Please pray I found out my husband is hiding things from between him and a woman co worker. He deletes his text message and phone history from her. He even loaned her $100.00 to buy some tools for work. She has only been working with him for around 2 months. He always talks about her, he says he feels sorry for her because she is a single mom trying to make it on her own with 2 kids. He sold something of his to give her $100.00 and met her in town to give it to her behind my back. I found out about it because she text him about it and I read it before he did. She said she spent all the money and didn’t buy any tools. When I asked him about it. He said he was going to help her rather I like it or not. He said she’s not attractive and he’s not interested in her and says he loves me and don’t cheat on me. I find all this hard to believe when he hides things from me. He said it’s because I am too jealous and take things the wrong way. She's 33 and he's 50, Why would he do this to me after 18 years of marriage. How can i trust him when he hides things from me.
Husband hiding things from me with co worker
- Thread starter Daughter Of Sarah
- Start date
-
Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.
You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!
goodshepard55
New Member
Maybe because he thinks you will make more of it than it really is...how about meeting her or inviting her to dinner, she could probably use a friend, and maybe a female friend at that...sorry but after 18 years of being married has he ever done anything for you not to trust him, maybe he is telling the truth...maybe he feels like you would not help someone in need...talk to him, invite her and her children over for a meal...single parents have it tough in todays world..will be praying for you and this situation...
Do you have a Church family? ...have you discussed this with your Pastor, counselor or a christian friend? [if you are part of a Church]. I think that there is more to this story than what you have posted...praying for you and this situation...
Bless you!!!
Bless you!!!
aspen
“"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few
I'd take it seriously. The fact that he told you he was going to help her regardless of your feelings shows that there is something very wrong in your relationship at the moment.
I faced a similar situation with my wife and her co-worker. It did not end well (20 years of marriage), but I am glad I confronted her because not knowing and pretending that everything is fine is a slow death.
I faced a similar situation with my wife and her co-worker. It did not end well (20 years of marriage), but I am glad I confronted her because not knowing and pretending that everything is fine is a slow death.
Yes he has done something in the past is why i don't trust him. I have proof he had several dates behind my back. He don't want us to meet, he thinks i might say something to embarrass him. Seems like i can do nothing right. He gets attached to other woman to easy and puts them above me. My feelings mean nothing to him. Seems like he is more worried what other people think then what is good for me. I am probably reacting to all this because of the past, that really hurt me bad. I couldn't eat and lost alot of weight. I pray constantly for God to deliver me from all this. I have never cheated on my husband and never want to. i just don't understand why people do that. They take a vow before God and it means nothing to them. So many woman he meets have no morals and it doesn't brother them being with a married man.
aspen
“"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few
You are in a tough situation. I never thought I would end up leaving my marriage - it was unthinkable, but when I became unable to work or even function, I knew I had to do something. I would never recommend ending a marriage prematurely, but sometimes there reaches a point when you cannot do it anymore. Infidelity is grounds for leaving. I will pray for you.
Casually drop by his work to bring him lunch/dinner.
Then introduce yourself to her as his wife.
From a male standpoint, if a younger girl shows an older male attention, if he's not strong enough to resist ...he will fall. For the nature of things, be it male or female, having someone younger compliment you or show you attention is quite flattering, if you can just keep it at that level.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Then introduce yourself to her as his wife.
From a male standpoint, if a younger girl shows an older male attention, if he's not strong enough to resist ...he will fall. For the nature of things, be it male or female, having someone younger compliment you or show you attention is quite flattering, if you can just keep it at that level.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Thanks I will try that. Please pray for his strength to resist. I pray constantly. Please pray i can stop thinking about what they are doing at work or after work. I just cry all the time and can't function at work.
She is getting back on his shift and will be working close together again, since he is the one everyone goes to for help. They will be getting closer and i am worried something will happen. Only a few people on the night shift so they will be together alot, breaks, lunch etc. Please pray he will get a day job or she will get another job.
Thanks
If you will forgive my being a bit blunt . . .
Perhaps you might consider "winning him back"?
