't sure how to proceed, so I did talk about the issue with a brother and sister in the faith. In this I don't think it was wrong since I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, like I wasn't sure if it was wrong what was going on. So in these situations I do not feel it was talking about someone's faults in a sinful way or gossiping about someone.

I understand gossip to be talking about someone else (like especially if it is in a negative way, like what someone had done) when it is none of your business. That is where I draw the line. If it concerns me and is my business then it isn't gossip. What this person did to you is your business because it involves you, so it isn't gossip.

You're so wise in your response. I agree with you wholeheartedly. But it takes me a few days to finally get over my hurt and talking with a friend helps. But most of the friends I know (more like acquaintances) are not wise in the Word. They sympathize with me but their advice is close to how I feel at the time....like I want them to suffer.
I guess the reason it hurts so much is because I have spent so much of my time and resources in ministering to them. And in one case 3 years worth of help. But they got back.on their feet and now I am treated as an enemy.
Well enough said....it is difficult to resist telling someone but it would be to my best interest not to reside in the enemies camp...rather just walk away and pray for them.

 

[Heart2Soul]

Blessings in Christ Jesus. There is a time to speak, and a time to be silent, or there is a time to be the ear and a time to be the lips. Always speak the truth in love. Take what they do to you to The Lord, as he always has words of comfort, or wisdom, as He is faithful. One day, my boss spoke some not so good words to me which bothered me. A little later The Lord said, "My son, take those words and put them behind your back." And just like that, what was bothering me was gone. Do not hold things in as the enemy lies in wait to magnify these things once we are alone. Long ago, I learned to not care what what people think of me as the only thing that matters is what The Lord thinks of me. Long ago, I learned not to care about what people think about the words I bring, as I know from where they come. If you find yourself looking for someone to talk about everyone else, then that is gossiping. But there is nothing wrong with talking to someone about what you are going through. Hope you keeping cool.

Beautiful, sound wisdom...thank you for sharing your experiences in this same area. And your right take it to Him...I didn't and haven't done that much lately. It's time to get my feelings in check and quit letting the enemy steel my joy.
And to be honest a few of these individuals really are not someone I consider as a close friend....they were people God sent to me to witness to. I did as He said but then I took it further than I should have. I get calls everyday asking for a ride, for money, for food....being taken advantage of. But I still get the opportunity to plant seeds....
Thank you for your wisdom and I will follow through with it.

 

[quietthinker]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

You can be certain that the enemy will use any opportunity to condemn you if you speak to others about your hurt.
I prefer to address matters directly with the person involved in the offence/hurt. It's problematic if they don't want to hear it; problematic in that the story can be twisted. I live with that! Ultimately, if/when that occurs, the problem becomes compounded for them.

 

[APAK]

@Heart2Soul what I know of your words here and in other places, you are and have been professional, loving, and truthful and yet assertive, to the point. Keep on sister. You are a strong warrior in Christ. We need more like you!

Blessed Day, and I hope things have calmed down a bit with those two individuals and they and you are at peace with it now.

 

[Heart2Soul]

@Heart2Soul what I know of your words here and in other places, you are and have been professional, loving, and truthful and yet assertive, to the point. Keep on sister. You are a strong warrior in Christ. We need more like you!

Blessed Day, and I hope things have calmed down a bit with those two individuals and they and you are at peace with it now.

Thank you and yes things have calmed down.
I mainly started this thread because I was letting my thoughts create what wasn't there to create...lol. meaning I was under condemnation (not conviction) and I became concerned that I was guilty of gossiping, murmuring and being a false witness.
It's always good to ask fellow believers what they understand about the subject.
Some very good answers! It also helps to see things from another perspective after hearing others advice.
God Bless you abundantly to overflowing!

 

[Heart2Soul]

You can be certain that the enemy will use any opportunity to condemn you if you speak to others about your hurt.
I prefer to address matters directly with the person involved in the offence/hurt. It's problematic if they don't want to hear it; problematic in that the story can be twisted. I live with that! Ultimately, if/when that occurs, the problem becomes compounded for them.

Thank you...and you're right and that is what I always do. It's the mutual friends between us that want to ask questions and also try to help mend the rift between me and the other person that gets me going. Sad to say, but it's true.
God Bless brother.

 

[L.A.M.B.]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

To me gossip is malicious and one is pointing out others wrongs.

Prayer should always come first bc Jesus feels your hurt and only he can give you love and forgiveness for others.

