Recovery from complex childhood abuse'

[Hepzibah]

I have moved this discussion from another thread, if there is interest in the subject apart from marks and my self. It is a very misunderstood subject and not much is known about it in the church. I have found that church can be a toxic environment for sufferers because of this ignorance and belief that once you come to Christ, you don't have any problems like this.

The problems is that it can stay buried and the person even in denial if the y had a 'normal' looking home and family. Neglect also causes cPTSD. Here is a coach that is very practical in te help she gives, herself growing up in an alcoholic family Though not a Christian she believes in God and has high morals:

@marks

 

[Pearl]

A women, who had a history of abuse, came to our church and she was welcomed and supported and listened to. But most people, church or not, have no knowledge of how to help such people so we do our best. In the end she left because she wasn't allowed to give her 'testimony' to the whole church, going into full details about her abuse. But it was deemed unnecessary and inappropriate to go so deeply into everything in public rather than just give the general idea and keep the details between herself and those who were praying for her.

 

[Hepzibah]

@Pearl

I get the impression that the woman you spoke about had a history of domestic violence? This is accepted as PTSD if it was severe but it is not the same thing as cPTSD.

However I agree with the church who said no public testimony containing details and it was on her own head for leaving. This may or may not be suitable for a small group setting but anyway, she was not very wise in wanting to go 'public' like that, in person.

The big thing that is not understood, is the power of love especially in a group setting towards the victims. This is all that is required - just make them feel accepted and loved - not easy in this era of church life. People will say oh yes we love the people in our church without any concept of how love was shown in the early church.

If severely traumatized people did get the level of healing love from your church, believe me, word would get round and your congregation would swell very quickly.

 

[marks]

The big thing that is not understood, is the power of love especially in a group setting towards the victims. This is all that is required - just make them feel accepted and loved - not easy in this era of church life. People will say oh yes we love the people in our church without any concept of how love was shown in the early church.

We don't always know that we are looking at someone with this condition. We only know that they seem to have problems and issues and they can be difficult to understand, and react to things in surprising and difficult ways.

Complex PTSD is when your brain develops during extremely adverse circumstances, combinations of neglect and abuse and other traumas, resulting in maldevelopment of your various brain structures. Some reactions become hyperacentuated.

Gotta run, but I'm looking forward to this thread!

Much love!

 

[PS95]

I have moved this discussion from another thread, if there is interest in the subject apart from marks and my self. It is a very misunderstood subject and not much is known about it in the church. I have found that church can be a toxic environment for sufferers because of this ignorance and belief that once you come to Christ, you don't have any problems like this.

The problems is that it can stay buried and the person even in denial if the y had a 'normal' looking home and family. Neglect also causes cPTSD. Here is a coach that is very practical in te help she gives, herself growing up in an alcoholic family Though not a Christian she believes in God and has high morals:

@marks

Many who leave cults experience C-PTSD. I can only say that in my case, (indoctrinated as a child but not baptized)-- that Jesus set me free and has helped me ever since. Man was of little help whatsover. Jesus is the WONDERFUL COUNSELOR!!!!

 

[Hepzibah]

Many who leave cults experience C-PTSD. I can only say that in my case, (indoctrinated as a child but not baptized)-- that Jesus set me free and has helped me ever since. Man was of little help whatsover. Jesus is the WONDERFUL COUNSELOR!!!!

Hi could you say some more about the way that Jesus set you free? Before recent revelations of just how much C-PTSD has affected my life, I would have said that He had healed me so I was in some sort of denial. A great deal of healing had taken place but this is much deeper.

It seemed that Baptism of the Spirit/entire sanctification, stripped off layers of 'the onion' and I functioned at that level for a long time, but the behaviour of my family at Christmas sort of shocked me into the reality of Family Scapegoating Abuse and just how damaged I have been.

Since then, I have gained a great deal of help from youtube psychologists and coaches in understanding what has been going on, but I agree totally that Christ is our healer and I thank Him for bringing me the help I needed.