Forget about all these vain imaginations, and focus your energies on being the woman he wants. You have the huge advantage - you already know the man. And he married you - for a reason!
You can try to control him. You can try to shame him. You can play the scared wife. Or you can take control of the one component in this equation that you can control - you.
Stop those things that push him away, do those things that draw him closer. I believe that you know what they are already. If not, some prayerful consideration. Maybe the counsel of someone who knows you both.
If you are wrong, and he's loyal to you, you are damaging your marriage. If you are right, and he's not loyal to you, get back to the courtship. You won't get him back by force, only by returning to who he fell in love with in the first place.
And I'm sorry if I sound harsh. But I know what I'm talking about. And the sooner you come to terms with your part in this relationship, the sooner healing and restoration can happen. Pray without ceasing that God will build him up a Godly Christian man. But put your energies into being the woman of his dreams.
And if, in the end, he chooses another, it won't be that you didn't do everything in your power to make this marriage work.
Love in Christ,
Mark
Perhaps you might consider "winning him back"?
Forget about all these vain imaginations, and focus your energies on being the woman he wants. You have the huge advantage - you already know the man. And he married you - for a reason!
You can try to control him. You can try to shame him. You can play the scared wife. Or you can take control of the one component in this equation that you can control - you.
Stop those things that push him away, do those things that draw him closer. I believe that you know what they are already. If not, some prayerful consideration. Maybe the counsel of someone who knows you both.
If you are wrong, and he's loyal to you, you are damaging your marriage. If you are right, and he's not loyal to you, get back to the courtship. You won't get him back by force, only by returning to who he fell in love with in the first place.
And I'm sorry if I sound harsh. But I know what I'm talking about. And the sooner you come to terms with your part in this relationship, the sooner healing and restoration can happen. Pray without ceasing that God will build him up a Godly Christian man. But put your energies into being the woman of his dreams.
And if, in the end, he chooses another, it won't be that you didn't do everything in your power to make this marriage work.
Love in Christ,
Mark
How can he trust you when you read his private messages and publish them for the whole world to read!
Thanks for the good advice. I did just what u said, and i do pray all the time for my husband. We had a wonderful, weekend, he was so loving and even said we had a great weekend together. He did mention the co worker several times but it didn't bother me and i didn't react badly to it. I just pray his love for me is strong even to say no to this other woman's advances.
I come here for advice and prayers and i get this attitude. He told the whole world he had a blind date behind my back.
If you have nothing positive to add Erudite...I suggest you keep your personal opinions to yourself... :huh:
Shalom!!!
Shalom!!!
Most of the positive advice this woman has received, is in regard to how she should modifi her behaviour to keep her husband. For instance this woman has been told to
You can try to control him. You can try to shame him. You can play the scared wife. Or you can take control of the one component in this equation that you can control - you. !!!!
or to
Stop those things that push him away,!!!!
or that
You won't get him back by force, only by returning to who he fell in love with in the first place.!!!!
All the above gems of wisdom state that it is,
she who lost control of the marriage,
that it is she who pushed him awa y to another woman,
that it is she who must revert to the woman her husband married.
If I were this womans husband I would be on my bended knee beggibg for forgivness. It is he who has sinned against her. Has her husband slept with this woman? If he has I would insist that he has a full range of STD tests. If he refuses then she must have the tests. If she should test positive for any diseases or infections, she should divorce and sue him for bodily injury.
But under no circumstances should this woman be made to change for her husband who has no respect for her or their marriage vows.
Hire a Christian PD [ you will find them in the yellow pages ] a few months after he says he has finished the affair and have him followed and have all his calls logged. Involve no one in your local church as they are often hives of adultery and co-conspiritors, everyone say "Jimmy Swaggart "
I truly wish the best for you but it is he who carries the WHOLE BLAME not you!
most of the positive advice you have recieved from Mark , is in regard to how YOU should modifi YOUR behaviour to keep YOUR husband. Just perhaps HE should modifi HIS!
For instance YOU HAVE been told that it is, YOU who should WIN HIM BACK,[ SURLEY HE SHOULD WIN YOU BACK?]
