My humoristic poem "Once Upon a fat louse"

[Andrey son of Lion]

Today I've written this poem in English, and a little after - in Russian the same

Once Upon a fat louse Однажды жирная вошка
Went out of its house вышла из дома немножко
For looking for new one… другой себе подыскать...
My question’s, maybe, fun: Могу я вопросик задать?
Do you allow it Позволишь ли ты этой вошке
A little place, a bit местечка - чуть-чуть лишь, немножко
Of hair on your head… в головке твоей поприжиться -
It wants too much to wed она так хочет жениться...
With other one. They’ll be Она себя тихо будет вести...
Behaving well, you’ll see! Ну что тебе стоит это снести!?


Please, answer me, do I catch English humour?

 

[biggandyy]

????

 

[Angelina]

not quite...but your English is definitely getting better ^_^

 

[Groundzero]

Today I've written this poem in English, and a little after - in Russian the same

Once Upon a fat louse Однажды жирная вошка
Went out of its house вышла из дома немножко
For looking for new one… другой себе подыскать...
My question’s, maybe, fun: Могу я вопросик задать?
Do you allow it Позволишь ли ты этой вошке
A little place, a bit местечка - чуть-чуть лишь, немножко
Of hair on your head… в головке твоей поприжиться -
It wants too much to wed она так хочет жениться...
With other one. They’ll be Она себя тихо будет вести...
Behaving well, you’ll see! Ну что тебе стоит это снести!?


Please, answer me, do I catch English humour?

Not what I would call humour, but definitely interesting.
I put in a bit more English into your poem which would probably make it more easy to understand for English readers. I hope you don't mind.

Once upon a time, a fat louse
Went out of its house
For looking for a new one…
My question is, maybe fun:
Do you allow it
A little place, a bit
Of hair on your head…
Where it wants much to wed
With another one? They’ll be
Behaving well, you’ll see!

Keep writing.

 

[Andrey son of Lion]

Not what I would call humour, but definitely interesting.

O yes, it is a very serious problem. My acquaintance French women - the wife of my friend - told me recently, that not only in school in the poor countries, but in one very prestige French school in Moscow they had found louses on the heads of some pupils.

I put in a bit more English into your poem which would probably make it more easy to understand for English readers. I hope you don't mind.

Once upon a time, a fat louse
Went out of its house
For looking for a new one…
My question is, maybe fun:
Do you allow it
A little place, a bit
Of hair on your head…
Where it wants much to wed
With another one? They’ll be
Behaving well, you’ll see!

Keep writing.

I am ready to agree with your repairing my poem, but when I write, I try to keep firstly the rhythm even the English order is breaking a little.
Let it be the Russian dialect of English language.
I have read a number of English books and noticed, that sometimes they change the usual order of words in sentences. I was taught by them to be free a little in using of Language.
I'd like to add, that I never had any teachers for myself in English, and always studied almost always alone, speaking with myself and whith my Lord.
One day, when our plant have a little work I have a time for reading some journals (Russians). I heard the voice inside me: Let you study English. I began to do. Later I heard: try to write poems in English. I said inside myself: I know very little for it. But voice said: But try!
And after some English books I usually write new poem to affirm my knowledge. It is not so simply for me, but I am moving step by step.

 

[Groundzero]

O yes, it is a very serious problem. My acquaintance French women - the wife of my friend - told me recently, that not only in school in the poor countries, but in one very prestige French school in Moscow they had found louses on the heads of some pupils.



I am ready to agree with your repairing my poem, but when I write, I try to keep firstly the rhythm even the English order is breaking a little.
Let it be the Russian dialect of English language.
I have read a number of English books and noticed, that sometimes they change the usual order of words in sentences. I was taught by them to be free a little in using of Language.
I'd like to add, that I never had any teachers for myself in English, and always studied almost always alone, speaking with myself and whith my Lord.
One day, when our plant have a little work I have a time for reading some journals (Russians). I heard the voice inside me: Let you study English. I began to do. Later I heard: try to write poems in English. I said inside myself: I know very little for it. But voice said: But try!
And after some English books I usually write new poem to affirm my knowledge. It is not so simply for me, but I am moving step by step.

I assumed that much. Very good job translating it. Do you have a blog or anything?

 

[Andrey son of Lion]

I assumed that much. Very good job translating it. Do you have a blog or anything?

I am intending to create my blog or my site with my poems, but yet I have not studied to use possibilities of programs. Yet I am an unsure user of Internet and don't know how to create the feedback with readers of my works as I would like that they will give a hint about anithing or correct me.
As I think usually with a Russian language way and transfer it to my English way.

 

[Arnie Manitoba]

The humor does not come through in the louse poem.

Same as the old convenience store advertising jingle .... Oh thank heaven for 7-11

They were not able to come up with a french version that sounded right.

Just like "thumbs up" is complimentary in one culture ... and an insult in another.

Does a Russian even know what "thumbs up" is .... ... or ..... 7-11 .....

What is a louse anyway ?

.... see what i mean

 

[Groundzero]

I am intending to create my blog or my site with my poems, but yet I have not studied to use possibilities of programs. Yet I am an unsure user of Internet and don't know how to create the feedback with readers of my works as I would like that they will give a hint about anithing or correct me.
As I think usually with a Russian language way and transfer it to my English way.

Wordpress is what I use. They've got all these templates on there that you can use.
Very easy.

 

[Andrey son of Lion]

Wordpress is what I use. They've got all these templates on there that you can use.
Very easy.

Thank you for consulting me and correcting my English. Firstly I created my blog in here - CB. Please, see what I/d written there.
I wait for your and another members' corrections, commentaries and advices.

Just like "thumbs up" is complimentary in one culture ... and an insult in another.

Does a Russian even know what "thumbs up" is .... ... or ..... 7-11 .....



....

"Thumbs up" in Russian jestures has just the same meaning as in countries of Europe and USA and Canada

The humor does not come through in the louse poem.

Same as the old convenience store advertising jingle .... Oh thank heaven for 7-11

They were not able to come up with a french version that sounded right.

Just like "thumbs up" is complimentary in one culture ... and an insult in another.

Does a Russian even know what "thumbs up" is .... ... or ..... 7-11 .....

What is a louse anyway ?

.... see what i mean

Humor can be gentle or gross, kind or brutal, old fashioned or modern, openly or with hint, et cetera.
Each man perceives humor as he is able.
Sometimes seriously situation can be later seen as funny.

I often heard that humor in novels of English and American writers, translated into Russian, was perceived well by Russian readers, for instance, like me. But also I heard that English speaking men often cannot perceive humor of Russian writers. I can explain it: because Russian often laugh upon those situations, when in the same European is in sorrow.