 

[PS95]

I hope I make some sense here! briefly--
First, PRAYER cant ever be stressed enuf! I found I was being aided by addressing each "doctrine" that I needed to re-learn one by one. A false teaching would haunt me and then replaced with truth. It was quite amazing. It wasn't always as fast as I wanted, but it was so very thorough! precisely right on time and in a big way-- in 20/20! There was an order to it, and I knew it but it wasn't from me. There were even teachings that I had forgotten that came up and were replaced. This wasn't by going to a church or pastor. It was all from above.

I also went thru times of warfare/ testing with very engrained false teachings which made me come out from those very strong. ~~ My job was really to just stay close to Him! If i wandered from Him the warfare increased. So, i learned how to totally rely on Him.
Once each false doctrine was removed and replaced with HIS truth, I thought I was free.. but I was not, not fully.

Next, came the revealing of how to view them. From the harsh family who shuns me to the Jw at the door etc.. I had alot of pain and anger towards them. Slowly, I was transformed into recalling how it was for me, and how to apply that sympathy to them. My heart had been wrong. He softened it thru visual things and scripture and allowing me to suffer until I realized how hard my heart really was.

This all took a couple of years. It was a real transformation that I will always cherish and be grateful for!!!

Is that what you were asking?

 

[Hepzibah]

I hope I make some sense here! briefly--
First, PRAYER cant ever be stressed enuf! I found I was being aided by addressing each "doctrine" that I needed to re-learn one by one. A false teaching would haunt me and then replaced with truth. It was quite amazing. It wasn't always as fast as I wanted, but it was so very thorough! precisely right on time and in a big way-- in 20/20! There was an order to it, and I knew it but it wasn't from me. There were even teachings that I had forgotten that came up and were replaced. This wasn't by going to a church or pastor. It was all from above.

I also went thru times of warfare/ testing with very engrained false teachings which made me come out from those very strong. ~~ My job was really to just stay close to Him! If i wandered from Him the warfare increased. So, i learned how to totally rely on Him.
Once each false doctrine was removed and replaced with HIS truth, I thought I was free.. but I was not, not fully.

Next, came the revealing of how to view them. From the harsh family who shuns me to the Jw at the door etc.. I had alot of pain and anger towards them. Slowly, I was transformed into recalling how it was for me, and how to apply that sympathy to them. My heart had been wrong. He softened it thru visual things and scripture and allowing me to suffer until I realized how hard my heart really was.

This all took a couple of years. It was a real transformation that I will always cherish and be grateful for!!!

Is that what you were asking?

Thank you PS95.

It sounds to me, forgive me if I am wrong, that what God did was take you through a time of maturity, both in understanding the Bible better and in emotional maturity through showing you your heart, bringing the need for repentance and forgiveness, and praise God for the transformation.

I think I have also been taken on this journey too, some time ago and really was brought to an end of myself so that I learned how to depend on no-one but God alone. I was stripped of all self confidence and thoughts that I could follow Him in my own strength in any measure at all. It was a very humbling time. I also had a time when in three days the scriptures were opened out to ne in a previous unknown way, whereby I learned more in three days than the seventeen years previously. It was a very blessed time.

But what I am taking about is a revelation of the harm that was done to me, not just in childhood but also in adulthood, which for some reason has been kept covered in my subconscious, with only glimpses of it and without full understanding that I had coping mechanisms I knew nothing about like the urge to isolate.

marks said it very well that "Complex PTSD is when your brain develops during extremely adverse circumstances, combinations of neglect and abuse and other traumas, resulting in maldevelopment of your various brain structures. Some reactions become hyperacentuated."

So I found out that there is physical damage that needs repairing, and that recovery involves psycho-education and work done to put that damage right. I know that God is healing me through this but in a way that I can help others. This has also been the case with my physical ailments, including untreated Lyme Disease and sickness from early mercury poisoning. I have had to learn to bio-hack myself especially when I am hypersensitive to all medications so must use natural means with no medical help.

So instead of getting miraculous healing, I can now help others to regain their health because of the studying I had to do if they are not in the position perhaps through trauma themselves, to seek diving healing. Well that is of course if God still heals that way.

