So I jumped into a tank of sharks and....

[GoldenChild]

So I made some friends these past few months. I have gone two in a half years with out friends because for every time I tried to make friends I never heard from them again. After going through that for two years I gave up on making friends all together because no one wanted me at all. But these people wanted me. They felt my pain understand me. I feel like their are blessings in my life. But they are all hardcore atheists. I met one of my guy friend's girlfriend for the first time yesterday and she talked about some very twisted things like girl make out sessions when the boyfriends were not around. She has a boyfriend and yet makes out with girls. My guy friend is sort of ok with it. It is as if he just does not care. Or he is like dead to the world and its corruption. How can you be ok with that!? I have to say I do not like to hear about that. Nor do I wish to partake in such activities. It makes me sad to know about these things about my guy friend. I also think that it is absolutely wrong. I am not ok with these certain behaviors. So I know that I am going to have to keep far distance from that girl. All my other friends who are atheist accept me for my belief in God. But I have two of them who once believed. I asked one of my friends who is more Agnostic anything, what has cause you to stop believing? He shared a long painful story. My other friend who once believed seems to suffer depression as well. She said ever since I have spent time with her she comes home happier because she has a friend waiting for her she is no longer lonely. Her and I are alike in many ways. We both have a hard time getting along with other girls I guess because we are not average girls. We both have some issues and are social outcasts in way I guess. I do not know what it is, all I know is I tried to make friends my age at church and no one really wanted me to be their friend. It seems that everyone has their own little clicks and do not want to let anyone in. But I love my church and I love the people there. It is my home. So I just gave up on making friends at that rate. But then because of a job I got, the people wanted to be my friend. I believe these people walked into my life for a very strong reason. I cannot identify why. But I know that we all share the same pain in a way. I have got bold and told my friends that they are blessings in my life. They looked at me and told me that no one has ever told them that they were blessings. From all the friends they have ever had I was the only one who has ever told them that. They were so touched by that. I was afraid they were going to be offended. I have prayed more than ever for my friends because I care about them a lot. I have seen how powerful prayer truly is with my own eyes. I can not convert atheist by myself. But I know God can. I hope God forgives me for jumping into the shark tank all alone like this. I was not really looking for challenges. It just jumped into my life expectantly. I have thanked God for putting them in my life. I pray that they come to believe in Our Father and that they know our Savior Jesus Christ. I also ask for God to heal them, bless them and soften their hearts. I have gone through some bad trials that would be enough to make me want to stop believing. But God has such a strong hold on me. So I know that I belong to him completely. My friend who is agnostic told me that I have such strong faith and that he finds that amazing after all the trials I have been through. He asked me how can I just continue to believe in God after all I have been through. I shared him my story. I have gone to church's that have flat out lied to me. I have listened to sermons that were false and not in the scriptures from the bible, but words that were taken out of context and warped. I was mislead a lot in my walk. But God was there still showing me the way in that mess. When I just become quiet I can hear God talk to me. But I can not explain how He does. It is not a voice, and it is not magic. It is not some sign or anything. It is just an experience I have where He places matters on the heart. I have to be quiet to in order to listen. ray4:In a nutshell I am open to thoughts. But please do not condemn me or hate me or chew me out like a bad child or something like that. Also do not lecture me because I seriously do not need to be lecture right now. I have had nights where I mourned and cried for my friends because my friends do not believe in God or do not choose God. I am really sensitive so please do not verbally attack me Also If you all can pray for me. I love prayer so much!On a good note my friend who is agnostic send me a text message said he prayed for me to get well soon because I felt sick today. And he also pray that I would always be surrounded by good friends. I was so happy my eyes teared up. The names of my friends if anyone cares to help me pray:Evelyn, David B., Maria, Christopher, David, Darren, Derek, Scott, Dan, Damon, Sirus, Katie, Kaytee, Kat, Steve, Trevor, Amy.We need to pray for Maria because she suffers with a brain tumor. She was suppose to die in two years but they have passed and she is still alive. She is wiccan and if she dies a wiccan I do not know how I am going to deal with that. Plus help with her health would be good.Thanks for listening. GoldenChild