Hey Family - I need some major guidance.

[Mitch Myser]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

 

[Berserk]

You need to find a competent credentialed Christian counselor, who will not try to talk you out of your anxiety, but will rather be a good listener to go with you through the anxiety. Change brings permanence; recreation brings disappearance. What that means is this: when you try to change powerful negative feelings, you just repress them and make them more permanent. But when you regularly recreate them under a skilled counselor's guidance, that detached, even playful engagement with them robs them of their power and permanence. Get a counselor soon before your anxiety becomes a personality disorder so serious that it may become permanent!

Also keep this in mind: the condemnation you experienced in your younger years has seriously damaged your self-esteem. Love your neighbor as yourself is bad advice for a masochist! Psychological research has shown that young men with low self-esteem generally experience God as cold, distant, and impersonal. Raise your self-esteem and your potential to experience God's love will greatly improve and your anxiety level will accordingly decline. So how can you achieve this? I'd suggest looking for a new church where the people know nothing about your past and keeping your past private there until the respect you feel from significant others becomes the fertile soil for increased self-respect.

It sounds like marriage counseling at some point is also advisable. If your wife knows about your porn addiction, that awareness will sabotage her respect for you and will kill the emotional intimacy of your relationship. You won't conquer your anxiety until you break that habit and create the chance to diminish the suppressed guilt and shame that this addiction brings. Declare war on it! If you have kept your addiction a secret from her, that deceit will also kill intimacy!

And I'm afraid I must say that airing your dirty linen on this site, where you will encounter many unskilled judgmental Christians is not the best idea.

 

[Entanglement]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

Mitch, consider that unpleasant emotions you feel about certain things are there to warn you that something is very wrong with your thinking. Unpleasant emotions warn you no different than a smoke detector would, but if your smoke detector played smooth jazz in the event of a fire (You'd never get out)

 

[marksman]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

Start each day with this confession - For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind; 2 Timothy 1:7

Confess this truth every day and let the word restore your soul.

And bear in mind that for the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but powerful to God for bringing down of strongholds, 2 Corinthians 10:4

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Confession of the word will destroy this stronghold in your life.

 

[Entanglement]

Start each day with this confession - For God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind; 2 Timothy 1:7

Confess this truth every day and let the word restore your soul.

And bear in mind that for the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but powerful to God for bringing down of strongholds, 2 Corinthians 10:4

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Confession of the word will destroy this stronghold in your life.

What is the human feeling fear?

 

[marksman]

What is the human feeling fear?

What this young man is suffering from.

 

[4HizGlory37]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

Hi Mitch, let me start off by saying this first. Scripture says :

Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor heighth, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Lord loves you Mitch! He loves you with an everlasting love! BUT our God is a holy God and He commanded us to be holy for He is holy. You said that you were into pornography and fornication. Have you ever REPENTED of those sins? From what I have been learning, when we have unrepented sin or sins in our lives, it gives the enemy an open door to attack us. I believe that you should cry out to the Lord and repent of those old sins and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything else that you should confess. After you repent ( I mean where you are truly truly in deep sorrow for those sins against the Lord) you say out loud and believing in your heart that the blood of Jesus has cleansed you from ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS and that the enemy has no foothold against you. You ask th Lord Jesus Christ to shut that door that the enemy has come in, bind up those spirit of fear, spirit of anxiety, spirit of doubt and cast them out! You are not to have a spirit of fear but of Power, and LOVE, and of a sound mind! You have the mind of Christ. Perfect love ( the love of Jesus ) casts out all fear for fear hath torment. You cry out to Jesus! He is the author and finisher of our faith and He alone can help save you! You must have faith and believe!

blessings

 

[Stumpmaster]

I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this.

Hi Mitch, Welcome to this forum. The abrasive reality of living to the flesh whilst trying to practice Christianity is the plight of many raised alongside the preaching of the Gospel. The Cretians Paul wrote to Titus about were guilty of denying Christ by the way they were living, as are many.

Tit 1:16 They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.

The will of Satan and the Will of God are in conflict and when God chastises us in the desert of discipline it is a sign of His love to train us to resist the will of Satan. John the Baptist was in the desert calling for people to make a decision, calling for them to prepare the way of the Lord. Satan wants us to glorify our sinfulness but we are to get rid of all the things Satan uses to distract us from being in God's oasis, where like trees planted by the living waters of His Word and His Spirit, our faith is like leaves that remain green and do not wither when the heat and drought come because we have our roots spread out and established where they can be irrigated. Then we can serve God and be fruitful in spite of all the trials and tribulations that are thrust into our reality.