This issue has tested my faith at times but I was able to carry on in the faith as I know that every-time I question God's love for me He has proven me wrong in my doubts.

 

[PS95]

Thank you PS95.

It sounds to me, forgive me if I am wrong, that what God did was take you through a time of maturity, both in understanding the Bible better and in emotional maturity through showing you your heart, bringing the need for repentance and forgiveness, and praise God for the transformation.

I think I have also been taken on this journey too, some time ago and really was brought to an end of myself so that I learned how to depend on no-one but God alone. I was stripped of all self confidence and thoughts that I could follow Him in my own strength in any measure at all. It was a very humbling time. I also had a time when in three days the scriptures were opened out to ne in a previous unknown way, whereby I learned more in three days than the seventeen years previously. It was a very blessed time.

But what I am taking about is a revelation of the harm that was done to me, not just in childhood but also in adulthood, which for some reason has been kept covered in my subconscious, with only glimpses of it and without full understanding that I had coping mechanisms I knew nothing about like the urge to isolate.

marks said it very well that "Complex PTSD is when your brain develops during extremely adverse circumstances, combinations of neglect and abuse and other traumas, resulting in maldevelopment of your various brain structures. Some reactions become hyperacentuated."

So I found out that there is physical damage that needs repairing, and that recovery involves psycho-education and work done to put that damage right. I know that God is healing me through this but in a way that I can help others. This has also been the case with my physical ailments, including untreated Lyme Disease and sickness from early mercury poisoning. I have had to learn to bio-hack myself especially when I am hypersensitive to all medications so must use natural means with no medical help.

So instead of getting miraculous healing, I can now help others to regain their health because of the studying I had to do if they are not in the position perhaps through trauma themselves, to seek diving healing. Well that is of course if God still heals that way.

This issue has tested my faith at times but I was able to carry on in the faith as I know that every-time I question God's love for me He has proven me wrong in my doubts.

I understand what you were asking of me now. Without putting persoanl details of mine or others online- I can give an overview. Previously,I was like this-- Symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. <--that was me.

Since, I have gotten closer to the Lord. Those things are ALL GONE. I did not expect that outcome, nor did I specifically ask. I did pray to be "restored" several times. There were times when I was given what I would call " visions" of something that triggered me. I had many triggers. The Lord was with me this time though, and showed me how to release from it. Scripture would come to mind- (not of me, but HS) and it would be gone.
I am having a hard time explaining. It's very personal. It involved pain- but seems I had to go through it to learn how to be released.
There were several other ways He accomplished releases, but all of them took me to the same place.. HIM.
I'm sorry if I can't make this clear for you.
He made me new. My past is dead and buried and does not haunt me. It has NO control over me. I can actually look at my past now, and smile knowing that is how I got where I am now.
..and yes, In the end, I was able to forgive my enemies.<--- ( without going into detail abt why) and I found that also was to free myself. But i would never have gotten to forgiveness if I was not brougth through those painful triggers.
As to physical damage in the brain- all that I know is that I'm free!!

 

[marks]

A women, who had a history of abuse, came to our church and she was welcomed and supported and listened to. But most people, church or not, have no knowledge of how to help such people so we do our best. In the end she left because she wasn't allowed to give her 'testimony' to the whole church, going into full details about her abuse. But it was deemed unnecessary and inappropriate to go so deeply into everything in public rather than just give the general idea and keep the details between herself and those who were praying for her.

Many years ago I attended a support group that was for adult children of alcoholics, but we all had lots of various problems. It was mostly around sharing our experiences with each other, and there was the idea that many of us need to tell our stories, both to try to understand them better ourselves, and to be able to speak about these things, since secrecy was an imposed order upon us when we were children.

Demystification is coming to realize that there are reasons why I feel and act the way I do. There are reasons why I panic in this kind of situation. Real demystification comes when I understand why this particular stimulus - a word, a look, an act someone does - triggers me to uncontrolled behavior.

