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I can't believe/seek anymore

Discussion in 'NonChristian Help Forum' started by Bibliocentrist, Sep 24, 2015.

  1. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    I give up. I can not believe or it is too hard to (have faith in) in God anymore. Things are too bad, &/;or I am too bad & too mad. I have tried to believe for the last 8 years and it has been the worst 8 years of my "life". I have quit and come back again and again in the last 8 years only to be kicked in the face by God. Apart from a pastor helping with unfluoridated water and a few other things its all negatives (fear, force, threat, punishment, guilt) and not any positives/love. When i quit i suffer worse "punishment" within even hours, yet 8 years of trying to have faith has been for nothing but negatives ("yet").

    Things are too bad/hard:

    - God can't even let me have clean running tap water. The pastor was the only person able or willing to help with water, but i still have to trust him, i still get left in the lurch when he is away or busy (unknown to me) (even this week), and he won't be able to help for ever (he is due to retire soon). They poison my water (fluoridation and alluminium-laced) and no one believes me how bad it effects me. I can not get a filter because of plumbing problems here and other reasons/problems. Even though it is mans fault for the fall, it is God's fault they fluoridate because he made it the deceptive easy answer to tooth decay (caused by sugar etc) (though it may be the angel wormwood). (Though his cleanliness laws do connect with the real root problem & solution of tooth decay. But how can i keep orally clean without clean water?) Yes it did seem like he was the one to reveal about the evil fluoridation, but that is no use if he doesn't also help not have to eat/drink the poison water.
    Everything (food, clothes) has to be rinsed in this evil system (not just because of cleanliness). When i don't rinse because of all the water/plumbing trouble i suffer health effects.

    - God made me 42 years old and always been single, while he gave David 12 wives, Moses 2, Abraham 3, Jacob 4, Solomon 600. And he made me ugly. (Even though my not very great body is due to lack of exercise/labour it is his fault he cursed me with mental illness so that i am not able to get much). He is the one that cursed Adam and Eve with the law of attraction (women only like confident, manly, body-built, working, etc, and all the true-full-relationship-intimacy, romance & steps etc). Even if he found me someone tomorrow i have still forever missed out on young love (women don't like huge age gap, most are "recycled" by 30s & 40s, i can't grow physically & mentally younger), and some of us more ugly/reject people have less choice. How mean is it of God to rub in our face people who have more beautiful and more younger etc. If i die single i miss out for all eternity because "there is no marriage in heaven".

    - God made me dumb. I wasted years effort rewriting my papers on my supposed discoveries and i can never get them up to orthodox academic "high/rigorous standards". The orthodox academics make me seem like i am just an all dumb/wrong dog. One on Atlantis started-out all my own thesis and turned out i was wrong and that 3 others were right. I can't even make my own website etc. In my "life" i often find my way of doing things is wrong/dumb and i hate having to do things others way. God doesn't care because he says its all pride/mammon.

    - God cursed me with mental illnesses. Even though some may be my or my ancestors sins/vices faults. Every day for the last 1-2 decades i have to live in fear of the mental health act and in fear of accomodation rules. I am extremely limited by misophonia, and by ocd, and by slight schizo/paranoia. I have to wear earplugs all the time.

    - God won't let me do my good paper studies. I haven't been able/allowed to do my paper studies since last November because of constant interuptions/disruptions all year (eg clicking throat, flats repainting, social welfare changes, fluoridated water, windows 7 & braodband changes, smart meters, noisy neighbours & building nearby, cold flat, etc), and still not looking like will be able to in future weeks/months. The only reason i had to believe apart from not going to "hell" after die is because i wanted a wife and wanted to be able to do my studies, and he refuses me, so i have no reason now. Before last nov, the last 8 years trying to have faith i have had to restart my studies umpteen times because of cursed ocd. Even my casual/rough computer studies i can't do properly.
    - I also forever lost 15 years studies notes & resources in a crisis 8 years ago. I hate God that i can never recover most of them.

