Had absolutely no idea where to put this thread.
This is an odd thing going on with me in my life.
Okay, so last summer, I watched a womans shop for 3 months and opened it 5 days a week in exchange for being allowed to put my things in the back room to sell. She didn't pay me, I sold my things along with hers.
When I first went into her shop, because I saw painted furniture in the window and I paint furniture too, she was very pleasant and we talked for a long time. It was her idea that I bring some of my things to sell, which then turned into: will you watch my shop for 2 weeks while I go on vacation.
We had, in our first conversation, discussed God. She was very "praise God" and seemed to understand and relate to the things I said about God. (It is only in looking back that I am fairly certain I never heard her say "Jesus" but only "God."
In our conversation I learned she had previously been married to a preacher or pastor and that she had a shop then which sold Christian items and in that same building she had a restaurant (which was a real restaurant, but that they also fed the homeless in the area from) and a hair salon and some other business I can't recall. Then they divorced. I guess she lost those businesses but then opened the shop I now found her in. She didn't sell Christian items there, it was painted furniture, handbags, shoes, and items from the farmstyle fad that Chip and Joanna Gaines ushered in.
Ah boy...this is getting long. I've probably lost most of you...so she seemed to quickly change, but I know after a while that I was just seeing the real her. I'm gullible in terms of taking people for what they say, especially if they talk about God. But at the time, she was in the process of opening her restaurant again in a new location so I thought she was just very flustered and stressed. I guess I said something one day about her needing to get rest and sit with God a while and she went into a rant about how if one more person mentioned God she was going to lose her mind and how most people talk big about God but then act like idiots and prove they're just like everyone else and how if she heard anyone else talk about God she was going to go ballistic.
Then, she threw a fit at some point about how much stuff I was selling and it involved screaming - a lot of screaming. And then she said I would have to pay some of the rent. I said I was open to that, but when I said I would expect her to take some of the days, she said we could hire someone to take some of the hours that I wouldn't be there. I said, no, I would take my days and didn't want to pay anyone to take her days and that, in fact, I couldn't afford to pay half of an employees pay. She started screaming again, telling me I was spoiled, and other very odd things. She kept saying I was going to leave and not stick it out because I was spoiled, blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure now that she was greatly manipulating me, but I stayed, she calmed down, and then about every 2 weeks, she would have another meltdown, until one day after about 3 months, I said, look, I'm out of here and I'll have the back room cleared out in 2 days.
6 months later, (edit correction: it was less than 2 months later) I saw the store was closing, (she moved to a new location next to the new restaurant she opened over the summer). Just for the heck of it, I contacted the strip mall and somehow found myself with my own shop.
Here's the odd part I wanted to get out, my gosh I'm such a fountain mouth - when I watched her shop those 3 months, women would come in and chat for a long, long time. Not all of them, but a really fair amount of them. Within minutes, they'd be telling me their life stories. I think I vaguely wondered if it was just what women do in a boutique type shop but it just happened and I went along with...the current? I just saw this in a fully aware way yesterday but, I would usually tell them at some point that they weren't walking in faith and were going to go nuts if they didn't learn to do so and to give their worries to God. I made a lot of friends and these women were excited when they saw a new boutique and came in and found me there. A few of them even insisted I not disappear from there again without letting them know where I was going!
So...with my own shop, the same thing happened. Women would come in and just begin telling me their life and whatever really awful things were going on with them. Another one was there yesterday and I wont get into her whole scary story, but when she left she asked if she could give me a hug and I said of course, then as she was leaving I said, now what are you going to work on, go over it again. She said: I'm going to scream to God for help whenever I find myself getting sick with worry!
After she left, I sort of...wondered if after years of thinking God hasn't really given me any particular gift, do I maybe in fact have a gift... I sort of...very gently but matter of factly...chide? these women for their not walking in faith and leaning on God, and then I...tell them what to do (sort of?)...like yesterday, it was: even if you have to do it 50 times a day, when you find yourself worrying, call to God for help, practice trusting that He will take care of you, and He will continue to allow your life to keep falling apart until you begin to walk in trust and rest, He isn't punishing you by this, He is helping you, believe it or not, and trust is the one and only thing He wants from you.
Or a woman last week it was different, because she hadn't met God yet, so there was no gentle rebuke, obviously, but it went a different sort of way...? But still, she is one who just began pouring her life story out to me, nevertheless. That was the third time she had returned before I knew it was time to mention God
So...I knew these women were sitting there ( I make them sit after about 15 or 20 minutes) doing this (pouring out everything to me), but...it never occurred to me like, WHY? It's a strip mall with lots of stores. Why do they pick ME to lay their life open to? I'm certain they don't go into the other shops and do this, or into the grocery store and do this...
