Arguing

[Ritajanice]

What’s it about?

I would like some insight from you guys?..xx

 

[Rita]

Getting the last word maybe , that’s what use to cause arguments with my teenage children. They were always right of course, ( being sarcastic here ! ) and I often took offence and retaliated - then we all grew up, now we debate and discuss.

 

[Ritajanice]

Getting the last word maybe , that’s what use to cause arguments with my teenage children. They were always right of course, ( being sarcastic here ! ) and I often took offence and retaliated - then we all grew up, now we debate and discuss.

Yes!... definitely imo, getting the last word!...hehehe...I grew up late Rita, hehehe, late 60s..xxx.

I also think having the last word is about pride?..what do you think...xxx

 

[Ritajanice]

I thought this short commentary summed it up pretty well.

• Arguments damage relationships because they attempt to force others to support your goals without considering their interests.

Sometimes you don’t see until you are out of the situation.....I agree with the above....in my case anyway at one time...xx

Forever learning about ourselves.

 

[Wrangler]

Years ago I wrote an email to my much younger sister about the family dynamics. I created a table that differentiated DEBATE from ARGUMENT and FIGHT. Debate is a logical application of known facts and moral principles. An argument is an emotionally charged debate with animosity for those with opposing views.

With this in mind, it is easy to see how hot button topics may begin in debate but end in argument. When the heat surpasses one's sense of self control ugliness results.

It's understandable when what is at stake is a decision that you believe negatively affects you, such as being drafted to war. When it is merely electrons on an internet forum, I suspect it is a person's identity that is psychologically threatened. You believe X!!! Only a bad person could believe X!!!!!!!

Hope this helps.

 

[Ritajanice]

Years ago I wrote an email to my much younger sister about the family dynamics. I created a table that differentiated DEBATE from ARGUMENT and FIGHT. Debate is a logical application of known facts and moral principles. An argument is an emotionally charged debate with animosity for those with opposing views.

With this in mind, it is easy to see how hot button topics may begin in debate but end in argument. When the heat surpasses one's sense of self control ugliness results.

It's understandable when what is at stake is a decision that you believe negatively affects you, such as being drafted to war. When it is merely electrons on an internet forum, I suspect it is a person's identity that is psychologically threatened. You believe X!!! Only a bad person could believe X!!!!!!!

Hope this helps.

Lot of insight here in your post, thank you for sharing Wrangler....I appreciate you taking the time to explain ,that says a lot to me,xx

 

[Mr E]

I prefer to surround myself with folks I disagree with. It makes a better team, when the players have different strengths (and weaknesses) and better decisions are made when different perspectives are considered. When everyone is in agreement-- discussion becomes pointless. A mere echo chamber of endless repetition and confirmation bias. We call these- denominations.

With this mindset-- disagreement is seen as a positive force. To make it so, everyone (on the team) has to be willing and able to disagree amicably. Where we can disagree and agree to disagree.

Few are willing to do this and instead they demand agreement, or they take offense. It's a very personal weakness that they can never admit to.

 

[Ritajanice]

I prefer to surround myself with folks I disagree with. It makes a better team, when the players have different strengths (and weaknesses) and better decisions are made when different perspectives are considered. When everyone is in agreement-- discussion becomes pointless. A mere echo chamber of endless repetition and confirmation bias. We call these- denominations.

With this mindset-- disagreement is seen as a positive force. To make it so, everyone (on the team) has to be willing and able to disagree amicably. Where we can disagree and agree to disagree.

Few are willing to do this and instead they demand agreement, or they take offense. It's a very personal weakness that they can never admit to.

Yes indeed, another way of looking at it from another perspective, thank you Mr E, very much appreciated.

 

[Ritajanice]

Getting the last word maybe , that’s what use to cause arguments with my teenage children. They were always right of course, ( being sarcastic here ! ) and I often took offence and retaliated - then we all grew up, now we debate and discuss.

Sorry Rita, I forgot to thank you for your insightful post,xxx

 

[Wick Stick]

I prefer to surround myself with folks I disagree with. It makes a better team, when the players have different strengths (and weaknesses) and better decisions are made when different perspectives are considered. When everyone is in agreement-- discussion becomes pointless. A mere echo chamber of endless repetition and confirmation bias. We call these- denominations.