Jer 17:5-8 Thus says the LORD; Cursed be the man that trusts in man, and makes flesh his arm, and whose heart departs from the LORD. (6) For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good comes; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited. (7) Blessed is the man that trusts in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is. (8) For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreads out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat comes, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

 

[Entanglement]

What this young man is suffering from.

Where do you get the idea that fear is some sort of illness?

 

[Stumpmaster]

Where do you get the idea that fear is some sort of illness?

I think agoraphobia is an illness. It's an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear or anxiety about being in open or public places.

 

[Entanglement]

I think agoraphobia is an illness. It's an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear or anxiety about being in open or public places.

I am asking what the feeling of fear is in itself.

 

[Hidden In Him]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

Prayer. And by that, I mean a daily regimen of prayer. Not many know it but the apostles appear to have followed the Jewish pattern of observing the hours of prayer, which were equivalent to our 9AM, Noon, and 3PM. You don't have to keep those hours, but you should start keeping a daily regimen of prayer times, and preferably for a full hour. Time spent with God daily will change your whole life.

I'm also reminded of something I saw just the other day. This guy teaches on defeating depression, and #1 on his list is giving oneself to prayer walks, which not only exercise the body but allow you to spend time with God, while cleansing the mind of fears and anxieties, so it's therapeutic in a number of ways all at the same time.

God bless, and hope this helps:

 

[Debp]

Please help!

Alot of good advice so far from the others.

I'm sorry your former church was so condemning, and not willing to forgive you , even after you came back to the Lord.

You really need to realize who you are in Christ. Through Christ you are not only forgiven and cleansed from your sins (1 John 1:9)...but you need to remember that you are a child of God. Even if you sometimes fail, the Lord still loves and accepts you. We are accepted in the Beloved (Ephesians 1:6) This is the basis for Biblical self-esteem....who we are in Christ.

 

[JohnDB]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

I wish you were online so we could talk to you a bit more...
I got the general idea but there's more to ask you specifically and talk with you about.

Such as about faith...
About your conversations with God
About the things you do for employment
Things you and your wife does outside of the home.
How is the relationship between you and your wife doing?

Are you capturing the anxiety thoughts and binding them up?
How do you think that these anxieties are effecting you directly and then indirectly?
How is your porn addiction related to your anxiety?
Where is this anxiety coming from?
How are your math skills and logic processes?
What goals do you have in mind?
What would a better life look like for you?

There's a million things that go into figuring things out that takes time to actually get to know you better in order to actually offer up some sound advice.

Sure there's videos and books that disseminate information that you may or may not take to heart...
But somewhere along the line someone introduced you to the world of porn and you treated it like water to a man dying of thirst..
Why is that?
The obvious clue is that your fantasy life has surpassed real life...an escape crutch that is slowly destroying you. It's not going to be much longer before it will have permanent physical effects...all from something that is not what you really want and can't fill the need that this is filling. Which in turn only feeds the anxiety...which becomes a vicious cycle.

I really don't have the answers to your issues... only you do. But I can help you realize the good answers to your problems when you have them.

That's what we can do...it's not magic. It just seems like it sometimes.

 

[JohnDB]

One of my favorite lines of a really strange movie really fits this situation. (Cowboys versus Aliens)

God don't care who you have been...He cares about who you are.

And even though it's a sci fi movie...it's very true.

 

[lforrest]

There may be others that have dealt with this, and there may be other posts similar to this. Yet, I still need to ask and share.

I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33. I was raised in a baptist church. When I was 19, I was excommunicated from my church due to an addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times. I was making mistakes I wish I could go back and change. A few months after my excommunication, I sat with my dad who told me I wasn't a Christian and was going to hell. All I knew myself as, was a believer. When he told me this, I had a first panic attack. I was overwhelmed and couldn't breath. I left there with a few week in great despair. I was so depressed, full of fear, and anxiety. I have never dealt with it before then. So I went home thinking about suicide. The only thing stopping me was the thought of hell. When I was excommunicated, my church family and my blood family decided to disown me. During the the few weeks where I laid I'm bed for two weeks, disables by despair, I started praying and asking God for forgiveness. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. Although, I do believe I was still a believer, or at least a part of me did. Soon after, I heard God calling me to another church I attended prior(not the church the disciplined me). I spoke with my the Pastor there and he invited me to his church, seeing a true change of heart in me. For the greater part of a year, I tried to regain fellowship with that church. I had my new pastor and dad going to bat for me. They wanted nothing to do with me. At some point we gave up.