    - Now i may even die prematurely. I have had heart pains all this year. * years trying to have faith only to be kicked in face. (I know the reasons: age, gender, stress, anger, lack exercise, calories/fat/carbs, free radicals, etc, but i can't do anything about it do to situation & condition.)

    - I can't even get decent food. Because i am not able to have a garden in this situation and condition i have to buy from shops. But the food of this country is disgraceful (it may look slick on outside but there are many seeming bad things on closer inspection/experience). Even the "organics" can and do spray their food (they admited on me pushing for answer). It is God's fault they spray our food (despite the fall). This last week i bought "organic" citris fruit, it had no pips [= unhealth/unnatural] (i have to suffer this because stupid because people don't like pips), and caused ringing in ears (i don't think it was good serotonin) and other effects.

    - I can't even find out who my maternal real grandfather is.

    This last 8 years i have suffered many things and the system/regime has gotten worse (government changes/laws). Just some of the things i can remember off top of head: I went blind in 1 eye a few times. I had balding threats (halted when not on fluoridated water). Went past 7 birthdays still single and getting older. Rejected by 3 women i met through find someone site. Clicking throat (due to un/cleanliness problems (due to water & plumbing problems etc)). Flats windows repainting. Roadworks for a month from the regime putting in broadband. Works & houses building in next street for the last 2 years (still not finished) (thanks to John Keys stupid housing program). Pen & pencil studies notes faded & lost. Silverfish (threatening my paper studies books & papers [God doesn't care, he says is i'm not allowed any earthly treasures]). Cockroaches. Heart pains & blood pressure. Gst increase. My mother now has lung cancer. Daylight savings increase. Broadband & windows 7/8 changes (including lost access to years notes on win 7 harddrives) (i also am under constant threat of loosing dialup). Smart meters changes troubles. Social welfare benefit reforms (worktesting) changes (and this last month they also changed renewal form policy causing me disruption trouble). Ripped of hundreds of dollars from clothes i bought that turned out no good. Banned from some forums (though was in times when i quit faith). Insects accidentally maimed/killed (made me feel very bad). Junk mail / circulars problems (despite 3 signs on box) & related troubles with company share flat neighbours. Tele surveyors etc annoying & disrupting me. Lumps on my fingers (either arthritis/rickets/osteoperosis from lack of sun, or cancer). A week or two ago i had cancer lumps threat (lump on head and on finger) after eating something bad. Earthquakes. Some bad dreams. Tap washers packed up. Cameras everywhere in public places. Excruciating ear aches. "Freeview" Tv (DTV). Been poisoned. Etc etc.

    (Aside from things getting worse there have been the usual suffering things: attached neighbours stomping on wooden floor all day every day for last 10 years; water pipes gushing & banging everytime one of the other 4 flats use the water; Bent nose trouble (which i have had ever since was punched in face in my late teens); etc.)

    (And the outlook of ongoing "new right" goverment changes plans makes future seem very gloomy to me.)

    (I also hate being stuck in NZ, i want to go to UK or Israel.)
    Moreover, us gentiles/Japhethites have it pretty hard. We are cursed to be on worse climate etc than Semite chosen people Jews of Israel. Our English language translations of bible (and also of other sources like Arthurian, Atlantis Account) are infuriatingly inaccurate.

    Sure everyone suffers some things (esp in the West), and sure there are some people in world & history who have suffered some worse things. But my "life" is hell compared to most "normal/healthy" western people. What is point if this is all "faith" & "life" has. May as well be dead. Even if we get healed/delivered we still have a normal hard life to have to live.

    Sure God sent some signs/etc but those things are not much compared to the real negatives that suffering.

    When i give up I know there is no hope, but i can't do it (try faith/seek) any more as i & things too bad.
    I am too mad at how hard God makes it. Its always oh have faith for longer or have to have more faith. There is never any deadline date or promise date, there is no guarantee that if i come back again (and again and again) of if/when he will ever deliver/heal/save me from all this external and internal hell situation & condition. Its always just "faith" and "seek first". And, no one cares, even most christians/churches. All through world history some people suffer hell (slavery, eunuchs/single, poisoned, mental illness, etc) while others have it good.