That is is you lost control of the marriage and that you should focus your energies on being the woman HE WANTS. { WE ALL KNOW THE TYPE OF WOMAN THIS MAN WANTS!!!]
That it is ,that it is YOU WHO MUST REVERT to the WOMAN YOUR HUSBAND MARRIED.[ I WOULD SUGGEST THAT IT IS HEWHO MUST REVERT TO THE HUSBAND YOU MARRIED]
All of this advice seems to make you responsible for your husbands actions and makes it encumbunt on you to repair the damage he has wrought !!!
I wish you well.
Of course he has to change his behavior, and begin to obey God's wishes for his marriage.
Nonetheless . . . she cannot make him change. All she can do is help him to want to change. A wife can demand her husband love her again. What will that accomplish? A wife can increase her attractiveness, and make sure she is obeying God's wishes.
Love in Christ,
Mark
Nonetheless . . . she cannot make him change. All she can do is help him to want to change. A wife can demand her husband love her again. What will that accomplish? A wife can increase her attractiveness, and make sure she is obeying God's wishes.
Love in Christ,
Mark
aspen
“"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few
oh boy........
Attractiveness in a partner is a two way street. Men are also responsible for finding attractiveness in their wives. Only the most shallow of partners leaves their spouse for someone more attractive.
Attractiveness in a partner is a two way street. Men are also responsible for finding attractiveness in their wives. Only the most shallow of partners leaves their spouse for someone more attractive.
I have to wonder, you who seem so opposed to what I am saying . . . are you married?
Have you experienced and recovered from major issues in your marriage?
Have you counseled married couples?
Tell me . . . Which is more fruitful . . . to encourage someone to attempt to change things that they can change? Or to encourage someone to attempt to change things that they cannot change?
Personally, I don't see these things as shallow issues in the slightest.
There seems to be an assumption being made that because I speak to one spouse a certain way that I would have nothing to say to the other spouse. Please realize . . . I am only speaking to one spouse.
And, fwiw . . . in my experience . . . and in my opinion . . . rarely is someone blameless in the breakup of a marriage. Though it can happen.
And . . . in my experience . . . it is absolutely amazing what can happen when even only one partner commits themself to living as a Biblical spouse. One can be enough. What happens is that the other sees something that they want, and decide to come along. And all the better when the one whom you might call the victim is the more Godly, as they will often have more to forgive. Though like I said, rarely is one blameless, in my experience.
Love in Christ,
Mark
Have you experienced and recovered from major issues in your marriage?
Have you counseled married couples?
Tell me . . . Which is more fruitful . . . to encourage someone to attempt to change things that they can change? Or to encourage someone to attempt to change things that they cannot change?
Personally, I don't see these things as shallow issues in the slightest.
There seems to be an assumption being made that because I speak to one spouse a certain way that I would have nothing to say to the other spouse. Please realize . . . I am only speaking to one spouse.
And, fwiw . . . in my experience . . . and in my opinion . . . rarely is someone blameless in the breakup of a marriage. Though it can happen.
And . . . in my experience . . . it is absolutely amazing what can happen when even only one partner commits themself to living as a Biblical spouse. One can be enough. What happens is that the other sees something that they want, and decide to come along. And all the better when the one whom you might call the victim is the more Godly, as they will often have more to forgive. Though like I said, rarely is one blameless, in my experience.
Love in Christ,
Mark
Hubby deleted 2 text messages from her last night. How can I handle all this. He is hurting our marriage for a coworker. What is he hiding? Please pray he will be honest with me
Honey...be assertive and ask him. Even if there is a possibility of WW111 breaking out. Just ask him to be honest with you. :huh:
Praying for you and this situation.
Blessings!!!
Praying for you and this situation.
Blessings!!!
I asked him and now he's put a passcode on his phone. Found out she texted him 3 times today and even went by to see him at work. I can't deal with this anymore. I just cry all the time and beg God to help me and now things are worse. I have been through too much in my life and this is just too much for me. I can't eat ior sleep pease I am giving out and can't take much more.
Similar threads
