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Need help overcoming this.

Discussion in 'Addiction & Recovery Forum' started by Someone059, Mar 19, 2014.

  1. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    I've been addicted to pornography since I was 12. I'm 16 now and still have problems with it. I've told my dad about it two times, my youth pastor once, gone to youth camps time and time again, and still I carry this addiction. I'm too ashamed to tell them again, and I really want help from someone I don't know. When I was 12 I had a good relationship with the Lord, but over the years the relationship deceased. I really want that relationship back, I want to pray more again and read my Bible more again. Every time I want a change in my life, the temptation takes control of me and I go right back to where I started. Pornography isn't the only thing that changed my life, rap did as well. I know it's just music but, it changed me for the worst, for it has bad lyrics which have turned me into a cursing, brat. My friends are the ones that exposed it to me. When we were kids my friends were good and right with the Lord, but we all changed, and now I don't know about them. I really want to turn this life around, away from pornography, away from rap, and I want to have a relationship with the Lord. Honestly, I can't do this alone, I was hoping one of you on these forums with much wisdom and guidance from God could help me.
     
  2. Dan57

    Dan57 Active Member

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    Temptations of the flesh are natural at your age when your hormones are in overdrive. I don't believe you need help from others, you just need to exercise a little self-control. Pornography isn't an addiction, its a desire. Natural lust are controlled by your mind (spirit), its that discipline which prevents us from yielding to the flesh. Its natural to be attracted to the opposite sex, its not sinful unless we let it consume us and get out of control. God gave us hormones so we would be attracted to women and multiply, but we must function in the framework in which God prescribed. Yearning for sex is natural, but acting upon that desire outside of marriage is sin. Look, but don't touch, that's where King David messed-up with Bathsheba, and its where Eve failed in the garden. jmo
     
  3. Wormwood

    Wormwood Chaps Staff Member

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    Someone,

    I appreciate your openness in sharing your struggle. These are not easy matters, but they are very important ones. Pornography is a very dangerous vice. Here is my advice.

    1. Pray. I know this sounds overly simple, and I am sure you have prayed about the matter. However, I would pray daily and passionately that God would renew your heart and mind while giving you strength to overcome these temptations you face. Only God can transform your desires. You are doing what we all do very well: sin. You cannot overcome your own flesh, but the Spirit can. It's not a silver bullet, but something you must persist in. Even when you fail and sin, pray immediately. Do not let the enemy lure you away by convincing you that God no longer wants to hear from you because you have failed too many times.

    2. Do whatever you can to remove these temptations from your life. Jesus said, "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off..." Now, I believe Jesus is using hyperbole here because we would all be blind amputees if we took this teaching literally. However, I do believe Jesus is being serious about how serious we should handle our temptations. Do whatever you can in your power to remove these temptations. If you can, get rid of your computer. Break all your rap CDs. If you cant get rid of your computer, ask your parents if they can put it in their room so you are not tempted to be on it at night when others are not around. Whatever you can do in your power, do it. I believe God will bless these acts of faith.

    3. Continue to confide in someone you trust. It is important that you have someone you can share with. This is a common struggle among men and boys (and even many women). That does not mean the sin is any less severe and dangerous, but it does mean that others know the struggle you are facing. You can encourage each other in your efforts to live faithfully.

    4. Memorize Scripture that pertains to lust. When the enemy tempted the Lord, he responded with the Word of God. Memorize scriptures that address your struggle and as those temptations come, recite those Scriptures and hide them in your heart.

    5. Fight, fight, fight. Do not quit. Sometimes in our struggles we just want to lay down and give up. Do not. Trust in the power of the Lord to change you and not in your own power to change yourself. Never ever give up. People of faith sin, but they do not give in to sin. It is one thing to struggle and it is another to embrace sin and cease fighting against it. Keep fighting the good fight of the faith. Even when you are knocked down, hop right back up.

    My heart goes out to you. I will pray for you and I know the power of the risen Christ which brought him from the grave lives in you to give you new life. Trust in the Lord even if it seems like it is taking forever, He will not disappoint you.
     
    Born_Again, KingJ and Secondhand Lion like this.
  4. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Someone,

    How open do you wish to discuss this here? I am happy to help if you have the time and you truly wish overcome this problem?