    Someone on Nottstalgia forum said they were saved and things changed: no longer aloholic, no longer fear death, etc. But in my experience of the last 8 years i don't see any great external or internal positives.

    It is too hard to have faith when forever lost so much, when suffering so much, when have to accept things i don't like about myself, when we are not allowed to be/do/have what we want.

    Christianity is all negatives, where is the positives (consolation, comfort, healing, deliverance, love)

    If i had 3 wishes.
    Most of my life i said all i wanted at the least was to be able to do my studies in peace quiet and privacy, and to have a wife/love/companionship (and be saved and no go to lake of fire).
    Recently i changed it to all i ask is Love (and hope and faith) since that also includes the previous things.
    Now i say all i ask is grace, mercy and peace (which includes the previous).
     
  2. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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    The force be with you. The times are short... When you make heaven you won't be fretting around about what you missed out on Earth but will be eternally thankful you have left the place for the paradise of God.


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADm97rcV13Q
     
  3. lforrest

    lforrest Well-Known Member Staff Member Admin

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    Your complaining that God isnt supplying you with unchlorinated, and unflorunated drinking water?

    I used to put concentrated floride treatment on my teeth. I also used to drink from a well that smelled like septic, because it leached in from the ground water. We treated the well with so much chlorine bleach it smelled like a swimming pool. I survived and suffered no negative affects during those times. Make sure this isn't all in your mind.

    Remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If he wants it to be supplied with clean water he will provide it. If he doesn't then I hope he doesn't mind additives. Why be so concerned about what enters your body?
     
  4. Angelina

    Angelina Prayer Warrior Staff Member Admin

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    Hi Biblio,
    Giving up on God is not going to change your circumstances. As a matter of fact, I believe it will make life more difficult. We serve a God who loves us and who hears our prayers, a God who intervenes on our situation because he cares about us. Sometimes this does not happen the way we envision because every situation we face is unique and sometimes there are lessons which God desires us to learn. Sometimes being under pressure causes us to lean harder towards God. He knows our very heart and our every need and he is a God of miracles. This is the God I know and this is the God I believe in. Some people have nothing and they hang on to God as an anchor to their very soul with the hope that he will provide and he comes through every time.Without him we have an insecure future, without him, we have nothing. I'd would rather have nothing with God than everything without him, because without him we have no hope. JM2c

    Bless you!
     
  5. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    I won't make heaven if i can't believe anymore.
    The times are not that short, there seemingly may be a while to go yet.

    I didn't "complain" about chlorination but about fluoiridation and allumium-lacing.
    There is no doubt that when i am on fluoridated and alluminium-laced water i am worse and when i am not on it i am not so bad. Others also testify effects, some proven by studies. Mainland Europe has banned it. The labels say toxic, hazchem, poison. It is illegal to dump in the sea. Side-effects seemingly include thyroid, pineal gland/dreams, mental dumbness, dry mouth, insomnia, prostatate, balding, etc. It is not all in my mind, and you/they can't/haven't proven it. I have not seen your whole quality/quantity life so i can not judge for myself whether you were or weren't effected in ability or health or lifespan, and some people are more vulnerable than others. The bible Mosaic law has clean running water as essential. The bible talks of wormwood water and blood water, and eating & drinking in horror.
    Why don't they instead just ban sugar and why don't people just brush their teeth (oral cleanliness). No one has the right to force it on me unless they prove it is forced on everyone in the world and history (and even then we all have inequal situations & conditions & combinations). Natural (God created) is best. Prove to me that God told you it is not harmful to me. Bible says blessed are they that even give a cup of [clean] water in my name.
    No one cares. Practice what you preach. You are pro the evil regime poisoners.
    By the time i have been able to have written a full enough refutation upto the rigorous standards i will be dead.
    So God punishes me for being unclean or bad diet or lack of exercise etc, then to the oppoiste extreme forces me to drink poison etc.
    http://historum.com/blogs/rob+banks/30958-water-fluoridation-facts.html
    https://2rbetterthan1.wordpress.com/2014/01/22/water-fluoridation-poisoners/

    I don't see any much hope, love, cares, miracles, change for the last 8 years, just all lessons, pressure, harder, hang on, "hope", nothing with him,
    and/or no hope, not change, more difficult, insecure without him.
    Except that pastor still help with water, another bad day (neighbourhood noises all day, welfare make me loose another 3+ days so i am put out now until some day next week not being able to do studies or other, nose problems, rationing food & water).
    Maybe i am just bad soil or wrong foundation.
     