With this mindset-- disagreement is seen as a positive force. To make it so, everyone (on the team) has to be willing and able to disagree amicably. Where we can disagree and agree to disagree.

Few are willing to do this and instead they demand agreement, or they take offense. It's a very personal weakness that they can never admit to.

What is this team working towards, exactly?

The point of most churches is community. Dissent drives change and creativity, but it isn't known for fostering community.

 

[Ritajanice]

What is this team working towards, exactly?

The point of most churches is community. Dissent drives change and creativity, but it isn't known for fostering community.

Thank you ,Wickstick.xx

 

[Mr E]

What is this team working towards, exactly?

The point of most churches is community. Dissent drives change and creativity, but it isn't known for fostering community.

You disagree? Wonderful. Let's discuss why you disagree.

My background includes business development and team building. If you recognize that dissent - rather than dissent, I'd call it diversity, differing opinions and perspectives-- but in any case- disagreement drives change and creativity... those are rather positive outcomes.

If- while driving change and creativity, the community isn't strengthened, then that's a symptom of the community itself, isn't it? I would think that to be a sign that the community needs changing. A community that cannot tolerate disagreement (and diversity) isn't a community worth keeping.

 

[Ritajanice]

Here we go!!!...hehehehe, only kidding,xxx

 

[Rita]

Yes!... definitely imo, getting the last word!...hehehe...I grew up late Rita, hehehe, late 60s..xxx.

I also think having the last word is about pride?..what do you think...xxx

Yes, although when you’re younger I don’t think you are aware of it. My eldest son is now in his 40’s and he was my first experience of having a teenage child - it was a learning curve. For me it was simply about disagreeing with his evaluation that he was right and I was wrong because actually he was in the wrong. It was also about not walking away.
I find that this is often the issue on the threads, people don’t like walking away as in some way they feel that they cannot just leave it alone. I am no longer bothered about having the last word. I express what I feel, it’s there to be read, so I don’t need to ram it down another persons throat. !!!!!

 

[Wrangler]

A community that cannot tolerate disagreement (and diversity) isn't a community worth keeping.

The Left in our society wants diversity as long as it is NOT diversity of thought. Ironic.

 

[Mr E]

Here we go!!!...hehehehe, only kidding,xxx

Snariously..... If "the team" is the body of Christ..... the church, or the community of believers..... does this team require everyone to sing from a single song-sheet?

Or should it be something closer to what Paul wrote to the Corinthians?

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.

 

[Mr E]

The Left in our society wants diversity as long as it is NOT diversity of thought. Ironic.

And not only the Left...

It's no different on many Christian Forums.....

 

[Ritajanice]

Yes, although when you’re younger I don’t think you are aware of it. My eldest son is now in his 40’s and he was my first experience of having a teenage child - it was a learning curve. For me it was simply about disagreeing with his evaluation that he was right and I was wrong because actually he was in the wrong. It was also about not walking away.
I find that this is often the issue on the threads, people don’t like walking away as in some way they feel that they cannot just leave it alone. I am no longer bothered about having the last word. I express what I feel, it’s there to be read, so I don’t need to ram it down another persons throat. !!!!!

Amen!!...oh boy did I always have to have the last word, you even had to lock threads because of it, for myself it was definitely pride!!..ego!!...

Spot on about “ ramming” it down peoples throat....this forum has definitely been such a learning experience for myself!.....sometimes you are in something and in total ignorance of how one is coming across....I think I am understanding being “ self aware” of self...if that makes sense,xx

 

[Ritajanice]

Snariously..... If "the team" is the body of Christ..... the church, or the community of believers..... does this team require everyone to sing from a single song-sheet?

Or should it be something closer to what Paul wrote to the Corinthians?

For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him. And if they were all one member, where were the body? But now are they many members, yet but one body. And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.

Yes, I agree,xxx

 

[Ritajanice]

And not only the Left...

It's no different on many Christian Forums.....

What does the left mean? xx....