And yesterday, I said something really weird. When I cleared off a chair and made the woman sit, she said, oh I have to go soon, but I'll sit for a minute (she stayed another hour), and then said, I don't know why I'm making you listen to all this anyway, I said: oh no, I'm enjoying our talk, this is what I do, I listen. So...I don't know why I said that. It was sort of...like...an awareness came to me that that was what I do...? Like, "do," as in a job...?
And another thing - I wasn't completely conscious of having done this over the 3 months I've been open but I think I...purposely? filled all of the chairs with things for sale that are around the vicinity of my desk - not so no one can sit, but so that I can keep women who I don't want to stay and talk from doing so?...it's like...I wait to see if I need to talk to them or if they are going to chat about time wasting nonsense...?
Oh, and this is another odd thing. When these women come in, no matter if I've been quite busy with lots of foot traffic, no one comes in while we are talking and the foot traffic picks up again only after they've left, or are getting ready to leave...oh, except for one time when a second woman came in and then BOTH of them were telling their life stories at once...
Sorry, I'm still putting this together in my minds awareness. I can't quite figure out why this has been happening for over 6 months total and it never was something I gave that much thought to. Some of them, I never really do anything past listening and commiserating and then they leave...and come BACK at some point to talk some more and then I bring up God. I don't give it thought, it's just like I somehow know but don't know? that...I should or shouldn't say certain things?
I don't really need to get a name for what gift or gifts God has given me. I think there is some gift there, but I don't honestly care what it's called, I just know it's not "normal" for women to do what these women are doing, is it?? I actually have to keep a box of tissues on my desk. I wasn't really fully aware of all this. I mean...I was but also wasn't...but do you know...I absolutely LOVE this job, even though I don't exactly know what my job is!! I will go in to the shop with plans for what furniture I'll work on between customers and then some days, I literally never can get to the work because I spend the entire day sitting and listening.
I'm in a little bit of wonderment over all this. I have some odd sort of...ministry? How about that! God seems so strange to me sometimes!
This is an odd thing going on with me in my life.
Okay, so last summer, I watched a womans shop for 3 months and opened it 5 days a week in exchange for being allowed to put my things in the back room to sell. She didn't pay me, I sold my things along with hers.
When I first went into her shop, because I saw painted furniture in the window and I paint furniture too, she was very pleasant and we talked for a long time. It was her idea that I bring some of my things to sell, which then turned into: will you watch my shop for 2 weeks while I go on vacation.
We had, in our first conversation, discussed God. She was very "praise God" and seemed to understand and relate to the things I said about God. (It is only in looking back that I am fairly certain I never heard her say "Jesus" but only "God."
In our conversation I learned she had previously been married to a preacher or pastor and that she had a shop then which sold Christian items and in that same building she had a restaurant (which was a real restaurant, but that they also fed the homeless in the area from) and a hair salon and some other business I can't recall. Then they divorced. I guess she lost those businesses but then opened the shop I now found her in. She didn't sell Christian items there, it was painted furniture, handbags, shoes, and items from the farmstyle fad that Chip and Joanna Gaines ushered in.
Ah boy...this is getting long. I've probably lost most of you...so she seemed to quickly change, but I know after a while that I was just seeing the real her. I'm gullible in terms of taking people for what they say, especially if they talk about God. But at the time, she was in the process of opening her restaurant again in a new location so I thought she was just very flustered and stressed. I guess I said something one day about her needing to get rest and sit with God a while and she went into a rant about how if one more person mentioned God she was going to lose her mind and how most people talk big about God but then act like idiots and prove they're just like everyone else and how if she heard anyone else talk about God she was going to go ballistic.
Then, she threw a fit at some point about how much stuff I was selling and it involved screaming - a lot of screaming. And then she said I would have to pay some of the rent. I said I was open to that, but when I said I would expect her to take some of the days, she said we could hire someone to take some of the hours that I wouldn't be there. I said, no, I would take my days and didn't want to pay anyone to take her days and that, in fact, I couldn't afford to pay half of an employees pay. She started screaming again, telling me I was spoiled, and other very odd things. She kept saying I was going to leave and not stick it out because I was spoiled, blah, blah, blah. I'm pretty sure now that she was greatly manipulating me, but I stayed, she calmed down, and then about every 2 weeks, she would have another meltdown, until one day after about 3 months, I said, look, I'm out of here and I'll have the back room cleared out in 2 days.