  6. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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    Father I pray for direction for this member and that you would allow him to feel your Holy Spirit in Jesus name I pray. Also taking these needs before God in

    prayer on the 1:15PM bbnradio.org Family Altar program.

    @ 1:40 in the video below... Father in the name of Jesus I pray for those that never did get their request in. Those that have unsaved
    loved ones I bind the forces of hell in the name of Jesus, those that are sick and diseased and afflicted... Stretch forth that healing
    hand of Calvary... Touch them from the crown of their head to the soles of their feet... Save every member of their family I pray. Let that
    resurrection power of Jesus Christ come alive! In the name of Jesus meet the financial needs... Lord I see a lot of mail here from
    prisoners behind bars. I am asking you to touch their lives, save them and heal them and deliver them and set them free. Use them there in
    that prison house to bring others at the foot of the cross... In the name of Jesus Satan we bind you... We command you to take your hands
    off of God's property. Lord, you said that whatever we bind on earth you'll bind it in heaven... What ever we loose on Earth you will loose
    it in heaven... I loose the people! I loose the people! In the name of Jesus calling the miracle working power of Jesus Christ alive...
    Amen and Amen!- Your Power Preacher, RW Schambach
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xU0m4k2i3Dc
     
  7. lforrest

    lforrest Well-Known Member Staff Member Admin

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    I doubt I would be able to convince you about the water. So...

    Have you considered getting a water distiller? Distilling the water should get rid of most of the minerals in it. I saw on amazon that there is an electric one for around $80.

    Distilling water does have downsides. You would have to clean the mineral deposits out of the distilller often. The taste of distilled water isn't as good because it lacks trace minerals normally found in water. Maybie there are mineral additives you could put in your water after it has been distilled.
     
  8. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    Thank you rockytopva, thats all people can really do is listen, sympathise, pray, be friend, offer advice, (help with water,) etc.
    This bent nose problem which has come back again the last few days is driving me mad, and is maddening enough so to not to be able to come back again let alone all the other reasons.
    I am sorry that there are alot of others in prison, finance, sick/disease ,afflict, unsaved, [unloved], it makes me feel bad (though i am pretty much in a years-/decades-long prison of sorts, and sick, and afflicted, etc). I keep being made to feel bad like this is my fault for whatever i am not doing that i should or am doing that i shouldn't, but really i don't know/see what i can do to fix the external &/or internal.


    Iforrest,
    It should not be about me being able to be convinced about fluoridated & alluminium-laced water because i am the one it is being forced on, and because what if we are right and they/you are wrong and the ones that can't be convinced? Unless one or other side can totally prove it is or is not harmful (&/or is or is not beneficial) then no one has the right to force it on us. (Even though we have demolished the root reasonthat they "need" to fluoridate in the first place (sugar, cleanilness, diet, disadvantaged.) I can not help but believe my own real experience(s) over others claims/words, just like others vice-versa believe their/your own reasons over ours.

    As you say, water distiller is not an answer, It takes out other nutrients, it costs alot of electricity, is alot of hastle (not like having running tap water), etc.
    Everyone just supports the regime, looking for every ridiculous possible individualistic answer (and evading collective and individual responsibility).
    I have considered all the possible ways around but there are major problems with them all. What about when i go out (eg how can i go on a date when i can't eat/drink restaurant food becaue of sugar and fluoride etc)? What about us being effected by it also effecting others (despite that we should care about others)?
    The only answer is either they stop putting the stuff in water in first place, or they help me to be able to shift somewhere where i can have clean water, or they put in an artesian bore in this "city", or in meantime someone trustworthy delivers artesian water (but this last reuires trust etc).
    Also the "we" makes it sound like you are not alone? That makes some difference.
    The fluoridated & alluminium-laced water is not the only problem.
     