Have you taken it to the offenders yet? This is the first thing we must do. Others sometimes offend from something going on in their own lives w/o meaning to cause hurt.

If it's just mean spirited ppl, whether for jealousy or whatever the reason, prayer comes first, confront second then prayer again.

We all are members of one body and must learn to function together. I know where you are coming from and I don't think you were gossiping but reaching to your friends for help.....I hope you had better friends than Job!

 

[L.A.M.B.]

Heart,
Plz understand, this is a natural reaction.
You have been good to these you've witnessed to. Sounds like to me you gave your extra cloak,you went the next mile also as Jesus said. He however does not want us abused.

There is a time to say NO and stop being taken advantage of by the world ppl. You showed and shared with them, it is now time to move forward and recieve your joy. You will feel bad at first but always be prayed up so you will know what HE WANTS OF YOU first, then proceed to say yes or no accordingly, you will know HIS choice.

Blessings dear Sister,am praying.

 

[Heart2Soul]

Heart,
Plz understand, this is a natural reaction.
You have been good to these you've witnessed to. Sounds like to me you gave your extra cloak,you went the next mile also as Jesus said. He however does not want us abused.

There is a time to say NO and stop being taken advantage of by the world ppl. You showed and shared with them, it is now time to move forward and recieve your joy. You will feel bad at first but always be prayed up so you will know what HE WANTS OF YOU first, then proceed to say yes or no accordingly, you will know HIS choice.

Blessings dear Sister,am praying.

Heart,
Plz understand, this is a natural reaction.
You have been good to these you've witnessed to. Sounds like to me you gave your extra cloak,you went the next mile also as Jesus said. He however does not want us abused.

There is a time to say NO and stop being taken advantage of by the world ppl. You showed and shared with them, it is now time to move forward and recieve your joy. You will feel bad at first but always be prayed up so you will know what HE WANTS OF YOU first, then proceed to say yes or no accordingly, you will know HIS choice.

Blessings dear Sister,am praying.

Oh Glory! Your Words hit the bullseye of my heart!
Thank you for the encouragement and prayers!
Thank you, Father for directing the paths of those who have encouraged me so much.
Gotta do a quick jig and kick my heels up.

 

[Taken]

GOSSIP CONTROVERSY
OP ^

Sort of look at gossip as disclosing personal information told to you in confidence with the understanding it remain private.

 

[Nancy]

I have struggled with understanding when is it gossip and when is it just discussing something that happened to you.
I remember when I was young I never discussed what others said or did to me because I didn't want to be a gossip or tattle-tail.
I know this isn't healthy because it builds up over time and becomes a root of bitterness in my heart. Also being young I just didn't have the knowledge of how to handle the situation in a way that would bring a positive outcome.
I still find myself holding things in at times because I don't want to be a gossip.
This past two weeks certain individuals I am acquainted with has said and done very hurtful things about me and to me.
In my time of hurting I shared with my friends (all 2 of them) the situation.
Then I would agonize about gossiping about someone....but it felt good to let it out and get some feedback...good and bad.
So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?
All input is welcome
(I already did some web searching on it but wanted other perspectives as well)

In 2 Timothy, Paul say's: "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done."

Was Paul gossiping here? i don't think so.

This to me is like a warning to stay away from certain folk, like the coppersmith.
I don't know if your 2 friends (I am your friend ) know the "certain individuals" you hurt you but if so, you will know who your real friends are.
I'm sorry they were unkind.

 

[Heart2Soul]

In 2 Timothy, Paul say's: "Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done."

Was Paul gossiping here? i don't think so.

This to me is like a warning to stay away from certain folk, like the coppersmith.
I don't know if your 2 friends (I am your friend ) know the "certain individuals" you hurt you but if so, you will know who your real friends are.
I'm sorry they were unkind.

Hi Nancy...you are definitely a friend, I am blessed to know you.
Leave it to you to find the perfect scripture to support my situation...
I would have to agree...Paul was not gossiping. Like you said it was a statement that gave others warning to avoid them.

 

[Dropship]

..So when is it sharing an experience and when is it gossip?..

The truth is never gossip..
If we learn something about somebody it might be best to whistleblow rather than keep it secret.
Example- the leaders of a church here in Plymouth let a paedophile join the church even though they knew he was one, but they didn't tell the congregation about his past, probably because they thought it'd be 'gossip'.
As a result he started abusing the kids of some parents who'd unknowingly let him be alone with their kids.