6 months later, (edit correction: it was less than 2 months later) I saw the store was closing, (she moved to a new location next to the new restaurant she opened over the summer). Just for the heck of it, I contacted the strip mall and somehow found myself with my own shop.
Here's the odd part I wanted to get out, my gosh I'm such a fountain mouth - when I watched her shop those 3 months, women would come in and chat for a long, long time. Not all of them, but a really fair amount of them. Within minutes, they'd be telling me their life stories. I think I vaguely wondered if it was just what women do in a boutique type shop but it just happened and I went along with...the current? I just saw this in a fully aware way yesterday but, I would usually tell them at some point that they weren't walking in faith and were going to go nuts if they didn't learn to do so and to give their worries to God. I made a lot of friends and these women were excited when they saw a new boutique and came in and found me there. A few of them even insisted I not disappear from there again without letting them know where I was going!
So...with my own shop, the same thing happened. Women would come in and just begin telling me their life and whatever really awful things were going on with them. Another one was there yesterday and I wont get into her whole scary story, but when she left she asked if she could give me a hug and I said of course, then as she was leaving I said, now what are you going to work on, go over it again. She said: I'm going to scream to God for help whenever I find myself getting sick with worry!
After she left, I sort of...wondered if after years of thinking God hasn't really given me any particular gift, do I maybe in fact have a gift... I sort of...very gently but matter of factly...chide? these women for their not walking in faith and leaning on God, and then I...tell them what to do (sort of?)...like yesterday, it was: even if you have to do it 50 times a day, when you find yourself worrying, call to God for help, practice trusting that He will take care of you, and He will continue to allow your life to keep falling apart until you begin to walk in trust and rest, He isn't punishing you by this, He is helping you, believe it or not, and trust is the one and only thing He wants from you.
Or a woman last week it was different, because she hadn't met God yet, so there was no gentle rebuke, obviously, but it went a different sort of way...? But still, she is one who just began pouring her life story out to me, nevertheless. That was the third time she had returned before I knew it was time to mention God
So...I knew these women were sitting there ( I make them sit after about 15 or 20 minutes) doing this (pouring out everything to me), but...it never occurred to me like, WHY? It's a strip mall with lots of stores. Why do they pick ME to lay their life open to? I'm certain they don't go into the other shops and do this, or into the grocery store and do this...
And yesterday, I said something really weird. When I cleared off a chair and made the woman sit, she said, oh I have to go soon, but I'll sit for a minute (she stayed another hour), and then said, I don't know why I'm making you listen to all this anyway, I said: oh no, I'm enjoying our talk, this is what I do, I listen. So...I don't know why I said that. It was sort of...like...an awareness came to me that that was what I do...? Like, "do," as in a job...?
And another thing - I wasn't completely conscious of having done this over the 3 months I've been open but I think I...purposely? filled all of the chairs with things for sale that are around the vicinity of my desk - not so no one can sit, but so that I can keep women who I don't want to stay and talk from doing so?...it's like...I wait to see if I need to talk to them or if they are going to chat about time wasting nonsense...?
Oh, and this is another odd thing. When these women come in, no matter if I've been quite busy with lots of foot traffic, no one comes in while we are talking and the foot traffic picks up again only after they've left, or are getting ready to leave...oh, except for one time when a second woman came in and then BOTH of them were telling their life stories at once...
Sorry, I'm still putting this together in my minds awareness. I can't quite figure out why this has been happening for over 6 months total and it never was something I gave that much thought to. Some of them, I never really do anything past listening and commiserating and then they leave...and come BACK at some point to talk some more and then I bring up God. I don't give it thought, it's just like I somehow know but don't know? that...I should or shouldn't say certain things?
I don't really need to get a name for what gift or gifts God has given me. I think there is some gift there, but I don't honestly care what it's called, I just know it's not "normal" for women to do what these women are doing, is it?? I actually have to keep a box of tissues on my desk. I wasn't really fully aware of all this. I mean...I was but also wasn't...but do you know...I absolutely LOVE this job, even though I don't exactly know what my job is!! I will go in to the shop with plans for what furniture I'll work on between customers and then some days, I literally never can get to the work because I spend the entire day sitting and listening.
I'm in a little bit of wonderment over all this. I have some odd sort of...ministry? How about that! God seems so strange to me sometimes!
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