This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence. These weren't my normal everyday doubts. These were intrusive, unwanted, and terrible. Its as if I they weren't mine. They causes massive anxiety. I was always doubting myself and doubting God. Never feeling like I was good enough. I started fearing the end times. Fearing I would be left behind. A nagging doubt that I couldn't silence. It was so bad, I walked away from the Lord because of how painful and torturous it was.

It wasn't until I met my wife six years ago, that I started going back to church. When I walked away, those thoughts, anxiety and fear disappeared. I still dealt with forms of anxiety but not nearly the same. This is why I was away for so long, I feared this pain. But six years ago, I decided to go back to church because I wanted to find the Lord again. In the beginning the lord spoke to me and gave me some encouragement to seek him. His voice was do clear, there was no way it couldn't be Him. These last six years have been marked by more anxiety, doubt and fear. It's been so terrible. Rationalizing through why this is happening, goes back to my original panic attack. I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.

To this day, I'm still dealing with this. After years of asking God to remove this, He doesn't. With this, I feel like this doubt and fear has polluted my mind. Sometimes I have thoughts of maybe God isn't there. Maybe I'm not a Christian. Wondering if I truly believe. Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His. I'm at the point where I question it all. I feel like my prayers aren't being heard, or I'm not praying to anyone. As if God has left me completely. I sometimes consider myself like King Saul. God allowed him to have a tormenting spirit. Now that there is this peace treaty with Israel, massive fear and doubt has emerged. The fear of being left behind and seeing everyone I love disappear. I try to remember scripture. But, the anxiety is so overwhelming and clouds everything I do.

I am now on an Antidepressant. It helps dial down the anxiety and depression. Last October I went into a breakdown when I decided to allow the fear, doubts, anxiety to surface. The idea was to allow them to surface so I could finally face them and not repress them any longer. After this, I spiraled down into a broken mess. I had never experience such anxiety. I was in massive pain. I once again thought of suicide. I prayed and prayed through it and got on some meds.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, potential OCD, and depression. The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues. I feel so broken and messed up inside. When some sat they have this and Go to God for strength, I go to God and get more anxiety. Most of my my anxiety is built around God. It's all so irrational. There is nothing to fear by reading God's word or praying. Anxiety can cause irrational fear and voices. I can't approach Him, His word, prayer, having a discussion with wife about God, and even church without causing massive anxiety. I've been dealing with this for 13 years, waiting on the Lord to heal me and He doesn't. Also, I am still addicted to porn.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me. Him not healing me also feeds into my fear. Please help me with some words. I love God and yearn for Him everyday. I want God's peace and joy. All I get is despair. I really want rest, peace and joy in my life. I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

I'm sorry that you had to endure as much. Excommunicated at a young age like that. Fortunately you belong to Christ regardless of what men have said.

Trust in his word, we have authority in Jesus Christ. Luke 10:19

I pray for Boldness, that you will come to know and exercise your rightful position within the body of Christ.

 

[Enoch111]

I want to serve God without all of this. But I can't, it's too much. Please help!

Hello Mitch, and Welcome to CB. Your post is a cry for help, and I trust I may be able to help in some way. But you will need to take this advice to heart. I have gone through your post, and here is what I see (while bringing things together which are scattered throughout). I am quoting your words below:

THE POSITIVES: YOU ARE A GENUINE BELIEVER
"I love God and yearn for Him everyday. ... I've been a believer for 17 years. I gave my life to Jesus when I was 16, and now I'm 33.... All I knew myself as, was a believer. I rededicated my life to him. But, I did it as if I was an unbeliever. ...Still, I have this deep voice tell me the opposite, telling me God is there and I'm His... I want to serve God without all of this."

THE NEGATIVES: YOUR FAILINGS
"...addiction to pornography and debt. I had also slept around a few times...The meds help, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues.... Also, I am still addicted to porn..."

THE OUTCOME: ANXIETY AND DOUBTS ABOUT SALVATION
"I went from believing whole heartedly I was a believer, to hearing I wasn't. For 13 years I heard these doubts.... This leads to why I'm messaging you guys today. For 13 years, I have been dealing with massive anxiety, fear, and doubt. I started hearing intrusive thoughts. Doubting my salvation, doubting God's existence and doubting God's existence".