I think there is usefulness in sharing our stories. Others can say, Yes, me too! And we know we are not alone, Others can say, Yes, but here is what I've learned, and oftentimes we can use that in ourselves.

But only in such an appropriate setting. If I tell my story in a general setting I'm liable to overwhelm some, I'll probibly trigger some. I've learned to just tell the briefest comment to let others know that I've got this background, so if you want to speak with me I'll understand.

I only share whatever details are needed. I prefer to stay clinical, I can trigger myself!

I agree, this is not for public consumption of a mixed (age/gender) group.

Much love!

 

[PS95]

Many years ago I attended a support group that was for adult children of alcoholics, but we all had lots of various problems. It was mostly around sharing our experiences with each other, and there was the idea that many of us need to tell our stories, both to try to understand them better ourselves, and to be able to speak about these things, since secrecy was an imposed order upon us when we were children.

Demystification is coming to realize that there are reasons why I feel and act the way I do. There are reasons why I panic in this kind of situation. Real demystification comes when I understand why this particular stimulus - a word, a look, an act someone does - triggers me to uncontrolled behavior.

I think there is usefulness in sharing our stories. Others can say, Yes, me too! And we know we are not alone, Others can say, Yes, but here is what I've learned, and oftentimes we can use that in ourselves.

But only in such an appropriate setting. If I tell my story in a general setting I'm liable to overwhelm some, I'll probibly trigger some. I've learned to just tell the briefest comment to let others know that I've got this background, so if you want to speak with me I'll understand.

I only share whatever details are needed. I prefer to stay clinical, I can trigger myself!

I agree, this is not for public consumption of a mixed (age/gender) group.

Much love!

I though that the world was only full of the kind of people that I was raised with. It made me fear everyone. It was a LIE. We can find people who love in this world.
Much love back to you. I'm so very happy that Jesus looks at us through eyes of love. It's the healer. God is love. I know that He loves you too. Be loved today, marks.

 

[marks]

Hi could you say some more about the way that Jesus set you free? Before recent revelations of just how much C-PTSD has affected my life, I would have said that He had healed me so I was in some sort of denial. A great deal of healing had taken place but this is much deeper.

I remember a few times in my life I had become so disgusted with myself, and the sin I was in, how degraded my mind was . . . I remember just holding it all up to God, PLEASE TAKE THIS AWAY! And I was able to leave it with Him. The first time, I went emotionally numb for a couple of weeks, the last time it lasted a couple of months. But at the end of the emptiness I had a kind of "reset" and was able to go in in a clean life.

The symptoms would always return, my mind would start going off the tracks, until the next time.

Doctors say that the brain damage continues to accrue throughout life, getting worse and worse, if not addressed, resulting in greater difficulties the older we get. I remember reading one doctor, who seemed to say the same as many of them, there was a quote I remember, something like,

". . . this man only came to me in his mid-50's, when this has become so entrenched, the best I can generally do for this kind of patient is to hopefully help them feel better about themself."

I think what was happening when I'd find a temporary reset was successful sublimation. Burying it deep enough to not be a problem, except, it's still there, and would reappear.

Wow! So much to try to organize so that I can express it, without getting weird!

It was early 2018 and I was in the throes of my repetition complulsion, which refers to the victim feeling compelled to repeat the abuse, or the circumstances of the abuse, or to put one's self into a "younger emotional state", that is, before it all became so bad. The idea is "this time, I'm going take control". This is why some who are abused become the abuser. They are repeating their abuse but now from the power position. No longer victim! This is why someone might marry an abusive person, to put themselves back into that place. There is information online about this, and I'm open to any questions someone may want to ask.

Anyway . . . 2018 . . . that was when God started to pull the rug out from under me. First came a crashing realization about how self-driven I'd become, no place for God, or anyone else. He let that confidence fall like a rock. Then my health took a big hit, an infection reduced me to skin and bones, no strength. By 2020 or so I was starting to recover my strength, and had become very dependant on God.

But I was still having the trouble in my mind. At least now I was at war with it, but still! So many times I failed, crushed, begging God for answers, opening my Bible to read, and reading words of how much He loves me, forgives me, He was making me fall in love with Him by His show of love for me.

