Removed Thread.

[AlwaysOnAJourney]

Removed Thread.

 

[Gottservant]

It's even painful to respond to this thread!

No one likes to dwell on friends they have lost!

 

[Gottservant]

Sometimes friends are "fickle" too. Like they don't like your use, of a particular 'word' and they complain to you "why do you use this word?"

Or they are in the media and they want recognition, for their interpretation of male and female.
Or they want to come to your business, and tell you how you should be running it.

Something I learned recently, is that God wants both childlike and mature friendship - not just one or the other. That puts a whole new spin, on the notion of friendship.

 

[ThePuffyBlob]

What if this person never truly considered you a friend, since all you two ever did was chat, never truly knowing each other or meeting in real life. This is also why it doesn't hurt that much.

 

[ThePuffyBlob]

I have always had trouble understanding friendship. I learned from "The 4 Loves" by CS Lewis, that the Greek have multiple words for our one English word called "love". Friendship is a type of love.

In beginning the only way one could communicate with someone was in person. Then came the following: letters, telegram, telephone, email, text messages, and social media. The idea was to add more ways to keep in touch with people. Even though some of this stuff helped communication at a distance, they have also complicated things.

I feel that in order to make my point, I need to bring up the subject of sex. Is cybersex or sexting real? Perhaps in one sense it is, and yet in another sense it isn't. They seem to fall under Matthew 5:28, and similar verses, but you will never get anyone pregnant or transmit a STD. In a physical sense it's not real at all. In the same way, when you talk to someone online there are real human emotions, and a feeling of connection happening, even though you may have never seen or touched that person physically. That is why I still question anyone that can just dismiss someone as if they never mattered.

You know, I feel more at ease with people who are not familiar with me, to whom I can confide everything without the need to introduce myself because I avoid awkward situations. It's like we are close as we exchange messages, but in reality, even if they disappear abruptly, I won't be deeply affected as I already expect it, and I do the same thing too.

 

[ThePuffyBlob]

Let's also manage our expectations to avoid getting our hopes up and being hurt.

 

[strepho]

It depends what circumstances are, and situations. Five years ago, I moved away from toxic environment. This person wasn't Christian to start with. I had to cut this person off. Mark chapter 9:45 to document. Some one who is Christian heretics. These kind of apostates once knew the truth and turned their backs on God. Heretics promote false doctrine. Would you Coddle this kind of person??. Titus chapter 3;10. 3:11. Tells us to warn the person one time. If they won't listen. Cut that heretick off !!. We can't have false brethren who poison people's minds with us. When satan as antichrist comes near future. Do you want heretics in the fox holes with you??. We can't compromise our values and beliefs. Other categories. You don't want fools to influence you, or be around you. Thier spirtualty bankrupt and destitute. Proverbs 23:17. Let not thine heart envy sinners; But be thou in the fear of the Lord all day long. Those wrapped in ways of the world are going opposite directions Christian people are going. Light and darkness have nothing in common. Why would Christian want to be attached to sinking ship. They will get in the way of your spiritual growth. Get the picture. 22:15. FOOLISHNESS is bound in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. In the Marines, a recruit wouldn't dare insult or disrespect his superiors. There's consequences. We see the consequences of kid's killing kids. Robbery, mass shootings, drug epidemic, perversion, idol worship. Did the parents succeed in weaning their children??. How safe are our city streets at night??. Its obvious the parents neglect teaching God's word to their children. In Tennessee, a transgender killed Christian people. Out of hatred. 22:24. Make no friend ship with a angry man ; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: 22:25. Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul. Stay away from toxic people. Drunkards or angry person or occult or habitual liars. Thier bad influence and will drag you down with them. Toxic people ships are sinking. Dont be on thier ships.

 

[Patrick1966]

I'm not a good looking guy with good convincing skills. Nor am I an attractive woman.

I'm sorry. I don't understand. Are you a man or a woman?

 

[Patrick1966]

Its obvious the parents neglect teaching God's word to their children. In Tennessee, a transgender killed Christian people. Out of hatred.

