Squirrel problem

[Willie T]

A small town was having a massive squirrel problem and each local church was trying to find a solution.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn’t interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

 

[Acolyte]

Lol.. I feed those critters everyday, along with birds, the rabbits under the shed, the raccoons under the boat, and the kits(fox) that wander in every spring. The squirrels actually knock on the door.
Thanks for the smile.

 

[Frank Lee]

For PETA fans No squirrels were harmed or offended in the telling of this story. Hahaha!

In my part of the country they were apt to be released into a black iron skillet.

 

[farouk]

They crossed the border to Canada, where the Federal Government immediately hired translators to prepare an official apology in squirrelese...

 

[Taken]

Funny story Willie!!

I put out bird feed, and enjoy seeing all the different kinds of birds.
About once or twice a day, I would see the squirrels come and feed and on occasion would see a raccoon. And the rabbits would come for some plants, and deer for corn the raccoons didn't get first.

Then one day a dog showed up. After searching around, we pretty much deduced he was a drop off fending for himself, as we are out in the sticks. How quickly we pickup on doggy language, of him asking us to adopt him, and we did.

We still have the birds coming, and occasionally (if the dog is sleeping), we'll see a deer or rabbit or squirrel. If the dog gets a clue, the chase is on!!

So, Churches can rest easy. Vegetarians, Peta, animal lovers, too. The loaded rifle hanging on the wall is just for looks....ha, ha.

God Bless,
Merry Christmas,
Taken

 

[Enoch111]

Funny story Willie!!

Sounds a little squirrelly.

 

[ScottA]

Reminds me of a song:

"To All The Squirrels I've Loved Before."

 

[Frank Lee]

Willie;

Living in the middle of a forest we're over run with critters. I watched a single chipmunk over several days, carry off 25-30 lbs of corn from a fifty lb bag. A double jawful at a time.

Another one got into the trunk of our car and gnawed up $300 of wiring causing my lights to suddenly go out one night on the highway.

Those cute little faces bely a devious heart.

The squirrels are religious about robbing the bird feeder. Zapped twenty plus one year and the population didn't suffer.

Foxes, raccoons, squirrels, armadillos, deer, bear (neighbor saw one run across his drive a few weeks ago) random mountain lions, coyotes, wolves, feral dogs not even counting snakes.

I still prefer four legged varmints to the two legged variety. Funny story by the way!

 

[Willie T]

 

[Helen]

They crossed the border to Canada, where the Federal Government immediately hired translators to prepare an official apology in squirrelese...

 

[Frank Lee]

Love to see the catapults launch them into flight! Everyone has a squirrel story!

My wonderful old bluetick hound bluebelle, was a great squirrel dog. Hunting along Ink bayou one day she treed and I shot. She grabbed the wounded critter which grabbed her by the nose with those nasty incisors.

Blue commenced howling in pain while rotating on her hind legs with the squirrel sticking straight out from centrifugal motion. After the creature was dispatched was the second funniest part. Every so often she'd glance over at the little beestie and emit a low growl as if to say. "you shouldn't of done that"!

 

[Mayflower]

I always loved watching squirrels.

 

[Willie T]

Before we had to put down our beloved Gordy, a Lhasa Apso, he and I would feed the squirrels on our walks. One of them became good friends with him, and they would nuzzle each other, nose to nose, and the little squirrel would walk under him, between his legs, as he stood there quietly.

Years earlier, we had one, Peewee, we called him... He would come and cling to the screen door, banging it by swinging his weight until we would come out and feed him. He would walk right out on our arm from the door or from a tree branch.

 

[Frank Lee]

My high school friend Billy had a pet squirrel that was over fed. That squirrel was spoiled pulp rotten. Billy's younger brothers would gather hickory nuts and acorns by the sack full for that 5 lb adoptee. The thing would lie on its belly and rake a few acorns over to him if he felt the pangs of hunger. It looked more like a fattened cat than a squirrel.

One fellow had a pair of baby raccoons he'd rescued and raised. They got in the habit of getting on the roof of his house and jumping into his arms when he came home from work. It was all very endearing until they attained a weight of 12 or 15 pounds. Then catching them became more a matter of survival than play so he had to place them in a petting zoo.

When my brother Jimmy worked for me he found a young Red tail hawk that had been "lost" from it's mother. In reality she was likely nearby teaching it a few tricks. At any rate I put it in an enclosure and fed it red meat. As it grew I let it out and it stayed around pretty close.

Our home is about three or four hundred feet from my office, all up in the woods. Well many mornings I'd walk to work enjoying the short constitional. All was fine until our feathered assassin discovered my habit.

Lurking in a tree somewhere along my route it took great pleasure in diving at me and attempting to land on my head or arms. This was very annoying as I could practically feel those talons sinking into my scalp.

I became very paranoid when walking to work flinching at the smallest movement in a tree or by any bird. Finally I lured it with a chunk of meat and carried it a few miles distant for a new start in life. Never "find" an abandoned raptor unless you intend on becoming a fowler. Had my spastic flinching been filmed it would have made a great YouTube laugh.

 

[farouk]

I always loved watching squirrels.

Over the Pond you can see both grey and red squirrels...

 

[Helen]

Over the Pond you can see both grey and red squirrels...

Not sure st all about your “you CAN see”....the reds are not easy to see...far and very few between,
The greys are at least a third bigger than the reds, if not more. They kill the reds at every opportunity.

 

[farouk]

Not sure st all about your “you CAN see”....the reds are not easy to see...far and very few between,
The greys are at least a third bigger than the reds, if not more. They kill the reds at every opportunity.

I guess it depends where you are; the greys have taken over the South; there are still reds in the North...

 

[farouk]

Lol.. I feed those critters everyday, along with birds, the rabbits under the shed, the raccoons under the boat, and the kits(fox) that wander in every spring. The squirrels actually knock on the door.
Thanks for the smile.

The squirrels probably have nuts in their mouths when they knock on the door...

 

[Enoch111]

The squirrels probably have nuts in their mouths when they knock on the door...

And one would have to be nuts to open doors to squirrels.

 

[farouk]

And one would have to be nuts to open doors to squirrels.

When the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge asked General Auchinleck to surrender, he replied, 'Nuts!'. (After the war, he returned to Bastogne, and planted a nut tree.)