And one night, I opened to Psalm 129, and read,

Psalms 129:1-4 KJV
1) A Song of degrees. Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth, may Israel now say:
2) Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.

This was the problem!

3) The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.

Yes, this is me! My attention as rivetted!

4) The LORD is righteous: he hath cut asunder the cords of the wicked.

And when I read "cut" I felt something fall as a mass from inside me away into the shadows. What just happened?? It's like He cut the darkness away from within me! But I'd long since become very wary of hope. I told myself, if this is real, I'll know it soon enough, and went to bed.

The next day, I seemed new. I was at peace. And I was untroubled by any fleshy thought for the next 5 weeks or so. I told my wife, It's like, maybe I'm who I would have been if all that never happened! I still am not certain how to explain what was happening, only, I realize this is the life of faith, of sanctification, of walking in the Spirit. For about 5 weeks or so that continued, but then one morning, that fleshy voice reawakened, I was was back like I had been.

Except . . . now I knew a kind of life that I wanted, and having tasted, I knew that this was real, available.

It was after this that I learned about repetition complusion, and brain structures, and like that. This knowledge that my lifetime of horror was due to a biological recipe of underdeveloped brain structures, and the resultant lack of function, and reduction of neurotransmitters, and the hyperactivity of other functions. Everything that was corrupting my life was a chemical and electrical echo in my brain from my childhood.

And as that realization sunk in, I sunk into a deep and black depression for the next 5 weeks or so, before I started to see sunlight again.

And since then it's not been a matter of, Just take this all away! It's more like, I've done this because of that . . . this is why I feel that way in that time, and, this is something that triggers me. I feel like I'm now working with the mechanics of my disorder, making true progress, real healing.

It's always difficult to choose what to share, how much, there is so much to our stories!

Much love!

 

[Hepzibah]

I understand what you were asking of me now. Without putting persoanl details of mine or others online- I can give an overview. Previously,I was like this-- Symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. <--that was me.

Since, I have gotten closer to the Lord. Those things are ALL GONE. I did not expect that outcome, nor did I specifically ask. I did pray to be "restored" several times. There were times when I was given what I would call " visions" of something that triggered me. I had many triggers. The Lord was with me this time though, and showed me how to release from it. Scripture would come to mind- (not of me, but HS) and it would be gone.
I am having a hard time explaining. It's very personal. It involved pain- but seems I had to go through it to learn how to be released.
There were several other ways He accomplished releases, but all of them took me to the same place.. HIM.
I'm sorry if I can't make this clear for you.
He made me new. My past is dead and buried and does not haunt me. It has NO control over me. I can actually look at my past now, and smile knowing that is how I got where I am now.
..and yes, In the end, I was able to forgive my enemies.<--- ( without going into detail abt why) and I found that also was to free myself. But i would never have gotten to forgiveness if I was not brougth through those painful triggers.
As to physical damage in the brain- all that I know is that I'm free!!

I am pleased to hear about your healing. I have no doubt that the Lord can do this without human intervention. You were very clear about it and I believe you.

That was a very good link you gave. I thought she was very good:

How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds...

www.ted.com

The thing I want to do, is to bring notice to the church that people with this condition are being harmed or not helped, and that does not involve having to discuss our own details of abuse. I for one have been harmed in the church because the prevailing view is that when we come to Christ, all of these things are dealt with by Him. This can retraumatize someone.

I am not saying that you have this attitude, but perhaps you could be tempted to think it? One thing that I know is, is that when someone is healed of any psychological damage, that person becomes very compassionate towards those who suffer. I can hold it as a test card as it were. One woman told me recently that she had been healed but went ahead to trigger me due to her arrogant attitude.

I would love to serve the church like this as I guess there are many who need to be loved and healed. Not as much as in society I guess as families who have been Christian for generations will perhaps have less chance of abuse, but due to the times, that may change. Thanks for your imput.

