I have a story dedicated to the ones who never had opportunity or chance to tell their own. Every person has a story....big, little, long or short; we all have a story that varies only in intensity.
Have you ever been alone? I mean really alone. Perhaps, sitting in a dark room after a divorce, a death in the family, financial trouble or even just a fear to stand up for what you believe. That darkness of doubt closes in all around you. You open a window after rising from a comfortable bed. Instead of finding the hope of fresh air you find a bitter darkness of doubt that grabs you by the throat, and will not let you go. You wander off into the darkness and into the next days looking for answers. Even degrees in psychology and sociology will give only brief and fleeting answers. Your search for purpose, meaning and identification leads you to follow others who have the same views. This “Cloud” of people, good or bad, and as defined by a single person, can be very trying at times in an effort to find any truth. However, at first, I followed them with all the loyalty I can muster to display.
On the other hand, I could have then quickly closed that window and shut out that darkness to a warm peaceful sleep in the arms of God's love. He has given the gift of free will. I choose to abuse that gift at times. However, I found my journey back to Him was laced with forgiveness, love and compassion.
Something in my journey made my story even more traumatic: A form of a disorder called Bipolar. Bipolar “non-specific” leads to racing thoughts that are hard to control. Little did I know, back then, that other thoughts, even more secret and profound, were brought about by almost dying at birth which caused a slight brain stem damage. Doctors tell me that immediately this trauma became part of my DNA with a symptomatic over-arching sense of dread and emptiness. It is a hopeless sense that sticks to me no matter what I do, or where I go. Once I discovered this I overcome this prison of racing and hidden thoughts in order to have any measure of peace in my life.
The disorder itself is a reaction to years and years of sexual and then emotional abuse. The more physical and hidden problems beneath my awareness brings about confusion in my mind. Even now, I have a tendency to keep my mind in a cloud of worldly thoughts to fixate on. I have learned that faith in God will take care of the more hidden problems. My only task is keeping the faith.
I could have saved a lot of time and grief by not leaning totally on my own understanding and wisdom. Now, living the way He wants, I know for certain I will never, never go wrong, and at the end of any given day, the more faith in Him we have, the more He will give back that faith in like proportion. He may even honor you by giving a miracle now and then.
The more the Lord has forgiven deeds of the past, the more He gives a stronger capacity and need to love Him. Furthermore, I have learned that the relationship withinin a family is a great example of the faith shared with God. Christianity is a process in daily living. Be patient and listen to the deep but still voice inside.
Have you ever been alone? I mean really alone. Perhaps, sitting in a dark room after a divorce, a death in the family, financial trouble or even just a fear to stand up for what you believe. That darkness of doubt closes in all around you. You open a window after rising from a comfortable bed. Instead of finding the hope of fresh air you find a bitter darkness of doubt that grabs you by the throat, and will not let you go. You wander off into the darkness and into the next days looking for answers. Even degrees in psychology and sociology will give only brief and fleeting answers. Your search for purpose, meaning and identification leads you to follow others who have the same views. This “Cloud” of people, good or bad, and as defined by a single person, can be very trying at times in an effort to find any truth. However, at first, I followed them with all the loyalty I can muster to display.
On the other hand, I could have then quickly closed that window and shut out that darkness to a warm peaceful sleep in the arms of God's love. He has given the gift of free will. I choose to abuse that gift at times. However, I found my journey back to Him was laced with forgiveness, love and compassion.
Something in my journey made my story even more traumatic: A form of a disorder called Bipolar. Bipolar “non-specific” leads to racing thoughts that are hard to control. Little did I know, back then, that other thoughts, even more secret and profound, were brought about by almost dying at birth which caused a slight brain stem damage. Doctors tell me that immediately this trauma became part of my DNA with a symptomatic over-arching sense of dread and emptiness. It is a hopeless sense that sticks to me no matter what I do, or where I go. Once I discovered this I overcome this prison of racing and hidden thoughts in order to have any measure of peace in my life.
The disorder itself is a reaction to years and years of sexual and then emotional abuse. The more physical and hidden problems beneath my awareness brings about confusion in my mind. Even now, I have a tendency to keep my mind in a cloud of worldly thoughts to fixate on. I have learned that faith in God will take care of the more hidden problems. My only task is keeping the faith.
I could have saved a lot of time and grief by not leaning totally on my own understanding and wisdom. Now, living the way He wants, I know for certain I will never, never go wrong, and at the end of any given day, the more faith in Him we have, the more He will give back that faith in like proportion. He may even honor you by giving a miracle now and then.
The more the Lord has forgiven deeds of the past, the more He gives a stronger capacity and need to love Him. Furthermore, I have learned that the relationship withinin a family is a great example of the faith shared with God. Christianity is a process in daily living. Be patient and listen to the deep but still voice inside.