  9. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    Oh no, as always now i am being punished even more for opening my big bad mouth. Because i said God kicked me in the face he has seemingly now literally kicked me in the face (worse hell bent nose trouble the last day/s) and seeming to be saying to me that it is my fault for speaking it into (worse) being. So now i have to take back my words or i will end up in a mental unit because this sort of hell suffering like the nose drives me uncontrolably mad (i have to darn breathe every couple of seconds) and i will end up shouting and raging etc and neighbours will call police/health on me. So now i have to darn beg for mercy.
     
  10. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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  11. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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    lforrest likes this.
  12. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    it is not easy to have faith when i have lost so much and when things are so bad/hard outside and inside, and takes so long, and the little faith i had for 8 years all i got is worse threatening things (welfare reforms, heart pains, 42 and single), and when God hasn't actually promised me anything. It says that if we doubt then we can't expect anything from God, and it says if i can't control my mouth i am in serious trouble.

    "faith, hope, love, and the greatest of these is love."

    Shem, Ham, Japheth
    faith, love, hope?

    At least i have water and welfare this week.
     
  13. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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  14. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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    In the Hebrew the word eunuch is cariyc, which meaning is to castrate. Therefore the biblical eunuchs were incapable of fathering children. Yet the bible says...

    Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the Lord, speak, saying, The Lord hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree. - Isaiah 56:3

    Indicating that all things are possible with God. And who knows what he has in store for us during the millennial reign?
     
  15. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    It is not possible if i can't believe without doubt. I am already 42, you know women like young not old, and don't like age gap, don't like bald, and that they are mostly recycled by 30s & 40s, and women have limited eggs, and the older i am the more likely i will die or poisoned/disease, etc.

    If God &/or christians &/or world force singleness on me against my wish then I **hate** him/you/them beyond words/expression.
    Jesus said singleness is not for everyone, that some are single by birth/nature, by choice, by man (forced).
    The Jews did not have high regard for Eunuchs.
    God said it is not good for man to be alone.
    Why did he give me the desire then?
    Practice what singleness you preach (and even if you do what is good for one isn't necessarily for another).

    There is no guarantee what will or won't be in the millenium (if there is not then we forever miss out), plus i won't be there if i can't believe, plus it won't be the same.
     
  16. rockytopva

    rockytopva Well-Known Member Encounter Team

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    I saw moreover in my dream, that the Interpreter took him by the hand, and had him into a little room, where sat two little children, each one in his chair. The name of the eldest was Passion, and the name of the other Patience. Passion seemed to be much discontented, but Patience was very quiet. Then Christian asked, “What is the reason of the discontent of Passion?” The Interpreter answered, “The governor of them would have him stay for his best things till the beginning of the next year, but he will have all now; but Patience is willing to wait.”
    Then I saw that one came to Passion, and brought him a bag of treasure, and poured it down at his feet: the which he took up, and rejoiced therein, and withal laughed Patience to scorn. But I beheld but a while, and he had lavished all away, and had nothing left him but rags.
    Christian: Then said Christian to the Interpreter, Expound this matter more fully to me.
    Interpreter: So he said, These two lads are figures; Passion of the men of this world, and Patience of the men of that which is to come; for, as here thou seest, passion will have all now, this year, that is to say, in this world; so are the men of this world: They must have all their good things now; they cannot stay till the next year, that is, until the next world, for their portion of good. That proverb, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush,” is of more authority with them than are all the divine testimonies of the good of the world to come. But as thou sawest that he had quickly lavished all away, and had presently left him nothing but rags, so will it be with all such men at the end of this world.
    Christian: Then said Christian, Now I see that Patience has the best wisdom, and that upon many accounts. 1. Because he stays for the best things. 2. And also because he will have the glory of his, when the other has nothing but rags.
    Interpreter: Nay, you may add another, to wit, the glory of the next world will never wear out; but these are suddenly gone. Therefore Passion had not so much reason to laugh at Patience because he had his good things first, as Patience will have to laugh at Passion because he had his best things last; for first must give place to last, because last must have his time to come: but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed. He, therefore, that hath his portion first, must needs have a time to spend it; but he that hath his portion last, must have it lastingly: therefore it is said of Dives, “In thy lifetime thou receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.” Luke 16:25.

