Surrogate Mother Dying

[Wrangler]

A number of years ago I befriended an old man at the YMCA. We became close. He's like a surrogate father to me now. At one point, his wife said that I am now a friend of the family.

At 85 yo, she has suffered from dementia, incontinence and cannot walk and can barely stand. Looming large in my friends life was the prospect of putting her in a nursing home, which she did not want to go.

I called on the way home from work yesterday to confirm our weekly walk. Instead, my friend was in a state of shock, his mind unable to process the days events. The one thing that stood out is that they gave his wife morphine, which is inconsistent with her medical needs that I know of. He asked me to come over later.

I was expecting an ambulance to be there to take her to the hospital or nursing home or even hospice. It was too late. She was resting comfortably but not interactive. We took turns waiting with her, saying good bye.

My friend's daughter-in-law came over just at the peak of my friend's grieving. Her calm, soothing, reassuring tone of voice and words helped calm him down. She said, "I know she is one with Christ and he will meet her when she crosses over. She will be better off there than here. I believe that. Don't you?" she asked him.

62 years. They've been married for 62 years. Please pray for the family and especially my 85 yo friend, Jerry.

 

[Nancy]

A number of years ago I befriended an old man at the YMCA. We became close. He's like a surrogate father to me now. At one point, his wife said that I am now a friend of the family.

At 85 yo, she has suffered from dementia, incontinence and cannot walk and can barely stand. Looming large in my friends life was the prospect of putting her in a nursing home, which she did not want to go.

I called on the way home from work yesterday to confirm our weekly walk. Instead, my friend was in a state of shock, his mind unable to process the days events. The one thing that stood out is that they gave his wife morphine, which is inconsistent with her medical needs that I know of. He asked me to come over later.

I was expecting an ambulance to be there to take her to the hospital or nursing home or even hospice. It was too late. She was resting comfortably but not interactive. We took turns waiting with her, saying good bye.

My friend's daughter-in-law came over just at the peak of my friend's grieving. Her calm, soothing, reassuring tone of voice and words helped calm him down. She said, "I know she is one with Christ and he will meet her when she crosses over. She will be better off there than here. I believe that. Don't you?" she asked him.

62 years. They've been married for 62 years. Please pray for the family and especially my 85 yo friend, Jerry.

Yes, I will pray for their comfort. It is so hard to see our loved ones go, especially when unexpected. Just as hard for Christians, yet we don't grieve as the world does because we KNOW where our brothers and sisters will be.
God bless and comfort you all.

 

[Rita]

She didn’t want to go to a nursing home ……how lovely, even though sad for everyone, she was able to be with everyone who cared about her and could remain where she was xx
Much love xxxx
Rita

 

[Wrangler]

It is so hard to see out loved ones go, especially when unexpected.

Jerry talked a lot about how unexpected it was. We explained how it was a blessing compared to the alternative of her enduring pain and suffering and loneliness in a hospital.

 

[amadeus]

...62 years. They've been married for 62 years. Please pray for the family and especially my 85 yo friend, Jerry.

Praying for them now!

 

[dev553344]

Praying.

 

[amigo de christo]

yes we will pray my friend .

 

[Nancy]

Jerry talked a lot about how unexpected it was. We explained how it was a blessing compared to the alternative of her enduring pain and suffering and loneliness in a hospital.

I hope Jerry is being comforted and rising above His grief. It is so hard at times (...unexpected) to find joy through our sorrow but, He does restore our joy, and keeps our tears in a bottle (Love that). Just takes awhile to find a smile when remembering our departed loved ones rather than sadness, but it does come Praise God that her pain and suffering is gone...

 

[Wynona]

Praying for Jerry and his family.

 

[APAK]

A number of years ago I befriended an old man at the YMCA. We became close. He's like a surrogate father to me now. At one point, his wife said that I am now a friend of the family.

At 85 yo, she has suffered from dementia, incontinence and cannot walk and can barely stand. Looming large in my friends life was the prospect of putting her in a nursing home, which she did not want to go.

I called on the way home from work yesterday to confirm our weekly walk. Instead, my friend was in a state of shock, his mind unable to process the days events. The one thing that stood out is that they gave his wife morphine, which is inconsistent with her medical needs that I know of. He asked me to come over later.

I was expecting an ambulance to be there to take her to the hospital or nursing home or even hospice. It was too late. She was resting comfortably but not interactive. We took turns waiting with her, saying good bye.

My friend's daughter-in-law came over just at the peak of my friend's grieving. Her calm, soothing, reassuring tone of voice and words helped calm him down. She said, "I know she is one with Christ and he will meet her when she crosses over. She will be better off there than here. I believe that. Don't you?" she asked him.

62 years. They've been married for 62 years. Please pray for the family and especially my 85 yo friend, Jerry.

You are a blessing to this man in ways you cannot imagine Wrangler.

My wife and I were adopted by two older, an elderly couple, several years back. We shared our table with them many times. We considered them our local folks, since ours were many miles away. They were about 85 years old then. I remember when Sal when driving became a hazard for him and others. And he would take extra wider turns into the wrong lane....

fast forwarding a bit....

Suddenly to my surprise I picked up the phone, now living in another State. It was Sal, he was now 92 years old. And he was calling to say hello and to know how we were doing, so I thought. And that he had shingles and was in some pain. We hadn't spoken or seen him and his wife for several years, being on the move and all. We found out a month later from their son and on the internet, Sal passed, out of this world. He was calling really to say goodbye.....that brought tears to my eyes, even today.