 

[Hepzibah]

I remember a few times in my life I had become so disgusted with myself, and the sin I was in, how degraded my mind was . . . I remember just holding it all up to God, PLEASE TAKE THIS AWAY! And I was able to leave it with Him. The first time, I went emotionally numb for a couple of weeks, the last time it lasted a couple of months. But at the end of the emptiness I had a kind of "reset" and was able to go in in a clean life.

The symptoms would always return, my mind would start going off the tracks, until the next time.

Doctors say that the brain damage continues to accrue throughout life, getting worse and worse, if not addressed, resulting in greater difficulties the older we get. I remember reading one doctor, who seemed to say the same as many of them, there was a quote I remember, something like,

". . . this man only came to me in his mid-50's, when this has become so entrenched, the best I can generally do for this kind of patient is to hopefully help them feel better about themself."

I think what was happening when I'd find a temporary reset was successful sublimation. Burying it deep enough to not be a problem, except, it's still there, and would reappear.

Wow! So much to try to organize so that I can express it, without getting weird!

It was early 2018 and I was in the throes of my repetition complulsion, which refers to the victim feeling compelled to repeat the abuse, or the circumstances of the abuse, or to put one's self into a "younger emotional state", that is, before it all became so bad. The idea is "this time, I'm going take control". This is why some who are abused become the abuser. They are repeating their abuse but now from the power position. No longer victim! This is why someone might marry an abusive person, to put themselves back into that place. There is information online about this, and I'm open to any questions someone may want to ask.

Anyway . . . 2018 . . . that was when God started to pull the rug out from under me. First came a crashing realization about how self-driven I'd become, no place for God, or anyone else. He let that confidence fall like a rock. Then my health took a big hit, an infection reduced me to skin and bones, no strength. By 2020 or so I was starting to recover my strength, and had become very dependant on God.

But I was still having the trouble in my mind. At least now I was at war with it, but still! So many times I failed, crushed, begging God for answers, opening my Bible to read, and reading words of how much He loves me, forgives me, He was making me fall in love with Him by His show of love for me.

And one night, I opened to Psalm 129, and read,

Psalms 129:1-4 KJV
1) A Song of degrees. Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth, may Israel now say:
2) Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.

This was the problem!

3) The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.

Yes, this is me! My attention as rivetted!

4) The LORD is righteous: he hath cut asunder the cords of the wicked.

And when I read "cut" I felt something fall as a mass from inside me away into the shadows. What just happened?? It's like He cut the darkness away from within me! But I'd long since become very wary of hope. I told myself, if this is real, I'll know it soon enough, and went to bed.

The next day, I seemed new. I was at peace. And I was untroubled by any fleshy thought for the next 5 weeks or so. I told my wife, It's like, maybe I'm who I would have been if all that never happened! I still am not certain how to explain what was happening, only, I realize this is the life of faith, of sanctification, of walking in the Spirit. For about 5 weeks or so that continued, but then one morning, that fleshy voice reawakened, I was was back like I had been.

Except . . . now I knew a kind of life that I wanted, and having tasted, I knew that this was real, available.

It was after this that I learned about repetition complusion, and brain structures, and like that. This knowledge that my lifetime of horror was due to a biological recipe of underdeveloped brain structures, and the resultant lack of function, and reduction of neurotransmitters, and the hyperactivity of other functions. Everything that was corrupting my life was a chemical and electrical echo in my brain from my childhood.

And as that realization sunk in, I sunk into a deep and black depression for the next 5 weeks or so, before I started to see sunlight again.

And since then it's not been a matter of, Just take this all away! It's more like, I've done this because of that . . . this is why I feel that way in that time, and, this is something that triggers me. I feel like I'm now working with the mechanics of my disorder, making true progress, real healing.

It's always difficult to choose what to share, how much, there is so much to our stories!

Much love!

Many thanks for that testimony marks. It is so wonderful to feel, as a Christian, one is not alone with this, and what God can do. I have actually been on the healing journey for 21 years, since I left an abusive marriage - had to flee for my life and have spent that time in healing from it. I see now that he reason I went into it was due to being dissociated and unable to think straight.