    - The Pilgrims Progress
     
  17. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    Well if God doesn't hurry up i am in serious trouble (if it is not already too late) :
    heart pains, tooth/teeth pain/s, lump/s on finger/s (either rickets/arthritis/osteperosis from lack of sun/vit d, or cancer), still single and turn 43 in May, pastor may be retiring this coming year and no one else will help with water, etc etc.
    But i suppose it could be all my fault for things doing or not doing (though i really don't know/see what much i am able to do).
     
  18. Barrd

    Barrd His Humble Servant

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    This is quite a list of complaints, here.
    Maybe no one told you this...but we live in a fallen world.
    And I'm afraid it is going to get worse before it gets better.

    Remember that old proverb:
    I cried because I had no shoes...and then I met a man who had no feet.
    In other words, there are folks in this world who are much worse off than you, my friend. I could introduce you to a man who did marry a young pretty woman, and had two children with her....only to find out that she had a genetic defect that would cause any son born to her to die in his infancy, and any daughters would only have a 50% chance of survival. She knew she had this defect, but didn't bother to tell him...instead, she and her mother took out huge insurance policies on both of her sons...
    Later, he found out that she had done this with another man....and since the divorce, she has done it twice more. None of her children has survived.
    His current girlfriend is not young, not pretty, already has three kids by three other men, and has had her tubes tied so that she can't have any more kids. To make the situation worse, she is moody...and that's an understatement.
    Yet this guy has amazing faith in God, and counts himself blessed that he has the opportunity to be a father to the two kids she kept. I am blessed to know such a patient and caring man.

    Go back and read your post. See if maybe there aren't some things in there that you might work on yourself. For instance, it isn't God's fault if you do not get enough exercise. Instead of complaining about it, why not get up and go for a walk?
    Since you have gotten older, maybe it's time to quit longing for a young virgin, and look around for a woman your own age. I'm sure there is a single gal out there who would appreciate you and love you, if you'd just give her a chance.
    Figure out what is distracting you from your studies, and take steps to eliminate what you can.
    Quit worrying about silly things like whether you're bald, or whether your nose is not perfect...learn to enjoy the man that you are. Those "pretty boys" are too self-absorbed anyhow.
    You can sit there and mope, if you just insist on it....or you can make the best of your situation and just learn to deal with what isn't perfect.
    No one can turn back time.
    I, myself, am about to celebrate my 65th birthday. I have some serious health issues...I have congestive heart failure, I have COPD (even though I do not smoke), I have crippling back pain...I know I am not going to live much longer...and sometimes that terrifies me. But I don't allow myself to sit around and sink into depression...at least, not very often.
    At the end of it all....there is God.
    And that is glorious.
     
  19. Bibliocentrist

    Bibliocentrist New Member

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    The only reason i have to not quit on God is because pastor help with water until at least this dec, and welfare benefit until at least the coming March, otherwise its all negative reasons, and i would quit as my "life" so far has all been just negatives.

    If all you can say is "oh there are a few people in world & history worse than you" then i hate God/myself/humanity for being so mean/cruel. I may as well be dead (or not have been born) or castrated or blind or no arms/legs.

    It is not my fault i can't get exercise, it is because of the hell combination of my hell situation and condition/sicknesses and my studies.

    I am not just "looking for a young virgin". I will make best with anyone i can find. But all women reject me because God cursed me with mental illness (and now age) (and location) and abit-ugly/non-Aryan, (and because i am not able to get out very much). No woman appreciate me, they are the ones that don't "give a chance" because God created women to only like confident & healthy & working & body-built etc men. And how unsympathetic of you, and how mean of God, to say "since you have no gotten older". Remember he gave his eternally-favoured King David 12 wives.
    Bald men are less popular with women.

