The trial of trust I went through for temporal provision is now being mirrored by another trial for spiritual provision. It seems to me as if the first trial has given me some...strength for the second trial.
It also seems as if Israel in the desert pictures this - first they cried for food (temporal provision) and then they cried for water (spiritual provision, since we are told they all drank from the same spiritual rock, which was Jesus).
When I never had quite enough temporally, I seemed to have an abundance spiritually, but my focus was on the part I lacked and on why it pleased Him to put me in such poverty. (I know why now, and when I just determined to trust Him that He was doing good for me no matter what it looked like, He increased my temporal provision.)
So He was looking for trust instead of grumbling.
But, as soon as He did that, He seemed to abandon me and give me poverty spiritually. Abandonment, a thirsty desert without any water. But as I said, the first trial gave me some strength to hold firmer in the second trial, where I currently am, because amid the sighing and the thirst, the adamant shout that bursts forth at times is: He has NOT abandoned me, and despite what it looks and feels like, I know He is doing what's good for me.
It's not one or the other. If it were, I would ask Him for temporal poverty again in exchange for spiritual wealth. Having lived through both now, I would much prefer to turn back to temporal poverty rather than this harder poverty. But it doesnt work that way. I cant return to that but can only look forward. One of the hardest parts of it has been the removal of some fellowship i enjoyed and was helped by. I dont understand why i had to lose that, but I'm quite positive it's only temporary. Of course, Gods temporary feels like forever to me.
It also seems as if Israel in the desert pictures this - first they cried for food (temporal provision) and then they cried for water (spiritual provision, since we are told they all drank from the same spiritual rock, which was Jesus).
When I never had quite enough temporally, I seemed to have an abundance spiritually, but my focus was on the part I lacked and on why it pleased Him to put me in such poverty. (I know why now, and when I just determined to trust Him that He was doing good for me no matter what it looked like, He increased my temporal provision.)
So He was looking for trust instead of grumbling.
But, as soon as He did that, He seemed to abandon me and give me poverty spiritually. Abandonment, a thirsty desert without any water. But as I said, the first trial gave me some strength to hold firmer in the second trial, where I currently am, because amid the sighing and the thirst, the adamant shout that bursts forth at times is: He has NOT abandoned me, and despite what it looks and feels like, I know He is doing what's good for me.
It's not one or the other. If it were, I would ask Him for temporal poverty again in exchange for spiritual wealth. Having lived through both now, I would much prefer to turn back to temporal poverty rather than this harder poverty. But it doesnt work that way. I cant return to that but can only look forward. One of the hardest parts of it has been the removal of some fellowship i enjoyed and was helped by. I dont understand why i had to lose that, but I'm quite positive it's only temporary. Of course, Gods temporary feels like forever to me.