Yes, you know you have someone special in your midst Wrangler. Cherish him as he does you. The angels know and smile upon both of you.

I pray for him and you by the power of our Lord and Savior that he keeps both of you in good health and high spirits until the time on this earth is done.

Bless you Wrangler - another brother of mine.

APAK

 

[Nancy]

You are a blessing to this man in ways you cannot imagine Wrangler.

My wife and I were adopted by two older, an elderly couple, several years back. We shared our table with them many times. We considered them our local folks, since ours were many miles away. They were about 85 years old then. I remember when Sal when driving became a hazard for him and others. And he would take extra wider turns into the wrong lane....

fast forwarding a bit....

Suddenly to my surprise I picked up the phone, now living in another State. It was Sal, he was now 92 years old. And he was calling to say hello and to know how we were doing, so I thought. And that he had shingles and was in some pain. We hadn't spoken or seen him and his wife for several years, being on the move and all. We found out a month later from their son and on the internet, Sal passed, out of this world. He was calling really to say goodbye.....that brought tears to my eyes, even today.

Yes, you know you have someone special in your midst Wrangler. Cherish him as he does you. The angels know and smile upon both of you.

I pray for him and you by the power of our Lord and Savior that he keeps both of you in good health and high spirits until the time on this earth is done.

Bless you Wrangler - another brother of mine.

APAK

Hi APAK!
I am sorry about Sal, but happy for him as well, sweet post

 

[APAK]

Hi APAK!
I am sorry about Sal, but happy for him as well, sweet post

Man, I'm still a little watery eyed to tell you the truth....I feel some of what Wrangler feels....all good..luv you sis, in Christ..and thank you.

 

[Wrangler]

Because of death, we appreciate life all the more. I often wonder why people are so cruel to each other. I guess hurt people, hurt people.

And on that note, Jerry's son has been a rock, giving his mother morphine and soaking a paper towel to wet her lips to minimize dehydration. Today, Jerry's wife, Pat, woke up a few times. She spoke and recognized family members, calling them by name. Jerry seems to have accepted this and stated based on her latest vital signs, it may take a few days.

Pat and her daughter are at odds. The daughter has not come over. I know the daughter loves her father. It's sad that the love she has for her father is superseded by the hatred she has for her mother. Am I looking at it wrong?

 

[Wrangler]

I hope Jerry is being comforted and rising above His grief.

He is rising above his grief.

When I first got to his house last night I asked him if he gave his wife any of the recipe I dropped off for them on Sunday. He said yes and solemnly said that is what might have pushed her over the edge.

Later I talked him into going for a little walk in the yard. It was dusk and hard to see the slight changes in the surface of the grass. He remarked with deep concern that he can't keep his balance. I told him maybe that is because today is the most stressful day of your life. He shrugged with casual acknowledgment - as if there is only a remote possibility that what I said could be true.

 

[Wrangler]

Yes, you know you have someone special in your midst Wrangler.

A few years ago on a cold January day about 10F, I called to ask if he was up for company, my wife and I coming over. He said he'd love to but he was going on a 7 mile hike with the local hiking club.

Although he looks and talks like mild mannered Clark Kent, he really is Superman. Yes, I am profoundly aware that I have someone special in my midst. I have little doubt his wife's departure is his Kryptonite.

 

[APAK]

Because of death, we appreciate life all the more. I often wonder why people are so cruel to each other. I guess hurt people, hurt people.

And on that note, Jerry's son has been a rock, giving his mother morphine and soaking a paper towel to wet her lips to minimize dehydration. Today, Jerry's wife, Pat, woke up a few times. She spoke and recognized family members, calling them by name. Jerry seems to have accepted this and stated based on her latest vital signs, it may take a few days.

Pat and her daughter are at odds. The daughter has not come over. I know the daughter loves her father. It's sad that the love she has for her father is superseded by the hatred she has for her mother. Am I looking at it wrong?

Family members and other relatives can be cruel to each other unfortunately, even at times they should be loving and empathetic. I see it in my neck of the woods...on my side and my wife's side. As you are close to this family, and relatives, you cannot help become sensitive as considering yourself as an adopted brother, son or close friend of the family to all this.

No, you are not looking at this all wrong, IMO and in what you have said. You are human who loves the Lord, wanting love, peace and harmony in the entire family during these heart-felt times.

 

[APAK]

A few years ago on a cold January day about 10F, I called to ask if he was up for company, my wife and I coming over. He said he'd love to but he was going on a 7 mile hike with the local hiking club.

Although he looks and talks like mild mannered Clark Kent, he really is Superman. Yes, I am profoundly aware that I have someone special in my midst. I have little doubt his wife's departure is his Kryptonite.

Thanks for sharing this personal information. Keep on caring, giving and praising the Almighty for his glory and blessings in your live and extended family, in this case.

 

[Rita]

We often have couples come into the care home together, many have been married for over 60 years ……but inevitably one passes away, we had one husband die last week…and another one is end of life ( it always seems to be the husbands that pass first in this environment ) ……..it’s good that the wives are surrounded by people as they grieve, but family cannot stay , cannot be there 24/7 ………..it affects us all as the residents become part of all our lives as well. Xxxx

 

[MatthewG]

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14

Having a loved one pass away is never easy, but knowing that they have gone to God; to be with God and the Lord Jesus dwelling with in the light is a very great hope; and relief to trust and believe in.

John 11:25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies,

Romans 15:4 For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.