Evey...single....time...i always do something and my brain makes some oath where if something doesn't go as i predict, i have to abstain from something, or more recently, i get bound to all of my previous oaths. I can barely even resist the temptation to agree to the deal, and i lost almost every time. I pray and pray for God to forgive me and release me from these things made from foolish compulsions, but it happens almost right away no matter how much i want it to stop. When i expressed to my Bible teacher how much i hate this asinine system of oaths, how i have to be constantly being bound to everything i've ever made in my head, how i hate that God makes no leeway for situations like mine and refuses to release me, he essentially accused me of "blaming God for my foolishness". I just want any kind of freedom, to do anything enjoyable or worthwhile, but because i have compulsions i greatly struggle to control, it's ENTRIELY MY FAULT i can't have that!? I'm actually breaking one of the compuslive oaths i made just to make this post, because honestly this is so unfair i'll gladly defy it all. I'd rather sacrilege something sacred than follow it if it's no better than straight up abusive. Yet STILL, this has to keep happening, and i always feel guilt over making these cruel things! I still try and try to repent, to focus on other things and refuse these thoughts, but it never ends....WhYyYyYyY!?!1?
(i just want prayers for me to stop this all...i can't do this anymore)
(i just want prayers for me to stop this all...i can't do this anymore)
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