    Purity
    Wormwood...spot on here with your council - it works!
     
  5. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    I do want to discuss this openly. I'm done being a slave to this, I want to be free from it.
     
    Born_Again likes this.
  6. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Ok good.

    Wormwood gave you some good advice - point 2 especially needs your attention.

    Do you have a smartphone?
     
  7. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    Yes I do.
     
  8. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Can it (phone) be a temptation late at night when you are in bed, or by yourself?

    If so, do you have a close friend who can lock out the internet, turn off the personal hotspot and close down all internet based apps including "apps".

    Do you recall Jesus' words here: Matt 16:24

    Then said Jesus unto his disciples,

    1. If any man will come after me, let him deny himself,
    2. and take up his cross,
    3. and follow me

    At this point you are trying to practice stage 1. denying yourself the privilege of using the smartness of your phone because its being used in an abusive way i.e music and internet activity which is not edifying.

    I have found its best to start with the small things first. Warning: You must remove access to all potential avenues to access anything harmful to your spiritual goal.

    The rider: Before you approach your friend I want you to pray about what you are going to do and ask God to give you the strength to carry it through long enough for you to feel the benefits of his liberty.

    Can you do this?

    You may still stumble elsewhere but you need to experience a restraint in this one area of your life.

    Always remember sin will attack the weakest part of our charatcers and this is usually around our strongest desires - our desire to be sexually immoral is strong in many because we seek harmful ways to find comfort.
     
  9. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    Yes I think I can do this.
     
  10. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Have you locked that phone down yet?
     
  11. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    Yep.
     
  12. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Great news.

    Where about's do you live? Country?

    The reason I ask is we have in Australia are great internet service called Webshield: http://www.webshield.net.au/ which filters the net. At present it doesn't offer phone services but for your computer its a great deterrent.

    I am able to control which sites we can access from home simply by emailing them sites to block, allow etc.

    Do you have anything like this where you live?

    If so I suggest you consider a thorough investigation of the service.




    Note: I am not affiliated with the service in any way.
     
  13. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    My dad already but something like that on my computer in the past. The real problem is not the computer but the ipod.
     
  14. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Ok - can you lock up the ipod like your phone?

    You will recall wormwoods point about thinking upon verses well this one is good to understand:

    Let us live decently as in the daytime, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in discord and jealousy.
    Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh to arouse its desires. Rom 13:14

    Sin happens when he have time and opportunity. When the time is right and opportunity presents more than often we will sin...often human nature is stronger than the Word which is in us...that's why Jesus wants us to increase the measure of the Words intake!!!!

    Lets test this theory shall we? God asks us to live as it were daytime (light)

    If you have to give a percentage of watching porn between daytime and night-time what would it?

    20% day / 80% night?

    80% day / 20% night?

    As we work through this, its profitable for you to appreciate how analysising the way you live will only benefit you in the long term. Its actually fun (yes it is) because you are working on yourself! Matt 22:39

    - understanding who you are and what makes you tick.

    Speak soon.
    Purity
     
  15. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    20% day / 80% night I guess.
     
  16. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Strange these things happen mostly in the darkness of the night ;) (spiritual lesson for us all)

    So lets break it down.

    - Its evening (tick)
    - You are bored and by yourself with no one around (tick)
    - You have access to an ipod, computer etc (tick)
    - A thought comes into your mind telling you its time (tick)
    - You have Emotional needs not being meet (tick)

    All these ticks = sexual immorality, right?

    Are you often surprised how quickly you fall into this rut? Like you know its coming and yet you are powerless to overcome it? Afterwards of course you go away feeling utterly terrible and alone in your guilt.

    So what to do?

    Well the answer is more of what we have been doing.

    1. You have locked up your phone (tick)
    2. What can you do when boredom sets in? Hobbies? Force yourself to go to bed early rather than staying up late (?????)
    3. Remove access to technology of the evenings
    4. What do you do when the thought of porn presents? get thought conditioners - positive phrases which aim to overcome the thought in the moment it strikes.
    5. Listen to your feelings and try to interpret what they are telling you.

    Are you feeling any of these?

