Still not had intercourse

[AndersonPP99]

I am in my early 40s now, 6"2 and still a virgin technically speaking, despite having had multiple opportunities over the years with the few relationships I've had and then some one off encounters too. So done sexual stuff like some oral (although never given it, only received as the former never appealed), some genital rubbing but NEVER had full vaginal intercourse.

I still believe sex is for marriage but I just never thought I would still be waiting now.

So I feel a sense of regret because I feel I have missed out on this crucial human experience which is definitely quite upsetting. Perhaps it would have just been easier to have done this and got it over with like many do when they are teenagers. There is such a sense of loss if not disbelief that I've come to this age and still not have had penetrative intercourse. When I dig deeper into my thoughts about this though, it's not so much about the physical act (although there are issues around this too), it's more to do with what this act means symbolically. It feels like for me penetration is an emotional and psychological threshold that I could not cross. But was I afraid of the ultimate vulnerability and responsibility or was this more about my deeply ingrained values about intercourse which has caused guilt and paralysis.

Something that should have felt noble now feels like I'm carrying such a very heavy weight—one made of shame, fear, regret, and deep spiritual conflict. Sex whether or not should not define my identity and but it seems like I've attached my core worth to this one act.

I've made intercourse symbolic of so many things:

Belonging – that I'm not on the outside anymore.
Adulthood – that I'm not behind.
Manhood – that I'm finally valid.
God’s blessing – that my waiting, suffering, and faith weren’t in vain.
Closure – that the ache would finally end and I'd stop feeling less than.
And that’s why it carries so much weight. Not because of the act itself, but because of what the act has come to represent for me. It symbolized something very weighty: sin, guilt, consequence, maybe even cosmic judgment.

The timeline you hoped for feels like it betrayed you—and that’s where the pain is. I'm grieving what I thought would follow:
That waiting would be rewarded.
That love, marriage, and sex would come in a natural order.
That the story would make emotional and spiritual sense.
But life didn’t unfold like that. And now I feel stuck with a choice that once felt noble—but now feels like a weight.

I have been in this impossible situation for years now...and living with this regret and inability to forgive myself for not having had intercourse when I had the chance to. So at the time I knew it was wrong but I just didn't think I'd be waiting this long to experience this.

Despite not having intercourse, what I've still experienced intimacy, desire, pleasure, and vulnerability with other human beings. So I've been sexual, just haven’t had penetrative sex.

So some will say that only technically makes me a virgin still. But surely that's what counts does it not...

I gave up something—repeatedly—for the sake of faith and hope. And yet the reward I imagined never came.

I need to get to a place where I accept that what I did was right at the time. I trusted that it would work out. It hasn’t yet—and that hurts.

Ultimately it comes down to carrying the emotional weight of not having crossed a threshold—a threshold that, in my mind and in society’s messaging, has symbolized adulthood, masculinity, normality, and belonging. It’s the symbolic part that stings: that "one thing" I haven't done, even though you’ve come close.

 

[quietthinker]

I am in my early 40s now, 6"2 and still a virgin technically speaking, despite having had multiple opportunities over the years with the few relationships I've had and then some one off encounters too. So done sexual stuff like some oral (although never given it, only received as the former never appealed), some genital rubbing but NEVER had full vaginal intercourse.

I still believe sex is for marriage but I just never thought I would still be waiting now.

So I feel a sense of regret because I feel I have missed out on this crucial human experience which is definitely quite upsetting. Perhaps it would have just been easier to have done this and got it over with like many do when they are teenagers. There is such a sense of loss if not disbelief that I've come to this age and still not have had penetrative intercourse. When I dig deeper into my thoughts about this though, it's not so much about the physical act (although there are issues around this too), it's more to do with what this act means symbolically. It feels like for me penetration is an emotional and psychological threshold that I could not cross. But was I afraid of the ultimate vulnerability and responsibility or was this more about my deeply ingrained values about intercourse which has caused guilt and paralysis.

Something that should have felt noble now feels like I'm carrying such a very heavy weight—one made of shame, fear, regret, and deep spiritual conflict. Sex whether or not should not define my identity and but it seems like I've attached my core worth to this one act.

I've made intercourse symbolic of so many things:

Belonging – that I'm not on the outside anymore.
Adulthood – that I'm not behind.
Manhood – that I'm finally valid.
God’s blessing – that my waiting, suffering, and faith weren’t in vain.
Closure – that the ache would finally end and I'd stop feeling less than.
And that’s why it carries so much weight. Not because of the act itself, but because of what the act has come to represent for me. It symbolized something very weighty: sin, guilt, consequence, maybe even cosmic judgment.

The timeline you hoped for feels like it betrayed you—and that’s where the pain is. I'm grieving what I thought would follow:
That waiting would be rewarded.
That love, marriage, and sex would come in a natural order.
That the story would make emotional and spiritual sense.
But life didn’t unfold like that. And now I feel stuck with a choice that once felt noble—but now feels like a weight.

I have been in this impossible situation for years now...and living with this regret and inability to forgive myself for not having had intercourse when I had the chance to. So at the time I knew it was wrong but I just didn't think I'd be waiting this long to experience this.

Despite not having intercourse, what I've still experienced intimacy, desire, pleasure, and vulnerability with other human beings. So I've been sexual, just haven’t had penetrative sex.

So some will say that only technically makes me a virgin still. But surely that's what counts does it not...

I gave up something—repeatedly—for the sake of faith and hope. And yet the reward I imagined never came.

I need to get to a place where I accept that what I did was right at the time. I trusted that it would work out. It hasn’t yet—and that hurts.