So I understand what you said about recreating the circumstances and also that the victim becomes the abuser as was in a fight mode and did want to harm younger children than me. I am so ashamed of that. But now there is compassion and understanding of myself. Having the darkness cut away is something that I relate to.

God is doing something really big here and I have noticed much more clarity of mind like I am fully in reality for once. I had the added problems with a huge amount of mercury from a mediation that killed many infants - 25 % of them. So I am blessed to have survived.

 

[PS95]

The thing I want to do, is to bring notice to the church that people with this condition are being harmed or not helped, and that does not involve having to discuss our own details of abuse. I for one have been harmed in the church because the prevailing view is that when we come to Christ, all of these things are dealt with by Him. This can retraumatize someone.

I am not saying that you have this attitude, but perhaps you could be tempted to think it? One thing that I know is, is that when someone is healed of any psychological damage, that person becomes very compassionate towards those who suffer. I can hold it as a test card as it were. One woman told me recently that she had been healed but went ahead to trigger me due to her arrogant attitude.

I would love to serve the church like this as I guess there are many who need to be loved and healed. Not as much as in society I guess as families who have been Christian for generations will perhaps have less chance of abuse, but due to the times, that may change. Thanks for your imput.

Dearest Hepzibah,
I hear you and I totally agree with you about the church, but try to remember that they do not understand the depths of your pain. they can not. I once had anger toward them as well, but they can't help what they don't truly understand. Someone who hasnt been repeatedly traumatized has no idea what we speak of. It upsets them and they don't know what to say and what they do say can seem unfeeling. Just know that.
As to wanting to make the churches aware- that would be wonderful, but it is long and involved and I think that they have other areas to focus on. I was always curious as to HOW pastors did not understand even the slightest bit the trauma of being raised in a cult causes and especially in the beginning of coming out of it. They were woefully unprepared for me. They blew off my concerns as if tossing out a used hankerchief. If you could have your own ministry within the church? If that's what you meant- it's a wonderful idea! after you are well?

It seemed that Baptism of the Spirit/entire sanctification, stripped off layers of 'the onion' and I functioned at that level for a long time, but the behaviour of my family at Christmas sort of shocked me into the reality of Family Scapegoating Abuse and just how damaged I have been.

I have been in the situation of " family emergencies" where I was allowed to be around family who normally shuns me. YES. The old behaviors still remain in them. In the past I would be reinjured and any progress that I thought I had made went backwards. However, now-- I see them for how it is. They are full of hatred, self righteousness and are ignorant to the love of God. So, now that I see that- what they say or do can not harm me. Instead I have sympathy for them. i truly do. I show them love and they spit in my face. That's OK I expect it.
..

One woman told me recently that she had been healed but went ahead to trigger me due to her arrogant attitude.

This is exactly what I am saying. if you learn to expect that you will not be triggered. That woman had no idea what she said could do that. The triggers don't go away- but how you react changes. Once you have defeat over the triggers- while the words are still spoken to you- that have NO POWER over you! the defeat for me was given to me by God. I fully believe that as you continue to pray- that He will do the same for you. It takes time and accepting that we have to wait on the Lord longer than we would like-- is a start, but praising Him and all he does every day is beneficial for healing too He will help you as you walk in His love. remain in His presence knowing that He holds your answers!!! keep the faith in HIM!!
i hope that makes sense?

 

[Hepzibah]

Doctors say that the brain damage continues to accrue throughout life, getting worse and worse, if not addressed, resulting in greater difficulties the older we get. I remember reading one doctor, who seemed to say the same as many of them, there was a quote I remember, something like,

". . . this man only came to me in his mid-50's, when this has become so entrenched, the best I can generally do for this kind of patient is to hopefully help them feel better about themself."

I don't think this is certain. I am 74 and the healing I am going through is profound so that I am not the same person as I was 3 months ago. I think that when the spirit and soul have been healed by God, then the physical can go ahead much quicker.

 

[marks]

I don't think this is certain. I am 74 and the healing I am going through is profound so that I am not the same person as I was 3 months ago. I think that when the spirit and soul have been healed by God, then the physical can go ahead much quicker.

