This is what I don't often read of others. Wall text. A long post. But I was inspired and it is directed to you and your fears.
I think you have to maybe investigate all that went into compiling the Bible of today.
Man and politics played a huge role.
The first faith is to believe men who said God inspired the Bible.
One thing that has never appeared on its cover or title? The words, "God's Words".
Holy Biblios, holy book, has.
If God wanted to write a book wouldn't he insure it was perfect and unchanging forever?
There were no scribes walking with Jesus during his ministry and taking down every word he said.
Jesus Apostles delivered his gospel by word of mouth after Jesus ascended to Heaven. And this continued for centuries.
Christianity, The Way, was first an oral teaching, tradition.
The first "text",letter written to relate the gospel was hundreds of years after Christ.
And remember, there are scrolls relating to Jesus being found to this day. While the Bible you own was declared by men in councils to be, by their election, a closed canon. Meaning essentially, it is complete and God has nothing more to say.
So when you are led to believe there is such a thing as an unforgivable sin, consider what that is saying about God and the gospel itself.
In history the Bible was used as a weapon by the church.
Human politics entered into a book that was said to be the inspired words of a holy spirit. Man's dictates were conflated into holy writ.
Therein, if people were led to fear speaking truthfully about the faith, question, the book they did not own but were read by empowered clergy who were one with the state, they would be said to be questioning God. Which was not allowed. And could mean death.
Therein, saying anyone who spoke against the holy spirit would not be forgiven communicated a dire threat and future. And insured silence and no questions. Just fear and obedience.
How many Christians have you heard say we are saved also by being obedient?
Because the church was entrusted with the authority to forgive sins. Unforgiven sins meant eternal damnation and Hell.
Insuring people did not dare ask questions or question God's word.
Now, think about what you're being asked to believe when the church attributed their authority and prohibition to ask questions, talk against the holy spirit that inspired the Bible, to Jesus. Who was God on Earth.
There's a rule God says. If you speak, blaspheme, which can include asking questions because that's tantamount to questioning God and his word, it's an unforgivable sin. Which means destined to eternal Hell.
Now, consider the human condition before Salvation.
You're told you are born separated from God. With a fallen human sinful nature and until or unless Saved by Jesus, you are doomed to eternal Hell for the wages of your unrepentant sins.
Unless or until you are redeemed from your sins through Christ and the grace of God. In which case , as God's word tells you, he shall remember your sins no more.
Because they are put under the redeeming blood of himself as Jesus and by that you are eternally washed clean of them. All because Jesus paid your sin price, death, on the cross.
Now, you're suppose to believe if you question, speak, against God, as is the case of every person in their natural mind, sinner state, all that is done away because that is one sin God cannot, will not, forgive?
Omniscient, all knowing, God. Sovereign, all powerful and in total control of his creation, God, will remember that sin and NEVER forgive it?
When you are a Christian, washed clean of sin, reborn in the spirit of Christ whose Holy Spirit now indwells you, will damn you for that particular sin? And vacate all that the Gospel brought forth through God's grace to you?
Rather than think your thoughts and words can overcome God's covenant with you, ask yourself why you feel the way you did when you committed those "sins" against the Holy Spirit.
There isn't a thought, a word, that God does not know in you.
Those who are in Christ do not make a habit of sinning. Which means we are now cognizant of what sin is.
However, this does not mean we do not question what it all means, what God's plans are, etc... Because though reborn spiritually in the spirit of God, we are still rational thinking people who have questions about God's plans when our lives are none the less impacted by worldly matters.
In short, don't let long dead men aligned with the authority vested in church and state lead you to believe there is something man can do that God will not ever forgive.
Otherwise, Jesus sacrifice to manifest, seal, a new covenant with his blood wasn't all powerful and all forgiving.
Look within to those unanswered questions that out of frustration may have led you to "blaspheme" the Holy Spirit.
And take it all to God to set the answers straight for you and your peace of mind.
Every Christian has questions as to what we're asked to believe.
Why does a sovereign Omniscient, Omnipresent, Omnipotent spirit that created all that exists, seen and unseen, inspire a book to let little lesser being mortals know "he" exists?
Especially when in that book Paul tells us all of nature is proof God exists so that we are without excuse. (If we claim there's no proof God exists .)
Why does that same eternal powerful spirit require lesser beings behave in a way that the power prescribes as pleasing to his sense of primacy? A bit like man whispering orders to an ant to insure the ant behave in a way that pleases the man's ego and sustains the man's sense of higher authority and station over the ant.
What does the whole point of a rule book , the Bible, accomplish when the reason we need to be saved from God's judgement is because God decreed us to be condemned for what Eve and Adam did.
Odd when we're later told we are all responsible for our own sins. The sins of the father will not pass to the son.
But we're condemned because the sins of the mother and father of us all sinned? And their sins passed to us and made for our fallen nature by God's will?
When he didn't forgive them for eating of a condemning tree he decreed as such because he made its fruit off limits,but still planted it there, and planted in the garden he made thereafter and judged good?
How does God's enemy disguise himself as a serpent when God is everywhere all the time and knows all eternally?
How do Eve and Adam choose to obey when they had no knowledge of right and wrong, good and evil?
If God sends us to Hell for being as he created us to be destined for that place unless he saves us, why did he let Lucifer and those follower angels live after committing the ultimate act of blasphemy and sin in Heaven? Sin in Heaven?As they sought to unseat God and take over there?
And not only let to live but cast Lucifer and those angels to earth. Making Lucifer, ha Satan, Lord here.
Lucifer warred against God and lived. If we die without Jesus we die eternally and go to the Hell God made to first receive Satan and his angels but then opened it to receive us after the future judgement of all people? Meanwhile God let's Satan continue to challenge God's authority as his adversary by tempting us ? With God's permission because God let Lucifer live after his sin?
See? At one time I'd have been burned at the stake for asking that publicly. Hanged. Guillotined.
Because that is questioning God. Blaspheming Holy Spirit.
In truth it's natural. Because God gave us an intellect that we don't lose when he gives us his Holy Spirit.
And forget the falsity that says we are born separated from God.
God says..... All that exists is of and from him.
When God is the source of all , no thing is from any other source. Not even his adversary.
Think! It's food for the soul. And stop beating yourself up thinking you're doomed for your thoughts. Look deeper and ask God why he led you to them.
Maybe because God is a spirit. And we must worship him in spirit. Not by the book.
The Bible is a guidebook. Jesus said, do not believe every spirit but test them to see if they are of God.
I think God let that enter the Bible to let us know Spirit is more powerful than mans printing press and politics.
Jesus condemned the Pharisees for worshiping the law and being blind to the spirit. And that blindness led them to want to kill Jesus. Who was God.