Leaving the church?

[Anthony Petini]

I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.


I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.


I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.


This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.


I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.


I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.

 

[Curtis]

I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.


I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.


I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.


This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.


I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.


I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.

Perhaps you can get a doctors statement that says you need a leave of absence due to emotional trauma.

 

[marksman]

The sorty of things you are going through usually happens because you are pushing yourself beyond your capacity. In my country there are over 10,000 ex ministers most of whom pushed things beyond their capacity.

In America an average of 6,000 pastors a month resign or are sacked mainly because of the pressure of the job which is too much for one man to carry.

Jesus annointed the church with five ministries in Ephesians 4:11 so it shows you how arrogant we are to demand that one man does the work of five. No wonder the burn out rate is so high.

So where do we go from here? My advice is to hand in your resignation and tell them you will only stay on your terms. If that is not acceptable, bye bye.

 

[Stumpmaster]

I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.

I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.

I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.

This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.

I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.

I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.

Take a long sabbatical, Anthony.

 

[Pathfinder7]

It seems that you need 'spiritual renewal & restoration'..
---
Wait on the Lord..
Isaiah 40:31
----
You will be renewed/restored..in His time.
- New ministry task/assignment will be given to you.
- It might take some time..
---
I went through spiritual renewal & restoration.
- A few times.
---
More of His grace & mercy to you.
- In the midst of challenging time..

 

[GRACE ambassador]

I once pastored a church...please help me figure this out.

It seems that you need 'spiritual renewal & restoration'..

Take a long sabbatical, Anthony.

Precious friend, Anthony, I will pray for you, as I am sure @Pathfinder7 and @Stumpmaster will also.

I too have been through divorce, was not a pastor, but was Very Involved in a denomination through that, and the first few years of my second marriage.
One day I read a poisonous book borrowed from my pastor's library. Changed
everything, leaving denominational traditions over 30 years ago {long sabbatical?}

Was, and still am, an avid Bible student. {Several "studies" in signature below...}.
Will pray this one will be a blessing/Encouragement in your current situation.
With love to you, Anthony:

God's ALL-Sufficient GRACE in infirmities

Grace And Peace to All Precious friend(s), Dear readers,
and, diligent students of God's Holy Word! Praying Hopefully
The Following Scriptures Will Bring God's "Peace, Hope, And
Comfort" into your life in This Current Dispensation Of The
Amazing GRACE Of A Wonderful God!:

(1) In That GRACE, God, In HIS Omniscience, Had Already
Chosen HIS Own In CHRIST, And Already Knew What
"infirmities, trouble, trials, afflictions, sufferings, And
persecutions we would go through,” And, Thank HIM, HE
"Promised" HE Will Never Give us more testing than
we can handle. (Ephesians_1:4; 1_Corinthians_10:13 KJB!)
Amen?

(2) Please, Precious friend(s):
Thank God IN {easy}, And, Also, FOR {Difficult?}, ALL things!
(1_Thessalonians_5:18; Ephesians_5:20 KJB!)

(3) After Paul (our #"pattern"# for Today!), prayed 3 times
for his affliction, the "Answer he Received," According To The
Scriptures, Was:

"And HE {CHRIST} Said Unto me, MY GRACE Is Sufficient For
thee: For MY Strength Is Made Perfect in weakness. Most gladly
therefore will I rather glory {cp} in my infirmities, that The
Power Of CHRIST May Rest Upon me!"
(2_Corinthians_12:9 KJB!) {cp 2_Corinthians_11:23-30 KJB!}

(4) "For our light affliction, which Is But For A Moment, worketh
for us a Far More Exceeding And Eternal weight of glory; While
we look Not at the things which are seen, but at the things
Which Are Not Seen: for the things which are seen [are]
temporal; but the things Which Are Not Seen Are Eternal!"
(2_Corinthians_4:17-18 KJB!)

(5) "For I reckon that The Sufferings of this PRESENT Time
are not worthy to be compared with The Glory which shall be
revealed in us. For the earnest EXPECTation of the creature
WAITeth for the manifestation of the sons of God...

...ourselves also, which have The Firstfruits Of The Spirit,
even we ourselves groan within ourselves, WAITING for
The Adoption, to wit, The Redemption Of our body!"
(Romans_8:18, 19, 23 KJB!) Blessed Hope! Amen?

(6) "Therefore being justified by faith, we have Peace with
God through our LORD JESUS CHRIST: By Whom also we
have access by faith into This GRACE Wherein we stand,
and rejoice in Hope of The Glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory {cp} in tribulations also: knowing
that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience;
and experience, Hope: And Hope maketh not ashamed; because
The Love Of God Is Shed Abroad in our hearts By The Holy Ghost
Which Is Given Unto us!"
(Romans_5:1-5 KJB!) {cp 2_Corinthians_11:23-30 KJB!}

(7!) ”And HE That Searcheth the hearts Knoweth What Is The
Mind Of The Spirit, Because HE Maketh Intercession for the
saints According To The Will Of God. Likewise The Spirit Also
Helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray
for as we ought: But The Spirit Itself Maketh Intercession
For us with groanings which cannot be uttered!”
(Romans_8:27-28 KJB!)

(8!) "Blessed Be God, Even The Father Of our LORD JESUS CHRIST,
The Father Of Mercies, And The God of ALL Comfort; Who Comforteth
us in All our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which
are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves Are
Comforted Of God!" (2_Corinthians_1:3-4 KJB!)