I fully agree! Medical science has no answers, but God is the Great Healer!! I look at what He's done in me absolutely amazed!! I'm still a work in process, but I have no doubt at all that He will bring me all the way through!

Much love!

 

[marks]

I fully believe that as you continue to pray- that He will do the same for you. It takes time and accepting that we have to wait on the Lord longer than we would like-- is a start, but praising Him and all he does every day is beneficial for healing too He will help you as you walk in His love. remain in His presence knowing that He holds your answers!!! keep the faith in HIM!!
i hope that makes sense?

I've learned to not have any expectations. A long time, a short time, I think that we are all so different, that God's program with me is unique, just as my issues are unique, and how I react is likewise unique. He knows what will work best with me, and with you, and works accordingly.

Coming to understand God's love for me was the real game changer. I know He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter what, and that makes God my Rock. He loves me so much He's willing to walk me out of denial into pain, out of suppression and into chaos, so He can walk me through it, and out of it.

You ask the same thing I often wonder . . . am I making sense? I think that goes with the turf!

Much love!

 

[PS95]

Amen! I had no expectations! I did not even know exactly the root of my problem. He did! Seems it all went back to never receiving love. He showed me the root. He dug up the root. Seems he threw into a fire. All that i am sure of is that he did that. Not I!
will be praying for you! XO

 

[Hepzibah]

Dearest Hepzibah,
I hear you and I totally agree with you about the church, but try to remember that they do not understand the depths of your pain. they can not. I once had anger toward them as well, but they can't help what they don't truly understand. Someone who hasnt been repeatedly traumatized has no idea what we speak of. It upsets them and they don't know what to say and what they do say can seem unfeeling. Just know that.
As to wanting to make the churches aware- that would be wonderful, but it is long and involved and I think that they have other areas to focus on. I was always curious as to HOW pastors did not understand even the slightest bit the trauma of being raised in a cult causes and especially in the beginning of coming out of it. They were woefully unprepared for me. They blew off my concerns as if tossing out a used hankerchief. If you could have your own ministry within the church? If that's what you meant- it's a wonderful idea! after you are well?



I have been in the situation of " family emergencies" where I was allowed to be around family who normally shuns me. YES. The old behaviors still remain in them. In the past I would be reinjured and any progress that I thought I had made went backwards. However, now-- I see them for how it is. They are full of hatred, self righteousness and are ignorant to the love of God. So, now that I see that- what they say or do can not harm me. Instead I have sympathy for them. i truly do. I show them love and they spit in my face. That's OK I expect it.
..

This is exactly what I am saying. if you learn to expect that you will not be triggered. That woman had no idea what she said could do that. The triggers don't go away- but how you react changes. Once you have defeat over the triggers- while the words are still spoken to you- that have NO POWER over you! the defeat for me was given to me by God. I fully believe that as you continue to pray- that He will do the same for you. It takes time and accepting that we have to wait on the Lord longer than we would like-- is a start, but praising Him and all he does every day is beneficial for healing too He will help you as you walk in His love. remain in His presence knowing that He holds your answers!!! keep the faith in HIM!!
i hope that makes sense?

Yes I think that you are right - getting church leaders to understand is a herculean task, unless of course the Holy Spirit convicts them of sin towards the damaged brethren and that can take place in a moment. But as you say, they are more interested in other things, like attracting the young top the church.

I was spiritually abused by the leaders of the last three churches I was in. The first one was because I had become an ex-Calvinist though and was excommunicated for that, but now I think surely the pastor should have recognized he was dealing with a severely dissociated person. And so I was tossed out even when they knew I was very sick physically and had no family to support me. But that is by the by and all behind me and I have no anger towards these leaders.

Now that is interesting - I could not decide whether I should protect myself from harmful situations like going to my brothers family again this Christmas and let them abuse me or be healed and not triggered. Not sure about that one. If I am there though, it tempts them to sin? Maybe save them from that temptation. I have to work on that one :)

Many thanks.