jokes about kissing on the lips

[Will Joseph]

Give me jokes about kissing. The kissing is specifically kissing on the lips. All of this is somewhat satire. I wanted to share funnier jokes, but this is a Christian website.

If you have no idea of what a kissing joke is, here are two starting categories. I may add more categories later.

Categories:
1. Kissing a known cannibal
2. Paid kisses

No jokes should be written solely to offend or attack any CB member. Some jokes may seem to offend some groups, but these groups are very likely not Christians and not on CB. Also the jokes are focused on the act of kissing, not the actors.

Example jokes:
Some stranger was offering free kisses. Turns out that the cost was really my immune system.

My date made me turn off my home security system
else we couldn't kiss.

I was wheelchair-bound,
kissing a cannibal
who suddenly brandished a knife,
so I tried to roll away.

Inspired by a soup kitchen, a woman opened a kiss kitchen
donating Herpes to the old and the sick.

 

[Will Joseph]

My paid kisser was the apple of my eye
that gave the herpes of my eye.

A cannibal always bites my tongue
when we kiss.

A woman said she had freckles
when I paid her to kiss me.
Then I had freckles too,
until my STI doctor confirmed I did not.

I paid 500$ for a kiss,
which was a milligram of Syphilis.

While kissing,
a cannibal said that I was eye candy.
Then she took a fork and went for my eye.

A cannibal said I couldn't kiss her
unless she bound me on a bed
near a human-sized oven.

 

[Will Joseph]

I paid someone to kiss me:
It was so cool
when her boyfriend locked me in a freezer.

I paid someone to kiss me
when her boyfriend found out,
I had to leave the country.

I paid a woman to kiss me
who told me she was born male.
Now I'm not sure if I'm gay.

I paid someone to kiss me last night.
Then the next morning
I couldn't find my wallet.

I paid someone to kiss me.
Then she asked if she can get more money
for kissing my dog
and my 4-year old boy.

After paying someone for a kiss,
she told me she only gave me a lipstick stain,
but my STI doctor confirmed it was not.

An STI nurse gave me a free kiss,
but now I am paying her for STI treatment.

Someone put a gun to my head
and told me to kiss a woman
but I said "No.
A bullet is better than HBV liver failure."

When the pizza deliverywoman arrived,
she offered a kiss for some of my pizza.
I kindly declined and then reported her.

I got a text from a random woman
telling me to come over for some discount kisses.
I answered, "Feel free to sell those kisses in jail."

I paid someone to kiss me.
I offered her a bible
but she said it will burn her hands.

I paid someone to kiss me.
I tried to convince her to come to church
but she said she was allergic to the truth.

Someone asked, "Why I wear a bag over my head
when getting a paid kiss?"
I answered, "I'm trying to dodge herpes."

 

[Will Joseph]

I paid someone for a kiss.
Now I have herpes on my lips.

Someone offered a free kiss
and took a photo.
Then I was falsely convicted for forcible kissing.

I paid someone for a kiss.
Then I had to register as an offender.

A cannibal wanted to kiss me,
so I lied and said "I'm sixteen."
She finally backed away.

After kissing someone who looked like a woman,
she whispered in my ear,
"Now you know how to kiss a man."