    -Bored
    -Burned-Out
    -Lonely
    -Anger
    -Fear
    -Stressed
    -Tired

    Often the porn cycle is reinforced by tiredness which weakens your defence so getting to bed early and rising in the morning early is very healthy for the mind and body. Do you eat healthy food? Can you exercise? Walks? Riding? Sports?

    If you really want to rid your life of this blight on your life it will require Effort.

    Look at this list again...are you:

    -Bored
    -Burned-Out
    -Lonely
    -Anger
    -Fear
    -Stressed
    -Tired

    Are any of these contributing factors to your habit?

    Take your time and really drill down on your behaviours, feelings and thoughts.

    Take your time.
    Purity
     
  17. KingJ

    KingJ New Member

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    Hi, I think every man battles with porn. Can we escape it? Every movie has it and an abundance of cursing. The scriptural solution is....

    1. Matt 5:30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

    = As others have said above, remove the temtpation as much as you can (internet, ipad etc etc...not...your hand!).

    2. Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    = You NEED the presence of God to come upon you in that moment. His presence will deal with it in a spiritual way that words cannot explain.

    There is also the need to gather with other saints. Nothing can replace brethrens personal help and encouragement. Heb 10:25.

    Good luck, praying for you!
    Oh, and I agree 100% with Wormwood's point 5! Never give up the fight! Give up = lose / continue in wilful sin. As long as you hate it and repent...even though you do it = not wilful = sincere repentance is possible 7 x 70 times a day Matt 18:22.

    Most sin loses our grip on us when we grasp by the spirit how good and loving God is. When we grasp this good God hates sin, we hate sin. That's where we want to be.
     
  18. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Someone,

    As Kingj has said most men struggle with sexual immortality however not feeling alone on this issue somehow does not remove the guilt or shame and instantly reconciles us with God and Christ Jesus.

    The Apostle Paul understood our nature extremely well and wrestled with it daily. I believe his encouragement from Romans 13:13,14 holds an important key to our defence against the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.

    We must build into our daily life certain disciplines which in affect keep us busy.

    Run your eyes down this list and see if any of these are plausible to counter the boredom?

    I will call a friend or family member and have a meaningful conversation.
    I will find an opportunity to talk with a stranger by asking them how their day is and find a point of commonality.
    I will contact an old friend and connect through IM, email or phone.
    I will call a grandparent or somebody I respect and ask them about their life experiences. Have meaningful discussions about real life issues!
    I will engage a co-worker in a conversation about their life outside of work.
    I will speak with my parents and ask how things are going in their life and see if there is anything I can do to help.
    I will plan an activity with one of my children/sibling etc and spend some quality time, including conversation about what's going on in their life.
    I will go on out with a friend includes time where we can talk about our life now, and our future goals and dreams.
    I will go out with some long-time friends and reminisce about the "old days." Not so old if you are 16 ;)
    I will contact a school or Uni friend and find out whats going on in their life.
    I will go to the hospital and talk with people or children in the terminally ill ward; find out about their view on life and engage in meaningful conversation.
    I will go to a rest home and ask an elderly person about their life and try to learn something significant by asking their advice from years of experience. (I have done this a lot in my life (I just turned 40!)
    I will spend some time outside in my neighborhood and offer to help somebody with some yard work or just engage in a conversation about how their life is going.
    I will go to a community event and socialize with people from my community.

    And loads more.

    I have found by making myself actively busy and by thinking of others the temptations have reduced "significantly"...it may never go completely, though I know some who have triumphed over it to date, the flesh is weak and terrible and its promptings will always be present until Christ comes and changes this vile body into what is glorious.

    When reading point 2 and the list of things we can do its worthwhile writing your own list - no one knows your life better than you.

    But make sure you can form strategies to deal with boredom.

    In Paul saying "make no provision for the flesh" he is actually teaching the opposite "make provision for the Spirit"

    Is this helpful?

    Purity
     
  19. Someone059

    Someone059 New Member

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    Thank you all for your help, encouragement, etc. I'm going to try the things mentioned above, and hopefully I will overcome this for good.
     
  20. Purity

    Purity New Member

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    Someone,

    If you need more help please feel free to post here or PM anytime!

    You will fail many times but if you can increase your successes you will be a happier person inside...might even feel the joy ;)

    In the Lords service
    Purity
     
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