Ultimately it comes down to carrying the emotional weight of not having crossed a threshold—a threshold that, in my mind and in society’s messaging, has symbolized adulthood, masculinity, normality, and belonging. It’s the symbolic part that stings: that "one thing" I haven't done, even though you’ve come close.

Trying to earn God's favour always results in being and feeling bereft....and it doubles down when the sordid details are shared as if you need to justify something.

 

[Windmill Charge]

It’s the symbolic part that stings: that "one thing" I haven't done, even though you’ve come close.

May I make a suggestion.
That you look for, seek companionship/friendship in your ladyfriends, not dating erotisim but the ability to talk, share and help one another.

Women are looking for someone to be there supporting them as they go through pregnancy, to be there during childrearing, to share lifes experiences with.

This doesn't guarantee that you will end up married, but it will give you a far richer life with other people.

 

[nedsk]

I am in my early 40s now, 6"2 and still a virgin technically speaking, despite having had multiple opportunities over the years with the few relationships I've had and then some one off encounters too. So done sexual stuff like some oral (although never given it, only received as the former never appealed), some genital rubbing but NEVER had full vaginal intercourse.

I still believe sex is for marriage but I just never thought I would still be waiting now.

So I feel a sense of regret because I feel I have missed out on this crucial human experience which is definitely quite upsetting. Perhaps it would have just been easier to have done this and got it over with like many do when they are teenagers. There is such a sense of loss if not disbelief that I've come to this age and still not have had penetrative intercourse. When I dig deeper into my thoughts about this though, it's not so much about the physical act (although there are issues around this too), it's more to do with what this act means symbolically. It feels like for me penetration is an emotional and psychological threshold that I could not cross. But was I afraid of the ultimate vulnerability and responsibility or was this more about my deeply ingrained values about intercourse which has caused guilt and paralysis.

Something that should have felt noble now feels like I'm carrying such a very heavy weight—one made of shame, fear, regret, and deep spiritual conflict. Sex whether or not should not define my identity and but it seems like I've attached my core worth to this one act.

I've made intercourse symbolic of so many things:

Belonging – that I'm not on the outside anymore.
Adulthood – that I'm not behind.
Manhood – that I'm finally valid.
God’s blessing – that my waiting, suffering, and faith weren’t in vain.
Closure – that the ache would finally end and I'd stop feeling less than.
And that’s why it carries so much weight. Not because of the act itself, but because of what the act has come to represent for me. It symbolized something very weighty: sin, guilt, consequence, maybe even cosmic judgment.

The timeline you hoped for feels like it betrayed you—and that’s where the pain is. I'm grieving what I thought would follow:
That waiting would be rewarded.
That love, marriage, and sex would come in a natural order.
That the story would make emotional and spiritual sense.
But life didn’t unfold like that. And now I feel stuck with a choice that once felt noble—but now feels like a weight.

I have been in this impossible situation for years now...and living with this regret and inability to forgive myself for not having had intercourse when I had the chance to. So at the time I knew it was wrong but I just didn't think I'd be waiting this long to experience this.

Despite not having intercourse, what I've still experienced intimacy, desire, pleasure, and vulnerability with other human beings. So I've been sexual, just haven’t had penetrative sex.

So some will say that only technically makes me a virgin still. But surely that's what counts does it not...

I gave up something—repeatedly—for the sake of faith and hope. And yet the reward I imagined never came.

I need to get to a place where I accept that what I did was right at the time. I trusted that it would work out. It hasn’t yet—and that hurts.

Ultimately it comes down to carrying the emotional weight of not having crossed a threshold—a threshold that, in my mind and in society’s messaging, has symbolized adulthood, masculinity, normality, and belonging. It’s the symbolic part that stings: that "one thing" I haven't done, even though you’ve come close.

Sex is a gift from God meant to be shared with a someone you have decided to commit your will to. Believe me intercourse with someone you genuinely love and have committed to and they to you is phenomenal! I know because sadly in my youth I engaged in casual intercourse. My question is, how is it that you haven't found someone to commit your will to?

 

[marks]

I am in my early 40s now, 6"2 and still a virgin technically speaking,

You may need to accept that this may not be in your future. You may need to accept that your past daliances (regardless of how far you went) have left you scarred and without a clear mind.

Leave all this behind. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. And then you'll be in a better position to be led of Him.

Much love!

 

[Angelina]

The timeline you hoped for feels like it betrayed you—and that’s where the pain is. I'm grieving what I thought would follow:
That waiting would be rewarded.
That love, marriage, and sex would come in a natural order.
That the story would make emotional and spiritual sense.
But life didn’t unfold like that. And now I feel stuck with a choice that once felt noble—but now feels like a weight.

Brother, just because we have our plans, it does not necessarily mean that those plans are the Lord's plans. I think the main problem here is your need to be rewarded for doing what believers should be doing anyway, which is to live our lives out for the Lord. I believe, however, that you have made a caveat with the Lord in terms of living a godly life with the proviso that he will, in turn, reward that. In reality, Christ died on the cross for our sins so that we as believers can receive him as our personal lord and savior. Our responsibility should be to follow him and to bear fruit, in keeping with repentance. Faith and action work together, and I think you have been a little on the fence in regard to your faith in action and have just been doing what is needed and perhaps just waiting for him to follow through. The Lord wants a personal relationship with his children, and yes, he does supply all our needs, but it's a two-way street, brother, and if you only do the minimum requirement, you will not be seeing those blessings come down. If you do his will and walk in his ways, he will give you the desires of your heart, but the desires should never be the reason for doing things for the Lord. It should be about the love you have for him because he has saved you from sin and the wages of sin which is death.

Blessings and Peace to you brother. xox