It's my understanding that the parents of the transgender shooter are very Christian. Of course, being a Christian doesn't necessarily translate into being a good parent. As well, sometimes parents do the right things but the kid is just a bad apple, I guess.

 

[Wynona]

Friendship is a privelige, not a right. I have to agree with the girl who prioritized her commitment to her boyfriend. It doesn't necessarily mean her boyfriend is overly controlling. She is guarding her heart from other single males and that is wisdom because it's completely normal for male-female friendships to get complicated and for one party to catch feelings no matter how much they try to keep it platonic. Intentions don't win out over human nature and biology.

It's not that your feelings don't matter but it doesn't mean that she's not a Christian for cutting things off with you.

 

[St. SteVen]

I feel inspired to write this because it seems that on the internet people are too content with loosing friendships and moving onto new people. While this might be common in the world,

Great post, thanks.
Yes, the rather guarded (with usernemas to hide behind), impersonal and anonymous aspect of the internet leads to very revealing behaviors.

My grandfather, in an effort to learn English, coined the term "unfriend" to indicate the unfortunate loss of a friendship. Decades later we use it to describe a simple click that removes someone from our "friend list". No need to explain. CLICK -- and they are gone.

I don't think it should be common among Christians. How can you consider people made in the image of God, to be nothing more then an object for you to use, and then throw away after your done with them?

Indeed.

I have first hand experienced this! Which is why when I detect this kind of attitude in someone, I will probably end up pushing them out of my life. They already think they are a follower of Christ, therefor there isn't much one can do for them.

Yes, what passes for Christianity today is pretty sad.

I understand that every now and then, a friendship needs to end. But I think it should hurt you, when it does. As believers we are more then just friends, we are brothers and sisters in Christ.

Indeed.

Removing someone should feel like your cutting off an arm.

I liked this as a reference to the Body of Christ. That we would remove a body part without any thought.

 

[MatthewG]

Keep them in prayer.

Sometimes people move on from joining up. Especially if it was part of your old life you once lived... It is not that you do not love them?

Guess you can give them a call, but sometimes they dont pick up... So... what can you do?

childhood friends move on, teenage friends move on, and sometimes they stick around but it's part of life that moving forward is always a constant.

Pray.

 

[St. SteVen]

I understand that every now and then, a friendship needs to end.

Yes. I have had poison relationships that were destroying me.
Close friends forbid me from further contact. This was wise and I complied.
People leave the church for such issues. I managed to weather the storm and stay.

 

[Keturah]

IMO the whole online thing is a farce. Most folks us online sites for the sole purpose of anonymity, role playing or just flat- out lying.

I have had friendly acquaintances that were simply toxic or too much work & the relationships were unbalanced , doomed.

Family works this way too sadly & one has to adopt the term to simply " pass & repass" with these ones.Too much drama & the love of, is one cause in my cases.

A  true friend sticks closer than a brother & will lay down his life for his friend.....per the word of God. Few, very few find this kind of deep closeness!

David's & Johnathan's souls we're knit in a rare love as described above.

Unequal yokes with the world causes much heart sorrow both in relationships of intimacy, & in friendships !

 

[Keturah]

I'd like to ask this question " Can a person care too much?

We have 3 commands of Jesus , LOVE the Lord with ALL our heart, strength & mind; LOVE our neighbor as ourselves and to LOVE the brethren or household of faith that others (world) will know we are Christ's disciples.

Are LOVE & CARING of the same token?

 I think I can love " in Christ" another w/o caring about their opinion of myself, or their desires towards me.......we must base ourselves in what the word says about our actions & words.

It is good to have a gentle heart but wisdom comes from God and we must be wise not to let others nor the world trample on the peace, love & joy God gives us through the fruit of the Spirit !

 

[Wynona]

I had pretty much forgotten about this thread. As someone that has had lots of troubles making and keeping friends around. I have become skeptical of everyone. I think that is a natural reaction. But that doesn't make it right.