YOUR DESIRE: PEACE AND JOY
"I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live in doubt or fear. Yet, for I have tried everything in my power to change this. Ive also been waiting on the Lord to heal me... I really want rest, peace and joy in my life."

THE SOLUTION: TAKE GOD AND CHRIST AT THEIR WORDS
1. Regarding your salvation here is what Jesus said: Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? (John 11:25,26) BELIEVE IT.

2. Regarding your sins: If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. (1 John 1:8-10) BELIEVE IT.

You need to repent of your addiction to pornography. Which means that you need to (1) confess this sin to God, and (2) TURN AWAY COMPLETELY from you addiction.

How can that be accomplished? It is quite simple. Take all the pornographic material you have and BURN IT. Even if it is on tapes or discs, take everything and make a bonfire out of it all, and tell God that you are finished with this addiction. And wipe out -- PURGE -- your computer from all this trash. You can also adjust your computer settings to block all pornographic sites.

We have an example in the Bible where those who were involved with sorcery, witchcraft, and occultic practices took all ther expensive books connected with these activities AND LITERALLY BURNT THEM. And that was the end of the matter. And you should not need any meds after this. Just the Word of God.

ACTS 19: GENUINE REPENTANCE
17 And this was known to all the Jews and Greeks also dwelling at Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified.
18 And many that believed came, and confessed, and shewed their deeds. [Note: there was public confession of sins]
19 Many of them also which used curious arts [SORCERY] brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. [Note: there was genuine repentance]
20 So mightily grew the Word of God and prevailed.

 

[marks]

I think agoraphobia is an illness. It's an anxiety disorder characterized by intense fear or anxiety about being in open or public places.

Fear is one of the abberant feelings of the flesh. The new creation spirit is not afraid.

Much love!

 

[MattMooradian]

Remember - anxiety is normal, to some degree. The human body is programmed (genetics) to experience anxiety (fight-flight response). Some of us inherit more of these genetics, some of us inherit fewer of these genetics. The fear of God has been around since Adam & Eve hid from God in the Garden of Eden. Do not think you will ever be rid of your anxiety completely - it's important to be realistic. Most of us would be dead if we did not have the genetics for anxiety (There are a small portion of humans who do not inherit an adequate capacity for developing the fight-flight response; it is not uncommon for this group of people to end up in jail. Also, this group lacks empathy for others.) In other words, you do not want to have no anxiety. Forethought is another advantage of anxiety (you can see it in your tendency to imagine future scenarios: what if this happens? What if that happens?).

Nevertheless, too much anxiety is not a good thing. It is very likely that your anxiety will not subside as long as you continue to be addicted to porn. You know that behavior is displeasing to God, so each time you engage in porn-viewing, you are re-stained - and you know it. It is likely that you are hiding (ashamed of) your porn addiction (do you confess to your wife each time you engage in porn viewing?) (Can your wife cope with hearing about your porn addiction? - this is important.) You may need someone to confess to (both before and after you engage in porn addiction). This makes you accountable, it makes you think-through the decision: 'should I visit a porn site?'

The bottom line is: you need a plan and you need help. Seek out a good therapist who understands your spirituality.

Typical plans involve something like:
1. remind oneself that you have been cleansed by Jesus' blood; that blood was shed for all of us, including you. Therefore, you are forgiven - we need to have faith that this is true; believing that Jesus' blood has cleansed me. 2. Everyone falls, again and again. It's not good; nor is it ok to fall. But, we all do it. You will sin again. The issue is whether we are sincerely battling our lower nature, working on avoiding our recurrent sins. Daily focus, prayer for God's assistance in overcoming such sins, and confession to person's offended and/or to a trusted other when we fall again. There should be resulting evidence of a measured improvement of our godly behavior and/or a decrease of the recurrent sins.
3. Focus on the compassionate nature of God (You may think too much about God's wrathful nature).
4. Anxiety management can be summed up in (a.) Deep, abdominal breathing methods (b.) Self-talk ("God is merciful", Jesus' blood has cleansed me," "anxiety cannot hurt me", "I'm always ok when the anxiety is over", etc. etc.
5. Medication can help, but seeing a therapist can help you develop a plan to overcome the porn addiction and learn anxiety management (similar to #1-#4, above).

Every plan should be developed with you - personally, in mind. The above plan is generalized, a therapist will develop a plan well-suited to you.

 

[quietthinker]

Get rid of the Porn....get rid of it....permanently! One can't entertain sin and have peace at the same time.