    I have "figured out what is distracting [me] from being able to do my studies" : cursed mental illness, cursed accomdation situation, this evil regime keeps interrupting me with troubles (like smart meters, fluoridated water, welfare reforms, noise).

    I can not help but "worry" about my nose because it causes me misery and anger that i can't breath properly, feel hairs, hear whistling because it is bent. I have to breathe you know so it is impossible to avoid the hell suffering. The regime wouldn't fix it years ago as they stupidly considered it "cosmetic".

    I am sorry you have some health issues yourself. But i don't judge you like people do me. And i'd try to help if i knew and could (i can't pray though because i & things are too bad).

    Possibly i don't deserve the discoveries i have been given (not that they do me much good or are any substitute for things i asked that refused) or the help with water, though my "life" is so far hell.
     
  20. Barrd

    Barrd His Humble Servant

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    Well, there are people worse off than you. There have been people who were born dead, or with sex organs that don't work, or blind, or without arms or legs. Often, such birth defects are the result of some medication the mother took while she was pregnant, or some toxin she was exposed to...sometimes doctors just don't know why they happened.
    We have a hospital here in the U.S. called "St. Judes"...it is for kids who were born with serious issues like cancer. Their stories are heart breaking.

    Without knowing anything about your "hell situation" or what your "conditions/sicknesses" might be, or what you are studying, I really don't know what to tell you. Is there some reason why you can't just go for a walk once a day?

    I think it might be the defeatest attitude that is the turn off for the women you know. Again, I don't know the details of your "mental illness"...except that you do seem incredibly depressed, and that, in itself, is a turn off for most women. Who wants to hang around with someone who is always depressed? You say age is a problem...well, yeah, if your looking for a young woman, it could be...although I do know women who are married to men as much as twenty years older than they are...but that is the exception.
    Location? Without knowing where you are, I can't really tell about your location. Unless you are in a monastery or a men's prison, or something, there are probably women around.
    I have no idea what "abit-ugly non-Aryan" means. Are you living among Nazis or something?
    Of course, women prefer young, healthy, good looking men....just as men prefer young, healthy, good looking women. However, most of us realize that there are much more important things to consider...we want a partner who is responsible, who is intelligent, who is kind, and understanding, one who will make us laugh...these things are much much more important to us gals than how much hair he has.
    It isn't unsympathetic of me, nor unfair of God. And have you read the story of David? His home life was, shall we say, less than satisfactory.

    Again, I don't know what you are studying, or what mental illness you have. If you are mentally ill, how did you get involved in academic study to begin with?
    What is your "cursed accomdation situation"?
    Who is this "evil regime"?
    I've never heard of a "smart meter".
    I'm not sure why flouridated water is such a huge problem.
    Welfare reforms may or may not be a good thing. Do you receive welfare?
    Noise...it would depend on the source of the noise, I suppose. Generally, where there are people, there is going to be some noise.

    Were you born with this nose?
    Again, you speak of this regime. What regime are you talking about?

    Why do you think people are judging you?
    And anyone can pray. My sister's little girl died of cancer when she was only about four years old. And she could pray. She prayed for her family to be happy that she would be in heaven with Jesus...

    Yes, there are people worse off than you, my friend.
    Have you ever heard of "The Serenity Prayer"?
    Here is the part most people know:

    God grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    Courage to change the things I can;
    And wisdom to know the difference.

    I have often said...the serenity to accept what I cannot change isn't always easy for me, but I can do it, once I'm convinced it cannot be changed. I have never had a problem with having the courage to change the things that I can. My problem is in having the wisdom to know the difference.


    This part is not so familiar...but it is very beautiful:

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    As it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    If I surrender to His Will;
    So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
    And supremely happy with Him
    Forever and ever in the next.
    Amen.

    Read more: http://www.lords-prayer-words.com/famous_prayers/god_grant_me_the_serenity.html#ixzz3niO84m7x
     
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