The male-female thing gets complicated, and sometimes hypocritical. Like it or not, I have some female friends who are married. Nothing romantic happens between us ever! These friendships I'm talking about are not close close friends. They just happen to be work related interactions, and sometimes I talk to these people. In some ways I don't like calling them friends. They are teachers who teach at the same school I clean. We just happen to get along pretty well. Anyways the point I'm trying to make is, why is it ok for them to talk to me when they are married? That is why I think this whole cut off thing can get a little ridiculous. I think if the friendship is based on romance then I think it should be cut off when one of the parties gets married. But if the friendship is not based on romance, then I think making the cut causes unnecessary hurt.

I'm speaking from experience, of lots of women online cutting me off for every and any unknown reason. I assume, since, I wasn't being pushy with them, that they must have found a boyfriend and wanted to cut ties with all other males. The sad thing is, I can't replace those ladies as easily as they seem to be able to replace boys.

That's my take on things. I realize this subject will always be controversial. For me the saddest thing is, this controversial subject has been the cause of a lot of emotional pain. And that emotional pain can range from sadness, depression, even a voice telling me that I will always be alone because I'm a looser. You try to look to Jesus, but it's hard for me to shake those pains.

Am not against all male-female friendships. Just don't agree necessarily that women who cut you off are not Christians.

I do believe male loneliness is often worse than female loneliness and that its easier for women to make connections.

I didn't really find a lot of likeminded friends until I found a place to volunteer. Then I met the best people and they have treated me wonderfully.

Sometimes friendships end and it's not because of anything wrong with you but they were either never really in your corner to begin with or ya'll just aren't the best match due to outside circumstances during this time.

But it's okay to let people go. Because we really only have energy for a limited amount of friends. And it's better to have room for those who are really really loyal and who give back. It took me a long time to get around people like that. Most people are very flaky.

 

[St. SteVen]

That's my take on things. I realize this subject will always be controversial. For me the saddest thing is, this controversial subject has been the cause of a lot of emotional pain. And that emotional pain can range from sadness, depression, even a voice telling me that I will always be alone because I'm a looser. You try to look to Jesus, but it's hard for me to shake those pains.

Great post. You raise some good points.
This last paragraph caught my attention.

This state of being "alone" and being "together" is a topic in itself.
I've been married for 43 years and have two adult sons.

Prior to marriage I was a first-born son with two sisters.
I always had my own space to be alone.

But I didn't want to be alone forever, so I got married.
I didn't realize how much I would miss having my own space.
Over the years we have worked this out. Both of us.

The tendency, when single, is to seek someone to "complete" you.
A "better half", as the saying goes.
In retrospect, I learned that the healthiest relationships are made of two "whole" persons.

My best advice is to learn to become a whole person that does not NEED a partner.

 

[St. SteVen]

I don't think I'll ever learn how to be a "whole" person. I'm 44 years old and if I haven't learned how by now? LOL Probably not happening. Sorry.

44 is still young.
Being whole in this context is understanding that whether you are with a mate, or not, it's just you.
You are the only person that can occupy the space you have been given. (body and mind)

 

[Wynona]

I'm 44 years old and I've never been around people who weren't flaky with me. It really effects how I feel about all of this.

Am 28. Only found non-flaky friends last year. They are rare.

 

[Nancy]

I feel inspired to write this because it seems that on the internet people are too content with loosing friendships and moving onto new people. While this might be common in the world, I don't think it should be common among Christians. How can you consider people made in the image of God, to be nothing more then an object for you to use, and then throw away after your done with them? I have first hand experienced this! Which is why when I detect this kind of attitude in someone, I will probably end up pushing them out of my life. They already think they are a follower of Christ, therefor there isn't much one can do for them.

I understand that every now and then, a friendship needs to end. But I think it should hurt you, when it does. As believers we are more then just friends, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. Removing someone should feel like your cutting off an arm.

If there is no feeling of loss, IMHO-it was a shallow, fake relationship. I too have been there, and I'm sure many others have too.

Nobody understands us like God and never will. Presumptuousness abounds!
It's comfort enough for me anymore, that He knows our hearts and thoughts amen.
Press on brother, this life is a drop in the bucket...