Hey Robert:I know that we all have a free will. But I don't want to blame God for some of the stupid mistakes that I have made.
Can I be so bold as to make a suggestion to a 'dying' man who knows the savior, lord Jesus, the Christ of God, for us?
On a daily basis, as a habit, when you are ready, find a time period every day to get into a quiet place with yourself, and away from external distractions.
Speak with our God daily, with thoughts and words as your very own, drawn from a deep humble and open, sincere heart. Allow your own will to become very small and make it God's will only, you as one with him. Let him take charge. Ask him to allow his Son's spirit to lead you and comfort you for the rest of your physical life into constant peace and love in preparation for you return home.
Forget this world as I have done many years ago. Do not consider this world anymore, only desire the comfort of the Son of God to one day bring you home.
If you experience real spiritual uplifting by doing this daily habit of prayer, of a real change, then, the presence of the Son's spirit is certainly within you. You are already home Robert. And time in this life is just a time bump in the road on this passing earth.
Once you forget this time in this Hospice and your reflection on your life time and experiences of the past, you will feel this grudging burden fade away into real peace and spiritual power.
Dwell on Christ rather than self and this world Robert. And I will continue to pray to be and do the same.
Bless you