(9!) Please, always be “watching, Patiently waiting And Looking For”
That Blessed HOPE, The Imminent Return Of our LORD To Take us
Home To HEAVEN, In GLORIFICATION! {Thus, ENDING ALL of our
"infirmities, trouble, trials, afflictions, sufferings, And persecutions!”}
(Ephesians_6:18; 1_Corinthians_15:51-57; 2_Corinthians_5:1-9;
2_Thessalonians_4:13-18 KJB!) = WONDERFUL Comfort! Amen?

(10) ”And we know That All things Work Together For Good To
them that love God, to them who Are The Called According To
HIS Purpose!” (Romans_8:28 KJB!)

(11a) Please memorize 2 Timothy_4:8 KJB!:

"Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness,
which The LORD, The Righteous Judge, Shall Give me At That Day:
and not to me only, but unto all them also that love HIS Appearing!"

(11b) Please Prayerfully/Carefully study 1_Corinthians_3:8-15 KJB!,
And "know" that, At "That Day {The JUDGMENT Seat}” Of CHRIST,
In HEAVEN, ALL "good works of preaching The Gospel of GRACE,
studying The Word Of Truth, Rightly Divided, and, loving/helping others"
WILL Surely Be "rewarded As gold, silver, And precious stones!"
Amen?

(12) For ALL those who humbly:
Trust CHRIST As their Personal SAVIOUR, The Bible Says:

a): “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of
power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
(2_Timothy_1:7 KJB!)

b): “Be careful [anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests
be made known unto God. And the PEACE Of God, Which Passeth
all understanding, Shall Keep your hearts and minds through
CHRIST JESUS.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are True, whatsoever
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever
things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there
be any praise, think on these things.”
(Philippians_4:6-8 KJB!)

c): # “Those things, which ye have both learned, and
received, and heard, and seen in me, [Paul!] do: # And
The God Of PEACE Shall Be With you.”
(Philippians_4:9 KJB!)

Conclusion, for ALL of the “just who live BY FAITH” {NOT feelings…}:

"For unto you It Is Given in the Behalf Of CHRIST, not only
to believe on HIM, But Also to suffer for HIS Sake"
(Philippians_1:29 KJB!)

Chris Endrizzi
------------------------------
Again, Anthony, and ALL Precious friends, please:
Always Be Very RICHLY Blessed In The LORD And Saviour, JESUS CHRIST!

 

[GEN2REV]

I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.

Can you give us an update of what you decided and how it turned out for you?

You are not letting GOD down by leaving the church. God is not in the church. It sounds like you were more concerned with pleasing man than pleasing God. Don't be a slave to the world, be a slave to God. Work not for the worldly, physical food (money) that perishes. Work for the food (Bread) which endures to eternal Life. John 6:27

There is a big difference between quitting and knowing when to let go of certain unfruitful life endeavors. You are not a quitter when you follow God's guidance to change your life circumstances for the better. God often pulls us away from entire groups of friends or careers for His purposes. It sounds to me like God wants you out of a situation that is not glorifying HIM in your life, nor growing you spiritually.

I hope that you left the church, knowing that you needed some time to heal and get yourself right. Pray for guidance and allow God to make your next step crystal clear to you.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[quietthinker]

I once pastored a church. Two years ago my wife fell into sin and left me and the kids for another man, she only comes by every once in awhile and that’s a whole new issue but not that one I seek advice on.


I’ve been working through the emotional mess that is navigating this trial. I held onto ministry for the last two years but prayed for God to send help and he did. He brought another church interested in merging. The merge turned into a church restart with their name. I was fine with this, I was in no place to be pastoring emotionally. They asked me step down as a pastor and I complied. Again, I need to receive. But they wanted to pay me as staff to continue to support the effort in what was my previous church.


I love my community but need time to heal. I had an emotional breakdown last Saturday and left the service and got a phone call berating me for my lack of commitment to their church. They want me to attend Saturday night service, stay for dinner to “get to know their church” and two services on Sunday, and then a Sunday evening church service at what was my old church.


This is all fine if my heart was still in it. I don’t feel any peace attending their services but went to another church last weekend and thoroughly enjoyed the service. It was great. With my profound emotional problems from what happened in my personal life, I’ve been somewhat flaky with showing up to the several weekly service projects they have going on and it frustrates them. I spent 20 hours over three days last week to try and show them I want to be reliable but the labor wore me thin. I feel like it’s too much for a person going through what I am currently going through. Three services, a fourth service in another location, and weekly projects is not what I intended to get involved in.


I offered my resignation last week, and was met with them begging me to stay. But they weren’t willing to budge on the weekly attendance. I wanted to attend a friends church to find healing and receive without expectation but this church employing me wants to counsel me through my trauma themselves and told me that having multiple therapists can be detrimental to my mental health.


I want to offer my final resignation, but I feel like I’m letting this church staff down, and my former community. I feel like any choice I make is going to hurt someone. I don’t know what to do, and I need help. What would the wise counsel of this wonderful forum suggest to help me? Should I move in and resign? Am I being unreasonable and should just go to these services and continue to comply with what they’re asking? I feel so stuck, please help me figure this out.

No man has the right to force the conscience or actions/choices of another; that is the realm of a spirit opposed to Jesus.

Making decisions for the sake of pleasing others has short legs
and only gives permission to be further manipulated.