Part 1
I received God's grace at the weakest point in my life, when sin was so enticing it had a stranglehold on me. I would like to share with you my own testimony of the night I was finally born again, and my experience of receiving the "power" of grace.
Actually, I can relate to Saul's experience of being brought to Christ through seeing a manifestation of Jesus, because moments before I actually repented and experienced the saving power of God, He sovereignly let me see a vision. It was of my sin.
Here I was nearly 30 years old, had gone to church all my life, though I wasn't presently, and I was having an affair with a married man! He was a rather powerful Jewish entertainment business man in Beverly Hills, and I became totally obsessed with him, as well as dependent upon him. He became my love, and my security. In fact, he was the love of my life. No human has done as much for me as he had to this very day.
After many months, I finally realized this affair was ruining my hope of a future, of a home and family. He wasn't going to leave his wife, nor did I want him to. But knowing all this didn't give me the strength to break off the affair. So, I did what you do in Beverly Hills, I went to a therapist.
After telling the therapist all about my relationship with my lover, he said these words, "Well, if it feels good, do it." I immediately felt a chill. It was like encountering Satan himself. I couldn't wait to leave, and I never went back. But the thought of Satan made me realize my only hope for finding strength was in God. So I went searching for a church.
I did quite a bit of church hopping, then I remembered years ago before moving to California from Tennessee, Pat Boone's mom and dad suggested I visit Pastor Jack Hayford's church, The Church On The Way, a Foursquare church in the San Fernando Valley outside Los Angeles. I made up my mind that instead of hopping to the next church on my list, I would attend every service this church held for two months to give it a chance before deciding if I needed to search elsewhere. But, from the first sermon I knew I would stay. Through the Holy Spirit, Jack seemed to be preaching just to me. That didn’t just happen on that first visit, but every service thereafter. I was home.
After a month of attending every service, I decided I was strong enough to break off the affair. So I did, but became so devastated, after three days I begged him to come back. Of course, he did. He loved me too.
After another month, I tried again. But within three days we were back together again.
Month after month I tried. But we always went back together within a couple days.
Then one Sunday, Pastor Jack gave a sermon on "integrity of heart." That was the turning point - humility. I learned to be very truthful with God. So I prayed, "Lord, I have tried to break off this affair, but I am weak (having done so in only my own strength). You are strong, so You do it. Make him break it off with me, and then give him the strength to stay away from me when I try to get him back - because You know I will." From that point on I just relaxed and didn’t ‘try’ to be good any longer. I recognized myself for what I was – a sinner who could do nothing in my own strength, especially when I was crazy in love and my flesh wanted what it wanted. But, the honest prayer was enough to make God start working.
Only one week later my lover came over and told me he finally realized that he couldn't be there when I needed him; and he was freeing me to find someone who could. That epiphany that he needed to get out of my life gave him the resolve to stay away from me. He broke up with me. I was overwhelmed with sorrow, but at the same time, in the back of my mind, I was in awe that possibly there really was a God. You see, it was the first prayer in my entire life that really seemed to have been answered!
After two weeks, I thought I better see if I could find another man to fill the tremendous void in my broken heart, but this time a Christian man. I knew a couple at church who were elders and asked them if they were friends with any single men they could set me up with.
They said, "Yes, we are good friends with Bill B., he’s a Christian movie producer, single and about 36.” They knew I was already in the entertainment industry and thought this might be a good match. “He comes here every Wednesday night, and we always go out for coffee later. Why don't you come with us after church this Wednesday night?”
I received God's grace at the weakest point in my life, when sin was so enticing it had a stranglehold on me. I would like to share with you my own testimony of the night I was finally born again, and my experience of receiving the "power" of grace.
Actually, I can relate to Saul's experience of being brought to Christ through seeing a manifestation of Jesus, because moments before I actually repented and experienced the saving power of God, He sovereignly let me see a vision. It was of my sin.
Here I was nearly 30 years old, had gone to church all my life, though I wasn't presently, and I was having an affair with a married man! He was a rather powerful Jewish entertainment business man in Beverly Hills, and I became totally obsessed with him, as well as dependent upon him. He became my love, and my security. In fact, he was the love of my life. No human has done as much for me as he had to this very day.
After many months, I finally realized this affair was ruining my hope of a future, of a home and family. He wasn't going to leave his wife, nor did I want him to. But knowing all this didn't give me the strength to break off the affair. So, I did what you do in Beverly Hills, I went to a therapist.
After telling the therapist all about my relationship with my lover, he said these words, "Well, if it feels good, do it." I immediately felt a chill. It was like encountering Satan himself. I couldn't wait to leave, and I never went back. But the thought of Satan made me realize my only hope for finding strength was in God. So I went searching for a church.
I did quite a bit of church hopping, then I remembered years ago before moving to California from Tennessee, Pat Boone's mom and dad suggested I visit Pastor Jack Hayford's church, The Church On The Way, a Foursquare church in the San Fernando Valley outside Los Angeles. I made up my mind that instead of hopping to the next church on my list, I would attend every service this church held for two months to give it a chance before deciding if I needed to search elsewhere. But, from the first sermon I knew I would stay. Through the Holy Spirit, Jack seemed to be preaching just to me. That didn’t just happen on that first visit, but every service thereafter. I was home.
After a month of attending every service, I decided I was strong enough to break off the affair. So I did, but became so devastated, after three days I begged him to come back. Of course, he did. He loved me too.
After another month, I tried again. But within three days we were back together again.
Month after month I tried. But we always went back together within a couple days.
Then one Sunday, Pastor Jack gave a sermon on "integrity of heart." That was the turning point - humility. I learned to be very truthful with God. So I prayed, "Lord, I have tried to break off this affair, but I am weak (having done so in only my own strength). You are strong, so You do it. Make him break it off with me, and then give him the strength to stay away from me when I try to get him back - because You know I will." From that point on I just relaxed and didn’t ‘try’ to be good any longer. I recognized myself for what I was – a sinner who could do nothing in my own strength, especially when I was crazy in love and my flesh wanted what it wanted. But, the honest prayer was enough to make God start working.
Only one week later my lover came over and told me he finally realized that he couldn't be there when I needed him; and he was freeing me to find someone who could. That epiphany that he needed to get out of my life gave him the resolve to stay away from me. He broke up with me. I was overwhelmed with sorrow, but at the same time, in the back of my mind, I was in awe that possibly there really was a God. You see, it was the first prayer in my entire life that really seemed to have been answered!
After two weeks, I thought I better see if I could find another man to fill the tremendous void in my broken heart, but this time a Christian man. I knew a couple at church who were elders and asked them if they were friends with any single men they could set me up with.
They said, "Yes, we are good friends with Bill B., he’s a Christian movie producer, single and about 36.” They knew I was already in the entertainment industry and thought this might be a good match. “He comes here every Wednesday night, and we always go out for coffee later. Why don't you come with us after church this Wednesday night?”
